Name: 5th Badiversary w/ Chris Distefano & Dr. Phil | Ep 257 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2025-02-17T17:00:52.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '5th Badiversary w/ Chris Distefano & Dr. Phil | Ep 257 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-02-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '5th Badiversary w/ Chris Distefano & Dr. Phil | Ep 257 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-02-17. Transcript available.

5th Badiversary w/ Chris Distefano & Dr. Phil  | Ep 257 | Bad Friends

hey oh my god i'm shooting my special tonight today this week i mean this week
this friday
and saturday the 21st and 22nd minneapolis minnesota i am in your city this
week come
see me shoot my special all but one are sold out uh the late friday show come
see your boy
go to andrewsantino.com for those tickets andrewsantino.com to get tickets and
also
that's right i'm beans on toast beans on toast london england we're coming we're
coming to
london england july 4th 18th july 18th and dublin island afterwards we're going
to london and
dublin we're playing the ovo arena in wembley no association to drake yeah uh
and then dublin
ireland on the 19th we're playing the three arena arena the tickets are our
regular sale now they
were artist pre-sale and now they're on sale regular so go to badfriendspod.com
for those tickets bad
friendspod.com you two are bad friends who are these two idiots a white dude
and an asian dude
you two are disgusting you two are something we're bad friends i'm so sick i
can't do the podcast but
i can go to fucking miami with jake paul uh-huh i'm so sick i can't podcast but
i can go to miami
for jake paul i'm so sick i can't podcast but i can sit on a five and a half
hour flight to miami
interesting for jake paul interesting stuff i'm so sick i can't podcast yeah jake
paul i'm on my way
yeah i'm on my way i'm so sick that i'm gonna go to promotions for bad friends
lie lie lie lie lie
i'm so sick that i go out of my way right to risk my life and my health and my
family's lineage
right yeah for my best friend and your family's lineage is in jeopardy already
don't even get me
started you know you know this guy goes to jake paul's party for the super bowl
and goes the day
before i'm sick dude we can't pod oh it's so i said you're still gonna go to miami
no answer yeah
right he was always he was there yeah yeah no answer yeah that's why he didn't
answer yeah i'm so sick
that i'm i i i bow to the king jake paul's the king yes jake paul's let me say
something right now
dude right you know we're like in game of thrones dude right i went to the lannisters
dude right right
yeah when i'm just a peasant i could get my head beheaded right i did it for
our you know farm
in you know white walkers are coming from the north right yeah yeah and i risk
my life and limb right
to go down there to bow to the king right for us so that we get saved and now
he does this do you
understand ring ring hello jack paul dude oh you need to meet in my rammy i'll
be right yeah yeah yeah
who else gonna be there what ring ring ring ring ring dude i love stumping you
i love that you know i
know that you know that you got you weren't that sick no no no no and also that's
not it and also
the night before was with a lady friend hanging out with a lady friend didn't
get that sick went on a
flight jake paul miami okay um first of all our guest today is chris de stefano
i like you i love you but when i say this right right um um lady friend always
trumps work yes
did you bring us back any celsius what any celsius but yeah i got it i go yeah
does he have
jake has something to do with that no they're prime oh prime sorry sorry yeah
yeah well let's get
that back because the joke doesn't work now do it again sorry uh uh bring me in
did you did you bring
back any prime yeah explain to us explain to us who was at the super bowl party
by the way you hate
football yeah okay you look like so carlos went with me you do have pigskin
face
yeah just just in the face i don't know man
you look like a field goal kicked football good sorry all right who was at the
point you look thin
though you do look good t-dog i mean real though no i swear to god well as soon
as i came in you i
said you you looked you look thinner than i've ever seen you i thought maybe
you're on some music he
is are you white govy we govy we govy bring up the photo of him from his
instagram he posted on the
set of theo's movie you look good no you really do look everyone i know is like
bro is bobby losing
crazy weight i was like he yeah dude he's on it yeah there it is no i don't
know it's the next one
there he's standing up look at that dude wow skinny look good look at my belly
dude oh i mean it is
compared to uh david yeah david spade does look like he has the hiv you look
good and if honestly if
i just blacked out the face for with that hair and that outfit you look exactly
like my aunt colleen
shout out colleen you look literally exactly like my aunt colleen dude i'm
already drowning on this
podcast what's it no it's like the nom dude it's like i'm just being pelted
dude this is hamburger hill
i'm on hamburger hill there's no way out man well what side would you fight on
in vietnam you're on
hamburger south no bun no bun no yeah protein style yeah wait a minute though
yeah yeah you do look
fantastic in this photo you look thin you look good are you being real your
skin looks good yeah
man you look good are you david spade looks even better well he always looks he
looks even thinner
he's twiggy wiggy um so skinny man he is so he looks like he has cisco and ebert
jaw cancer
you know spadey's never he never overeats he never has a bad month i've never
seen him go dude i got
a cut back like you and i have phone calls where it's like buddy you called me
santino called me and
he didn't know that jasmine was in the car he called me and told me that he had
to get back in
shape because he was on the road so much and he looked at himself in the mirror
naked at a hotel
room on the road and he started crying and my girl heard it dude i got out of
the shower i saw my stupid
little ugly pale body in the they had one of those big mirrors right as you got
out of the shower and i
