Name: Rudy's Mom Breaks the Show | Ep 299 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2025-12-08T17:00:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Rudy's Mom Breaks the Show | Ep 299 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-12-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Rudy's Mom Breaks the Show | Ep 299 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-12-08. Transcript available.

Rudy's Mom Breaks the Show | Ep 299 | Bad Friends

Happy Holidays.
Happy Holidays.
What are you doing?
Don't eat on camera because it's bad for the sound.
Bobby, you need new jokes.
Go ahead, Andres, say what you want to say.
I have only wanted to say that
I don't like Bobby, I hate him,
and I'm running to quit for years.
I don't like Rudy either because I, me, Andres Rosende,
I don't like brown people at all.
I'm pro ice, Andres Rosende, pro ice.
I'm totally against ice, man, because I'm liberal.
Why are you talking to me?
Free Palestine, I'm Macon, free Palestine, man.
What's going on with that stuff, man?
You know what I mean?
Because I'm on the right side of history.
People don't know, but secretly I beat my wife.
I'm Andres Rosende, I beat my wife.
Yeah.
Why don't you tell us what's going on with you, Rudy?
You're a pod, you're a pod trader.
McCone, you're the worst, you're not my boss.
Andres my boss.
Mm-hmm.
You shut up.
Your dad died?
Oh, sorry.
Jesus Christ, dude.
That's real.
That is crazy.
We're supposed to be in character.
You two are bad friends.
Who are these two idiots?
A white dude and an Asian dude.
You two are disgusting.
Well, you two are something.
We're bad friends.
Rudy can't fail.
Hello.
Hello.
You know what I'm doing?
She knows nothing about music.
And what do you mean?
Because today I woke up and she's playing her like, you know what I mean,
Japanese pop music
or whatever.
It's not.
It's Rosalia.
You know, I'm listening to this stuff, right?
And I'm going to go, do you know the history of music?
And she goes, I'm open, right?
So I'm going to make her a playlist of things that I like throughout history.
Okay.
But can you listen to her too?
Yeah.
That's her?
Yeah.
Now you like her.
I like her a lot.
Yeah.
I like her a lot.
I like her eyebrows.
How does she do that with her?
Is that like she shaves them like that?
She has a worm on her head.
Is that a worm?
That's what the kids are.
Oh, that's her trademark.
Oh, it is?
Okay.
Yeah.
Is she Hispanic?
Spanish.
Yeah.
Spanish.
That's Hispanic.
What do you mean?
From Spain.
Spain, yeah.
Oh, you draw the line.
You're drawing the line again.
Wait a minute.
She's Hispanic.
Yeah.
Is that not true?
No, it's true.
But different than the other kind of Hispanic.
Hispanic means Spanish.
So yes.
Okay.
Yeah.
People from Spain are considered Hispanic.
Yeah.
But not Latino.
Latino.
Latino.
Yeah, Latinos.
As we know.
Are the true Americans.
The true Americans.
Yeah.
That's a Latino right there.
Yeah.
Actually, you're Latinx because you're being excommunicated from this podcast
pretty soon.
What did I do?
Here's what Latino.
I was in the hospital this week.
Here's what Latinos are like.
My dad's a doctor.
I'm going to get into comedy.
I'm 20 years later.
Glory hole.
My dad went to medical school and became a doctor.
I'm going to go to glory holes, have prostitutes, do drugs.
Do drugs.
You're a drug addict.
You got lucky to be.
Whoa.
You are so lucky you were born to be famous in the 90s.
Whoa.
Whoa.
You are so lucky.
How am I lucky?
If you were born in 1987, you'd be like working at a laundromat right now.
What if he was born in like that?
What if he was born in like the 90s?
What do you think his career would be?
He would have tried to be a writer on Parks and Rec and it never would have
happened.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Yo.
What's up?
At best, he'd be Jaime.
At best.
Whoa.
Slam.
You're fired.
This is Slam Fest 2025.
Wow.
You just got personally, huh?
Yeah.
I had to fight back on that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm still here.
There's a lot of people who are funnier than me that are doing nothing in LA
now.
I would argue there's nobody funnier than you.
How about that?
Yeah.
I think you're one of the most talented people in Los Angeles.
The reason why I made fun of you is because I respect your talent.
