Name: Rudy Is Single | Ep 270 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2025-05-19T16:00:14.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Rudy Is Single | Ep 270 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-05-19. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Rudy Is Single | Ep 270 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-05-19. Transcript available.

Rudy Is Single | Ep 270 | Bad Friends

This podcast is powered by Huel.
H-U-E-L.
New customers can use code BADFRIENDS for 15% off plus a free gift.
Yay!
Ciao.
I'm in Italy.
But this week, I will be in Edmonton and Winnipeg, Canada.
Come see me, Edmonton and Winnipeg.
Go to andrewsantino.com.
Mucho beano.
Hello!
Hello, hello.
Hello, mate.
You all right, mate?
I'm all right, mate.
We're going to be coming to London and Dublin July 18th and 19th.
These are the only two shows we're doing in 2025 together.
International boys, we're done.
If you're living in Scotland, go to London.
If you're living somewhere else, go to England.
Right, it's easy.
If you're living in Scotland, go to England.
And if you're living in Norway, please fly to Dublin.
Yeah, yeah, or Poland.
And Poland.
If you're living in Poland, you probably got to come to our Polish show.
We're doing one Polish sausage show.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We're not.
July 18th and 19th, London and Dublin.
Go to badfriendspod.com.
Badfriendspod.com.
You two are bad friends.
Who are these two idiots?
A white dude and an Asian dude.
You two are disgusting.
Who are you two or something?
We're bad friends.
Ladies and gentlemen, she returns.
She has risen.
It's Rudy Jules.
She's been away from the show for too long.
She's been doing a lot of tiger belly, a lot of bellied tiger, a lot of trash
Tuesday.
I have an intro that I would prepare.
Oh, sorry about that.
Can I?
Yeah, please.
It's going to take a couple of minutes.
Yeah, do it.
Hello, my weary travelers.
My boat crashed along a seashore and I ran into a fair, the Renaissance fair,
and I saw many things.
Chalices being made, chain mails, and I also saw one school shooter.
I saw a man walking a pickle.
Wow.
Yes.
And I have found my people.
And I have some gifts for you all, if I may.
If I may?
Did you really?
Yes.
Honestly?
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do.
Will you play the bird again?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's beautiful.
For Jules.
I'm not kidding.
I love that thing.
Yeah, Jules.
I bought you a...
It's a wand?
It's a wand.
Yeah, that's what they call it.
Do, do, do, do, do.
Come grab it.
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do.
Play the bird.
Play the bird.
Play the bird, bud.
Okay, sorry.
There's no enough water.
I've got to put some more water in it.
Very good.
Okay, very good.
Yeah, put some more water in it.
Whoa.
Needs water.
Oh, king.
What is that?
My king, I got you Voldemort's wand.
Got a breath.
Oh.
Blow the bird.
Okay.
Thank you.
Hear it?
Thank you.
And then.
And then.
Dude.
For my friend, Karloff.
Oh.
Come, please.
Blow the bird.
Blow the bird.
Oh, again?
Here's a one for you, my friend.
Wow.
Here you go.
All right?
Much, much.
Do not jam it in your ass.
Yeah.
Happy birthday, Karloff.
Stop it.
And then.
McCowan, please come.
Do, do, do.
Oh, do, do, do, do, do.
I gave you a black bird charmer.
Here you go, my friend.
Cool.
Andreas, Andreas, Andreas.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
What do you say, you idiot?
Yeah, yeah, you bow or something.
Bow. Andreas.
Bow.
Come here, I have a gift for you too.
I have a gift for you too, Andreas.
This is a big one.
Right, this is a ceramic penis.
Bibbidi-bobbidi-boosh.
Yeah, yeah.
Booty-boop-boop.
And that is it.
I had a joyous day.
Bob.
Yeah, thank you so much.
And then you just got drunk all day, huh?
Yeah.
Yeah?
Smash.
Yeah, how'd you get here?
Uber.
Oh, good.
Uber.
Uber, my friend.
Uber.
Can I tell you something?
Yeah, I love it.
This means more than I think you know to me.
Why is it?
Why is it?
Well, because you don't buy me stuff.
Yeah.
This is special.
That was one of the most expensive ones there.
How much?
$50.
Really?
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, so we saw on Instagram,
Bobby went to the Renaissance Fair.
