Name: Itchy Bones & Dream Catchers | Ep 289 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2025-09-29T16:00:44.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Itchy Bones & Dream Catchers | Ep 289 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-09-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Itchy Bones & Dream Catchers | Ep 289 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-09-29. Transcript available.

Itchy Bones & Dream Catchers | Ep 289 | Bad Friends

You two are bad friends! Who are these two idiots? A white dude and an Asian
dude. You two are disgusting. You two are something. We're bad friends. Do you
have metrics? I go beep beep. Lawner than your beep beep. Birthday boy.
Birthday boy. Birthday boy. Die, die soon. Ten more years. Coma, coma.
Dad, dad, dad, dad. No girl. Die alone. Shoot my face. Shotgun face. It was all
good. You want to sing, dude? I can sing. Let me do your life song.
And he will not die alone. He'll have a fulfilled life with a beautiful wife
and a couple of kids.
And he'll go fly a kite down by the ocean. And one of his kids will walk out
too far. There's a lion at the end of this. And he'll go.
What a birthday celebration. What a beautiful birthday. And let me say
something. I appreciate everyone showing up to my party.
There was a party. So we rented a bowling alley. Montrose. Montrose. Montrose.
Shout out to Montrose Bowl, man.
Yeah. It was an intimate little setting.
Awesome. Eight lanes. Yeah. There are some people I was like, why are you here?
Well, let me guess who. You know, but most people were like, oh. Pleasant
surprises.
There was a couple of people that didn't show up that I thought would show up.
And I think maybe it's.
Well, Paul, I did. It's too far, buddy. It's not far at all. It was 15 minutes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have my dog, he said. Bring the dog.
No, we already had one. Yeah. Okay.
And then who else? It was funny because there was all these different camps,
too.
Well, it was the Tiger Belly Camp and the Bad Friends Camp.
Bad Friends Camp. But then there was also other pockets of things.
There were other pockets of comics. You had a lot of younger comics.
Yeah, younger comics, open micers. How was my speech?
It was amazing. You called everyone an open micer.
A lot of people that weren't open micers, you called open micers.
They were kind of open mic-y.
I don't really. I don't. That's a subjective term, but.
And then I did a speech. What did I say? Did I mention?
Who did I mention in my speech? Of course you. Did I mention you?
No. You mentioned me, Kalilah. I was very sad.
You mentioned me and Kalilah and the Bad Friends.
Yeah, you mentioned Bad Friends, though, before Tiger Belly.
That is true. Yeah. Why?
Well, it's by ranking. Yeah, yeah.
Kalilah did a phenomenal job. Phenomenous job.
Phenomenous job. Yeah, yeah.
One of the most phenomenal jobs I've ever seen.
And I also met the Big Bad Wolf.
Oh, you did?
Yeah, yeah. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Jason Mahon.
I will blow your house down.
Dude.
Yeah.
Dude, one of the nicest, coolest dudes.
He was over today.
By the way. Yeah.
Hey, handsome.
But my point is that, great. Let me say the rankings of gifts.
Okay. Gift ranking time.
Okay. Gift ranking time, dude.
And I'm going to say this in the most honest way possible.
Please.
Okay.
Not only was this gift the best gift of the party,
probably one of the best gifts I've ever received in my life.
Whoa.
And that's Gene Hong.
He gave me these.
No.
Andrew.
Andrew gave me something that was such a surprise.
Out of left field, right?
Here's what, I want to be surprised.
You love a good surprise.
Right?
Number two, it's got to have value.
Financial value matters to you, yes.
No.
Sentimental value.
That's fucking bullshit.
Yeah, yeah.
Hello.
We bought you $500 Louis Vuitton glasses.
You go, I want the expensive ones.
Yeah.
And you got me those.
We did.
We did.
We went back and got you.
But here's the thing, okay?
What you gave me was shocking.
You didn't expect it.
It was the best gift I've ever got.
Can I tell people what it was?
Of course you can.
Yeah.
He gave me.
I gave him his own home kit to make a Chinese water torture.
And it's got all the instructions.
