Name: Egg Noggin | Ep 250 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2024-12-23T17:00:20.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Egg Noggin | Ep 250 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-12-23. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Egg Noggin | Ep 250 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-12-23. Transcript available.

Egg Noggin | Ep 250 | Bad Friends

This episode of Bad Friends is presented and fueled by Huel, your go-to for
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Hey, what's up, Bad Friends? I am on tour for only two more months.
I'm almost done with this tour, and I can't wait for you to come out and see it
before we shoot the hour.
In Chicago, I'm at the Chicago Theater. Hey, hey, I start the year off back in
my hometown.
Then I go to Durham. Where are you at, Durham Bulls? Come out and see your boy,
North Carolina.
Come on and raise up. Atlanta, Georgia. Charleston, South Carolina. Philly, I'm
at the Met.
I can't wait to play you, Philly. I'm so excited to come there. I've never
played the Met. I'm excited by myself.
New York, I'm at the Beacon Theater. Show up New York. Phoenix, San Francisco,
there's two shows.
San Diego, two shows. Boston, four shows. Boston, come out and see your boy in
February.
And then I end the tour in Minneapolis. I think we're adding a fourth show,
Minneapolis.
If you can sell out that third one, we might add a fourth show for something
special.
Come out and see me at andrewsantino.com, andrewsantino.com.
Hey, we got merch. We got the merch, baby.
This is a Bad Friends. This is from the fans' designs.
Yeah, this is embroidered. This one's embroidered. It's high quality.
Love it. And you're going to love it.
You're going to love it. And we also have hoodies. We got these in crewnecks.
We got them in hoodie. And this is another one of the Bad Friends fans' designs.
And go to BadFriendsMerch.com. BadFriendsMerch.com is where you're going to get
all this stuff.
Go get it.
You two are bad friends.
You're these two idiots.
A white dude and an Asian dude.
You two are disgusting.
You two are something.
We're bad friends.
Oh, you have cookies in there?
Oh, my God.
Oh, shit. Little chocolate nuggets here, dude.
Little nuggets.
All from Trader Joe's, dude.
Is that from Teagers?
Pass that tin, playa.
Pass that tin, playboy.
One of our favorite traditions is hearing Bobby chewing on the mic.
Jingle jangle.
Fun mix of favorite candy treats.
Welcome to our-
Let it rip today, dude.
Yeah.
Let it rip. I'm ready for it.
I agree.
I'm so depressed.
I get so depressed during the holidays.
I can't even-
It's like a-
It's a deep-
It's a deep depression.
I love it.
You don't get depressed?
You love it.
I stay depressed, dude.
Let's see if this is going to make it over the crack.
Yeah. December 1st is when it starts.
Nope.
December 1st, you get depressed?
All the way until January 5th.
What happens on January 5th?
Because the next day is our holiday.
Three kinks.
What?
Three kinks.
The kinkings happen.
Three kinks.
What's three kinks?
What is it?
Let's start good.
Let's start good.
Let's not start like that.
But you get real depressed.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I can tell, dude.
Your face gets all red and all depressed, huh?
I had a massage today.
And the woman said,
is there anywhere I'm not allowed to touch?
Really?
I thought about you.
Well, there are some areas that you don't touch.
I said, I don't want my face.
I don't like my face.
I don't like my Achilles heel being much.
Uh-uh.
I don't want that damaged at all, dude.
Didn't that happen to Troy?
Who did that happen to?
Who's Troy?
Helen of Troy?
What?
Achilles.
Achilles.
Oh, Achilles, yeah.
What?
Achilles.
This name is not Troy?
No.
In Troy.
In Troy.
Oh, that's what it is.
Oh, here we go.
The Greek hero Achilles' only vulnerable spot was his heel.
Left untouched until his mother dipped him in the river Styx.
As in, that's where the band Styx gets their name from.
Well, that's everyone's vulnerable spot.
Their heel?
Well, mine's the taint.
Mine goes the taint.
Taint.
It's so vulnerable, my taint.
It's tickly-wickly.
I know, but there's probably a layer of skin that's not missing.
There's something about the taint, that area.
Do you know what the taint is?
No.
Can you guess what a taint is?
It's on your body.
I'm guessing, like, on your feet?
