Name: Fat Skinny Eyes | Ep 298 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2025-12-01T17:01:26.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Fat Skinny Eyes | Ep 298 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-12-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Fat Skinny Eyes | Ep 298 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-12-01. Transcript available.

Fat Skinny Eyes | Ep 298 | Bad Friends

Hey, bad friends. I am so excited to announce that this weekend, December 6th
in Los Angeles
at LA Valley College, I am putting together the first annual Ho Ho Homers, a
home run derby event
for Southern California Special Olympics. I would love to see you out there
from noon
to four. Come and donate. There's crazy silent auction items, autographed jerseys,
all sorts of merch, tickets, events. You can win a foursome to play golf with
me
at Sherwood Country Club in beautiful Thousand Oaks, California. Please come
out and see us
December 6th, LA Valley College. If you are out of the LA area, you just want
to donate and support
Southern California Special Olympics, go to the link that's in the description
down below. It's
SOSC.org slash Ho Ho Homers. We'll put the link down below, but happy holidays
and hope to see you
there. Hey, guess what guys? We have new merch and check this shirt out. I love
this shirt because
this is when I almost died. That's when you almost died out back. It's one of
the most traumatic moments.
Bobby blading. It's a great shirt. We have it on a long sleeve like that. We
have it on a short sleeve
and we also have this hoodie, this white hoodie right here. We love it. Grab
one today for the
holiday season for you, your family, your friends. Who cares? Get one. Go to
badfriendsmerch.com.
Why are you making fun of fanny packs? You know, you know, uh, Yoshinobu Yamamoto
of the Dodgers is
big into bags. Do you know about this? Yeah. Look at his bag collection. This
is the new thing. Asian
men with bags is a huge deal. And that's why I'm into it. Cause I'm an Asian
man. I like bags. Look
at the bag I got. Let me see your bag. Okay. So I come in here and, um, Andreas,
our producer,
Andreas. Andres. Andres. Andres. Andres. Right. I call him Andreas when he's
acting like that.
Take him back a peg. Yeah. He picks up my bag and he starts prancing around the
podcast room.
Like, look at me. You know what I mean? I gay. You know what I mean? And I went
and I listen as a,
as a man, as an Asian man, I, I'm, I love bags. You do love bags. Yeah. Could
you carry a purse?
Do you think? That's not a joke. No. Many men are carrying purses. This is a
purse. No,
that's a fanny pack. But I have everything. And you want to see what's in it?
Let's see.
Open up your purse. Okay. So we got notes. Joke notes. Joke notes. My phone.
Okay. Yeah.
You need that. And then, check it out. Cologne. Gotta have it. Gotta have it.
Gotta smell good.
Right. And that was, I have side pockets too. Hold on. Let's see what's in the
side pocket here.
That's like my wife's. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Neutradrema. Acne patches. Acne
patches are useful.
Yeah. Very useful. We need all this stuff. And that's pretty much all that's in
it.
Oh, an air pod. Yep. A lighter. Yep. And a Listerine thing for my breath. All
this
stuff adds up. Yeah. You're a single man. You're supposed to stick that shit in
your pocket?
No way. Actors are, uh, what is that? Across Asia, why are more men carrying
women's handbags?
Exactly. I'm telling you, it's becoming a new thing. Look at these are both men
with very
nice handbags. Yeah. They don't want to have sex anymore.
I think it's a new thing. Yeah. And by the way, that's not true because their
birth
rate is through the roof. These guys, they can't stop. Maybe this will slow it
down.
Yeah. Yeah. This is a population stopper. Yeah. Now that's too far.
What? Why? When there's a thing where you actually carry it with your hand, I
don't think I could go to that level.
You're saying it's okay if it goes straps to your body. It's a strap because I
don't do this around my waist. You know what I mean? I do this thing where it's
like, you know what I mean?
Like nonchalant is great. Like nonchalant around the shoulder.
So it's almost like a back. It's like a side bag.
It's like a side bag.
Yeah. And then sometimes I'm at the airport and I have my backpack, right? Clip
the backpack. And I put this in the front like this.
