Name: Rudy Loves Chocolate | Ep 293 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2025-10-27T16:00:05.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Rudy Loves Chocolate | Ep 293 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-10-27. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Rudy Loves Chocolate | Ep 293 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-10-27. Transcript available.

Rudy Loves Chocolate | Ep 293 | Bad Friends

you two are bad friends who are these two idiots white dude and an asian dude
you two are disgusting
well you two are something we're bad friends probably one of the funnest
birthday parties
i've ever been to was it one of the most fun birthday parties you've ever done
yeah there's
chef yoon right there he was out of pocket what did he do he didn't do anything
he tried to squirt
stuff in my mouth well he had a sake squirt gun yeah he had a little sake squirt
gun show the
sake squirt gun when i let me like the there's max getting it right in the
mouth yeah that had
sake and super so super sucker by the way invented by a black guy we learned
stolen by a white guy
wow however we learned that we learned that but show the one of me he let me he
let me light the
grill on fire huge more more more he kept yelling on fire and then he goes sake
squirt gun and he unloads
maybe 16 ounces wait wait he started the palisade fire sexy whoa you union
union he hits himself in the
face he has flaming rods and he hits himself clean in the face not once there
but he does it he does it
twice he did it right after this do it again right in the face twice but i told
him three times i go i'm
sober the fourth time he's like you want to relapse he didn't listen relax work
on he was so fun that
guy was one of the most fun times i've ever had in my entire i was threatened
by him you loved him
i made an announcement remember i go don't replace him with me i would yeah i
said are you are you busy
do you want to do a podcast because he had he had real good energy great comedic
timing yeah good comedic
timing i've been a little off lately there's me getting squirt wow what a
silhouette looks
like someone's pissing in my mouth internet take this and run with it yeah take
this and run with
it carlos also did not get squirted in the mouth carlos of course is a uh for
it's our halloween it's
our spooky halloween episode you got a halloween song prepared bob huh bum bum
bum bum bum bum bum bum bum
I'm ready for your lyrics now.
Oh, I'm not.
No, I'm doing the beat.
Let's see who goes first.
Scary Halloween.
Scary, scary Halloween.
Scary Halloween.
Scary, not shitless.
Scary Halloween.
Who do we have in the studio?
Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.
What the fuck are you?
Bum, bum, bum, what the fuck?
You don't just get to moan.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
She thought it was a native chant.
Yeah, she's a party girl.
She was going to do a haka there.
You know she's a party girl?
Yeah?
Yeah.
What's going on with you?
You know what's so funny?
Going out with all these black guys.
Yikes.
Bum, bum, bum, bum, going out with black guys.
Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.
Sleeping over at black guy's house.
Bum, bum, bum, bum.
Walking out of the house like she just rode a horse.
Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.
Bow-legged, bow-legged.
Jules, Jules, Jules, Jules.
Jules, what have you been doing?
I've just been...
Are you dating someone new?
Is that what's going on?
Just seeing a couple of people.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Taking after...
Every time, though, she's just like,
look at this guy.
It's this gigantic, handsome black guy.
Every time.
You like a little bit of chocolate now, huh?
You like your chocolate milk?
I love chocolate.
You love chocolate.
Fantastic.
How come I never see Asians in your little rotation?
I've done Asians.
Yeah, I know you have.
So...
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You've moved on?
Yeah.
Moved on, moved up?
Try something else.
Yeah.
Yeah, you got to try other stuff.
And that's Carlos's life motto.
You got to try other stuff.
I do agree with that.
Honestly, we're not going to be able to hear a word that you're going to say.
Yeah, take that fucking thing off.
What is that, by the way?
It's a furry mask.
It's like something a shooter would Google at night.
My favorite thing is you pretending like you already didn't have that costume.
Oh, I'll just order a furry.
Yeah.
Like that wasn't in your closet.
I've always wanted to try it since I saw it on Entourage like 15 years ago.
Who did a furry on Entourage?
Drama, has sex with a girl.
Who's a furry?
