Name: Fat King & The Lying Jester | Ep 239 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2024-10-07T16:00:31.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Fat King & The Lying Jester | Ep 239 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-10-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Fat King & The Lying Jester | Ep 239 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-10-07. Transcript available.

Fat King & The Lying Jester | Ep 239 | Bad Friends

Hey, everybody. We're doing a Bad Friends live show. It's called Scary Times
USA.
Scary Time USA. And how do you watch it? Go to moment.co slash bad friends.
It's Thursday, October 24th at 6 p.m. We're going to have exclusive merch
available for it.
So Bad Friends, Scary Time USA.
Dude, America, dude. October 24th at 6 p.m. PST.
We're live streaming it. So join us. Moment.co slash bad friends.
We'll also be hosting an interactive VIP after party after the show.
And active patron members can join the VIP after party for free.
Scary Times USA.
You two are bad friends.
Who are these two idiots?
A white dude and an Asian dude.
You two are disgusting.
You two are something.
We're bad friends.
Let me do the horn, will you?
But I learned about...
You know, let me ask you, how many jazz musicians can you name?
Every single one.
Well, give me ten.
Coltrane.
What's his first name?
John.
That's...
Dude, this guy, dude?
Thanks.
He knows everything.
Keep going, dude.
Miles Davis.
Good.
Muddy Waters.
He's not in that.
Muddy Waters is blues.
He's not jazz.
Yeah.
He's not in it.
I refuse to let him in.
Dizzy Gillespie.
Dude, that was a good one, dude.
Thank you.
Dude, that's deep cut, dude.
Dizzy Gillespie.
Go ahead, dude.
Dizzy Gillespie.
Yeah.
Etta Fitzgerald.
Ella Fitzgerald.
Bro, deep cut.
No, not really.
It's pretty mainstream.
Go ahead.
Mike Martinville.
There's no Mike Martinville.
He used to be an insurance salesman.
No, there's no Mike Martinville.
Yeah, hi, I'm Mike Martinville.
Oh, yeah, okay, baby.
You don't remember him?
Oh, yeah.
Avant-garde.
Yeah, avant-garde.
Avant-garde.
Yeah.
Is there a Mike Martin go?
I don't think so.
That's him right there.
Oh, there he is.
Right there.
Oh, Mike Martin.
Okay.
He went to Vail.
It's Martin Vail.
No, it was hyphenated.
He got married.
He took her name.
Super progressive for the 60s.
What did you learn on this doc, though?
Ken Burns taught you what about jazz?
What did you take away from it?
It sucks.
It really legitimately sucks.
No, jazz is great.
It's terrible.
But here's what I learned also.
What I learned about it is, man, it's terrible.
And also, I mean, because I went through the whole thing.
And I was like, maybe this, from 1935 to 1940,
maybe I'll get into it.
Right.
But I never did.
It never took.
Except the only one that I really like is Billie Holiday
because she's so depressing.
Right.
In my solitude.
And I was like, kill yourself.
Why don't you?
It's so depressing.
She's like a heroine.
But you don't say the same thing about rock music
that does sad, depressing stuff.
Why?
You just don't like the physical music.
I like her.
Sarah Vaughn's okay.
But I just went through the whole thing.
And it's like, I just asked myself why.
Why?
Yeah, yeah.
Well, it touches people in a certain way.
Well, you know, Louie, goddamn, man.
I know.
What a guy.
I know.
Died in 1971.
And Duke Ellington died in 1974.
I just memorized.
I memorized.
You just know when they die?
No, I just kind of memorized random things, you know what I mean?
Yeah, you should.
In my mind, you know what I mean?
So he died in 74 and pretty good.
You know, modern day guy is a guy named Wynton Marcellus.
Ooh.
Yeah.
I've seen him on Kill Tony.
No.
He's good.
Yeah, no, he is good.
That guy, dude.
He is pretty good, dude.
Look at him.
His style is great.
And then he had a brother named Brandon or Brandon Marcellus.
Marcellus Wallace.
Oh, from Pulp Fiction.
Marcellus Wallace is good.
I heard it.
Yeah, yeah.
Very funny joke.
Did not lie.
And that bandit in his neck, that's where he puts the fucking trombone.
He can blow from the back of his neck.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's a dolphin.
You know where he's half dolphin?
Yeah.
