Name: Heated Rivalry w/ Rick Glassman | Ep 306 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2026-02-02T17:00:57.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Heated Rivalry w/ Rick Glassman | Ep 306 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-02-02. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Heated Rivalry w/ Rick Glassman | Ep 306 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-02-02. Transcript available.

Heated Rivalry w/ Rick Glassman | Ep 306 | Bad Friends

you two are bad friends who are these two idiots white dude and an asian dude
you two are disgusting
you two are something we're bad friends you know i you know what i love dude
yeah i love
dried noodles oh yeah you know what i mean the chinese where they have the
dried noodles and
some sort of gravy like some chinese gravy on top so you get some of the like
soft parts right and
then the hard parts somehow like like my my me i'm soft at the same time well
you need to be soft
before you can get hard or vice versa be hard and then go soft yeah that's what
i do okay good
yeah can i tell you what's bothering me about the internet and chinese all
these brits posting about
getting the chinese we're going out we're getting ourselves a chinese they call
getting chinese food
yeah getting a chinese yeah look up getting a chinese in the uk getting the
chinese is common
non-offensive slang for phrase meaning to order or buy a chinese takeaway mail
why is it okay for so
brits are the first people to get mad at people for saying something
incorrectly on pc they say go get
a chinese yeah i mean that sounds pretty scary in this day and age yeah i get a
japanese that's easier
much easier yeah they're easy to catch the japanese are easier to catch they
really are are they not
well they're more patient yeah they're they're like in their suits you know
what i mean there's out with
their briefcase out there well you can't and they get drunk they get drunk that's
when you get them
you can't run you go to tokyo two in the morning bunch of businessmen they're
drunk that's when they
get a japanese that's when you get a little japanese yeah yeah going to get
myself a japanese yeah
you don't get a chinese they're harder to catch dude they're ninjas they're
very evasive they're in the
trees that guy's easy to grab look at that yeah that's such a great culture
when we go to japan i want to
we should do a late night walk and talk video where we find drunk japanese men
sleeping on the
street you're the only one you're the only one that texted me on my birthday
you're the only one
well clarify what you mean by birthday my a birthday that's right i'm the only
one you're literally
sunday the only one none of you bastards right came to my special thank you
came to my special yeah
but but but yeah yeah what who didn't who didn't he's busy no but let's and he's
a busy man let's in
that magic movie right he's hanging out with you know why i didn't come to the
special for you have
your own shows no yeah carlos knows i even said to those guys when you weren't
here i said i should
cancel the shows and then i thought you probably don't want me there and you
said to me off air
if we're going to be honest about it you said it's probably easier if you're
not there because
because you're gonna give me notes i would never give you notes yeah i said you
don't need the
pressure of me being there and i and i was honest with the guys i said i was
going to call my agent
cancel and i said he probably doesn't want me there yeah and you said to me off
air i didn't want you
that's right okay so thank you i don't think we should go i mean you know if
there's a wedding
like if i'm married getting married obviously you should come no you don't want
me there for that
no you gotta come i will yeah yeah so you can go no i don't agree you know with
the vows yeah yeah
object you you know i want you to object imagine i object and it's because i
want you to be my wife
oh yeah yeah and you do a speech yeah and everyone's crying it's that moment in
the movie yeah i pick
you up we run down to the ocean yeah we go swimming and everybody it's a
beautiful moment then the music
stops and everybody realizes it's just us in the ocean together waiting away
heated rivalry
heated rivalry yeah revelry no heated rivalry okay do you know about it no the
show it's my jam
what's heated rivalry this show is my jam dude what is this gay hockey it's a
gay hockey show
this is why everybody online is talking about yeah when did they kiss people
are going to hockey
games and going when did they kiss dude it's so hot dude it melts the ice it
melts yes it's so hot
i've been watching it dude right there's a scene these two rookies in the
beginning okay this is where i'm
gonna be a little yeah yeah i'm gonna be a little no two rookies take that off
i don't want to see
that yeah yeah there's yeah stop it there's these two rookies right and they
find themselves in the gym
right and they're and they're also like you know i mean not nemesis but their
rivals okay hence the
name heated rivalry pretty on brand right it's pretty on brand right and one
guy goes can i get a drink of
your water which you do mouth no he doesn't know and they he hands him a white
water bottle and he does
a light a little brush of the finger and that sets it off it turns into a gay
porno dude i'm watching
it going i'm in i'm in this so this is a gay love story yeah what is this on
bravo no it's on hbo
it's on hbo yeah it's right i'm gonna call my local uh yeah i'm gonna call my
local congressperson
to get this removed yeah and here's my only problem with the show is all the
gay
shit no it's not the gay shit no right the asian one right when they first hook
up he's the bottom
he comes too fast he comes do you see it he comes way too fast oh boy yeah and
because because the
russian one there's always a russian one well they're hockey yeah and he doesn't
know what his
sexuality is the asian one i think we figured it out pretty quickly in the show
yeah but he doesn't
now right and then when he blows them right he comes so fast right and i'm like
too fast ptsd for
you no i just want to see the last what do you mean what does that mean a
little uh what do they call
