Name: We Are Suing Tom Segura | Ep 273 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2025-06-09T16:00:05.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'We Are Suing Tom Segura | Ep 273 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-06-09. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'We Are Suing Tom Segura | Ep 273 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-06-09. Transcript available.

We Are Suing Tom Segura | Ep 273 | Bad Friends

you two are bad friends who are these two idiots white dude and an asian dude
you two are disgusting
you two are something we're bad friends yeah what are you doing with the drink
give it to the king
god give the king his drink dude give the hey hey hey hey get him a side table
to put that on
oh so hey before you do that before you do that clear off that table bow bow to
tom take it all
off bow to tom bow to him bow to tom first bow to him say my leash i am my
leash say i am so proud to
have met you in person my leash it's just from my homeland sucky sucky sucky
sucky okay now go wait
wait wait wait wait wait wait let him put drinks on your back until carlos can
clear off the table
yeah use him as a table yeah good boy i don't hear anything no god damn it man
i think he might have
oh there we go yeah you just had yeah yeah did you just did you do that we can
bring it down a little
okay i was on the way it's pretty hot okay you can bring it down a little sorry
sir thank you i was
like i got your death yeah what wow whoa wait what what i just got it i'm
trying to insult our guest
fancy spaniard yeah dude number one we're family yeah that's number one number
two he's the king
number two number three right number three andrew's what kind of death watch
your tone bud bro you
want to get shipped back you want ice you want me to you want me to send ice i
have a passport now
wow i'll bring fire dude oh wait how long it is funny he is a citizen that
sounds like he just got
did you just get the passport yeah two years ago oh okay okay i it sounded like
it sounded like it
arrived last week no no he did he took a citizenship test and he's an american
citizen we're proud of
him yeah way to go man so let's say i'm not you what say tom let's introduce
our guest ladies and
gentlemen our guest today is one of the most powerful poignant it's too much it's
a lot it's tom segura
take out poignant poignant and powerful he is powerful and poignant okay and he
has a show out
right now on netflix called bad thoughts which we are going to sue for as a bad
friends company man
it's right there right it's are there other words you could use yeah then bad
there were awful 300
awful thoughts it could have been yeah atrocious thoughts yep yeah alliteration
would have been good
like tyrannical uh terrible terrible thoughts a little wrecks well thought tyrannosaurus
rex yeah
synonyms for bad you could have used yeah zoom in zoom in uh substandard
unacceptable would have
been good unacceptable thoughts second rate oh yeah dreadful yeah dreadful not
up to par thoughts unlucky
grim thoughts have you thought about what you're going to name your special no
i haven't tom it's one
of the worst times you can have i know i can't think of it i just did mine
i know you i know you're your titles yeah but i know your title's great there's
this thing too when
you uh when you're naming and they pointed us out to me because we were
submitting just dozens of
them yeah uh every title sounds fake until it's like official right when you're
throwing them around
you're like that sounds like a made-up that doesn't sound real well chat gbt
says bobby's
comedy special should be called tiger dad unfiltered kimchi the slept king pork
chop samurai undiagnosed
uh that's the only one trauma llama is so good i feel like if if you do go with
still bobby you got
to do one of these poses how about this still bobby still bobby yeah no does
your title i was thinking
about this because you guys are the pros correct and you guys are better than
me that's right yeah
yeah keep going yeah what as people you mean people draw that are comedians as
people as comics as friends
as uh as uh actors as writers as performers yeah everything really yeah you
know take it away okay
now go yeah this is so good anyway um what i was gonna say does your title have
anything to do with your
jokes or your theme or can it just be random it can be anything all right well
why can't i just do the
slept king you can yeah yeah drama llama is more fun yeah but i don't have
jokes about llamas yeah i
certainly think you could write one let's do one right now go ahead what did
the llama say to his twin
brother llama what did he say you can open you know because you're pretty good
right yeah that's dead
on what go ahead well the opener is your table setter for the hour so that's a
good way to start
the hour let people know what kind of show they're gonna really sure yeah well
listen you're my you're
a better friend than me right and you're a better actor and all that's correct
he said right but
what i'm saying to you is that are you being real right now yeah you think that
joke i just wrote
should be my opening joke for the special yeah yeah yeah yeah i mean you might
maybe workshop it a
little um do thank you ladies and gentlemen thanks for coming man my first
special
san diego hey what's up trouble lover
what thanks for beating it up guy you're right what did the one lava say to the
squid
lava brother what did he say everybody's laughing losing it dude i'm losing it
my favorite thing
you said is it's the table setting for the entire special and it made me think
immediately i know
that's a turn of phrase but how bobby has literally never set a table his
entire life it's i went to
etiquette school no you didn't i i there's a paper in powe i have a clipping of
it of me going to
etiquette school they took a photo of me why did they take a photo of you going
to etiquette school
because i didn't know what a fork was how old were you 12 or something and so i
was like there's so
yeah it was like that and i picked up a fork what no that's not me oh i was
picking up a fork like
looking at like this is a fork you know i mean and i was like dude you went to