It's so good.
You can do waterboarding, right?
It's really cool.
Yeah.
It comes with a mat.
You know that Braveheart, you know what I mean?
Thing where he died at the end.
That little, you know, slab.
Dude, how fun.
You can unroll that.
I see an infomercial right now that's like,
make your own waterboarding at home.
Yeah.
Timmy does it.
Yeah.
And then bamboo, you know what I mean?
Because you know bamboo, the little sharp, like the tips.
Yeah.
You can stick it in the pink.
Right in the tip tip.
Tip tip.
And anyway.
Tell him what I got you for real.
I have no idea what's going on.
But he got me.
Well, as everyone knows, I'm a big fan of Arsenal FC.
It's a huge soccer club.
It's your favorite soccer team.
Right?
The shoes.
The shoes are propping up the sign below.
The shoes are down there.
What shoes?
The Arsenal shoes that I bought you.
Let me see.
They're propping up the sign.
They remain in the box.
Oh.
Which is fine.
Those are fine.
This is fine.
Yeah.
The gift you got me way better.
Well, yeah.
Obviously.
So he gave me, so Arsenal FC, their biggest star of all time
was a guy named Thierry Henry.
That's right.
You got me a Thierry Henry signed soccer club card.
But it's a very exclusive card.
Exclusive card.
Hard to get.
For some reason, you left the price tags on them.
I did not.
Yeah, you did.
Yeah, you did.
I did not.
I can take photos of it right now, and I can show you the price tags on it.
Really?
Yeah.
On every single item, there's a price tag.
I forgot to take those off.
So you know it is real.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I must have forgot to take those off.
Yeah.
In bold, you know what I mean?
Mm-hmm.
Or do you have a price machine at home, like one of those sticker machines?
I don't know because I Googled it.
Oh, you did?
I didn't trust it.
It's a right about right.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah.
And then he got me an Ethan Wanieri rookie card.
Now, this kid is from the academy.
He's only 19 years old.
He could be the next big thing.
You think he might be one of the greatest Arsenal players of all time coming up?
He's great.
That good?
I mean, he's one of the youngest starters we've ever had.
Aside from Max Daumann, he was 16 or something when he first played.
How old is this new kid?
What?
Max Daumann?
No.
How old is this new rookie?
Now he's 19 or 20.
Wow.
He's 18.
He's 18.
He's 18?
This guy?
Juanieri?
Ethan Juanieri.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's 18.
18 years old.
Yeah.
And you think he's-
He was on the first team.
He played for the first team at 16, 17 years old.
That's disgusting.
We have a kid named Max Daumann who debuted at 15 two weeks, three weeks ago.
He can't even drive a fucking car.
Yeah.
They've never inserted their genitals into other genitals.
You never know.
I don't know how they-
Yeah, yeah.
I don't know how they-
I don't use your personal story as a measure.
Yeah.
Excuse me?
Well, that's how you joined teams when you were a kid.
Or they've never had caviar.
Is that better?
That's probably closer.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They've never had caviar.
They've never had like, you know, snow beef.
I love snow beef.
Love-
You know snow beef?
I think I've had it with you.
Yeah, yeah.
We have snow beef together?
Yeah, snow beef, dude.
But wait, the thing I got you that I'm really interested in-
And then you got me a couple of different packet of a set of cards-
Yeah.
That I probably will never open.
Well, here's the deal.
I'm told, and I have to give some love to the truth of this.
Our good friend helped me.
I went to, was going to a store.
I ran into a good friend of ours.
Do you remember who I ran into?
I mean, did you go with him to there?
Or you just ran-
No, no, I literally ran into him.
And I was-
There was no way.
How was he odd?
My hand to God.
And I was like, he was walking out of one store next door.
These two cool, I'll show you where they are.
Okay.
Collectible stores.
And I was like, I want to get a collectible for you.
And he's walking out with his buddy.
And I was like, you have to be kidding me.
Wow.
And it's David Cho.
Yeah.
And I was like, dude, what are you doing here?
He's like, what are you doing here?
