Name: Bobby Is Going to the White House | Ep 268 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2025-05-05T16:00:21.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby Is Going to the White House | Ep 268 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-05-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby Is Going to the White House | Ep 268 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-05-05. Transcript available.

Bobby Is Going to the White House | Ep 268 | Bad Friends

this podcast is sponsored by huel h-u-e-l new customers can use code bad
friends for 15% off
plus a free gift you two are bad friends who are these two idiots
i've been breaking out like a teenager you got a little pinch i just sit here
this one's a white
head i'm breaking out like tj white heads are better than blackheads i shaved
all my pews down
there to look like a little boy i don't know why i did that you know what i
mean why you can't say
that did you really you went let me see why you went flush yeah oh my god dude
that's so funny
why did you do that desire to be youthful and then i yeah and then i and then i
shaved my head to look
boyish and everyone's like you look so boyish and because of the losing the way
too i kind of look
boyish you do like data from the goonies a little bit right you know what i
mean you know what i mean
like supplies or whatever you said you know what surprise or whatever and so i
feel youthful
i feel energetic i i'm in a very good mood but um you know what i i'm going to
say something to you
pal because you're my best buddy you know what i mean and your redness really
um i think about it
at night i know i just said that but um i do i like that i want the pain
hmm i'm addicted to the pain the pain of relationships if you look in the mood
for love
one car why you know how they can't they're in love with each other but they
can't yeah they just
can't do it paris texas they can't broke back mountain they do
and they do it good when they do they do it good and they do it hard but they
do it sensual i never
saw the movie really in my mind you never watched it no but i've i've had
dinner with jake before
and i saw in his eyes i've never watched it yeah i didn't watch it either isn't
that weird
you know what it is everybody wants you have to watch it because i you know
what it is i think it's
because maybe i'm like i'll be uncomfortable but i'm i'm into that kind of love
look why don't we
do a bad friends viewing party of broke back we have to do it and invite all of
our fans to come
out to watch it with us yeah yeah we have to watch bro back there's a couple of
things la la land i
can't watch never seen it yeah yeah i mean what movies can't you watch there's
a string of them
like when you said aurora what whatever anora anora anora yeah yeah yeah yeah
you watched it
never saw it oh because of you it's worth a watch yeah yeah and so there's just
certain movies baby
girl i can't watch it i buy it i can't watch it you would because of the social
restriction behind it
you feel like you're not supposed to watch it it's not you lisa gilroy killed
it on black mirror
i didn't see it the first episode she's in black mirror she killed it i'm
watching uh i'm watching a
third season of netflix's uh uh uh autistic love show what's it called love on
the spectrum so dude
i fit it okay i'm going to tell you about that may i tell you about love on
spectrum yeah bro i had
a i cried i'm excited for your episode are you on the third or fourth season i
am no don't that now you
ruin the bit i can't why can't i do that you are autistic yeah i am andrew okay
connor's the best
connor is the king he's the king and also connor come on this show if you're if
you're a fan did you
finish the very final episode i haven't done all of them don't do anything or
can i just say something
at the end of it though no don't i'm not gonna i'm not gonna ruin it for you i
have to say what i
need to say it's gonna if it ruins it i'm gonna be pissed off dude well you're
always pissed off at me
it's my nightly watch it's my favorite thing to watch at night i burned through
it dude i'm saving
it do you know what's so funny you know when you get it you know when you get
something from your
mom when you're a kid and it's sweet and delicious and you're like i want to i
want to savor this
and i take little tiny little tiny bites because i know i want to eat the whole
thing mine was squid
dried squid yeah yeah i want to take the tentacle the dry tentacle and just
suck it through my mouth
well don't you have to do that before they suck they suck into your mouth if
you don't do it
right don't they suction your mouth when you're eating them we have our own
styles you do exactly
i thought the other day at sushi the chef looked exactly like you i'm not even
kidding he looked
exactly like you and i kept looking at him thinking i miss bob yeah i do i
missed you so much while i
was gone so long to the abbey i was thinking about you i mean how does that
feel i don't get it what is
that you're gay i'm gay can i finish my uh can i finish my thing oh abbey the
gay nightclub yeah yeah i
haven't worked there for a year i know but when you did oh wow that was me
upside down so what i'm
going to say something is is that in the last episode of the very last episode
of love on the
spectrum if this ruins it i will fight you that's your problem i'm i'm i'm i'm
setting boundaries
with you right now this is me setting a boundary i don't want to hear it if it's
going to ruin the
season close your eyes and your ears no we're on a show together don't ruin it
don't ruin it for the
listeners i'm not gonna i'm not gonna ruin it i'm gonna say it as lightly as i
can okay
no you listen i'm not i promise listen put your headphones on no are you my
friend not right now
do you have trust with me not with love on the spectrum just you're acting like
them right now
all right and you're mocking them i don't like it the one kid that i put that
puts on headphones and
listens to white noise on the dates one of the funniest things i've ever seen
he's like i'd like
to listen to white noise instead of her it's so great yeah so anyway the last
episode there's a
first time kiss i'm not gonna i'm not gonna tell you who it is and who it's