Marcellus Wallace was half black, half dolphin, dude.
You didn't know that?
Yeah.
I almost watched Pulp Fiction last night.
We're at the house that we stayed in at a little movie theater.
And instead, we watched.
There was a vote on what to watch.
And my vote didn't win, but I really thought it was going to.
What did they want to watch?
One guy wanted Terminator.
Another guy wanted Pulp Fiction.
Another guy wanted Wolf of Wall Street.
And I wanted Wayne's World, but Wolf of Wall Street won.
Of course it did.
Wayne's World is so funny.
It's so funny.
It's a great one.
Front to back is one of the funniest movies.
Yeah, it's a great one.
Mount of Lines.
But yes, I wanted something uplifting.
Wolf is actually super funny.
It's just I wanted wackadoo funny.
Right.
But we were, dude, I forgot how funny Wolf was.
It's pretty good.
I forgot the scene with McConaughey is so unbelievably funny.
Yeah.
When he's doing Rudy Tudors, when he's doing the little.
You're going to be so mad at me right now, dude.
Why?
I never saw the movie.
You've never seen Wolf of Wall Street?
I refuse.
Why?
I don't like wolves.
I really don't.
I don't like wolves.
I don't like that creature.
You know what I mean?
I like dogs.
You know what I mean?
But I'll watch Dogs of Wall Street.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That'd be fun.
Right, little poodle?
Fun.
You know what I mean?
Just a boardroom of dogs barking?
Yeah, yeah.
I'd watch that.
NASTAC or whatever.
They're in the Wall Street.
Whatever.
What do you do?
What is that?
Do you hear about this?
How Brittany Furlong's dog got attacked by a coyote and it's all over the news
today?
What do you mean it got attacked?
Like in their house?
Oh my God.
In their house?
Yeah.
Whoa.
It's in its mouth?
Yeah, right there.
That's fucking wild.
And then what happened?
Is the dog alive?
It died?
I think we can't leave the dogs out.
She says.
They're safe.
Yeah.
Nina was safe.
I got to call her.
Don't leave the dog.
I got to.
No, should I call her?
Can we play that song while she answers the phone?
She's not going to pick up for me.
I'm going to play Who Let the Dogs Out.
Dude.
Wait, before.
Dude.
But let me get a hold of her first and then play it.
Hold on.
Well, let me get a hold of her.
Try to get her.
Yeah.
Before.
Before.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Is she going to be mad?
Is this mean?
Is this mean?
No, the dog's alive.
The dog's alive.
It's very funny, though.
Please pick up.
Britney, please pick up.
Who let the dogs out?
Who?
Who?
Who?
Who let the dogs out?
Who let the dogs out?
Dude.
Dude.
Wait.
Is she still there?
Hello?
Britney, we love you.
We're just calling to make sure everything is okay.
Well, hold on.
That's amazing.
Well, who did let him out, though?
Yeah.
You know?
That's so scary and sad, though.
What happens?
Eat your pizza, fat ass.
Telephone number.
Three.
What did you get?
From the Prince Street.
Oh, it's so good.
That's my favorite.
Oh, it's Britney Furlan.
Britney Furlan.
She can call me back.
Get the phone.
Hold on.
Hello?
Oh, my God.
You're the devil.
What do you mean?
I've heard that.
Are you doing this podcast?
I thought you and Andrew are so bad.
We love you.
We love you so much.
We just wanted to make sure the dog was okay.
Is it okay?
We read that it was okay.
Yeah, she's good.
Good.
She's a psycho.
Yep.
I know, but we just saw the video.
We didn't know about it.
And it must have been, because we have dogs.
It must have been in town.
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
It was awful.
But we have to laugh at pain.
Yeah, we have to laugh at pain.
And the dog didn't die.
No, I fucking pulled her out of its mouth.
Is she injured?
Oh, my God.
Look at it.
Oh, my God.
Look at it.
It's so bad.
I'm so sorry.
She's like, I'm going to take her to the vet.
She doesn't have any puncture ones or anything.
But when I touch her, she's starting to cry.
So I think she might have something going on.
I'm sorry.
We're sorry.
We're sorry.
Can I ask you, what are you wearing while you're out there?
In a robe.
A bathrobe.
Oh, I thought you were like, you're not doing yoga or anything?
No, I was just about to get in the shower.
