Name: Life & Fettuccini | Ep 271 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2025-05-26T07:00:30.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Life & Fettuccini | Ep 271 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-05-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Life & Fettuccini | Ep 271 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-05-26. Transcript available.

Life & Fettuccini | Ep 271 | Bad Friends

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You two are bad friends.
Who are these two idiots?
A white dude and an Asian dude.
You two are disgusting.
You two are something.
We're bad friends.
Where's McCone?
He's not here.
Where's McCone?
Anyway.
Look at you.
Dumbfounded.
Yeah, dumbfounded.
Andrea Jin.
Andrea Jin.
And none only than our lovable, beloved Gene Hong.
Gene Hong.
Wow.
Wow.
And look at, we did Korean hangbok.
That's called hangbok?
That's the clothing.
And we were a hit at the Renaissance Fair.
You guys were a big hit.
I mean, they were like, people would bow to us.
Wow.
I made everyone do accents.
Really?
Yeah, yeah.
A boat crash.
And we don't know where we are.
Well, what is this family story as we look at this photo?
Can you describe to me the family history and the story?
Well, okay.
So my daughter, she's blind.
Oh, boy, girl.
Yeah, she's blind and deaf.
Wow.
Yeah, and she has no idea what's going on.
Right?
The other one is-
You look wealthy, by the way.
Yeah, we're very wealthy.
Yeah.
So then Dumbfounded plays a man who has many murders in Korea.
And he looks that way.
He looks tired from all the murders.
Yeah, he murdered so many people.
Japanese, Chinese, and Koreans.
Wow.
But mostly North Koreans.
Wow.
And I keep going, don't go to the North.
Don't go.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And he will.
Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do.
And Gene is my, well, they think he's my assistant, but there's some, you know
what I mean, other privileges I get.
You get to have sex with him?
That's not what I said.
Well, that's what you said.
In ancient Korean tradition, we don't talk about stuff like that.
But yeah, sex.
Yeah.
So I got you a new wand.
Here's a new wand.
Here you go, dude.
It's a new elven wand that they have.
Oh, look.
Yeah, yeah.
Look at this.
It's a butt plug.
Yeah, yeah.
You stick your butthole right in there.
Wow.
Yeah.
Come here, Carlos.
You have a standard, just a wand.
Still does magic.
Yeah, but barely.
It makes dicks get hard.
Oh, that's nice.
Are these handmade?
Yes.
Wow.
Yeah, by incel.
In the Midwest.
Anyway, here you go.
I get a wand.
You get a wand this time.
Yeah, yeah.
I get a wand.
You get a wand.
This time.
You get a Spanish wand.
Wow, I actually like that a lot.
Yeah, yeah.
That one's very pretty.
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do.
Here's a Spanish one.
Give it to me.
Let me see it.
And this one will be mine.
And I'm going to say something to you.
I have a wand.
Here.
Okay, so let's play a little dark magic.
I learned about dark magic.
Yeah.
And today, ladies and gentlemen, when you're listening, all right, today's dark
magic is about revenge.
Today's dark magic is about betrayal.
And we have to use our wands to destroy these evil people.
Look at me right there.
Now, you're doing a seance.
Does that hat fit?
No.
Is that, I don't know if it's supposed to look like that.
It's supposed to look like that.
It is.
Yeah, yeah.
And it was so uncomfortable.
You have to constantly balance it.
Can I see the girl who's seancing you?
There she is.
That's my Aunt Barb.
That is.
Barb was great.
She is.
I had no idea what she was talking about.
It was great.
Now, do they speak in tongues and languages?
And how do they do this?
Yeah, yeah, that.
Italian.
It's kind of Italian.
It's kind of Italian.
Yeah, yeah.
So, here's the dark.
So.
Wait, here's the funniest thing.
Yeah.
Go back to that photo to the right.
Yeah.
And I apologize for fans at home.
I've lost my voice a little bit.
Go out.
Go to the other photo.
To the far right.
Yeah.
Now, zoom in.
The best part is you guys are dolled up.
Yeah.
Head to almost toe.
Now, zoom down to the feet.
It's just sneakers.
Yeah, yeah.
It's just like the outfits are amazing.
Yeah.
And then he's wearing Hoka running shoes.
Because when we went to the store, there were clogs.
