Name: Egg Roll Takes a Ride | Ep 302 Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2026-01-05T17:01:11.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Egg Roll Takes a Ride | Ep 302 Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-01-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Egg Roll Takes a Ride | Ep 302 Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-01-05. Transcript available.

Egg Roll Takes a Ride | Ep 302 Bad Friends

happy new year bad friends well 2026 i got a couple of shows i'm going to be
doing uh windsor
ontario canada january 16th right after that i'm in bethlehem pa come out uh
also hanover
maryland then i'm in atlantic city uh then down by san diego bobby's hometown
valley center which
is inland a little bit but by san diego uh then i'm in canyonville oregon and
then bob and i are
doing a show in lincoln california yeah lincoln bad friends live uh over in
thunder valley casino
up there by sacramento then i'm doing the wind casino in las vegas and finally
the little roadie
fest out in providence rhode island in march go to andrewsantino.com for those
tickets andrewsantino.com
you two are bad friends who are these two idiots white dude and an asian dude
you two are disgusting
you two are something we're bad friends your mom fell and you didn't help her
rudy said what rudy
said you didn't help your mom and because she was next to her it's her your mom
i know
i understand that but when your mom falls everyone knows this rule when your
mom falls whoever's the
closest picks her up everyone knows that that sounds like a good yeah yeah she
fell over and before i
could respond jules was already picking her up yeah and and also it's like when
you're falling off of a
chair dude it's embarrassing yeah it's what's going on well when you reach a
certain age you're gonna fall
and your mom fell while we were in phoenix and and i felt a little bad why
because it's sad when old
people fall it is fall because they can set him it's fall it's winter it is it
is a fall
no she fell over and i saw jules do the movement of picking her up so i didn't
bother but jules
jules did the fake where you're like oh but you didn't really she doesn't
really no she did oh
really yeah she's a caring person she is and then my mom goes uh i like her
yeah yeah yeah we had a
great time in phoenix uh we were opening for shane gillis who probably once
again cracked a record
of ticket sales out there in phoenix the guy was incredible 20 000 something
like that normand you
me mccusker nate what a lineup it was an unbelievable lineup the black guy
nate nate yeah he's awesome when i was on stage i was just like round of
applause for santino
mccusker normand i forget because i forgot that black guy's name did you really
yeah i was gonna say
black guy but i thought in front of 18 000 people i don't think it was just so
calm up there
and in control you have to be yeah yeah i think if you go up there and you show
any semblance of
like nerves i was more nervous yesterday for the special olympics oh dude bro
let me say something
about that what's so funny you're a great catcher you were a really good catcher
yeah yeah i'm a
good catcher dude i dude no and he was throwing it back with like some heat on
it yeah yeah it was
pretty good the serious face no he was genuinely in there yamamoto style dude
yeah dude i'm a little
shohei dude well they're two different guys but yeah that's your way yamamoto
yeah it can be
no dude i yeah i have those asian baseball skills you really do yeah yeah it's
like it's in your blood
i can tell the way you set up to the ball the way you throw yeah i didn't want
it back because i
didn't want to like bury bill burr yeah oh yeah and burke yeah you didn't want
to because kreischer
and burke showed up let me can i just say something about the special olympics
thing event you did yeah i was i
felt i was sitting there in the stands watching you coach them and i was like
and then it's your
event and i was like what a good guy he is you're a really good guy i just no
no you're a good person
dude it was fun man yeah i think it's a rad thing to do for you to take your
day out like that and get
everyone to go crease was there doing the announcing nick was killing it he was
killing it and i will
say and shout out to the people that showed up and and frankie quinones came as
creeper as creeper
cholo fit did you were you there no where was he oh bro it was so sick he came
later because he had
something to do in earlier in the day but i missed him and creeper showed up
and he was like he was
like walking up to the mountain he's like hey bro pitch i'm a pitcher and he
was he was throwing
pitches and he was dancing like robot in between pitches oh dude he's one of
the nicest guys funniest
dudes i love this is so so dope and and then he went up to everybody as creeper
and like took photos
and was talking to them and stuff yeah it was dude it was such a fun he's a
good dude it was a super
fun day yeah but just the um that you do you do care and i um oh yeah i want to
get involved i i
got to do a charity i think we should we should do more no i want my own
charity what do i do
what charity would need who needs the most money yeah i just want to be able to
participate here
you know we you know what we should do we should do big brother where we like
it because we don't
have kids so we should like adopt you know like big brother like you take them
on the weekend to do
cool shit young kids without many times huh how many times do you do it it
depends on the person
depends on the person every weekend that's not every weekend yeah it could we
could do shifts
it is a commitment for a few years it is until they can we choose can we choose
the kid or no
you're usually assigned you spin a wheel really and then oh puerto rican oh
that's cool puerto rico
yeah i think it's awesome and you and you take them out and you kick it with
them you take them to
go eat food to play video games like dude we are big kids you and i we're
essentially just big
let's we're doing big brother i think it's huge yeah what do do i get a weekend
alone you take the
kid you take the young no because why i'm gonna spoil the out of the kid i know
