Name: A Penguin, A Nun, and an Ostrich w/ Shia Labeouf and David Mamet | Ep 272 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2025-06-02T16:00:07.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'A Penguin, A Nun, and an Ostrich w/ Shia Labeouf and David Mamet | Ep 272 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-06-02. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'A Penguin, A Nun, and an Ostrich w/ Shia Labeouf and David Mamet | Ep 272 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-06-02. Transcript available.

A Penguin, A Nun, and an Ostrich w/ Shia Labeouf and David Mamet | Ep 272 | Bad Friends

you two are bad friends who are these two idiots white dude and an asian dude
you two are disgusting
you two are something we're bad friends you know it's really not good people
come on these things
and don't wear the cans because they're because um whatever reason yeah some
people don't like
them yeah but david mammon's wearing cans so you like the way they feel yeah
when david mammon wears
cans we wear cans everybody has to wear cans whatever david mammon do we do do
you want to
wear your cans i i might be better without him because i'm definitely none of
us this show's
gonna be crazy if anybody cannot wear cans yeah yeah it's dave mammon yeah
exactly you want to take
yours off now no okay it's a regular guy we're just a normal he's a normal guy
like us just a regular
guy nope dave mammon let's see him the fuck have you been i miss you never call
you never because i
don't want to mess it up yeah we got a good thing going you know when you when
you got a good
relationship with somebody who you really respect and then you never want to
talk to him oh i was
yes except for the respect part a good relationship yeah i want to fucking talk
to him i understand we
talk only when we need to talk yeah we're like a really smooth married couple
if you fight about
the kids you got to fight about the kids he's never around yeah yeah i just
take care of him yeah he's
never around well we adopted david yeah yeah we're one dwarf one little tiny
little black dwarf kid yeah
yeah yeah yeah we got it we got lucky with that's winning the lottery right it
really was yeah yeah yeah and
he's hard to see he's so small he's so tiny yeah who are you talking about our
adopted child our
adopted child ladies and gentlemen of bad friends fans yeah it is an honor a
privilege uh an incredible
moment in our time with this show we have two uh unbelievably well respected
please remember
accomplished please remember their names please remember shia labeouf yeah and
david mammon hey
hey what a duo what a duo yeah yeah abbott and costello we'd rather not have
that that is nothing like
this it's so not close to what this is he does this a lot he doesn't know what
happened to garfunkel
nobody gives a shit is he alive is he alive he's alive dave i don't know is he
really alive is garfunkel
still alive and that's how dark and mean this is and you know what happens on
this show we shouldn't
say anybody's name we talk about people on this show and within how long six
months they die yeah yeah
so we did we did that to the pope people think jd vance killed him no no no we
did yeah yeah oh yeah
no but i'm not kidding we literally just talked about the pope we were just
just talking about him
nothing negative and then boom he dies so all of our fans are like please don't
talk about people
anymore can i may i read it for for the room yeah can you read it yes argon falco
is alive he was born
on november 5th 1941 is this incredible that you're david mammon such an
incredible writer
i'm a terrible reader a pulitzer prize winner yeah you can't even read four
words without anything
complex inside of it yeah well give me a complex word i can say it right yeah
but that's his genius
give him a i'm a genius right i know you yeah i know you i've given you so many
compliments if i
give you another one today it'd be uncomfortable yeah please don't i gotta do
it it's the best t-shirt
i've seen in 85 years oh with a t-shirt oh really where'd you get the t it's
magnificent well there
was a a not dwarf but he's a small man dean delray we know a small man who
collects um t-shirts and i was
over at a house and he goes you want this for 50 and i go yeah do you have you
gone to a vintage fair
lately fifty dollars yeah is that too much too much no man no no no yeah if you
go to a vintage fair
now he's big on the fashion though he spends on dollars yeah yeah yeah but this
is a remake david
this is an original this is like a print that's a lithograph i love exile main
street i love let it
bleed i like the band yeah yeah that goes it's called made worn yeah so he goes
to these there's
a company called made worn they do this it's like fake retro shirts it's not
great you know i knew
when you were gonna come on you're gonna do that you see those shoes bobby
those are actually worn
those are earned that's earned worn well these aren't earned these aren't
earned and these are called
golden goose and they come no bobby he likes pre-worn bullshit he loves i
understand it though
yeah i get it well you explain it to me shia well if you understand it i know
you very well bobby i
feel like i grew up with you in a weird way you did yeah in a weird way well i
met your dad first
well the i met him so radford hall used to do these big uh comedy things like
where they bring in all
the comics over can we talk about yeah sobriety yeah so i met him in a recovery
basically we're in a
big radford hall uh i remember okay you're with a hottie i was let him finish
my father and uh
and and bobby was like the headliner for three years in a row and i remember
the first year at
radford hall i really wasn't looking forward to it and then bobby got up about
two minutes in his
dick came out and all the drunks in the hall loved him and it's been like that
for three years and then
i think i think on the third year i remember i remember went up to bobby and i
i tried to talk to
him you were very busy and you had a beautiful woman with you but i remember
telling you you're my favorite
comic and then i said it to you three or four times from then on i saw you elijah's
thing
yeah yeah yeah that was really nice for you to show up to that you took your
dick out in front of