etiquette class for how
long be honest for like a year we also learned dancing ballroom dancing shut up
yeah yeah you know what's so
funny is that you have none of none of that is in you or about like when i'm
but i've you know i love
you and i've and i've introduced you to different people in my life and all of
them are like where's
this alien from like within minutes they're like this no no fuck off tom i
think it's your projection
because i'm going to say something i'll tell you why we were in toronto
backstage yeah and he said the same
exact privately because why are you from you're so weird yeah and i think that's
his own projection
i think i'm normal wait why are you saying he's not that's hilarious yeah why
what would he be
projecting he's weird no yeah yeah you don't think that's weird i think he's he's
about as he's about
as low weird on the weird scale as you are the highest of the what's weird
about me though what's weird
that you're peruvian maybe you look like a white guy okay that's kind of weird
sure i would say right
it was interesting not weird yeah yeah that's more interesting than weird yeah
yeah that's like oh
you're proving proving that's interesting i didn't know that you're the only
guy that lost weight that
looks worse wow dude okay you see what he's doing and by the by the way you
look right he tried to go to
battle with shane gillis didn't end well so yeah it didn't end well yeah yeah
why you know uh here's
another thing that you're weird yeah you you surprise me that's weird yeah
because it's like you're
dynamic but you know you hide your talents what are you talking about i don't
know yeah it's not working
yeah yeah he's not weird look carlos weird he's weird man we know what weird is
we have it all over
look at the window of weirdos he's an alien you are quite alien so i walk into
like a dinner like
but here's the thing you you take this you always get defensive like it's a
like it's a critique
right but what i'm saying is that it's a celebration like when people meet you
like i we've we've toured
together you came and did bad thought you did an episode of bad thoughts with
me i have another
thing that i've let him finish okay but go ahead so like in in both scenarios
you know like i go like
oh here this is my friend bobby's great comic and everyone you know it's like
oh cool always if not
within the first 20 minutes within the first few hours people pull me aside and
they're like yo this
guy's out of his mind dude story my life it's gotta be right every day of my
life and why does he react
this way though he pretends this is an act it's a he does this because he wants
this is him ramping
up yeah you know how like somebody ramps up yeah he's ramping up silently look
at him go ahead and
say what you want to say back he's not critiquing you he's just giving you the
real world okay okay um
people used to call me eccentric eccentric whatever it is yeah that's the one
and um
expresso yeah and that espresso eccentric can you get me espresso i'm an
eccentric
that's what you should call your special eccentric espresso all right what did
that rama save two
days a twin brother oh you're on fire today okay go so women used to go you're
eccentric and i googled
it and i don't think that i'm any of that you are eccentric we've looked it up
on this show yeah but
yeah so um unconventional and slightly strange but that's about that's about
that's about society like
society tells you how to behave one way right not everybody is weird about you
yeah that's what
yeah yeah here's the deal you are eccentric we love that's what we like about
you it's the most
fun thing but i honestly can i just say oh can i just i honestly think that i'm
normal for you you
are that when i wake up i go oh normal you know what i mean like no i don't do
that no i don't do that
good morning no i go oh morning yeah yeah like that okay can i give you an
example okay here's
the deal what if i don't like if i said to my mom and dad in chicago if i said
tom segura's coming
over for dinner tonight they'd go oh wow awesome oh my god oh you're gonna and
then if i say when i said
bobby mom dad bobby's coming up for dinner yeah my mom goes really what does he
eat okay that's a fact
they were there all right when i went to your thanksgiving dinner right yeah
wasn't i polite
you were and enjoy my you were putting on you were putting on you were putting
who i am dude i'm a
normal dude how much of an act was he putting on it was unbelievable you were
watching
football with his dad it's such because that's what i do in my normal life dude
he's such a liar
you've watched football before no no but like but it's like all the kansas city
chiefs are playing the
philadelphia philadelphia yeah right yeah you know because uh they should
change the name no they did
they changed it philadelphia philadelphia skyhawks whatever they are the skyhawks
so um yeah it's so
close yeah so yeah yeah yeah i think it's eagles hey there we go you got it
okay maybe some football
you want to guess pittsburgh steelers very good very good detroit lions chicago
gotta do that bears arizona that's a trick cardinals oh that's good wow you
know them all so that's
my point i'm i act like this in show business areas good for you right so like
you know i met chuck
lori the other day hmm you know i mean brag big brag big brad was it a general
like was it a no we
were just hanging out where oh we were just hanging out me and chuck lori and i
act weird around him
because i'm like use me as an innocent comedy five and a half guys or whatever
you're right and so it's
like um i act i can see myself like my brother does it my brother acts weird in
front of you he's that's
not who he is you're right i've seen both sides of your brother yeah so it's
like i think that i kind
of like accentuate certain things you you play it up right yeah that's normal
though thank you so much
okay i have a qualm with you tell me okay okay so this fool right now i you
know i don't i'll bring
it up privately no do it now you might as well do it now that look was fucking
you have a look now then
now yeah yeah yeah yeah your look now is improved dramatically what do you mean
he can look at me
with an eye or both eyes if you