I was like, I'm coming to get a gift for Bobby.
And I was like, are you coming to the party?
That's why when I showed you-
Was he invited?
Yeah.
He didn't come.
I showed you the text.
He said, my kids, I have to-
It's, you know what?
I'm tired.
You know what I'm tired of?
Oh, God.
What?
He has kids, man.
I'm tired of that's the excuse.
With anyone that has a kid, that's the greatest excuse.
I don't have the information if they're sick, if they're dying.
You know what I mean?
If one of them is in prison.
Well, his younger kid is in prison.
Yeah.
I mean, they have a dying toe, right?
There's nothing.
I know.
Itchy bones.
They're nothing.
Itchy bones.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Itchy bones disease, you know?
I don't know, right?
It could just be like, this is an excuse.
I don't want to drive all the way over there.
So I'm just going to say kids.
I think he really did.
Couldn't because he was upset by it.
But he helped me pick this.
No.
All right.
He helped me pick it out.
And he said that box set.
He goes, Bobby's an addict.
I'm an addict.
He's like, the thing I love about comic books and new card things is because
it's like an addict.
It's an itch to scratch.
Yeah, we're both addicts.
And by the way, he said, he said in that pack, you can choose to not open it.
But in that pack could be a like one of 10 card that's worth 10 grand.
What's the card?
It's it's you'll know when you open it up because it'll have a it'll it'll have
a
special look to it of the oven arsenal.
It'll it'll say the sticker on it.
One of 10 or one of number on it.
He's like, you should open it.
He opens all of them.
You don't have to.
Yeah.
But I think it's worth because that pack, because the price tag was on it.
Was 500.
I think that's what it said.
Yeah, 500 dollars for just a packet of fucking.
But that's not the real price.
You know that I put fake prices on those.
So how much was the Tierra Henry one?
I think the Tierra Henry card was like 36 bucks and 40 cents.
And the rookie card he gave me for free.
And that box that I think literally was 1999.
I think it's been like 65 bucks.
Thank you.
Appreciate it.
I really do appreciate it.
No, it was.
I'm going to throw them in a fucking.
No, it was more.
You want me to throw them in a fucking fire?
No, stop it.
Look at me right now.
Yeah.
I will throw them in a fire.
Sure.
I don't care.
Are they the real prices?
No.
No.
I'm going to throw them in a fire.
Do it.
Okay.
Because it's not worth anything.
The Henry one is don't do that.
Why?
Please don't do that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That one was not cheap.
Please don't do that.
Okay, but is it the right?
Anyway, let's move on.
But the rookie card was free.
I will say shout out the guy was friends with Cho.
And he was like, he's like, you want to?
He's like, can I give this to you to give to Bobby as like an included gift?
And I was well, because I'd spent we'd spent enough money that he was like,
can I give you a free gift?
Wow, that's a huge one.
Well, he was super rad.
That's the most exciting one.
Exciting.
Well, he's also a big fan.
So he was like, is this cool?
Wow.
Give you a gift to give to him.
I was like, that's fucking awesome.
He owns the store.
So he was like, I'm going to give you a rookie card.
He was Bobby will know who it is.
And I said, okay, so I put in the thing.
It's so good.
It's awesome.
It was, you know, the Warnieri card was like a deep cut.
And it was like, in my mind, I'm like, Andrew's doing research.
Yeah.
She just said that.
He says, I was being very mindful.
I did some research.
Well, I did research on where to go to get a collectible that I was looking for
for you.
So that is true.
But he helped me with the other side.
All right, I'm going to go down.
Did I try to go get a Tiara Henri thing for you?
You know what I really tried to buy for you?
A signed jersey from Tiara Henri.
I don't want that.
Oh, framed on your wall in your room.
I don't do that.
You don't want that?
No, I'm not like fucking.
Well, then I'm glad I didn't buy it.
Because like a Midwestern like, oh, this is my man cave, dude.
I'm alpha male, dude.
Look, I got fucking Troy Akin fucking signed whatever, whatever.
You know what I mean?
I don't like that.
God, you're such a cock