Name: Bobby Hates Richie | Ep 286 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2025-09-08T16:01:10.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby Hates Richie | Ep 286 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-09-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby Hates Richie | Ep 286 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-09-08. Transcript available.

Bobby Hates Richie | Ep 286 | Bad Friends

Hey, what's up, you guys?
My special premieres this week on...
Hulu!
Hulu!
On Hulu.
We're on Hulu, September 12th.
And check out Andrew.
He's going to be at the Punchline in San Francisco,
one of the best comedy clubs in America.
And I go to Brea, the Brea Improv.
I'm in Tempe.
I've never played Tempe.
I'm going to come up for Tempe.
You're going to come out for that?
Yeah.
Good.
Because I'm going to visit my mom.
Then I'm going to be down at the Horseshoe in Hammond, Indiana.
I'm going to be in Hanover, Maryland, Atlantic City, at Borgata,
then Harrison Valley Center.
I'm also adding Vegas and another couple of shows.
Go to andrewsantino.com for those tickets.
andrewsantino.com and go watch the special this Friday on Hulu.
You better believe it, pal.
I took my dad to a Monday night football game.
And then we went out and just got hammered afterwards.
And we're sitting at the bar, just my dad and I,
just like leaning against the bar.
And he looks over at me, you know,
like how dad can look over you sometimes.
Because he's in that smile, you know, that twinkle in his eye.
I'm waiting for him to say he loves me, you know.
And he goes, I'm pissing right now.
Hey, good girl.
Do y'all want to shoot guns?
Just right out back.
Yes, queen.
Oh, yes, queen.
No, no.
No, no, no.
No, no, no, no.
I'm Ron Weasley.
I'm Ron Weasley.
I'm sorry.
I don't even like that one.
Let's move on.
We can be heroes just for one day.
Miss Bowie, good night.
Hello.
Welcome.
Wow.
What a pleasure to be here.
What a pleasure to be here.
To be back in the studio.
Andrew's been gone for so long.
One month.
We don't even know what he looked like anymore.
I look the same.
What?
No, you're pinkish.
Oh, I got a sunburn yesterday.
Yeah, you're pinkish and your attitude is a little aggro.
I'm aggro now?
You spit a gum at me.
And guess what I did to it?
Do you have any proof that this happened?
No, but what did I do?
Headbutted it.
I headbutted it away.
You are a soccer man.
Like what George Bush did with the shoe?
Right?
I locked in at the gum.
You're good.
And I saw it in slow motion.
I headbutted it.
Let's see.
Yeah, yeah.
Here.
Yeah.
Here.
I have a packet here.
Ready?
Go.
Well, you gotta-
Oh, I'm sorry.
You gotta put it towards-
You gotta get another one.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let me get one more.
Yeah.
Baseball.
Use the baseball.
But don't throw it.
Love it.
This is softer.
Okay, go.
Really good.
Look at that.
Really good.
Did you see that, dude?
Wow.
Did you see that, Jules?
Rudy Jules is back.
Yeah.
At the Korean spa, when I see nuts in my face, Korean nuts, I can do it, dude.
Rudy, what's going on?
Welcome back to the show.
Hello.
Hello.
Energy through the roof.
God, oh my God.
Caratop.
Caratop energy.
Hasn't washed your car since you gave it to her.
I know.
Not kidding.
We were right next to each other.
And I was like, that is as dirty as you left it.
As soon as your mom left this morning, I woke up in shivers and sweat.
Why?
Our house is going down.
I need her.
Her mom, if anyone listening right now, you want Filipino in your house?
Her mom.
She cleans everything.
Didn't we put up the website?
Get a Filipino.com.
Yeah, you had to get Filipino to do it.
The way you fold the socks and the underwear, future.
Where did your mom go?
Back to the Philippines?
Back to the Philippines.
She's gone.
Wow.
Ice, huh?
Got her.
Well, she was worried about it.
I called twice.
You called Ice?
Yeah, for the challenge.
Yeah.
Welcome to Ice.
To get someone deported, press one.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You are 36 in line.
Please hold.
And people hold for hours.
They can't wait.
You know?
Fuck Oasis tickets.
They'll fucking hold on for five hours.
How much are those tickets going for right now, Oasis?
What do you think?
What's the average?
