Name: Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel | Ep 267 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2025-04-28T16:01:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel | Ep 267 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-04-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel | Ep 267 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-04-28. Transcript available.

Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel | Ep 267 | Bad Friends

you two are bad friends who are these two idiots white dude an asian dude you
two are disgusting
well you two are something we're bad friends ho hum down in the bayou
we got legs that are tired lights that flicker in the night
oh my old black legs are skimming through the sand with my weepy eyes and my
sour soul
and i'm coming around what's up that was improvised oh oh yeah you know the
whole home as you track
through the woods with your bow yeah dude oh
where your porridge is cold but your anus is numb oh
where the donuts are old fairy and they're filled with calm
my mexican friend is dumb but he's got no julio iglesia i don't know
i couldn't do it so close i'm so tired no you got it but anyway um thanks for
the donut have you
had one of these i have no you haven't dude let me see no you haven't get why i
didn't eat it today
get a pistachio dude man yeah i'm gonna prove a point here you know what the
fans love when we eat
on the show we'll just take a bite um i will take one little bite of a stash do
you guys want some of
this oh my god is it soft yeah well let the flavors sink in let the flavors
sink in you know my biggest
problem is do you think paul hollywood just goes eat and then says it he does
this no sometimes he does
this
let me tell you something i don't like that it's got like cream in it
oh oh oh yeah i don't like you got cream inside you and people eat that
man you are tired okay there's cream in everything dude in titty milk
dude a lady last night a 68 year old lady pulled out her titty in my show that's
your crowd
yeah and i go um i thought the joke i said was what comes out of their cottage
shoes and i got nothing
and then my second show last in houston i hear a thump a thump like a big thump
and i looked to my
right and there's a 600 pound man i'm not kidding you laying on the floor face
first on the floor like
this going oh this comedy sucks i'm taking a nap
so wait a minute there's a big fat dude on the floor right oh oh you are coming
well thanks for
showing up yeah so this guy is laying on his right he's i think he's dead so
there's two choices right
piss on him no no pretend it's not happening right yeah just keep going right
because it was off to my
right so i see staff the managers yeah trying to revive them and i'm going yeah
that's what the chicano
said you know whatever you're right and then um i just look to the right i go
what's going on and
they go we don't know man it's packed sold out and it's now people are just rumbling
oh there's
rumbling yeah now people are rumbling right and i'm going off to the side
looking to see you're gonna
be okay man he's 600 pounds right it takes him like 20 minutes to get the on in
there right
right right and then um they got a forklift in the yeah yeah yeah and then um
you hear him breathing
outside you know how hard is to restart the room oh yeah bro dude i had a guy
had had like had a
stroke in nashville in the balcony at zany's no i was like am i going to do
this show now in the middle
of your act yeah and you stopped well there was like a big commotion and then i
was like what's going
on and then they were like it's medical emergency and i was like i know my
thought was dead somebody
died yeah you know because that happened that's happened at almost every show i've
done so then
this morning i get a direct message from some guy i want to let you know a guy
dude that guy died last
night no yeah carlos what the carl that's not funny carlos man
carlos that's not funny dude that's funny stop it dude i can't believe i can't
believe it stop that
ho-hum dude dude ho-hum died all right that's insane dude carlos you're sick
you're evil carlos
right so i get so i get it then i start calling the management
don't what that's not funny yeah yeah stop it yeah you want to i mean you
should you should have
seen my reaction i read i was like omg what omg what's omg mean oh my god i was
oh my god and
then i and then it took me a while to get up and then the manager goes no he
went and got a pizza
oh okay no there was a pizza place i guess the medics came he stood up and went
straight to the
pizza place no i'm not kidding he could smell the cheese yeah so i'm like oh so
he just went to the
pizza yeah yeah the pizza with plates that you went to earlier oh it's good
pizza right thanks for
fucking on my shelf i hate what you know when like when i was in phoenix the sirens
went off in the
you know what i mean i don't know what you mean you mean the fire alarm yeah
fire alarm i mean the
sirens yeah well the stand up gay nightclub next door yeah so yeah get ready
for the ho-hum oh um
d-d-d-d-d-j ho-hum yeah that wasn't going on look who's here yep look at how
brown she is damn dude
getting out of the sun you know she was just in hawaii for two weeks it shows
yeah yeah it shows it
shows that's not how you that phrase doesn't go there okay yeah it's supposed
to be it's supposed
to be facetious that it shows so if somebody goes yeah i went to five years of
college you go yeah it
shows that's what that is ah she goes to hawaii for for how long two weeks yeah
you don't go it shows
you go oh that's nice so try it again how long did you go to hawaii for two
weeks that's nice
dude just do it shows i think it shows it's good yeah that's not it's not good
that's true
that's nice so hey carlos bring up that this you because i saw a filipino girl
online it reminded me
of you no i'm serious okay not her that's not it i have it but but i want bobby
right just on this
image real fast how do you like your coffee it says yeah which one of those two
tones are your coffee
because your mind might change when you see the whole cup oh okay i love this
game yeah i love
the tone coffee game so what kind of coffee do you like it with a lot of cream