First time ever.
Yes.
First time, last time.
First time, first time.
I'm going next Sunday.
You are?
Yeah, and Jules is going to come.
Are you really going?
Yeah.
You excited?
I want to go.
Are there elves?
Oh my God, there's elves.
There's orcs.
There's everything that you can desire.
Well, explain to us how much fun you have.
It looks really cool.
What?
Shut up, fancy.
Shut up.
Honestly, shut up.
That was me.
Phony.
At the fair today.
You're at the fair with your friend, Brittany.
Yes.
And so I'm proud that you dressed up.
Well, you can rent.
See, that's where I made the mistake.
You rented?
I came like this.
Yeah.
And then I went to the store and I rented that vest.
It's a good looking vest.
And I was just jamming out here in front of this.
Yeah, it was.
I'm telling you, dude.
That was what a song.
You loved it.
I saw jousting.
I saw a couple of plays.
Wow.
Yeah, yeah.
It was a very enjoyable thing.
So you'll go back?
I'm going to go back next Sunday.
Yeah, with Jules and Dumbfounded and Gene and also Andrea Jin.
Look at that.
You look good.
And we're going to dress as, and I'm going to get you to dress as peasants, but
Asian peasants.
So my fantasy is this.
Wait, that's not Asian peasants, whatever you did before?
No, that wasn't Asian peasants.
Who was that?
Who was that woman?
That's Brittany, the girl I was with.
Carlos, stop creeping.
Yeah, stop creeping.
Carlos, stop creeping, dude.
Don't, don't, don't, don't.
Okay.
No, I'm going to dress.
All the birds.
Okay, okay.
Okay.
You want to communicate?
Yeah, yeah, okay.
Dude.
Okay.
That's a connection, dude.
I heard, yeah.
We'll always experience for the rest of our lives.
So what I'm going to say to you is that we're dressed as, you know what I mean,
Japanese rice farmers from the 17th century.
And our little canoe got lost.
And we ended up in the shores of this English countryside.
Yeah.
And we end up at Renaissance Fair.
We'll have samurai swords.
And I'm going to wear the little rice paddy hats.
And we're going to get you like a dress.
You know what I mean?
Okay.
Okay.
Well, unless you want to, well, unless you want to dress, how would you like to
dress?
Like the elves.
Okay.
You kind of dress like an elf right now.
But the Philippines, the Philippines don't have, well, elves, I mean.
Yeah, we do.
Yeah, little elf.
Yeah, those are called crickets.
Those are Filipino crickets, dude.
They're not elves.
What does this say in your sweater?
Oh, is that a Filipino cricket or elf?
Piglet.
Piglet.
That's a piglet?
What's been going on with you, Jules?
Do you always get drunk on Easter?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
For Jesus.
Yeah?
Nice try, Jules.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, dude.
This is the Andrew I like.
We got you, Jules.
So did you go egg hunting?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, you did.
Something like that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What was in those little eggs, huh?
A little bit of money.
Really?
Chocolate.
Yeah, you and your buddies, huh?
Charlie Day, Jason Bateman.
Why do you bring these names that aren't relevant at all?
Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do.
Yeah, dude.
Hollywood.
So who did I go egg-hunging with?
I have no idea.
Your fancy friends.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Allison Janney.
Yeah, of course.
Bradley Whitford.
The whole cast of West Wing.
Bradley Cooper.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bradley Cooper.
No, Bradley Whitford.
And Jon Hamm.
Jon Hamm and I had lunch today.
Are you being real?
No, fuckhead.
Do you know Jon?
No.
Oh, I met him once.
You do.
Yeah, one time I met him.
Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do.
Time out.
Yeah.
Let's be honest.
Yeah, yeah.
Are you still mad at Carlos or no?
Because I feel like there was a lot of tension from last week.
Yeah, but you know-
Is it still there?
I'm a forgiving man and I bought him-
You really are.
It was really hard to buy him a wand.
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, I pondered over it for like an hour looking at it.
Be honest.
Yeah, two hours.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I went, you know what?
He deserves a wand.
He does.
Yes.
That's Bob.
So, you know, when Voldemort or the Jews attack-
Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do.
Yeah.
Good boy.
Maybe I regret getting that from McCown, but-
Yeah, he's going hog wild with it, but it is a beautiful thing.