all these people yeah yeah but it was that kind of party it was that kind of
party you've never done
anything like that before that's like a big that's a new well this was this was
this is 2004 or something
like that 2004 dog oh let me tell you something he's still doing that bit
he's still using that fucking bit david i have to say to you um any male nudity
in any of your films
david any male that's a very good question i don't know uh i don't think so i
mean yeah do i like
like like like you look at attractive people bringing each other up yes yeah
but on the other
hand it's a cheap way to get out of a scene that you don't know how to fix the
ride yeah that's right
i think if you're well endowed you can't do male nudity i think it's only good
if you're
three inches and under and then you can get away with it that's what i say to
him all the time the
only reason he gets away when we do live shows it's brave because then it's
brave well then it's
brave you look at bobby do that and you go that man is so brave to do that yeah
i think i think
you're i think you're close i think if your penis is too big and you show your
penis on a live show
it's rude yeah it's rude i think if your penis is too small yeah it's fun yes
but if you have a
regular penis that's brave am i regular am i regular you are you're a regular
oh my god he is right
my dad used to say i was small the whole time well your father was an alcoholic
my dad beat you with
golf clubs so what does he know my dad did guys am i in a time war sorry sorry
sorry when i was a kid
i started doing this they'd say what do you think about mark twain and we're
talking about your dick
that's my fault i'm sorry so i brought it up yeah what do you what do you think
things change right
what do you think about mark twain i love him yeah what about mark twain's floppy
kisser did you know
that no mark twain yeah did you know him a sloppy kid no a little bit before my
time he met general
grant and general grant said the motherfucker stuck his tongue he stuck his
tongue down my throat
that's what he said about mark twain made out with grant what yeah wow wow he
said he was a
shit kisser yeah that's right great writer shit kisser wow yeah that's
incredible is that a thing
from a kiss hello is a kiss hello is polite you have to receive it what if you
don't what if you're
not in the mood for a kiss hello exactly so you got to turn your head but that's
always don't you find
that that's always uh you feel like it's a put down you're going to say oh i
guess it's the thing
we kiss this person in the lip and they turn their head a little bit right you
want to die right
well the other day i was i was i went on the date with five five times this
girl remember the hot
supermodel and the fifth time i went in to have a kiss and she turned her head
shot oh guys oh my
god is this the girl that i met at the movie theater no no no somebody knew he's
got a new he's
amazing it's a it's a rotate it's like what do you mean shia you don't you're
never was never
like that you're in a relationship yeah yeah yeah oh you're married yeah you
never never like that
though it's bingo balls for him it's like the rotating and he just pulls a new
one and then
it's amazing you never you weren't like that either what you're a bit like me
you're a little
bit prude like right it's like one girl for a long time and you know you're not
dating five six women
define a long time a long time years and years yeah well yeah i've been married
to the same wonderful
broad for 35 but even in your young life in your young life in your young life
you weren't doing this
five to six different were you a cox when you were young i feel like you were
it was the 60s okay
that's an easy answer william h macy my great friend we grew up together used
to say in the 60s
you were terrified that somewhere there was some woman you hadn't had intercourse
with
wow wow different time yeah i'm afraid if i was in that time that i'd still be
like
not doing nothing would change yeah yeah yeah it's probably harder to get laid
oh that's probably a
little korean boy i'd be the first incel yeah yeah yeah and they go watch out
for that guy talking
shit on a new reddit yeah knock no what are you talking about yoko ono was it
come on every there
was a whole thing going everybody was like i gotta give me one of those asian
women were fetishized
back for sure yeah but not asian men not asian men we were this is a new this
maybe you're right
yeah yeah we were like oh yes all right you're right yeah that guy you're right
this is new what's
going on for you now it's heavy you're at the cutting edge of this new thing
going on what's the new
thing well he's got five six different beautiful women a week he dates no no no
chaya you just said that i know
dates dates is dates not sex not okay you mean just like like a corned beef
sandwich
let me think about that he loves corn i love it i don't know how you got that
but um yeah it's just
like that got it yeah yeah yeah well because i figure where you hang out you
probably hang out at
the places where you're very famous yeah yeah he's the type to go to the corned
beef sandwich spot next
so they can't stand up club so he can get that social currency of the hey bobby
good to see you
again want a corned beef shaya yeah yeah shaya it's so good to have you here i'm
pretty dead on here
you're on fire he pretends that it's not the case but you see the idiots in the
booth nodding this is
100 him okay he will position himself specifically in places where he knows he
will be recognized and he
knows he will be uh uh fawned over yes he loves it i want to say something
because i tried you guys
haven't interrupted me before but if i may get this information yeah go ahead
if i may my brother and i
ask you something real fast what's that go ahead go ahead sorry about that you're
really gonna make me
mad today i'm stuttering all right i got some muscles on it yeah dude go ahead
he's on ozempic
so he's on this kick now yeah you do look dinner he does yeah stand up and show
him do the thing all
right take to lift up the shirt he's got he lost a bunch of weight yeah oh real
good yeah real good
looking good good okay looking good yeah you didn't need to rub i didn't that's
one of my powers
talk about your brother no but my brother's fa