looked at it started crying yeah instantly was like look at my little penis my
pale frumpy body
and just bawling i was like i gotta go to the gym dude yeah i just sad fat but
on the road you're
eating you're not sleeping right like you're traveling i couldn't get the head
of my dick out
of this tube what what what do you mean oh here we go here we go what tube what
what do you mean well
the tube is that the stem oh the shaft oh it went in oh yeah but i couldn't get
it out
right it was like gum or something in it you're not circumcised i am circumcised
that's what that's
the tragedy that's the tragedy oh yeah yeah right right it was like a turtle
right like his head
couldn't get out of the shell yeah yeah yeah stuck right so then i had to do a
thing where i was like
like that anyway and it made a sound like and it came out and then i held it
with my two fingers
so that it wouldn't like you know i mean dry that way you know yeah but look
there you could see you
got you got i don't know why i just shared that information because you were
like you guys were
sharing about you know being naked in the mirror and stuff right i just said
this is what happened
to me i don't think i'm drowning i'm drowning already because it attacked me so
badly no you never
look good you never look good in a hotel mirror it's disgusting also by the way
you're not
drowning and if you do remember vietnam you ended up you guys ended up winning
you know what i mean
stalemate stalemate right yeah but that's a win if a tie a tie is a win are you
going to tie with
the united states that's a win yeah man you love soccer that's a tie yeah i
guess the tie is a
win yeah yeah yeah yeah well you know when you both come it's good yes yeah
that's true right
sometimes you you come right and the other person doesn't come that's right
right and then you're
like i'm tired or whatever that's most of my sex life yeah your wife
oh my god yeah yeah yeah if you she was i tell you if she had a cock right
yeah i was so nice to her at the hulu party yeah it wasn't that 100 yeah yeah
and i didn't like your
face why do you think i was to be too nice i wasn't hitting on her no she doesn't
care i was just looking
i got she's so beautiful yeah you know what i mean yeah very nice very
important she is gorgeous
she yeah she she absolutely you got everything going for you got everything
going for watch this
transition look at this yeah yeah special out on hulu the guy is playing madison
square garden
square garden september 11 on 9 11. that's what it is really now are you
donating you donating any
of the proceeds to the fire to to fdny if we can get ticket sales above seven
thousand yeah okay
yep anything on anything under that i'm gonna have to keep from poppy's gonna
have to keep that do we
get spots on that show or yes good 100 not being real no do we get spots on
that if you guys i swear
to god if you were in new york you could absolutely um come do spots as long as
i could promote you
100 no i'm kidding kidding smart tickets are going good tickets are going good
stay positive good
september 11th a memorable day for new york city yep are you nervous that if
you don't sell out
that you look like a tragedy like that that's the yeah that's if you don't sell
out the garden and
there there's me running i was gonna say yeah that there's bobby that's like a
burglar from the 1920s
that's the hamburglar hill
yes that um yes so i no i'm not nervous because um i it's just it's just been a
dream of mine and
it's going to be good and uh they say president uh donald trump might come
seriously well because all
the presidents always go to the 911 so they were saying that there's a
possibility that maybe they'll
come at night wow wow yes does he like you does he know you you guys know his
son knows me trump jr
wow he said he said he never told me anything about his dad when everyone was
when everyone was uh getting
trump on the pod yeah in new york and out here too they they offered they said
maybe he would zoom
in with me so i said i can't no no one wanted to do this no one did no aoc can
we get her yes
oh you should get her in and i'll come run in and smell the seat
no no like aoc let's let's talk about her right you're in a club pass you're in
a club
would you go sir if i i mean look at my family oh yeah yeah you were in that
weird way that's
what i want if you're if you're if you're if you're from any u.s territory i
want to have sex with you
yeah that's what it is so i like girls from the u.s territories puerto rico any
uh any trips to the
gulf of america coming up for you um no uh what swim in the gulf in there no if
you look at the map
i think they changed it on apple maps there's no way yeah they did yeah look
only the u.s yeah
one of our boys one of our boys in the group chat posted uh uh like they posted
on facebook gulf of
america like you know like proud like look at this whatever and then one he
didn't realize when he sent
the screenshot to the group chat on facebook there was a comment from like this
gay guy that was like
haven't seen you at the bars in long beach big boy when you coming back who do
i send it to you
carlos carlos all right i'll send it to you carlos we will die and laughing
when you just get caught
being a i i think gulf america i like them wanting to buy greenland that's a
good one what are we going
to do with greenland canada it's just another oh i don't know what what could
we do there hot topic
yeah is that where it goes no i want to do one there let's we took over greenland
what shops should
we have there in greenland that's pretty smart what let's do it what what we do
um i want topic many
like the warehouse see obviously a hot topic there yeah okay woo-woo women yeah
yeah i like that a lot
yeah auntie annie's pretzels oh yummy uh panda express gotta be there yeah
because they're eskimos
could we throw in a sbarro yeah sbarro sbarro the best mall pizza in the world
oh i thought it was a
car yes guess he'll be the fashion designer for hot top we've got a brand new
fashion designer guess
who it is who kanye yeah yeah have you seen his website have you gone to yeezy.com
did you see a
super bowl commercial bro oh look they're they're blocking the site now oh god
really it's down yes he
was selling he was selling t-shir