Oh.
Manipulate.
Bro.
It's emotional abuse.
That's emotional abuse.
No.
You know what you sound like right now?
What?
A truck backing up.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
No, dude.
I'm not beeping, dude.
Well, then go forward.
I'm going forward.
No, you're not.
You just backed out.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hit hard.
Is it not true?
Right?
That your father's a physician.
That.
Yes, your honor.
That's true.
Was.
Okay, good.
Was.
Isn't he retired now?
No.
He's barely older than Bobby.
Yeah.
Okay.
That's another slam.
That's fine.
That's fine.
I see you in heat right now?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Relax.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I was asking.
Stepmom.
Yeah.
Dude, how funny if she became Carlos's stepmom.
One of the funniest things on earth.
I would just have, you know what I mean, a jacket bomb at the wedding and I
would just pull,
everyone dies.
Al Qaeda.
Is that your closer?
Jacket bomb?
Yeah.
Jacket bomb.
Anyway, so let's go back to Cora.
All right.
Okay.
Yeah.
He is.
He is, right?
Yeah.
A very highly respected one.
Correct.
Correct.
What kind of physician is he?
Cancer.
Cancer.
Surgeon.
Cancer surgeon.
That's incredible.
And he still smokes, right?
No, he doesn't.
Oh.
That's top, that's top doctor.
Cancer surgeon?
Yeah.
I don't even know if there's someone above him.
I know.
Man who owns hospital?
Who's above that guy?
That guy.
Yeah, yeah.
Man who owns hospital.
So respected this and that, went to how many years of school?
You're like the dentist of that world.
Yeah.
Dude.
Orthodontist for junior high kids.
Are you saying he's like a dental hygienist?
He's not even a dentist?
Is that what you're trying?
Yeah, it's like very mid-level.
Damn.
Yeah.
By the way, shout out to my dental hygienist.
Okay, if I'm a dental hygienist, you're what are you?
You wash the tables in the lobby?
In comedy?
Yeah.
No, I'm like the assistant or something.
Okay.
In the OR.
Okay.
Yeah, I'm doing-
You know what?
I can't wait for my special to come out and prove you wrong.
Oh, here we go.
This is going to be the whole motto, all 2026.
When it comes out, you'll see all the reviews.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, some people might not like it, but I'm just saying, you know what I mean?
You're against me.
I'm not-
Yeah, you're against me!
No, this-
He's against me, dude!
There's a false ghost in front of you to chase.
Andrew!
Is he against me?
Andrew!
The attack before, right?
Yeah.
Was truths.
Oh, only truths.
Yeah, yeah.
And so it's like, I don't think that I was, you know what I mean?
I think you're a very complex, dynamic, artistic guy, right?
That script that you wrote was fucking amazing.
The one you didn't read?
I did read it.
I read it.
No, I read it too.
Oh, I didn't know you read it.
Yeah, I loved it.
Why did I tell Abby I like this?
Oh yeah, that's right.
Got it wrong.
I'll admit it.
So what I'm saying is that I think that you're talented, right?
Thank you.
I'm telling everyone that I'm like a loser because I'm not a headlining
community.
No, I didn't say that.
I didn't say that.
That's so unrealistic.
What I was saying is that it was more toward Andreas because of the Latino
thing.
Let's keep it here.
Stop backing up the truck.
All right.
I came in a little hot.
I'm sorry.
But I'll be honest with you.
Your knives are so sharp today.
Yeah.
I don't think I've seen you this keen.
Mm-hmm.
What is it?
You went to the hospital?
On Monday night, I went to the hospital and I've been in my place for like two
hours.
How come I didn't get a phone call?
What's going on?
I didn't want to stress you out.
What happened?
What's going on?
Acting concerned.
Yeah.
Okay.
Take two.
Just give me a sec.
Just give me that.
You can't even fake it?
I can fake it.
And three, two, one.
What is it going on?
No, he laughed.
Ready?
One more take.
One, two, three.
What's going on?
I got a stomach virus and I was-
That's it?
It was-
Shut the fuck up.
You're ruining the moment.
I have health insurance.
I can go to the hospital.
Did you eat something bad?
Yeah, I think I did.
And it fucked me up and I had to go get IVs all night.
Are we talking like blood and stool again?