Let's guess what the average resale tickets are all sold out.
If we want to go to the Rose Bowl, what do you think that costs for like an
average ticket?
I'm guessing like $300, $400 for shitty seats.
Can I say something controversial?
Yeah.
May I?
Yeah.
They have five good songs.
You're so out of pocket right now.
That's insane.
They have five good songs.
You think-
Wonderwall.
Keep going.
Bring up their fucking album.
You're telling me they only have five good songs?
I think so.
That whole album was good.
What's that main album?
Don't Look Back in Anger.
Good song.
Super Sonic.
Wonderwall.
Super Sonic.
Great song.
Don't go away.
Champagne Supernova.
Cigarettes and Alcohol.
Never heard of that song.
Definitely Maybe.
Sing me Cigarettes.
Right now.
Boom.
Sing me Cigarettes and Alcohol.
Right now.
Cigarettes and Alcohol.
Yeah.
Fight me in the school.
Yeah.
Sing me Roll With It.
Roll With It.
Just roll with it.
Just roll with it.
How about Diggsie?
London!
Diggsie's Diggsie's Diggsie.
What are you going to do?
We're going to roll with it!
Yeah.
You don't know any of this shit.
How about Fucking in the Bushes?
Fucking in the Bushes!
Oh, you like Morning Glory.
Supersonic, okay.
Morning Glory, okay.
My point is that five, six, seven.
She's electric?
She's electric.
She's electric!
Electric!
In the morning, she buzzes with electricity.
Actually, The Importance of Being Idle is one of their best songs.
Bristol, let me hear it!
The Importance of Being Idle is one of their best songs.
And he actually said that's his favorite song.
Let me bring up something that's wild.
Yeah.
Because I learned something this week.
Those conjoined twin girls had a baby.
No.
Abby and Brittany?
Is that their names?
Brittany and Abby.
They had a baby.
There's no way Brittany and Abby had a baby.
They did, dog.
Look at it.
Conjoined twins, Abby and Brittany, I've seen carrying their baby.
So the guy's only married to one of the girls.
Yeah.
How does that work?
And we had to Google it.
They share a vagina.
Yeah.
So the other one has to look away when they're hooking up?
The other one doesn't get to name it.
She has no say.
Is that what it is?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What if one of them is like, come inside me, the other one's like, God, please
don't.
Yeah, yeah.
Because they might have mixed feelings about it.
Now, it'd be wild if their baby is conjoined.
Oh, my God.
Conjoined, conjoined.
What if they do three?
It's three conjoined and then they one-upped, right?
Whoa.
Their parent or-
Went up their mom.
Moms.
Mom and dad, yeah.
Yeah.
Wow.
Because I learned that there's a pitcher that plays in MLB and he's what's
called a mirror
image identical twin.
Look this up.
This is insane.
I thought identical twins-
Was it?
I thought mirroring is like the same.
No, a mirror image identical twin.
Yeah, look at that.
Taylor and Tyler Rogers are both baseball players.
So his left side is his right side.
So if you looked at each other, it would be like looking exactly in a mirror.
Isn't that fucking weird?
I don't get it.
Explain it to me.
Mirror image, meaning like-
I'm looking at you.
My right side is your left side.
So it's mirror.
It's not flipped.
Yeah, but if I was at your left side, people would think that you had a stroke.
Why is his eye squinting?
My left side is Korean.
You had a stroke.
But they're mirror image identical twins, which happens when it splits at a
certain time.
And if it splits a second later, they become conjoined.
So they just miss becoming conjoined.
Whoa.
By a millisecond, I think it's that.
Wow.
Isn't that crazy?
That's crazy.
Would you ever date an identical twin?
I feel like I'd be down.
Yeah?
It's kind of just like a threesome.
But like with just one dick.
She goes right for it.
Wait, wait, wait.
What do you mean threesome with one dick?
I don't get it.
She says she's getting two for one.
Oh, right.
Oh, you mean two conjoined twins?
Oh, no.
I'm talking about identical.
Identical.
You were like conjoined.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'd be down to conjoined.
They don't have two dicks.
Yeah.
No, they have one dick.
Yeah.
But four balls, oddly enough.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's fine.
Yeah.
A lot more to play with, I guess.