Yeah.
Shout out to the furry community.
Dude, I met me and DeRosa in Vegas.
Met these two beautiful, three beautiful, sweet women who were dominatrices.
And I wanted the down low.
And she was like, I'm a big fan.
Where's Bobby?
First question out of everybody's mouth.
Where's Bobby?
You doing it with Shane?
Yeah, Shane.
I did a couple of shows in Vegas.
Yeah.
I have a photo for you.
What is that?
We'll show you a photo.
Okay.
I did a couple of shows with Shane in Vegas.
Shane, you know, just phenomenal, dude.
The venue was unbelievable.
What is that?
Oh, it's a photo of me and Taylor Swift.
Taylor Swift, yeah.
We're friends with Taylor Swift.
Oh, yeah.
You guys.
He's high class now, elite, elite.
No.
No, we went to the football game.
It's funny that that's the only photo that they chose to snag of me.
The Times of India.
Oh, whoa.
Once you've made it, you've made it, man.
Taylor Swift, surprising chat with Andrew.
Loser Ugly Ginger Boy, Andrew Santino, Chiefs game.
Sparks his wedding diss.
Yeah, this was the most misinterpreted thing I've ever said.
I said, I probably, I had said on, um, on part of my take.
I'd said like, they were like, oh, are you going to go to the wedding?
I was like, dude, I don't know.
I also don't want to talk about it.
I was like, leave me the fuck alone about this.
But that photo though.
So you're mid smile.
You have, you're like looking out.
You have your finger.
You have your finger here.
She must have said something funny.
So what, so you say what she said.
Come on.
If you think I'm going to let you.
What's the finger about though?
I'm sure I was trying to cover your mouth.
Yeah.
I was covering my mouth.
I was saying a racially charged joke to her and I was trying to cover my mouth.
Yeah.
And she's in miss saying a punchline or something.
It was a punchline.
Look at your face.
You've never laughed that hard in front of me ever.
What, what, what, what in God's, what is she saying?
That's going to give you that reaction?
I actually don't.
Look at that face.
I don't know the moment in time.
I've never seen you make that face.
What?
What does she smell like?
Yeah.
What does she smell like?
Tell us.
I mean, you could get, why don't you guess?
Okay.
Rose, matcha.
Rose hips.
Yeah.
Rose hips.
Matcha.
Well, that's just your favorite.
That's why you're saying.
No, no, no.
Just on the pits.
Um.
Smells like a global superstar would smell.
Whoa.
Bottle that up.
Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.
Yeah.
Dude.
She's so very sweet.
Yeah.
Very cool.
Very nice.
Yeah.
And they're very courteous to let me even come near, uh, uh, that booth because,
uh, probably the most, uh, unaccomplished ugly guy in the whole clique.
But they let me, they let me in.
Wow.
Anyway.
What was I saying?
You broke up my brain.
Yeah.
What'd you break up my brain?
What were we saying?
Oh, these dominatrices.
Oh yeah.
Joe and I go to get pizza after the Gillis show.
Um, and we go to get pizza and these three women, it was the, dude, this is
crazy in Vegas.
It was the marathon, the four aces, the WNBA teams parade for winning a
championship.
Emo Fest, which was, you would have fucking lost your mind.
Oh, I love Emo Fest.
Dashboard Confessional is my favorite.
Dashboard.
Well, Blink played with Panic at the Disco and two, I don't know, three other
bands.
And we meet these three girls and I was like, Oh, did you guys go to Emo Fest?
And she's like, kind of, we did something else.
And I was like, Oh, what'd you do?
And she's like, we're dominatrices.
And I was like, I am so fucking curious about like, I want to know.
I was like, what, like, how many guys, what percentage of men do you actually
like hook
up with or who just wants the, you know, the game?
And she's like, it's much, it's way low on actual sex.
I got tied up once.
Oh, tied up is nothing.
This is like kick, beat, insult, drag, make you dress up in different outfits,
spitting,
kicking.
I go, how many guys get like, uh, genital mutilation?