No, it wasn't blood.
Nope.
All right.
Yeah.
Let me tell you something.
I was embarrassed.
We're on a buddy system on this show.
Everyone has to call someone when something happens.
We're on a buddy system.
So never again.
Exactly.
We have to.
Buddy system.
Yeah.
I've always said that.
Yeah.
We're on a buddy system, dude.
How are you?
What's going on?
You were embarrassed?
Yeah.
Why were you embarrassed?
He's going to the hospital every week.
Yeah.
I didn't want you to think I was up to no good.
What is going on with you health wise?
We've got to fix that.
I think I'm too thin and I don't eat enough.
So when I get sick, it fucks me up.
And you're wearing Amish clothing.
Where do you get that shirt?
That's an old umpire in the 40s.
Yeah.
What do you?
Amazon.
Do you work in Xanadu?
Like where do you get that shirt?
McCone loved it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Don't ever wear that again.
That shirt is what?
It's what?
Fire.
It's not fire.
We don't say that word on the show anymore.
Yeah.
It's Anderson Cooper.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's not Anderson Cooper.
That's otherworldly.
I got to tell you something.
Yes.
You got to call buddy system, but you do need to get your health in check.
Yeah.
I haven't been eating a lot.
Brother.
You got to wake up, take a walk, get something to eat, get your system back.
I mean, exercise.
I think I definitely want you to do, but eat.
You got to eat dog.
I know.
I got to live more like Andrew and not like Bob.
No, no, no, no, no.
No, I'm not.
You're not listening.
You're projecting on what you would do in this situation.
You're not listening.
I'm not saying I'm the, I don't know.
I'm not saying I know better.
I'm saying, but for you as your friend, you do have to eat better.
You do have to like, you've got to change your diet.
You can't eat fucking once every other day.
Yeah.
That's how I eat.
Yeah.
That's not smoothies and I chill.
Dude.
That's not good.
No, I'm not depressed.
I like my life.
You're afraid of getting fatter and older.
You're afraid of turning into Andres.
Older than me as a hot wife.
Older.
Yeah.
Has a hot wife, has a beautiful child.
What would I be like Andres one day?
Got new hair.
I mean, everything is working.
God damn.
Well, so this, so maybe it's being in the booth with him.
That's like fucking you up.
Oh, should, should we move you out of the booth and get your own section?
I could, I would.
Because Andres is thriving.
He really is.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's grown into, I don't look at him like a porg anymore.
What do you look at him at now?
Mmm.
Like the baby version of the Stay Puft marshmallow mess.
Cutest thing on earth.
Yeah.
It's the cutest thing on earth.
You know what I mean?
Thank you.
Yeah.
My favorite thing is when your glass is fog.
That's probably one of my favorite things.
Because eyes sweat.
I didn't know eyes could sweat.
I've never seen that before.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's great.
I thought that was only Cambodians.
Yeah.
Speaking of Cambodians, Rudy Jules is back in the studio.
Thank God.
Everybody.
And you know who else she brought?
Who'd she bring?
Her mom, but let's get her later.
That's fine.
Your mommy's here.
Your mom's here.
Are you excited to see your mommy here?
Well, they live together.
They live at my house.
No, I mean here in the studio.
Here in the studio.
Yeah.
Yeah, but she's scared.
Shouldn't be.
Shouldn't be.
Yeah, she should.
She should be.
She should be scared.
Cause I know things.
Scared of me?
Hell yeah.
Oh, have you met her?
No.
Yeah, I think.
Didn't I meet her once?
I don't think so.
Yeah, I have to limit my brown people that I meet every year.
I think I'm up to like seven.
I might be at the roof.
Yeah, you're at the roof.
Too much, I think.
Too, too over?
Yeah, you gotta cut two of them out.
I will.
That's fine.
I better be not being one of them.
No.
Of course, thank you.
You're not brown, buddy.
I'm not?
Yellow.
You're actually more.
You know what you are?
You know what you are?
What?
Because of your new health, new found health and body style.
Yeah.
You're like your ombre.
Oh, I'm Hispanic now.
No, not an ombre.
Ombre.
An ombre.
Ombre means like the color that like changes into another one, right?
Like ombre, like hair.
Like you shift colors.
Oh, thank yo