And there's no way.
You're not rocking clogs all day.
Yeah, we're not going to go rock clogs.
It's insane.
Yeah, yeah.
So, I'm going to do my golden goose.
They had golden gooses back then.
Did they really?
Yeah.
So, back to the dark magic.
Okay.
So, I don't know if you all know that I did a short film called Death and Ramen.
Right?
Boo.
No.
Yay.
For that short film.
Right.
Okay.
It was good.
So, I'll tell you something.
So, I'm at the Renaissance Fair, right?
Do, do, do.
Right?
Do, do, do.
Andrea Jin goes, because she's dating a writer.
Ooh.
Right?
So, then he was offered something.
Or a production company asked him for a production coordinator for something.
And he goes, for what?
He goes, Death and Ramen, the movie.
So, I got all excited.
I'm like, I called my agents and I go, hey.
Oi, hi, Bobby.
How are you?
Yeah, yeah.
Hi, Juey Liebowitz.
Yes.
Great to talk to you today.
You're the best agent in the world.
I'm number one.
Juey Liebowitz.
Yeah.
Hold my call, Shireen.
I'm on the phone with my number one client.
Juey, Juey, all right?
So, I'm not.
Okay.
So, Juey, did I get the movie?
Yes, you got a movie.
Yes.
Got a movie.
Death and Ramen.
No.
Yeah.
So, they.
You got Life and Fettuccine.
He got the.
Life and Fettuccine.
We booked you Life and Fettuccine.
You're gonna love it.
But that's not the short I did.
It's not short at all.
It's a seven hour movie.
Yeah, really?
Yes.
Oh, I heard.
They got, Death and Ramen got Sebastian Maniscalco.
So, I get the Life and Fettuccine.
You got Life and Fettuccine.
Yeah.
And he got.
He got Death and Ramen.
Can we switch?
Unfortunately, not.
Yeah, yeah.
Unfortunately, not.
He's better for the role.
He's better for the role.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He wasn't the guy that was cast, by the way.
You're booking me in Life and Fettuccine?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, I called my agent.
He goes, no, they recast you.
No way.
And I go, why?
And what do they say when you don't get something?
We went a different direction.
I fucking hate that.
It bothers me so much.
Yeah.
What does that even fucking mean?
It means no.
It means they hate you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wait, so who got the role?
I don't know.
But, okay, I didn't even get a call.
And then when my agents called them, they said, yeah, we're going in a
different direction.
Wow.
Right?
And so, you know, it ruined my renaissance fear.
Of course.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Go back to the tarot reading.
You can tell in that photo.
Yeah, yeah, in that photo, right?
You just look at that photo and tell me, this isn't right after you got the
phone call.
Yeah.
Look at that face.
My question to her was.
Who got cast in Death and Ramen?
Did I really not get Death and Ramen?
Right.
And every card was a death card.
Right, right.
And some guy being hung or slain.
You know what I mean?
Wow.
So, everybody, I normally don't do this, but I think it's war.
I think it is.
I think it is.
And I would do the same for you.
And I got to tell you, you do normally do this.
What?
This is par for the course.
You do do this.
Yeah, but not war.
Look, you only fight when somebody tries to fight you.
Right.
So, anyway.
Zoom into that photo in the background.
Go ahead.
And just in the, no, no, no, the people.
Yeah.
All the people over there.
On the side.
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do.
Are you making fun of my brethren and my sisterhood?
Your breaths?
No.
Yeah.
I got to tell you, dude, I'm fascinated with this world.
The fact that they get to escape like this.
We don't get to do, I don't get to do this.
Saturday, Lisa Gilroy went.
I saw that.
Yeah.
Why don't you go?
I'm not interested in being.
I know, but we, we talked about you.
I would go with you, but I mean.
You would laugh so hard.
I would go with you, but where do you get the outfits?
Do I have to buy it?
No.
I spent a couple grand on those.
Yeah.
I don't want to do that.
That's, that's.
Yeah, but that's life.
I'm going to use it again.
When?
What?
When I developed my time machine.
And I actually go to, you know what I mean, 16th century Korea.
Where do they buy these clothes?
Do they make.
We went to Koreatown and we went to a hongbok place.
What's hongbok?
Hongbok.
Hongbok.
It's the type of clothing.
And then I rented all those.