Oh, I see.
Just like, it was fucking terrible.
Yeah.
I'm sorry.
We're sorry.
We're so sorry.
Where's Tommy during this?
Playing drums?
Yeah.
No, he was on a Zoom in the living room.
Okay.
Well, tell him.
We said hi.
We love you so much.
You're on Bad Friends.
Okay.
Wait, wait, wait.
What's your podcast called with Brittany?
This is the worst.
This is the worst.
Check their podcast out.
Yeah, and we wanted to send you love.
We were initially called to say we're happy the dog's okay, but we had to play
the song
just to show you some love.
You guys are literally Satan.
Okay.
I love you.
Bye.
The dog's alive.
It's alive.
Rudy, you know what I mean?
Yeah.
But who let the dogs out?
This is a big nightmare for me.
This is nightmare fuel for love.
It's a nightmare.
Honestly, every time.
So now at night.
Yeah, yeah.
This is during the day, which is even more insane, but they live in the hills.
Yeah.
Where there's way more coyotes by you.
Yeah, yeah.
So down by us, they sometimes get around the neighborhood, but at night now, I
walk with
the dog in my arm, put her down to pee and pick her right back up.
I used to let her out, but now I don't let her out anymore.
Yeah.
Because neighbors have complained about coyotes everywhere.
Isn't a cannibalistic?
A coyote eating a dog?
Well, they're the same species.
It's like me eating a monkey.
We ate monkey last week.
Oh, that's right.
Yeah, it was delicious.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was a really good monkey, a spider monkey.
It was so good.
It's like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
They're fun to catch.
They are, dude.
They're the lascal.
You got to climb the tree, right?
They made that noise.
You know what I mean?
And they hate it.
But my point is, dude, I just saw a video.
Did you ever see?
Did I send you this?
Oh, my God.
I saw a video of a man eating a monkey.
It was terrifying.
Pull it up.
On TikTok, I saw like a man cooking a turtle.
I've said it once.
I'll say it again.
What do you mean?
It's the greatest app ever created.
Yeah, yeah.
You can see a man eating a turtle.
I got it.
I got it.
I got the monkey one.
Want to see it?
We'll send it to Carlos so you can play it for us.
All right.
So send this to...
In the meantime, Jules.
Yeah?
What's going on?
Take a bite of that pizza.
I know that's so good, isn't it?
So good.
It's one of my favorites.
Is this your favorite?
The Naughty Pie?
Naughty Pie is my favorite.
By far.
It's not even close.
It's the best.
It's not even close.
They're contending with some of my...
Here we go, here we go, here we go, here we go.
Oh, no.
Whoa, dude.
Snacking on some monk.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Just a...
The spine.
That's where the meat is.
The spine.
It's insane, dude.
As he's eating them, he's like, I miss you, George.
That was Curious George.
Curious George.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There he was.
He got too curious, George.
I want to add, my aunt in the Philippines, she had a dog and then...
The dog escaped.
Went missing?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, and then there was like a...
Like after a week, there was a party.
Like her birthday party or something.
Stop, stop.
Except for that, I love it.
I think I know where this is going.
Can we guess or no?
Yeah.
All right, so dog's missing.
Yeah.
Then now there's a party.
Okay.
What kind of party?
Who's...
Is it a birthday party?
I think it was hers.
I don't remember, but there was a party.
There was a party.
Yeah.
And people were just...
Party.
Right?
Right?
Oh, boy.
I'm hungry.
Are you hungry?
Hungry.
Hungry.
Hungry, hungry.
Oh, did you get Jollibee?
Who got Jollibee?
Anybody?
No, nobody got Jollibee.
Oh, fuck.
And then what happens?
And then her father said like, oh, try this.
Oh, okay.
What's his name, the father?
I don't...
When someone says, try this.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Try this.
In the middle of the party, he has to yell it because there's a lot of party.
Everyone, try this.
Try this.
Yeah, yeah.
Music stops.
DJ stops, right?
And then they look at the dad and do they go, what is it?
Yeah.
She asked like, what is it?
And then he just said, chicken.
It's just chicken.
Just chicken.
Just chicken.
Out of nowhere, chicken?
Yeah.
Just out of the blue, chicken.
So she ate it.
Where did you get the chicken?
I don't know, but she ate it and she said, oh, it's really good.
Blah, blah, bl