Name: Don't Start Fake Wars with a Fake Person | Ep 297 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2025-11-24T17:00:55.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Don't Start Fake Wars with a Fake Person | Ep 297 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-11-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Don't Start Fake Wars with a Fake Person | Ep 297 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-11-24. Transcript available.

Don't Start Fake Wars with a Fake Person | Ep 297 | Bad Friends

hey hey everybody we got new merch and these i mean this is this was a
traumatic day in my life
yeah it really was when i fell over and i was bullied a little bit online but
um from andrew
but you know i didn't but this yeah you laughed like a hyena but let me say
something we we have
it on a shirt now and we have it on a long sleeve yeah a short sleeve like that
and on this hoodie
which we absolutely love so go to badfriendsmerch.com to grab it badfriendsmerch.com
you two are bad friends who are these two idiots
a white dude and an asian dude you two are disgusting
oh you two are something we're bad friends
dear lord thank you for the familias thank you for the meal on my plate i'm
grateful to you
thank you native for all of the land we gave you casinos cut off your hands
sorry about the smallpox the things that we gave you the blanket was nice but
it fooled with disease
sorry sorry sorry natives whoops are bad yeah that's thanksgiving sorry natives
whoopsie are bad
we really did a lot of damage and we named our sports teams after your leaders
love dances with wolves i love last mohicans favorite movies of all time and
minnetonka shoes
amen amen amen amen amen to that amen to that yeah
uh we love them yeah you know i um i've collaborated with some natives in my
life
i really yeah you did great on that i really enjoy i really enjoy um the people
and the culture and um we want to say um thank you we do love all of our native
fans we do have a lot
of native fans we love mong i know that's not native but yeah mong is not
native but i i understand i
understand that but we do love them we love the mong people yeah the mong
people they're mountain people
we love there isn't a group of people we don't like yeah no there's one i what
you say on the count of
three no we really yeah yeah yeah okay let me think of the thing what group of
people don't we like on
the count of three one two three eskimos oh what what what did you say jerks oh
jerks jerks i said
eskimos oh wow yeah why don't you like eskimos they're snowballs they hurt so
bad because you know
what they do is they they huck them no no they they make it and then they
overnight it freezes into
an ice ball oh yeah and they read it's very there he is come on look at how
cute that guy they're
the best oh that's a girl that's a girl i can't even tell yeah yeah see eskimos
they were ahead
of the trend yeah that's a gender that is a fluid person it's a yeah i don't
know who that is look
at that nose they love to kiss with the nose eskimo kisses yeah you want to do
an eskimo kiss
merry christmas merry christmas no happy thanksgiving yeah
i mean how do they tongue i mean that's it right there's no way to get more you
know because when
you're kissing right you can something you do closed mouth in the beginning you
kind of figure out what
what their style is and then you dart in the tongue and sometimes you do you
know i mean like washing
machine darting well it's like wrestling you got to find a way you can't yeah
how is that working out
that technique it works it's pretty good probably 10 000 times i've done it
right most of them but with
eskimo how do you get more you know i mean intimate with it well they have sex
bud
and i'm just out of the kissing style oh brother i don't think eskimo maybe
they blow
maybe they blow snot into the other hole that's actually smart yeah yeah it
could be cool
i just saw predator badlands dude that movie dude last night what a movie so
good so good but the movie
is because you you never watch you never watch the movies i recommend like you
never saw weapons i
couldn't why i wasn't allowed yeah yeah it's rated r yeah but um i am not
allowed would you have you
what what predator moves have you seen the original that's the only one that's
the best one did you
see prey no prey incredible same director i've only seen the original you got
to watch prey you got to
watch this it's incredible you saw it yeah incredible right so what do you
think it's about
tell me predator badland yeah yeah well give me a photo give me an image and i
can tell you a story
yeah yeah yeah very easy you're very good at this but this is probably one of
my best qualities yeah
yeah yeah yeah yeah let's go to yeah that one that photo oh it's about
immigration
yeah yeah this is all about immigration yeah but it's the reverse right yeah i
mean because in this time
america is going real bad yeah and mexico's thriving right so yeah which one is
the mexican
fancy watch it fancy watch it pal yeah and um right there you know where they
are el paso right
there that's el paso yeah and they're trying to get into warhouse right right
right so he to make it
easier he slices her in half no just rips her body off yeah yeah in half well
because that's probably
easier to get her across yeah and her name is karen for some reason yeah why i
don't know why but her
name is karen and she's like you know what um hey raul or yeah that's raul yeah
yeah whatever your
name is this is one of her lines you know what i mean yeah like dude i'm not
like climbing any fences
okay i'm not gonna go in any body of water find a way is that el manning yeah
she's great at it
this girl is so good she's so good she's good in everything now yeah yeah it's
almost like her
career has flourished the most the last like five years right complete unknown
she was killed in
unbelievable unbelievable and who and who's the actor playing the predator um
is that jacob alorty again
no he's i've never seen him before but he's very good at it so here's the
problem look at that zoom in
look at how handsome this guy is then they put him in that mask right you don't
even get to see how
handsome he is yeah so pick an ugly guy for that this is my problem with hollywood
