Name: Beep Beep, Michael Jeep Jordan | Ep 284 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2025-08-25T16:00:59.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Beep Beep, Michael Jeep Jordan | Ep 284 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-08-25. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Beep Beep, Michael Jeep Jordan | Ep 284 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-08-25. Transcript available.

Beep Beep, Michael Jeep Jordan | Ep 284 | Bad Friends

- Hey, I'm on tour.
- He's on tour.
- I'm on tour.
I'm doing some dates.
I'm gonna be at Tempe.
I'm gonna be in Brea.
I'm doing a bunch of casino runs in Southern California.
I'm doing the Bargana in Atlantic City.
I'm going all over the place.
Go to andrewsantino.com for those tickets.
andrewsantino.com.
- Andrewsantino.com.
- Andrewsantino.com.
- Andrewsantino.com to take the tickets.
- Go to the tickets.
San Francisco, I'm coming to you too.
I'm going all over, andrewsantino.com.
- You two are bad friends.
- Who are these two idiots?
- A white dude and an Asian dude.
- You two are disgusting.
- You two are something.
- We're bad friends.
- So I gave you $100 to go to Wii Spot.
Why? Because you're sleeping in the studio,
because your apartment, there's some sort of disaster happening.
- There's lead in the walls.
- Yeah. How do you even know that, dude?
What are you, Superman?
- I didn't- - Can you see through the walls at home?
- Wait, can Superman see through lead, or he can't?
- He had x-ray vision.
- He can't see through lead, I don't think, though.
- What do you mean? He can see that
there's lead in the walls.
- That's what I'm saying.
- Yeah.
- Superman cannot see through lead.
- That's what I'm saying.
I just told you that.
- How can he not see through lead?
- I know. Out of all the things lead,
I can see through lead.
- The guy is faster than a fucking train.
- Yeah.
- He can jump over a building that's 50 stories high.
- Yeah.
- He can't see through lead.
- I know!
- Give me a break.
- He can see through copper.
- But lead is known for its density and ability to block x-rays.
That's why lead aprons are used in medical settings to prevent patients and
Superman from coming in and taking over a small business.
- And Lex Luthor, probably his fortress or whatever, his little compound, full
of lead.
- Full of lead.
- Yeah. Anyway, I gave you $100.
I don't know why we got all the lead at your apartment.
And what I'm going to say is then I said to go sleep at Wee Spa, which is a
Korean spa in Koreatown, open 24/7.
It's a nice spa.
There's a restaurant.
There's a bunch of facilities, dry sauna, workout gym.
- If you're over 5'8", it's hard to sleep in those beds.
- Yeah.
- I'm just telling you.
- Why?
- Because they're short.
They're for little Asians.
- Oh!
- They're not made for full-sized adults.
- Yeah.
- That was the big issue.
- But you also had an issue with the cleanliness of it or no.
It's a very clean place.
- I don't know.
It was just a thing about like, because you are naked.
Being naked with a bunch of strangers in like a soup, like hot tub is just very,
it's odd.
- Soup?
- That's what it felt like.
- Like, I never, I never, I never went to Cantor's, "Can I get the Wee Spa soup?"
- That's what it, it felt like I was a boy.
- Like, "What are you talking about?"
- You would've never-- - It's water.
- You would've never lasted a day in ancient Rome.
We used to do that all the time.
Remember back in ancient Rome?
- Back, you and I do it?
- Whoo!
- Love the spa.
- And we mixed it with other species.
- Oh yeah, there were--
- There were monkeys running around.
- Oh yeah.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Hey, honestly, this is my problem with this though.
He says he goes, he can't, the bed's too small, blah, blah, blah.
And I said, "I already offered you to sleep at the house multiple times."
- Your house.
- Turn it down.
- Yeah.
- Oh, he showers at my house.
He showered there a few times already.
And I said, "You're more than welcome, dude."
But he, I think he likes the sadness of sleeping at the studio.
- I don't want to inconvenience anyway.
I like being able to come and go at my own--
- Well, that's, that's really what it is.
- Ah, I don't wanna--
- 'Cause you know you're allowed to at my house.
- I know.
- He just doesn't, he feels like he doesn't want to--
- I don't want to intrude.
- I know.
- It was, it reminds me of this.