Oh, a front pack. Like a front pack. So I have a backpack and a front pack,
right? And I don't know why you're laughing so hysterically right now, my
friend, because you're about to get it.
I mean, it does look, it looks comfortable. It looks nice. Yeah. Yeah. It's a
fashion item as well. It's a fashion item. It's a, it's one more piece. It's a
piece. Yeah. And it's iron heart, which they do great jeans. Look at this fine
African-American man, black man. You're so afraid to say black guy for a second.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Look at this fine man. There's LeBron. LeBron with a bag.
Always with the Louis. But that's a, but that's a duffel bag. That's a
different thing. Duffels are their own category. That's a purse. Yeah. Well, to
tell me,
the difference between a duffel bag and a person. Okay. Look, a duffel bag is a
male. Look at that. I know. Do you even know who that is? Tyler, the creators.
Sure. Here's the, my logic. A duffel bag is, is a man's bag. That's that is
little purse leaning. A fanny pack is a, can be a man's bag. That is a little
fem leaning. And then if you have a purse, there's a straight up purse. Yeah.
Harry Styles with a purse. Yeah. And
that's a little, that's very fem. That's very. You're in the middle. You're bi.
Yeah. A fanny pack is bi. Okay. It's bi. You're bi. Okay. I'm bi. We know.
Fashion wise. Well. I'm fashion bi. There's a transference of life. Yeah. Your
bags are your life. Yeah. Fashion is life. Is it not? I'm not bisexual. All
right. But anyway, who's this? Jacob Elordi. Jacob Elordi. Oh my God. Look at
that. Well, look at, look at, look at. And now, let me say that. You pick up
that yellow bag, the J.J.
Jacob Elordi. And do you do it in front of him. He'll rip you. He'll stretch
you out.
J.J. Gebelar. That's so gay to say that. What? Rip and stretch you out. I'm
talking about his butthole.
Yeah. He will rip, stretch. Your butthole will look like the Joker's mouth in
like two minutes.
Stitches, the whole thing, dude. All right. Watch your fucking face. I
apologize. All right.
Look up Yoshinobu Yamamoto's bag collection. This guy, for the Dodgers, he's
got one of the most iconic bag. People, people, uh.
Here we go. Shopping again.
Post about him all the time. Yeah.
Go to all. Go to all.
Go to all. We're just on images, not even shopping.
There you go. Just do his bag collection.
There's got to be a video about it.
What about his bag?
Let's go through some of them.
And now this guy doing the announcements, he's not gay.
Turquoise retailing at $11,600. Made from calf leather with cowhide trim. His
teammate Kike also has one. Aw, twins. Then we have the Chanel 22.
That's a bad. That's a purse.
In a shiny calf skin. I tried this on in a burgundy. Major regret not getting
it. This is very chic on him. The Chanel doesn't stop there. He's also a lover
of a-
You're also very chic.
Yeah. I want him to do-
What? Why am I-
It's again.
Bobby Lee. And Bobby Lee has an iron heart. It says engineers on it. It's very
leather, right?
Shake. Shake.
It's chic. And it really goes with his torso.
It does.
Yeah. It's almost as like it's an attachment to his own body, like a limb.
That's right.
Yeah.
It's interesting because you've lost weight now, so you're putting on more
things.
Yeah.
You know? You need more stuff on you.
Also, I have-
I still have fat eyes.
No, you don't.
No, what I'm-
Some would argue you have-
What?
Very-
A fat dick.
Very skinny eyes.
Very thin eyes.
Very thin.
Yeah.
I don't mean it in that sense.
I don't either.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, yeah.
That's good.
I'm sorry.
You have skinny eyes.
You have skinny eyes.
Yeah, very skinny eyes.
Yeah.
I would say I have medium eyes.
Medium eyes.
But when I look at myself in the mirror, I still see a fat guy.
See that- will that ever go away, do you think?
I don't know.
But I'll do bends and see where the fat is and go, I gotta lose that.
You know what I mean?
See, this is the problem that they say.
You continually move the goalposts.