just let a no go
do that you can't give that to us it's in a mask well you have to have the body
what do you know you
don't what do you mean it's just a suit no he's not wearing a i mean he's
wearing like probably latex
stuff on his arms you're telling me that's it let me see the full body you can
see the armor behind
him can i give you the premise or no uh it's not about immigration i guess
because i was wrong yeah i think you're a little wrong i think the premise of
this is um predator
okay be real i got it i got it i got it i got it so predator is um there's a
new regime taking over
and he is against it he's like the renegade and she is he falls in love with
her and he's trying to
protect her because they're going to kill they're going to kill her because she's
white they're killing
off all the karens yeah the killing of the karens and he loves her and he says
the only way for this
to work is if i cut you in half i'll reassemble you later yeah because they
need to think you're
dead and now they're on the run he's reassembled her and they're and they're on
the run from the
regime pretty close am i close nope all right what is it what is it well are
you should i be real
about it i don't want to give any spoilers away well you don't have to spoil it
when you give the
premise of the movie i'll give you the premise of the movie what is it okay so
he's you know here's
what i like about the movie right you never get insight in terms of the culture
of whoever the
predators are right am i do you see the movie i haven't seen it yeah you're
talking like the
original predator right you just it's just some alien who can camouflage you
know i mean cool weapons
and they're difficult to kill i mean that's pretty much all the predator movies
and now in this you see
you know the family dynamics uh right of the predator family of the predator
family and and
it's very north korean i believe yeah yeah is he the young is that young
predator like is he the baby
of the family he's the baby of family and because he's smaller than all his
brothers right yes he's
dating a white girl yeah yeah like man look at predator can't get himself a
nice no no he's gay you
know all all gay minorities have like this white girl that's like sticking up
for them oh right yeah
like right yeah the yautja it's called the yautja yeah and so um basically um
he's the runt and the
father is like he needs to die because he's a shame on the family ah right so
um he the the little yautja
goes well can i go to this planet to kill that this monster that no one can
kill because they like to
hunt right and the father's like you can't kill that i'm afraid of it oh wow
right and he goes to
this he goes to this um planet badlands i don't know what the planet's called
and um that's where the
big movie that's the beginning of the film and she's um she works for a
corporation um she works for like
black rock yes sort of like black rock but she's an you know uh an android and
she was split in half
from the from the from that creature she's a humanoid she's half human half no
she's fully android oh
she's no human at all there's no humans in the movie should be a really good
movie um so it's worth it
though yeah can you do this because i just before i can get i would get this
off my chest real quick um
can you stop um telling me to send me i'll send you my my dead dead photos what
are you talking about
i was in mexico with some friends yeah so one in the morning this guy calls me
he goes yo
he goes send me photos of your dead dad i go what why he's like my friends want
to see it i was telling
the story uh i was telling the story of how this podcast was kind of birthed
and at the beginning
what had happened with your dad and how daddy why you die became a thing yeah
and then one of the
guys was like that's crazy though the picture thing and he's and he was like
that's not real though i
was like that's very real yeah and he was like no i go okay and i called you i
was like will you send
me a picture of your dead dad yeah and then you showed it to him what happened
i said by the way
this guy's a big star yeah i sent it to everybody really i airdropped it to all
of them they all have
it now they're gonna blow one up and put it in their house so what um when you
showed it to him
what happened that was king of the party for a couple minutes yeah did they
laugh or everyone
was shocked it wasn't as funny as i thought it was obviously yeah yeah it's not
funny well the second
photo of your dad is weirder because one of them is like a selfie with your dad
and the other one your
mom's crying but you're straightforward yeah yeah no i'm not in that photo the
second one you're in
yeah but that was like a um camera setup that the timer thing so funny and i
had to run around
which is always you know imagine you set the timer and your dad's body moves a
little bit and you're
like hold on set it again yeah yeah but the first one i sent you is the most
tragic one because right
when my dad dies i catch my mom crying and my brother's just like he makes a
face that he's like
yeah he's in shock yeah he's in shock that's steve shock that's steve yeah yeah
yeah and it's a brutal
photo but i like i like that you sent it and i appreciate you i needed to show
everyone well you
ruined whatever party you were at i think pretty hard yeah it was pretty bad
nobody liked it
no they loved it no they loved it they thought it was funny yeah well when i
sent it to the hudson's
they didn't like it remember that's weird they didn't like yeah yeah i was in
mexico you got to show
something fun in mexico we were we were scared in mexico right right right yeah
yeah yeah walking
the streets of mexico yeah late at night getting some tacos i love mexico it's
a good tacos so good
tell me about the tacos oh and we have birra birra birra birra what is that and
they were shaving
it off in front of you i was like oh god dude it was so good oh i love when
they do that when they
shave it and the cheese is on top so they cut a little slice of cheese throw it
in there yeah the
guy it was a magician and then the little woman next to him was hand making
tortillas oh dude it's
so good i love my mouth is watering it's so delicious yeah right up ri