well no no they tell
they do tell you you got to be careful with that why they do a research on the
people you know and uh
back on background checks and all of that yeah yeah you're the foreigner who
are you talking to
who are you talking to i have no criminal history i had i have no criminal
history my wife had one for
a long time so i what we would take her i mean it was big brothers big sisters
so yeah yeah do the
same with girls and we would take disneyland and things like that it was yeah
so if i took
our little brother our little brother right to disneyland the the foundation
would be like nah no no no
it's all good but they're but they're i think you can do the vip thing that you
like i'm doing the
vip yeah yeah lightsabers the whole thing i mean a lightsaber you get three of
them i do think that's
the move yeah like you break all those rules and give them a magical day i
think big brother big
sister's rad we should do that yeah um no we should do it i got you a little
gift by the way this is
from my friends okay my friends at at betonardi the putter guys the putter
company that i love they
they made you custom chopsticks look at how are you being real 100 take them
out look at how sick
those things are these are so sick dude and they're like high quality i think
you'd like the purple
right i do they're a little heavy though yeah but heavy is good yeah heavy is
good smooth baby yeah they
look so natural are they really mine yeah they're made for you okay thank you
custom the leather you
can smell the leather love the smell of leather yeah i really do and then uh it
says b on it is
that that that's b for bobby no yeah are you being real that's a that's your
name yeah wow thank you
so much that's gonna be there for six months at least one of the guys will take
it home yeah
they'll take some of the scraps are you drinking coffee right now it's 8 p.m
yeah what's going on are
you got a set tonight no so you want you do because i go down to the hallway i
go down to the lobby at
phoenix to go get the car he's already down there he's cruising but he's wide
awake and i was like
oh someone's someone's nice and awake he's like i never went to bed oh dude i
didn't sleep i'm not
kidding you like four days in a row i would get like a couple hours but it's
like not you're not
dreaming you're just laying there right and you're having horrific thoughts
like what you're drowning
you know what a fire all that stuff you know that's not normal yes it is no to
have like just
negative thoughts while you can't sleep yeah where i'm trapped in a mine i mean
tony tony and like you
know i mean rubble up to my neck right tony yeah yeah tony hinchy was like what
the fuck do you want
yeah it's not that tony but it could be death in a dream may not actually be
dying instead it often
represents change the closing of a chapter at the end of life as you know it
mm-hmm it could be i don't think you're even close to dying yeah yeah i have i
have death
dreams a lot it's not healthy who dies in your dream i'm always close to death
i'm all usually on
a plane that's crashing but they see that if you really die in a dream you die
in real life is that
true i don't know yeah google it what you wake up justin no no no yeah but you
but you but if you
really die in a dream that mean you die in real life that's what i heard how
would we know that
you wouldn't that's so who would know that that's true what dying dream does
not mean you die in real
life it's a common myth it's a huge myth that was a movie it's a common myth it's
like yeah yeah well
i believe in this dude i'm a myth guy dude you're a huge i'm a myth guy dude
you know what i mean
i love fables i love myths yeah i mean i love stories of all kinds give me a fable
what give me a fable
well long ago idiom malo from um what idiom idiom malo idiom malo yeah you know
the story i've heard
it yeah once he was a farm boy a farm always a farm boy yeah yeah in a little
island indigenous island
he was farming on an island indigenous island so he's farming for indigenous
people on an island he
is indigenous so he's just getting food for himself i could have said it that
way yeah yeah yeah so
indigenous right they're not indigenous idiom idiom idiom are you saying idiom
no not idiom mean
that guy's a bad guy what did he do he slaughtered people how many i don't know
millions
idiom mean yeah i like how you know what i mean what i didn't know that was a
real person yeah look
up idiom how many people i thought you made up a name i didn't go to college
no idiom was a i don't know what's going on today oh he wrote idiom yeah yeah
ed ed ed i yeah there he
is oh look at him a mi dude ed i mean yeah how many people did idiom mean kill
kill count it's so
funny to type in fifth five hundred a half a million he's good pretty good not
the best not the best
pol pot was better way better yeah yeah pol pot was president while he was an
eight-year ruler of
the president of uganda he approximately killed that's a huge gap a hundred
grand to 500 400 000
people is a big gap but if you do it incrementally not at one time yeah it's
like it's like uh what's
his name sleeping with all those women will chamberlain yeah it's kind of like
if you did it over
time we did the math it's like seven a day yeah half a million people dude that's
crazy yeah but for what
power it's power that's what he was doing he wanted power i'm so guilt-ridden
there's no i could even do
one for power you couldn't kill one no there's not one person you think it
depends on what they did
let's say i'm i i'm a i'm a general of some sort of small country somewhere far
away you're my lieutenant
and you ask me you tell me what happened and i'm going to say if i want them
killed or not yes sir
yes uh one of our what's your name makta makta what's up dog what
what is up i haven't seen you around a long time makta yeah how's the family
very good sir yeah yeah
makta yes i don't want that that's your make up something oh make up makta makta
so any anyway anyway what's the problem somebody came to our barracks while we
were sleeping kill them
kill them all his whole line his family line all right uncles and he's just
dropping off food
door dash yeah yeah yeah kill them