Name: Bobby's Break Up Tips | Ep 258 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2025-02-24T17:00:39.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby's Break Up Tips | Ep 258 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-02-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby's Break Up Tips | Ep 258 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-02-24. Transcript available.

Bobby's Break Up Tips | Ep 258 | Bad Friends

you two are bad friends who are these two idiots white dude and an asian dude
you two are disgusting you two are something we're bad friends yeah yeah let's
let's complain
to the guys in the booth about this yeah yeah or or maybe you know go up on
stage
you know what i mean uh-huh we have work ethic you know you don't and stop
complaining then you
know it's your generation dude i mean yeah we're gritty dude we are very yeah
we we click click
right you know what that is click click what's that checking my chicken work i'm
checking in the
work oh at the factory oh yeah yeah yeah did you do that click click right and
then you go hello
supervisor monroe they go hello there you know what i mean lineman look at this
why do you have that
that's andrew's seat oh really yeah oh yeah yeah it sucks oh it sucks you want
to switch no no no i
want to oh yeah yeah yeah but andrew likes yeah anyway you click click click
opens up his butt okay i
know he's back he has back aches oh my god he has a spinal dead just a gay
little boy he's a gay disc
he has a little gay disc in his back he's a gay they're dismantled what a cry
baby huh he really is
well what did he hit his head on the toilet remember yeah like a cry baby how
did he hit his head on the
toilet he got all woozy like oh i'm red-headed i get woozy you know what i mean
he falls over with a
next week oh this is so good wait what's mine the vietnamese one what's yours
uh a white man's one
mine is um dude oh no because andrew's not here you're gonna chop i like it
yeah what did he say
i can't do this today man i'm so tired oh my god it's raining oh my god hold on
hold on hold on
andrew's not here andrew's not here oh my god you'll be yelling at that does he
not let see here's
what's good about me and you doing the part i'll let you be you i won't keep
you in the cage i know
when i do that he doesn't like it he doesn't like it he's a oppressor dude yes
yeah dude i'm gonna say
this right now dude okay i've had enough of him setting the rules oh it's all
about him dude yeah
we're gonna do it this time you have to do it this or you're not doing it you
know what i mean he gets
mad and he does it and he does it all while sitting on a seesaw yeah he's like
this yeah or like a
seahorse yeah he's like a seahorse yeah seahorse seesaw it's like a bike
without us yeah like no you
don't shut up all right you shut up i can't believe that's what he does all
right you beg i
love why now every time i see a clip of anju when he's like yelling and getting
mad at being a tough
guy yeah yeah i know i know he does right oh but you're backwards but you could
play golf all day
exactly i mean what kind of golf are you playing dude scumbag scumbag golf you
don't play golf do you
no i know why why because you're a man yes you're a real man i'm not gonna do i've
either i've made a
decision i'm not gonna do what other people do i'm not gonna do the things that
will advance my
career i'm not doing it get that back yeah say it again i'm not you're not
gonna use it i'm not
gonna play golf or what what oh bowl or what oh no what we do what do we do
what do we do what do
you and i do kiss on the lips at the door we also read kierkegaard yes we get
here in trembling
no we do philosophical books hold on we read kierkegaard yeah watch kurasawa
films sure south
films yeah yeah we meditate we meditate dude meditate with our dicks out yes we
yeah we meditate a lot
we go for walks yeah and take your pants down oh you know what i did yesterday
what my friend i was
in the green room before you got there right there was all guys in there i just
pulled my penis out
good yeah and everyone laughed yeah yeah like the old days yeah yeah they did
guard comedy they
laugh dude it's kierkegaard coming it's existential yeah philosophical comedy
dude you have to think
about it and ponder dude people don't ponder anymore uh just the fonsies
the fonsies they don't ponder anymore disto let's ponder i know dude what did
you ponder about
today i was able to follow you last night yeah that's what i'm puppet pondering
dude i was scared
yeah yeah i mean you're a madison score garden comic now yeah allegedly
allegedly dude allegedly we'll
see what happens check your news feed yes so um great lineup last night i
really was i like doing
comedy here hi you remember hi you remember her um ruby ruby ruby tuesday rudy
rudy rudy ruby cake
ruby cake oh hello oh wow she's putting makeup on oh yeah wow oh yeah this isn't
a great this is a
special a tiger belly shouldn't do yeah yeah wow yeah yeah but for bad friends
look at her she was
coming i knew she was coming hello yeah hello welcome again what's the wait
wait what's the name
the stefano yeah have you ever seen him online sometimes yeah he pops up i see
you the tubbyware oh
tupperware yeah what's that i done i mispronounced the word tupperware on my
old podcast hey babe with
sal volcano and that's the thing that went viral not the jokes that i've
written i know that's the
things that go viral you you can't plan and i get i have to do comedy shows and
people bring
tupperware and i sign them yeah yeah accomplished comedian yeah yeah like that
yeah what was the bit
i don't remember seeing that i just mispronounced the word tupperware because i
thought it was t-u-b-b-e-r
oh that's so funny tub that's so good it was tup yeah i didn't know that yeah
yeah i don't want
to see it but you know what happened was is is the gay community on tick tock i
swear to god they
started coming out to their parents they started doing like all like you know
like tick tock you
could take the audio they started coming out to their parents with the tupperware
video and that's
what made it super viral oh whoa like they would do that they would come out
like i'm gay i'm