When I was struggling for a very long time in this business,
I knew, I had friends, you know, you, you know,
headliners are millionaires.
- Yeah.
- Right? But like, you can't pay rent, right?
So it's like, "Should I call so-and-so?"
And I was always, so I'd only call my parents.
- Oh, 'cause you're afraid of inconvenience.
- I think that's what it is.
- Yeah.
- But also you're like, "They don't want me in the house.
I'm, I'm just a pig."
- And it's fine here. I like the couch.
- And then Mencio was like, "Bro, fuck again?"
Like every three days.
"It's 500 bucks, bro, but what the fuck, bro?"
- Well, you're just struggling.
- Yeah, I was struggling.
- He's making 500 a minute.
- Pauly, Pauly never.
- Dude, you just, it's a part of your story, dude.
Not eating, dude. It's a part of your story, brah.
- He's right.
- Right, right? And I'm like, "Okay, I won't eat."
- One time, I heard a story from Sandy Danto.
Did I tell you this story on here?
- Yeah.
- That Pauly one time, they went out for lunch.
They went out for Subway
when they were on the road together.
- I have some stories too, yeah, go ahead.
- They went out for a Subway and Pauly goes,
Sandy's like, "We'll just take a Lincoln Italian footlong."
And Pauly goes, "Smart, dude, half now
and eat the other half for dinner."
- Yeah, yeah.
- "Eat the other half for dinner."
And he did it.
And then Sandy was like, kind of wanted the whole thing now.
And he was like, "Nah, dude."
- Yeah.
- "Half now, half later."
- I used to go on the road, he would go,
"Dude, it's your time to pay, dude."
- "No."
- "Yeah, dude."
I'm like, "Where are we going, pot belly?"
- "Yeah."
- "Yeah, yeah, sandwiches, bro."
- "Why don't we go to CVS, we'll just get some snacks."
- "But he was always gracious and I love Pauly."
But another time, I already told you the Jamba Juice story, right?
- "Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah."
- "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah."
We've already said that many times on this podcast.
- "Yeah."
- "Yeah, and I'm gonna say it again, though."
- "Say it."
- "Young Bobby, we're in San Diego, and Jamba Juice had just come out."
- "Big deal."
- "Big, dude, Jamba Juice was like a Lord of the Rings movie."
- "Really, it was, people waited in line."
- "Waited in line for Jamba Juice, dude."
- "It was unreal."
- "And we were there, he's like, dude, follow me."
And we went right to the front.
- "So big."
"That's a big deal."
"Jumped the line at the Juice."
- "But he was also, there was no internet back then."
- "He was also a very big star."
- "Oh, yeah."
- "Yeah, yeah, you could just do that, I think."
"I would never do it, I would wait in line."
- "He's still so famous."
- "Yeah, he's still famous."
- "They're from San Luis Obispo."
- "Yeah."
- "They're from the slow, baby."
"But what happened?
You jumped the line."
- "We jumped the line, and I was so, I was blushing."
- "Yeah."
- "Because I'm like, dude, this is like moral, like ethically wrong."
- "Yeah, to cut all these people off."
- "But no one complained and we just got it, so maybe, I don't know."
- "They made a drink called the Weasel for a while."
- "Yeah, yeah, yeah."
- "It prompted him up."
- "Yeah."
- "The Jamba Juice line."
"You know what I went to go see the other night?"
- "Let me guess."
- "I texted you."
- "Let me guess."
- "Hmm, I told you."
- "Jesus Christ the Superstar."
- "Yeah, I'm showing the Hollywood Bowl."
- "The Hollywood Bowl."
- "Did you really go?"
- "No, what the fuck?"
"No, Jesus is my heart, I don't need to go to the Hollywood Bowl."
- "What'd you see?"
- "I went to go see Naked Gun."
- "Was it?"
"Let me get, go ahead."
- "Well."
- "The shirt's great."
- "It's fun, it's fun."
- "You know, it's so funny because as a comic, that must be hard because it's
all jokes."
- "Well, what bums you out is you're like, why wouldn't they cast a fucking
comedian instead of Liam Neeson?
Because Liam Neeson's playing Taken the whole time."
- "Oh, right."
- "Which is okay, but like, Leslie Nielsen was so fucking unbelievably funny."