Nuh-uh.
Well, some of mine's on my feet.
Yeah.
Mine does stretch down.
It stretches down to my feet.
Is it on the vagina?
No.
It's the area between your balls and your butthole.
Or your vag and the butthole.
The taint is a vulgar slang.
That little skin.
Yeah, that little gap.
Oh.
Not little.
Some people have huge taints.
I hate the way this is starting.
All right.
Let's switch it up.
It's not holiday spirit.
No, I don't like the way that's starting either, dude.
Ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching.
Let's start every night.
Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell.
Jingle, all this the way.
Oh, what fun it to ride.
One ho, oh, punch rate.
Hey.
Jingle bell, jingle bell.
Ho, ho, ho, ho.
My, my, my, my.
Dude, Asian Santa at the mall?
Dude.
See the owner of my rapper?
Yeah.
Have you been a good boy?
Oh, there's no chimneys in Japan.
Are there chimneys in Japan?
100% there's chimneys in Japan.
What are you talking about?
There's gotta be.
How did Santa get in there?
Is there chim, not only, yes, there are chimneys in Japan.
They're not commonly seen, because a lot of times you see in the city, it's all
buildings.
It's all high rises.
Right.
I grew up in the high rise in the city when I was a kid.
I grew up in an apartment building and I said to my mom,
how does Santa even get in?
We don't have a chimney.
Right.
And she goes, he comes through the front door.
And I thought, what an invasive thing to do.
Because the reason why Hiroshima and Nagasaki,
it was so devastating is because the houses,
no, but before the bombs, you know what they did?
Fire bombs.
Yeah.
Why, why, why was that so?
Warning shots.
No, that's not why, why, why was fire, fire bombs so detrimental
in those Japanese cities back then?
Teach me, Mr. Know-it-all.
Wood.
What, their houses made out of like rice paper and wood.
Yeah, bamboo.
No, really?
Yeah.
What?
I know.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, why didn't you answer it the first time then?
Because I wanted you to say it.
Oh.
Third World War II.
I don't think you knew, man.
Most Japanese cities were built highly flammable materials like wood and paper.
Yeah.
Extremely vulnerable to large scale fires when bombed, resulting in massive
civilian casualties,
widespread destruction of infrastructure, significant impact on morale.
Yeah, you'd think.
If your house burnt down, that would bum you out a little bit.
It was devastating back then.
You weren't even there.
I was there, definitely.
You were?
Yeah, yeah.
I was a baby.
You were a baby in Japan?
It was so devastating.
Japan.
I crawled to Korea.
You did?
Yeah, dude.
It's a long crawl.
I know, dude.
And I swam.
You did?
Yeah.
Devastating.
Devastating.
That's devastating.
Well, Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas to Japan.
You know, we can say Merry Christmas now because Trump is president.
We're allowed to go back.
Oh, yeah.
Thank God.
Whatever happened to Kwanzaa?
It's still a little thing.
Have you ever heard of Kwanzaa?
December 26th, dude.
Kwanzaa.
Kwanzaa is just, so they've got a Hanukkah like candles, right?
You light, how many candles are there?
Let me see the Kwanzaa.
So there's one, two, three, four, five, six, seven.
Yeah.
So it's eight for Hanukkah, right?
Whoa, look at the black one in the middle.
What does that mean?
And look, there's the guys on the outside fighting them.
Yeah.
Keeping them down.
Keeping the man down.
The seven candles in the Kinara symbolize the seven principles of Kwanzaa.
And what are the seven principles of Kwanzaa?
I'd like to know.
I can guess.
Thou shall not do incest.
No.
No, that's, that's, no, we want that.
All right, hold on here.
Umoja.
Umoja means unity in Swahili.
So strive to maintain unity in the family, community, nation, and race.
Say that one.
Go ahead, Rudy.
Kujichagulia.
Kujichagulia.
This principle refers to naming, creating, and speaking for oneself.
Self-determination.
Ujama.
Ujima.
Well, these sound Korean.
Ujima.
Nia.
Ujima.
Nia.
Kumba.
Kumba.
Umani.
Imani.
Oh, I met a girl named Umani in college.
Yeah.
Was she black?
Was she black?
No.
Oh, fuck.