You've lost a lot of weight.
Yeah.
Now you still want to lose more.
When does it end?
Until I look like Karen Carpenter.
Oh my God.
Yeah, yeah.
Body dysmorphia, that's what we-
Body dysmorphia, that's what it is.
It's a mental health condition where a person spends a lot of time worrying
about their flaws
and their appearances.
Yeah.
But you don't have many flaws.
I have a flat ass.
No, I think you gotta-
And have tiny little bumps in it too.
I don't know why.
Those are the dimples in your tush?
Yeah, the little dimples.
Do you have dimples?
I have dimples.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And they're my favorite.
On yours, that's my favorite place to bite.
Okay, okay.
Bumps on your butt can be caused by acne, inflammation of your follicles.
No, I think it's just age.
I think it's age.
It's just life.
Yeah.
You're not gonna have a perfect round butt the rest of your life.
That's impossible.
I mean, Carlos does have a perfectly round butt.
He has a nice butt, yeah.
But that's just genetics.
Latin, yeah.
Right.
Yeah.
Well, no, because Fancy doesn't have a nice butt.
No.
We've never seen it.
See it.
Let's see it.
Well, just Google Porg's butt.
He's back at it with his, did you hear you well?
Yeah.
Oh, there's a little Porgy right there.
That's the Porg butt.
Yeah.
He's very Harry Potter today.
Did you watch the movies or what's going on here?
I played a video game last night.
Okay.
Okay.
Oh, very good.
Good callback.
Good callback for something that people don't even know what you're talking
about.
Yeah.
No, but you do.
You are.
You have layers on today.
This is going to be the future of bad weather coming in.
The kid's got the sweater with the sweater and the collared shirt.
Double sweater collared shirt.
It is cute though.
Oh, it makes it look like it's two.
Yeah.
Wow.
Wait, wait.
It's one sweater that has like a stitching.
Exactly.
No, be real.
It's real.
Stick your hand between.
I can't.
Oh my God, dude.
You know what this is like?
It's like a clip on tie.
It's a clip on tie.
Yeah.
Oh my God.
This is like they made those jackets which had hoodies stitched inside of them.
Have you ever seen that?
And they're not real hoodies.
It's the same thing.
Yeah.
I kind of like it.
Where do you get that?
Desiual.
Desiual.
Desiual too?
Oh, they have that.
Deadstock though.
They don't make this anymore.
This guy, it's worth money now at this point.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He'll have the largest collection of Desiual.
Yeah.
And all it has is the symbol on it?
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah, the symbol I don't.
If it was just nothing, that'd be cool.
Okay, good.
Yeah.
And do you always wear those glasses?
Or are they new?
He's been wearing those since we've known them.
Okay.
I think with that outfit, it's very Harry Potter.
Are those new glasses though?
A new design?
Yes.
They're like fairly new.
Like seven, eight months.
Oh, wow.
The whole year you've had those?
Yeah.
Wow.
Have you just noticed them now?
They look different today.
They look different today.
You know what it is though?
He's got a little pep in his step.
I'm guessing.
He doesn't know with his hair too.
Yes.
What's going on there?
It's a crunch.
It's like, it's new.
He's trying to be young.
Yeah.
Right.
You know, oh, he just waved his neck.
He just waved it.
You know what I mean?
You know what happened?
I wish turkey didn't exist.
Why?
Because that's where he got his hair done.
Oh, that's right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm guessing your wife and you had a little fun today.
That's why you're in a good mood.
Am I right?
You're right.
See, I knew it.
I can tell.
That's what it is.
Yeah.
Wow.
When his balls are full, he's more annoyed.
Yeah.
Now he feels light and airy because he's empty.
Exactly.
Yeah.
That time of the year, you know?
Yeah.
How long does it last?
A minute, two?
How long does it?
Him?
Yeah, yeah.
What do you think?
I think she just makes, I think she makes him pleasure her and he doesn't, he
has to go
in the bathroom when it's over and she doesn't want to see that.
Yeah.
She did it once.
They had a kid.
It's over.
She's done.
They don't want to do th