- "He was also an actor who..."
- "I know, but Leslie, his comedic timing was unmatched."
- "So let's cast it now, who would you do as a comedian?"
- "I have no idea."
- "I said Steve Martin would have fucking hit an absolute home run."
- "Exactly."
- "A literal home run at that."
- "Yeah."
- "He also has the white hair, he's got that same."
It'd been a great, beautiful character comparison because Steve plays the
straight guy so well for so many years."
- "Yeah."
- "And the thing about that character is Leslie played an unbelievably dense
straight guy."
- "Like a dumb straight guy, but he sold you on all of it."
- "Yeah."
- "Because it was quick and he threw it away and it was so..."
- "Yeah."
- "I remember watching the original Naked Gun and re-watching to catch jokes
because I didn't, I don't think I missed one joke in this."
And I'm not saying it was bad, it was just like, you know, you just have an
affinity for that old thing.
It just felt so different when I saw it for the first time back then.
- "The best was Airplane."
- "Same thing."
- "Same thing."
- "Same rhythm."
- "I hope they never remake that movie."
- "Oh, they're definitely, they're doing it now, I'm sure."
- "Oh my God."
- "But Pam Anderson was fucking great."
"But the Tomatometer, 91."
- "That's amazing."
- "No, it's really good. It's doing well."
"I don't know financially how it did in the theaters this weekend."
"Cause I don't know how many people are buying tickets."
"But it's important we do, as comedians, we need to support comedies in
theaters."
- "They'll do another one."
- "I think they'll do another one."
- "If this hits 60 million, they will."
- "Yeah, they will."
- "It might."
- "I think it will."
- "Worldwide, yeah."
- "We need that, dude. We need more comedy."
- "I love it, too."
- "Hey, bro."
- "Hey, bro."
- "Nick had gone, dawg."
- "That OJ joke was good, bro."
- "By the way, the OJ joke was good."
- "Yeah, yeah, yeah."
- "The OJ joke was good."
- "But they gave away some of their good jokes."
- "I will say, they gave away a few too many of good hitters."
- "Right."
- "In the previews, which is fine."
- "Yeah."
- "But then I saw a couple of previews from movies that I do want to see."
- "Let me guess."
- "Huh?"
- "The Paul Thomas Anderson one."
- "Of course."
- "Yeah."
- "Yeah, it looks so good."
- "The Arnofsky one."
- "Yeah, it looks good."
- "Looks good."
- "Yeah, it looks good."
"I'm going to see it, no matter what."
- "Based on those posters, let's see what I want to see here."
- "Tron."
- "Nah."
- "But you know what, Avatar, Fire, and Wind, or whatever that's called."
- "What's it called?"
- "Fire and Ash."
- "Ash."
- "Far and Wind."
- "Avatar, Far, and Wind."
- "I think I said fire, but okay."
- "I thought you said far."
- "Look at that wind over there, it's so far."
- "How far is that wind?"
- "Pretty far."
- "But we can get on a blue horse and get there."
- "I don't know what they are."
- "What are those things?"
- "Yeah."
- "Yeah."
- "Well, I want to see they've remade Running Man, which I absolutely want."
- "That looks great."
- "It looks so good."
- "But when James Canberra showed Fire and Ash to his wife, apparently she
cried."
- "Really?"
- "Yeah."
- "She said it was a masterpiece."
- "Okay."
"And then there's my movies coming out. I didn't see a preview for it yet."
- "What?"
- "Now You See Me, Now You Don't."
- "There you go. You're in that."
- "Looks good, though."
- "Yeah."
- "Yeah, it looks good."
- "Yeah."
- "Yeah. Exciting. Better than Borderlands."
- "Much."
-
- "But the point is,"
- "Yeah."
- "The point I'm trying to make."
- "What is the point?"
- "This is an open window for us to start trying to make comedies again."
- "I know."
- "We gotta try."
- "We gotta try."
- "We really do."
- "A Bad Friends movie."
- "And what is the movie?"
- "Well, can I just say something? I have a new idea."
- "Okay."
- "You know that whites only town that they made in the Ozark?"
- "All right."
- "No, listen."
- "I tried to move there."
- "I know."
- "So the movie's about you having a whites only Ozark town."
- "Oh, dude."
- "No, just listen.