She's like a ton, a high amount of people.
Like razor blades to the, anything, kick, pull, squeeze.
What about shitting?
These were not Shiza girls.
These were not Shiza girls.
They're not German.
These weren't German girls.
They weren't German girls.
Yeah.
We came to Vegas for a little fun.
Yeah.
Little poopy, poopy.
Circus, circus, poopy, poopy.
Would you ever get that done though?
Brother, what?
No.
Get tied up?
I don't like, no.
Why not?
I'm missionary for a minute and a half and then go to bed.
Really?
Okay.
A minute, maybe a full minute.
Not even a minute and a half.
Yeah.
No, I don't want to get hurt while I have sex.
That's not for me.
I respect it.
I do easy mode first.
Yeah, dude.
Yeah, yeah.
Don't go full blown master class.
I play as the first guy, you know, as the first avatar.
Like an NPC?
Yeah, the simple NPC.
Yeah, yeah.
This is me.
Yeah.
That's who I am.
I've been willing to get tied with my hands behind my back.
You're this NPC.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
My legs tied like this, right?
And just a light smack on the cheek.
I don't mind.
And then I'll go, you know what I mean?
Turn it up.
Turn it up.
You gotta start with one.
You can't start at nine.
You can't start at nine when you're first time getting tied up.
It's nuts.
No, no, no.
I go, okay, do that, right?
Just a little paka.
And then level two is what?
Two cheeks.
Double, double.
Yeah.
Two cheek it.
Two cheek it.
Maybe she chokes a little bit.
Right.
And then maybe, stick a toothpick inside the penis hole.
Yeah, yeah.
No?
No.
What level is that?
That's level five or six.
You're skipping a level.
I'm skipping levels?
You don't go from like pop, pop.
Oh, all right, all right, all right.
No, no.
Twist my nips.
Twist nips, twist nips.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I'm not talking about my Japanese friends.
Carlos likes, by the way.
Carlos is a nip twist.
Yeah.
But she was fascinating, dude.
I was so intrigued.
I was like, I want to know everything about it.
The one girl was very shareable.
The other one was like, I'm eating my pizza.
Leave me alone.
You would have loved it, dude.
I would have done it.
And they were rad.
How much money do you think?
She didn't tell, because I didn't want to ask her about finances.
But I imagine, because I did say, how expensive does it get?
She's like, well, some sessions are in the thousands.
So in the multi-thousand.
Why am I?
Yeah, we have one right there.
But do people orgasm or are they just like the pain?
It's not about coming.
Yeah.
God damn it.
That's the best part, no?
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No, you just need to...
Richie, isn't that the best part?
Of course.
Of course.
Yeah.
Me come?
Who?
Me come?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I would love to see Richie tie it up, dude.
Can we get you a dominatrix and you'd be down to...
Sure.
Yeah, yeah.
We're going to film it.
You're really down to be on cam.
Depending on how far it goes.
I also met a guy...
Level five toothpicks in the...
Oh, no, I don't have a toothpick.
I also met a guy this weekend who in this familial group of friends that I
guess we had met before.
He is a...
He works in porn.
He started off as a film...
As a filmographer.
He started off as McCone, right?
A shooter.
And now he...
I go, you ever get in front of the camera?
He goes, I've been doing it lately.
I go, ooh, little tiny Filipino guy.
I go, what's going on with that?
Who is it?
And he goes, yeah, it's kind of cool.
I go, well, what are you...
What are you like?
What are you doing?
He's like, I'm the cuck.
So he's like, I don't get to penetrate.
I'm the boyfriend that gets cheated on in front of me with the girl.
What?
Explain, explain, explain.
He's the cuck.
He in the video of like, you know, like in a porn where it's like, he's cucking.
He just stands there and watches.
That's not him.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But he just stands there and watches.
Can he play with himself while it's happening?
No.
Oh, man.
That's like the punishment.
Can he stick his finger in his own...
He can do nothing.
Okay.
That would be me.
I'd just be like, with one