Yeah, of course she was.
It's a miracle.
Yeah, faith, community, faith.
This is all kind of the same thing.
They're saying, this is kind of nice.
I think we should celebrate Kwanzaa this year.
I have eggnog.
See, I think that's what it is.
You need eggnog?
No, no, no.
I think that you're coming in with your Christmas vibes, McCone, has sort of
like rattled me.
I love Christmas.
Give him some eggnog.
Give me some eggnog.
Have you ever had eggnog?
Yeah.
Wait, seriously?
They don't have that in the Philippines, huh?
I haven't even built a gingerbread house.
Well, you can take that home and build it.
That was a gift from us to you.
Thank you.
And you can eat it when you're done.
This is a Dave Attell joke.
You know what eggnog is?
Elf cum.
Yeah, I love that.
Whoa.
It's just milk?
No.
No, no, no.
No, it's eggnog.
It's eggnog.
It's something different.
It's yellow.
Ooh, thick.
Yeah, there we go.
Thank you.
Give some for Jules.
Yeah, give some for Jules.
You want some?
No, thank you.
Mmm, a really good eggnog.
You like it?
Really good.
Give me the carton.
Yeah, yeah.
Give me the carton.
You're going to love it.
You are going to love it.
Hold on, get out of the way while she drinks it.
Do it again.
I like this.
You do?
It's really good, right?
It's really sweet.
It's sweet.
So, you want to know what's in it?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Milk, cream, sugar, eggnog base, which is sugar, egg yolks, and natural flavors.
Nutmeg, turmeric, citric acid, nut milk, salt.
Cinnamon.
Cinnamon's got to be in it.
Cinnamon, stabilizers, guar gum, caragenian, which is, and then locust bean gum
from locusts.
You know, because locusts have big mouths.
Big mouths.
And they have big gums.
Look at that.
There it is.
Yeah.
Locust bean gum.
Those are their mouths.
Those are their mouths.
So, you're eating a locust right now.
It tastes...
It tastes good.
It tastes good.
Yeah, yeah.
But it coats your mouth a little too thick for me.
Yeah, there is a cummy.
Like, let me see your tongue.
Show me your tongue.
It's like a cummy vibe.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Coated.
It's like, you don't want to do this at Christmas dinner.
So, will you do me a favor?
And McCone, why don't you come...
You don't want me.
Delicious.
You don't want to do that Christmas dinner?
No, not at the dinner.
Especially if there's gays there.
Or anywhere.
Because when the gays are there, they get fucking crazy.
Where's Carlos?
Carlos is in Texas, I think.
Yeah, Merry Christmas.
This is my gift to you guys.
Yeah, that's actually nice that he's gone.
Do you miss him?
Kinda.
Yeah?
He's in Texas.
So, I re-watched a TV show last night.
And I think it's one of the greatest shows that no one's watched.
What is it?
It's called...
It's called Kingdom.
Oh, this is the MMA show?
No.
Oh, what's...
It's a Korean show on Netflix called Kingdom.
Have you seen it?
Not yet.
It's the greatest show, I think.
I mean, I've seen it twice now.
There's two seasons.
It's so fucking good and nobody watches it.
Well, if someone must, they're on a second or third season, right?
Yeah, they did two seasons and then a movie based on Kingdom.
It's so fucking good.
And, oh God, I can't...
And no one, like...
I can't talk to anybody about it.
What is...
Do they have white people in it?
No, it's all Koreans.
Yeah.
And it's also...
Oh, my God.
Does it have white people in it?
Yeah, yeah.
Can I just tell you what it's about?
Yeah, of course.
So it's ancient Korea.
I'm already out.
That's what I mean.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's already...
Yeah.
You're right.
If there's anything ancient, it's got to be China.
We can only see ancient Chinese shit.
So it's ancient Korea, right?
And it's like a Game of Thrones-y kind of a show
where there's like...
What's going on?
Game of a Throne.
Right?
Yeah, the guy's pitching.
It's like, imagine Game of a Throne.
Yeah, but...
Okay.
Are you saying singular?
What?
No, Game of Thrones.
All of them.
Too many thrones.
Or everyone.
Every throne.
Everybody.
You know what I mean?
And they go, okay.
An