The irony is you're not all Korean.
I know.
We have one.
Andrea's Chinese.
She's Chinese, I know.
And she asked, can I wear a Chinese one?
We said, no.
How dare you?
Yeah, yeah.
You're doing Korean.
How dare you?
Yeah.
But look at, I'm dumb.
He looks dumb.
Yeah.
He does look dumb.
And also.
I love dumbfounded.
Let's talk about dumbfounded for a second.
Sure.
If I may, right?
You guys are all wearing mics.
You filmed this.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We're wearing mics.
What did you shoot this for?
Patreon or something?
No, just for pleasure.
For experiences.
Love it.
So, dumb.
We're going through.
Every Asian girl that's there, he had sex with.
Really?
Yeah, yeah.
He's so good.
You mean that wench over there?
Yeah.
Yeah, I used to fuck that wench.
Yeah, yeah.
See that woman stewing over a double,
double toil and trouble over there?
Yeah.
Making a bubbly stew?
Yeah.
Pumped her.
Yeah.
The food's not great.
Really?
Yeah.
Zoom in in the background again?
Yeah, yeah.
What are you going to say, dude?
I'll say this.
Yeah.
This is proof.
Yeah.
This is proof that everyone is going to find someone
that has their weird, fun interest.
This is proof.
Yeah.
Look at all these people, by the way.
That guy with the cool hat and the glasses on the hat.
Yeah.
He's fucking...
That's his chick, dude.
That's his maiden or his whatever they call him.
Yeah, yeah.
They all got a chick.
And yet I'm alone.
I know.
That's what's sad about this place.
That's what bothers me.
Well, I see the hottest chicks.
But you should have just gone and walked around you and dumb
if you wanted to get a chick.
Because then you brought a lot...
Look at Gene's fucking face.
Like, where are we?
Yeah.
I want to go home.
I want to write again.
Yeah, yeah.
Bringing me back to my computer.
That's not a happy face.
He's such a computer boy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He looks like a computer...
Dude, that face is like he caught his wife cheating.
Again?
Again?
Why him again?
Look at my face, though.
What am I doing?
You're going, yeah, fucker.
No.
What's that face?
Why the fuck didn't they cast me in Death and Ramen?
That's what it is.
You're thinking about it.
That's the face.
Right.
So what is that?
Pericard, really?
There's spells we can put on Death and Ramen's feature.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
We'll have to do that for sure.
Okay.
Is it my Wicked Revenge spell?
It's a formidable spell.
It's powerful and long-lasting.
Well, you want to do one now?
Yeah, but it's $29.95.
Oh, fuck.
I don't know.
Give me a cheaper spell.
Yeah, yeah.
Give me a cheaper one.
Yeah, yeah.
I don't want a $30 spell.
Rival be gone.
That's it.
That's it.
Rival be gone.
Please be cheaper.
How much?
Oh, $30.
Jesus Christ.
I'll give you the $30.
Okay.
Can we do it?
Yeah, I'll, yeah.
Yeah, I mean, I just feel like $30.
Where did they get off charging this?
No, I got $30.
Can you imagine if they ask for a tip?
Yeah, yeah.
Give him $50.
Give him $50.
$30 for a spell.
Work on the spell.
We'll talk about other things, but work on the spell.
But you know, we're going to need things.
You didn't know his birthday?
Yeah.
Why did you Google my birthday?
Because I thought it was in October, but it's in September.
Well, you seriously don't know his birthday?
And he knows your birthday?
It's on my Google calendar.
It's so I don't ever forget.
We're putting a spell on you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, no, no.
You're getting spellbound.
No, you're going to get spellbound.
Let me see.
What spell could we cast on him?
Who?
Who are we doing?
Carlos.
No, no.
Spell would be negative.
But like everything I think of.
I'll do one.
Dimitri Martin.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Sick him on him.
Whoa.
I can feel Dimitri in me.
Yeah, yeah.
How about this?
Yeah.
Ooh.
That's not one.
Ooh's not one.
Ooh, hold on.
I'm conjuring it.
There's a word.
Dude.
Carlos.
No, that's not a word.
That's not it.
You ever seen Harry Potter?
Carlos.
Oventus Magico or whatever.
You're going to do something like that.
Yes, that's it.
That's it.
You will forever b