If you ever- Would you ever go?
No.
No.
You should go with us.
Shut up.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Why wouldn't you go though?
It's so-
I laughed the whole time.
Okay, how about this?
Yeah.
Will you come to an NBA game?
Yeah.
No, you won't.
I will.
You won't.
If you get me tickets-
Would you come to a Dodger game?
Will you sit in a Dodger game?
I'll go with you.
No, you won't.
Yes, if you-
You know you won't.
I've offered you before.
I'll sign a contract going-
I will go if you go to a run on San's Fair.
Carlos, can I get some help?
For real.
I've offered you to come to-
You don't want to come-
You've never offered me.
Have you ever heard him-
That's not true.
Have you ever heard him offer me?
Yes.
Thank you, Andreas.
Yes.
No, he has for the Lakers, actually.
Yes, I have.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You won't go to a Laker game.
I love it.
If I'm sitting next to fucking Jack Nicholson, I'll do it.
He's dead.
No, but seriously, you won't come to an NBA game.
I will go.
That's what it is.
That's an NBA game.
Look at the women.
That's your NBA.
Yeah.
But I laughed so hard.
Like, you know, there was a play-
Hi, I can't get into it.
Do it.
I'm getting in trouble.
No, come on.
Please.
Well, years ago, I was on a game show.
And it was with Rob Gronkowski in that game show called Game On.
Oh, yeah.
Right?
And it was like-
It was terrible.
It was terrible.
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do.
Anyway.
Bad TV.
So I did a joke.
Happy Easter.
The producers came up to me and they go, we have to cut that out.
I go, why?
What did you say?
He goes, it was racist.
What did you say?
I said, there was a thing about Renaissance fairs.
And what's one thing about the Renaissance fair?
And I go, there's no black people.
And then they came up to me and go, cut.
You can't say that.
Literal fact.
When I went there, I saw three.
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do.
Wait a minute.
Yeah, but those, but these three though, special kind.
You know what I mean?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, wait, wait.
Look who we see.
On the fourth picture in, look who we see.
My boy.
My dog.
Yes, my dog, dude.
James.
Did you finish it?
Yes.
Yes.
Stop.
Stop.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's a fire bothering you.
Dude, I love him.
Stop.
You can't do that.
I just did it.
I know, but you can't do it.
It was great.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
I'll do it.
It's a fire bothering you.
Mom.
Dad.
This guy is so fucking James.
Dude, he's the biggest dick.
What?
He's the coolest guy in the show.
I mean, the coolest guy.
I'm the coolest guy.
I'm so sorry.
James.
I just imagined.
James is the man.
But is he better than Connor?
Connor and James are head to head.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
For me, they're head to head.
Yeah, now.
Here's Connor.
Ready?
Yeah.
She's coming over.
Dude, I love that he pauses words.
Did you see the last episode?
Shh.
Did you?
Yeah.
Were you mad at me?
No, because it was still hot.
What a beautiful.
You know what?
Hot makeup.
Now we can talk about it.
No, you can.
Well, for the fans, it's too late now.
You had to watch.
But I.
Georgie.
When I kiss somebody, I want to be like them.
Yeah.
Where it's like.
They want you to be like them.
The magic.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
The magic.
The spark.
You know?
And that's what I'm waiting for.
Well, Abby has been making up.
Do you remember we ran into Abby at the airport?
Remember this?
Dude, that was so funny.
We were going to Boston.
Where were we going?
Boston?
We were going somewhere and the Abby and his.
Do you guys remember this?
Who was with us?
No, Abby and her mom was there.
Yeah.
And then, I don't know.
I think I started the conversation with them first.
There she is.
There's Abby.
And she was so sweet.
What?
Wood.
Wood?
Wood.
I would.
Abby.
Carlos.
Carlos.
I did.
I really got it.
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do.
By the way, when he says something perverse, he always go.
Do, do, do, do, do.
Yeah.
It's really low.
Yeah.
Uh, she's the shit.
Carlos, shut up.
Carlos.
Shut up.
What would you do first, Carlos?
Shut up.
Put on a Disney Plus.
That's good.
Smart.
That's good.
Smart.
Right?
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do.
Disney Plus.
You know what I'd do?
Get her some dolphin s