Now, if they had two dicks, right, would you sometimes suck the brother's dick
or no?
Maybe just caress.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because you feel bad.
Because you have empathy.
Yeah, you feel bad.
Yeah.
If I was the other brother, I would play.
I'd get a switch.
Dude, I thought of you at the airport.
A guy had a handheld and it was going through his glasses.
What is that?
I'm not the fucking president of Sony.
You're a video game.
What are you talking about?
Aren't you Samsung?
Yeah, I'm not Samsung.
Yeah.
No, a guy had a pair of glasses.
Yeah.
Hiroki-toki.
I'm not Hiroki-toki.
That's you.
Yeah.
That's not you?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
A guy had a pair of glasses at the airport.
He was sitting, waiting for the plane.
And he was like this.
He had a controller and he was looking up just with glasses.
Wow.
What is that?
What console is that?
I've never seen that in my entire...
Richie kind of knows.
Richie, do you know?
No, I don't.
Well, then get the fuck out of here then.
God damn it, Richie.
Don't nod your head like you know.
Richie's back.
Did we not build him a cage?
I thought we were going to build him a cage.
Yeah, yeah.
Richie's back.
He's been working out too.
Look.
Oh, you know how it is.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, there it is.
Hey, baby.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, dude.
Richie.
Richie, go sit in that chair.
Go sit in that chair.
You love Rich.
You love the Rich.
I love Rich, dog.
Yeah, yeah.
Jules, you know Richie?
I've met Richie.
Yeah, yeah.
How?
Seven acres.
Yeah, seven acres.
Richie's got his...
Let's judge his legs.
I didn't know you were that hairy.
I wouldn't have assumed he was that hairy.
Dude, you have Hugh Jackman's legs.
It's kind of hot.
Yeah, yeah.
Wait, that's hot legs?
You think he's got hot legs?
Do you think that Hugh Jackman would have those legs?
I don't get that.
No, that's more Gerard Butler.
That's Jerry Butler.
Yeah, that's Jerry Butler.
But it's like really nice manly...
It's the upper body you need to work on.
I think the upper body's okay.
No, no, no, no.
The upper body's kind of the same.
You have Michael Phelps' upper body.
I try to hide the legs.
Yeah, yeah.
Usually I'm like, the upper body's the cell.
Yeah.
No, no.
And you have a school shooter's face.
You think the upper body is your best feature?
I think it's all kind of the charm.
I think my face is sort of the...
I think it's a little...
I'm a whole package, you know?
Right.
You're like a package that they threw over the fence.
Now, did you go to the Weird Al show?
Of course I did.
I got my shirt on right here.
It was the best thing ever.
Was it a good show?
Oh my God, it was amazing.
He did costume changes like every single time.
He had the fat suit for fat.
He had the...
Whoa, whoa.
He had the Amish paradise beard.
It was everything I wanted to make.
And he plays all the hits.
He doesn't play new songs.
No, I mean a couple new, but like all the hits.
Everything you wanted to hear.
Everything was in there.
It was crazy.
Wow.
How many people?
A lot.
What was the venue?
It was at Kia Forum.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
It felt like not sold out, but like pretty sold out.
Might have been sold out.
A lot of people in the form.
Dude, he's the man.
Yeah, yeah.
There he goes.
He killed it.
He's the man.
God, Weird Al is the man.
Oh my God, he was so cool.
We love you, Weird Al.
We love Weird Al.
Now, you think Weird Al is better than Oasis?
Yeah.
More hits.
He does have more hits.
Yeah.
The Yoda song.
I mean, Just Eat It.
Yeah, Just Eat It.
Yeah.
Gangster's Amish Paradise.
I've met him before.
He's super nice.
White and nerdy.
Polka face.
I mean, I can, these are all bangers.
My bologna.
My bologna.
So good.
Yeah.
It's amazing.
You know, this is one of those guys, he will last forever and ever and ever.
Forever.
- Right?
- 'Cause it's clean, it's fun. - Family friendly.
- You know who he is?
- No.
- Okay. - You don't know Weird Al?
- No. - No.
- Oh my God.
- You never even heard of Weird Al Yankovic?
Wow.
Well, he's a guy who does parody songs.
- Yeah.
- He does popular songs.
He started in like the late 90s
and he would do popular songs then remake them.
Like there's 