tumbleware yeah i don't get it yeah i don't know hey i'm gay what do you say
what is it i don't know
yeah yeah that's pretty good but they this whole thing and then it went viral
yeah little buttholes
and all that i mean your relationship with salgood of course but you end it
then you you will you do it
are you done with him but no well we just stopped the pod we were both he was
he was going back on
tour and practical joker started again i'm a gambler so i'm addicted to losing
right right i like to lose it
get it back lose it get it back lose it get it back i see i cancel the show i
put it back now
you're back with yawn back with yawn yeah yeah yeah and i'll stop and put it
back yeah yeah that's
he's so happy that you're back no yana shout out his train is because that is
was i finally found a
place too for me to just be so wild on the patreon there yeah yeah just say
what i want do what i want
yeah and you like to say wild things huh i like to say wild things but i kept
getting demonetized yeah
so now i don't if you were at a zoo let me ask you a question you're at a zoo
you'd fall into a pit
okay animal pit right okay you have chimps would you rather fall into chimps hyenas
or the third one
is a good one joe rogan zombie oh i would say if i wanted to out of all them
yeah yeah i would say
joe rogan zombie there's no way no yes he would no fucking eat your fucking no
no no and then and then
do push up with your body because you know what i travel with no no because i
would know how to distract
him you know what i travel with on it kettlebells oh yeah yeah yeah kettlebells
yeah that's good
company the on it kettlebells right right so i would take one of his on it
kettlebells right
that's like a gorilla head and i'd put it in the corner and he right and i'd
run the other way that's
a good one because the hyenas will eat you alive that's what they like to do
they like to eat from
the feet first nobody'll eat you live so rip your head off i'll tell you my
logic with the hyenas
though tell me you want to hear my logic you know about hyenas because you what
do you know about
them they're um is that merch or promoting bible yeah yeah you know he just
converted do you know
that i just want to say something yeah yeah he wants to say he has a message
for you i just want to say
for you during jecomiah's reign nebus nazar this is n-u-b-u-c-h nebus net king
of babylon attacked and
jecomica became his vassal for three years then jehomai turned and rebelled
against him the lord
loosed against him bands of chaldeans armains moabites and ammonites he unleashed
them against
judah to destroy him according to the lord's words spoken through his servants
the prophets yeah this
befell judah because the lord had stated that he would put them out of his
sight for the sins
manasa had committed and all that he did and especially because of the innocent
black because
manasa and the job of mamites were right we're cousins and then you know what
happened johan the
rest of the johan had something to do with it the rest of the acts of juhukim
but juhukim right was
he was like judas at that time yes right but then like job right who's your
mama that's exactly that's
the mystery and that's what we're all asking and theologians right right and
religious people are
always asking that question the wicked have been corrupt since me liars from
the world may have gone
astray their venom yeah it's like the venom of a snake like that of a serpent
shopping its ears whoa
let me read you my favorite yeah i'll read you my favorite i have my favorite
too dude oh you want
to go dude here we go oh my favorite parable dude farroa's broken arm okay yeah
oh the seventh day of
the first month in the 11th year and i was 14 years old then really by the way
a little side note oh
okay and that's when i lost my virginity at 14 i was molested yes same thing i
lost um i have broken
the arm of farroa oh king of the egypt why'd he do that well let me let me
finish that this god damn
king of egypt see dude it has not been immobilized for healing nor set with a
splint to make it strong
enough to grasp a sword and when they say sword they mean dick yes back then
you know i mean the
sword is a symbol yes of dick yeah parable it's a parable dude you know what i
mean and you can't
grasp yours you have to use two fingers right we grasp yeah we grasp who he carlos
has a little dick no
no no no this is a pork yeah yeah fancy pork yeah but it's spanish it's okay if
it's a little i know
but he jokes up with three fingers really he does yeah yeah like like a fully
erect like a penguin
hand yeah and i don't know how you got your wife pregnant but that's a mystery
with the style are you
having a baby style you had a baby already yeah yeah yeah you just jammed the
gummy in your gummy
penis into their vag wow so gross how old is the baby two yeah there's all and
okay nice jules would
you read our um chris de stefano our guest a parable of your choosing please
please thank you yeah go
ahead there you go jesus is among us all remember that yes there it is i'll usurpation
of athalia
when athalia the mother of azia saw that her son was dead she began to kill off
the whole royal family
of the house of judah you're very excited about that that's fun yeah yeah yeah
but anyway um
what'd you learn from that parable jules that it's okay to kill your family no
that's not what the
parable was somebody killed a daughter right and then she killed the royal
family oh not her family it's
okay to kill your rival that's great that's very is it is it okay i think in
certain instances it's okay
so i can kill ronnie chang yes okay yeah i thought you did yeah no no no so jimmy
o yang ronnie chang yeah
dr ken they're on my hit list yeah who are your rivals that you're gonna kill
who am i gonna kill
um i'm gonna kill uh uh no no i want to kill schultz i don't kill black people
okay
i would kill um i don't really have like a like a rival who's like me i mean um
i don't know who
yeah yeah just because maybe i'd kill um um i think kills are harsh let's let's
let's let's
reframe kill tony okay okay that's not funny you edit that part out um i don't
like it it's a play on
words i don't like it right right so how abou