with
is that better just finish okay there's a first time kiss and his reaction his
or hers reaction to
the kiss right what so um the last episode you know i mean an individual kisses
another individual
and the purity of his reaction or her reaction so annoying dude yeah you're so
annoying i know
let's just say it connor his reaction god you're dead i i know but that's life
yes bruce willis is dead
in that movie you don't even know the movie yes i do dude six cents all right
and if you haven't seen
it by now that's your bad it's been out yeah but love in the spectrum just came
out you're burned
through it no yeah yeah anyway he gets a kiss giuseppe wins one of the seasons
of bake-off
yeah he does right okay so he gets a kiss right and his reaction it's it's so
pure and it's like
let's be honest can we be honest with each other i can hear him in his in my
mind going wow that was
the greatest kiss i've ever had i love him he's so like emotional he went into
convulsions well yeah
you ever got some good pussy before yeah that's not pussy it's a kiss i'll be
shaking it was a closed
mouth kiss and he does this and his last line is i can't feel my legs oh he's a
heart attack he almost
died he has a stroke but what i'm saying is is that there's a purity and you
and i bud we're so jaded
and we've been in the saddle for so long we've lost that innocence of the first
kiss of the first kiss
and then she and then she ghosted me we didn't have that terminology she didn't
shake yeah that's her
she didn't talk to me right monday at school why it was middle school really
she was ashamed that she
kissed me oh right and then two years later i was at a mcdonald's and she was
working there and i laughed
right in her face okay i did well are you working here i did that what was she
working the fry the
the no front desk listen i wouldn't have done that that's like it's a hotel i
don't know what
mcdonald's works but it's like there's a concierge at mcdonald's yeah yeah she
was the host
and i laughed at it party for one yeah that was mean what i just did but that's
the truth
and it's like she ghosted me and i did that and then um i don't know she's
doing some sort of that's
street justice if she ghosted you you get you get a laugh you're allowed one
laugh well it's
like one of those things where it's like because it hurt your feelings there
was a girl in dallas
who um had sex with a lot of comics right and then what happened was years
later russell peters
comes up to me he goes you know so-and-so from the club the girl and i go yeah
i mean she said he
goes i had sex with her i go i did too and she goes she didn't mention you
so i'm embarrassing and this day stops here right now all right i'm a cool guy
no longer not a cool
guy you know what somebody called me the other day zaddy oh that's awesome i'm
a zaddy i have style
what's the z i don't know just zesty zesty dude that's gay zesty means gay but
zesty is kind of
cool in california no but zesty in in young talk is gay i'm an older man right
i'm stylish charming
and self-confident but look at what zesty you're not self-confident what am i
you require other
outside validation for the and inside though i do sometimes all right so that's
what you just said
yes i will cry a lot outside zesty typically means having a lively spirit and
pleasing character
often look at me a lot lively hello it's often context to suggest a person
behaviors as effeminate
or flamboyantly gay oh can you be metrosexual that term is gone now no one uses
that anymore
i'm in casablanca let's do casablanca yeah hello my dude oh you're being real zesty
right now
i'm trying to be real dude frankly you know what i don't give a damn that's not
casablanca no
well i don't ever saw it but that era yeah hello my lady no that's not what do
you sound like you're
trying to sound like a white guy yeah yeah hello more asian yeah more asian be
a smooth asian
hello my lady you hang out in morocco often here's working at you kid could
have never done that okay
here's a rookie got to you kid you'll be suave by the way he's smoking a
cigarette uh squatting down
when she gets when she all right guy of course it's not it's opium yeah yeah
here's a rookie at wait
zoom into that one that's the one zoom in yeah you be you you be 1950s that
praying reeves and you're not
with him you'd regret it maybe not today maybe not tomorrow up dude but soon
and for the rest of your
life why can't we remake these in asian characters so funny okay you're trying
to be zesty dude don't
do it you are you you try to be 1950s i'll be like hello hey kid hello what is
your name why don't you take off
that girdle let me take it for a spin oh that's how easy it is you go direct
wow they were rude
they'd like said whatever they felt back then you don't go like would you like
something who owns
you kid who owns you yeah i'm doing it wrong all right would you like to be in
chains no no too much
too much well you don't chain them up why they just tell them what to do i have
a cage back
into my mansion i've been too far yeah i gotta fight ride the line there by the
way i want this
as a shirt for him and i okay bobby i think this is the beginning of a
beautiful friendship i want
that on a shoe guys for us that's the end of the movie i never saw it you know
now yeah yeah
that's funny that you're such a cinephile the fact that you haven't seen that
blows my mind
yeah i should see it because you're a diehard cinephile in fact someone else
said that to me
they go rosebud i've seen that someone goes what's what's bobby's like uh
secret superpower and i said
his knowledge of cinema is way deeper than almost anybody of our friend circle
knows i don't think
many people know how deep it really goes we joke on the show a little bit but
you really do know a
fuckload about movies more than i think no dude you're i'm nowhere near you you're
so niche you've
got all the niche like laid in really well yeah fancy tries to compete because
of all that film
school nonsense yeah but he had taught that i was street that correct yeah i
went to blockbuster you
were learned yeah yeah you were learned like last tango in paris they edited do
you know that they
edited blockbuster edited mov