that when you have an acid flashback you got a cock flashback yeah but anyway
um dude half asians
wow so heated rivalry is your favorite new gay show yes my favorite gay show i
can't watch that and can
i say something crazy talk what are we talking about what do you mean i don't
want to watch that stuff
see that's why i watched it because i don't want to be that guy says i don't
want to watch that stuff
i am i don't want to watch yeah yeah i don't want to be that guy you know what
i want to be open
right and go oh he's you know what i mean he's an open book he's in touch with
his feelings i don't
want to see sex scenes between straight couples on shows i want to see shows
that are more creative
than just sex yeah i only saw one episode i'll never see another one yeah i i
you know the girl
i'm saying made me watch it uh i saw the first episode that's enough for me i
know what happens
when you brought up a gay love scene yeah like two like two men in love i
thought you're talking
about free bert i thought it was bert's new show yeah yeah honestly i watched
it the other night good
brother it's great i heard it's good it's not good it's great it's fantastic it's
so fun and it's it
hits all the notes yeah it's a great show great i'm not saying that because it's
our boy so happy it is
fantastic yeah and she and uh um oh god what's wrong with my brain what's what's
her name
artemarine arteman arteman yeah arteman artemis artemis fowl oh yeah no uh arden
arden she's
arden right yeah arden mirren yeah she's great arden is um i have to say
something you've known
her for a long time i've known her we were on mad tv there i know yeah arden
looks so good for her age
okay is that bad to see i don't even know yeah yeah no i mean
what is she 106 no she's my age you corrected it by saying sexy that's that is
that is that mean for
me to say is that all need there for for her age part i didn't just say she
looks okay let me get
that again yeah she looks sexy a little creepy but yeah that's fine no as a
friend i don't i there's
no come on i know man yeah okay well then just teasing 52 years old yeah she
looked great yeah you
look great too for 54. yeah and i look i remember when i played john mccain she
played cindy mccain
i remember that's pretty sweet yeah wow look at that third picture babe third
third photo yeah
there it is zoom in you do look like john mccain
that's incredible yeah yeah it's incredible if you're ever wondering why not a
lot of asian
guys get casted in sketch comedy that's it right there why i mean it's hard you
look nothing like
john mccain you just like an old you look like an older asian guy yeah you're
playing your dad i look
like mitch mccallum's wife wow look how much taller she is than you why why
they make her wear heels
yeah you have grown since then comedically physically yeah you've grown so
anyway you guys
january 25th is my a birthday okay so just text me out you know happy birthday
that'd be nice i did
you're the only one no one else in my life well it means a lot to me yeah dude
what a friend dude and i'm
and i'm happy very good i was really excited to see you today why i got therapy
this morning i feel
great yeah i feel great i got a great lesson out of it i i used it tell me your
lessons well i'll
give you one called joy i told the boys today joy the acronym in the lesson
today was joy yeah just
observe yourself yeah he's like just be in it a little bit just stop trying to
go full speed ahead
and look just be in it a little bit yeah i do yoj yeah what is that what what
is it joy backwards yeah
what is it what yourself right you always jerk i'm not done oh no joy backwards
yeah yourself on jeremiah
okay yeah what do you think anyway yeah um now i feel do you get do you because
i felt
after my special i felt like um postpartum a little bit is that real big time
yeah especially
when you're writing the new hour i am in postpartum hell yeah in fact today i
got on lexapro because
of it no don't get on that yeah please dude i'm so depressed how many pills are
you on now so many
different kinds oz lexi yeah yeah blue chew where's the blue chew yeah you
gotta eat that blue
too he loves it yeah yeah you do really use that a lot i do does that balance
okay with your medication
oh yeah good yeah everything works but yeah so you're saying that there is a
feeling of a little
bit of there's a postpartum special or a postpartum shooting but i feel the
same way after i film
anything anything i always feel a little sick and and bad just because you you
put some you put so
much into something people that don't know you worked so hard on the special i
think so yeah
no you did i saw you every night multiple times a night and then when you put
it out it's it's hard
when you're done because then you're like yeah it's just weights lifted but you
also feel a little
empty because the night was magical i mean you guys were there you know i mean
so it's like um we
were surprised yeah see that's another thing why did you so this is what he's
this is what these i
get off stage these guys are like oh you're actually funny you've seen him
before i know but that was
the energy that you were giving me right why because you you took it to a
different level yeah you were
taping you did it yeah you have to though because when there's cameras on you're
like i have to mug
and you know i mean and milk it you gotta milk it right these guys don't know
anything about showbiz
you know i mean when you're doing a live show in front of people it's not that
i do 50 percent
but you don't really do a lot with your face and this because they can't really
see it
right right it's all about tone but you're doing it big in this one yeah i'm
doing you know white
eyes yeah i did white eyes yeah i did oh asian eyes yeah yeah uh scared eyes
yeah
yeah oh just came eyes yeah i did all of them yeah you got to do them all full
range i did the full
range of eyes dude yeah yeah i think it's i think it's a good thing that you're
feeling this way
because then you build something new again i can't think of anything to say
come on talk i really i
literally don't have anything i don't know what i sit there and i go i don't
know what else to say
well yeah there's a lot going on in the wor