or or not that much
cream me i thought you were asking her anybody can answer or um well i just um
i like a lot of cream
you you like the the far right a lot of cream yeah let's see what the full cup
looks like yeah jules do
you know her thank god i didn't do cream oh my god thank god i didn't do cream
on the no on the left
the right no on the left the right look at the teeth zoom in a little bit zoom
in pinch on that you
pinching on it i got to tell you something the tattoos the tattoos aren't
distracting enough
no i thought this was fake right i thought it was like a fake no i've seen her
face before
you know her no i in my tick tocks i have my algorithm shows her sometimes
really yeah i love
her yeah yeah i love her the one on the left sexy though hot yeah but then the
one on the right um the
one on the left can i ask you a question in in what they don't have dentists we
should do it no
dentists in the philippines don't you think that we make a cat google philippines
there's dentists in
the philippines i don't think so what the is that i don't know what is that and
if you're two teeth
come on how much wood would a woodchuck chuck dentists in the philippines in cebu
let's see wow
how many there's three places on three in the whole 70 000 islands three places
by the way new dental
clinic because the old one didn't make it yeah what's the first one cebu dental
care give me reviews
of cebu dental care reviews 4.9 pretty good that's good let's read it though
yeah i had an excellent
experience at smooth no no no no no do the accent oh sorry yeah yeah do the
accent i i had excellent
experience at the booth dental care center that's indian but i like it seven
seven ascending yeah
rice is reasonable yeah by the way this is written by these are all americans
this isn't real
yeah i love the one stars two stars i would not return there we had only we had
only dental checks
and cleaning and polishing painful and useless and expensive dude 300 years ago
when you had a toothache
what the would you do pull it out really they used to pull them out even like
if it's coming on
oh dude that's when you know to pull it out right so if you got a little pain
you start pulling it out
yank it why would you keep it it's only going to get infected they're not going
to do anything with
it wow you know it is crazy to think about people from like over 100 years ago
who'd still who had
good teeth yeah like back in the day they used to use like some whale extract
from like a whale blubber
to make cologne or perfume for oh right right you know what i mean just
different ways of makeup was
what back in the day flower flowers berries berries yeah yeah berries no blood
no
in trans transylvania there's blood i'm kidding i don't know how is my rule
see that's why i set it up it's good yeah i'm a beat slow today what did you
what what did what did
uh why did you say berries did you did you ever use berries as a kid for makeup
no but um on your
lips no but there's a tradition where like if you get your first period you
have to put your period blood
all over your face i'm really glad you're back i don't know if it's just in the
philippines but that's
what it's just definitely just in the philippines i've never heard that before
why women are using
their period blood for face masks oh that does work then no she's saying when
you get your first
first period i don't know i don't do it every period well there's a there you
go despite this
culture the use of menstrual blood is something that has been done
traditionally superstitiously
for years in the philippines it said if you wash your face with period blood
you'll be blessed with
acne-free skin during puberty did that work no no yeah yeah and then like you
have to jump like 10
times to like what that's a transition jump like 10 times of what just jump 10
times to i think
shake shake it loose no just what is the cork up there you need to cork a wine
bottle yeah like that
my grandma did that but you jump up and down for what reason i think to have a
longer life
i think that's it yeah dude tell me the song you guys sing when you do that
yeah yeah no song there's
no song yeah yeah that wait so this is so she painted her face and you do it on
your first one and
then that's supposed to bless you for life yeah but you koreans believe and
this used to work when you
have a charlie horse right what's a charlie horse come here i'll give you one
yeah it's when you
it's when you have a it's like a muscle cramp uh or there's like a buzzing how
do they say charlie
horse what do you call it charlie horse you're right charlie horse why would
you laugh at that then
i just imagine korean saying okay well how do you say it in korean let's zoom
in how do you say it in
korean so if you had a charlie horse right young young young yeah yeah yeah
yeah it's easier to say
charlie horse charlie but you do this my grandma would go lick i don't know how
to speak korean but
she goes lick your finger tap your nose three times that would get rid of a
charlie horse it really did
no way yeah when you have a charlie horse anyone listening right do that it
gets rid of it completely
wow yeah yeah i'm excited for my next charlie horse yeah i never heard we didn't
have any
you must have wise tales wives tales wives sales wives tales right wise wives
tales yeah what you
mean we have anything like that yeah it's like uh um i'm trying to think of
some white ones what are
the white ones well it's like you know if you know my dad said you know if you
watch
tv too close you go down grandpa gonna die stuff like that you know what i mean
grandpa died already
well yeah you know they say if you masturbate too much you get hairy hands yeah
that's one that's
a wire would grow on that's a wife's tail yeah yeah the philippines have a wife
sales like that like
something like a superstitious thing that's yeah it's not true like if you wipe
blood on your face after
your first period yeah you won't get acne or like if you watch if you've seen
like a naked body or like
porn then you will have like a like a big like bump on your eye oh a stye a stye
yes you get a stye in
your eye from yeah yeah you get a cataract you get a cataract wow never heard
that befor