Name: DadMeat: Disneyland Emergency Room - Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Clip
Uploaded: 2022-02-23T02:00:08.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'DadMeat: Disneyland Emergency Room - Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Clip' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-02-23. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'DadMeat: Disneyland Emergency Room - Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Clip' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-02-23. Transcript available.

Are you garbage? I love two dollar bills. I love there's something cool
Hey, it was a good time. He ain't lying
Hashtag on perks
Which is my favorite social media thing in the world for the listener?
You had a drew you you were addicted to Percocets for a long time. It would
have run. I
Speak about it like it was like it was like a sports dynasty
When's that 30 for 30 coming out? Oh, we've been doing it on our patreon. We've
been we've been collecting his
Percocet inspired Facebook posts from like the last 20 years
It's actually a perk 30 for perk 30
Yeah, I had a great room man to summer 2012 to summer of 2014. I had one of the
most illustrious
Painkiller runs that anyone has ever had was that post about the Cabo Comedy
Festival real yeah, I did I got into this thing called the Cabo Comedy Festival
And uh, it got wiped out by a hurricane
And when I got in it was just like such a big deal to me and I was like, oh,
this is going to be it
But of course it was like one of those deals where like it's like I got to pay
for everything
You gotta pay to get there. You got to pay for your hotel, but I was so excited
and also under the influence of Percocet
And um perks just made me a thousand times nicer than I am naturally
So every every post on social media was so heartfelt. It was though. It's being
written to like
I'm in the civil war and I'm writing to like a loved one across the country.
You might not see ever again. Yeah
My dearest brother for this eddie money CD fucking rules
Yeah, what a run though dearest uh that thing in my back is acting up again.
Could you make me an appointment?
I was wondering if you could send a carriage to the emergency room
I'm out of my pain time
Yeah, some of those posts are fucking home runs man. They're so funny. I'm
afraid I've come in with mesothelioma
Get in a class action lawsuit
I slip it in phone in a cvs
We'll need aid immediately
Please send more forever yours in structured settlements
I hope to make it to florida one day
Please alert bonds and salino to my are you guys big florida guys?
What does that mean?
Do I do I shop around pain clinics down there? Maybe Mike? Maybe I kick the
tires on a pain management clinic
Yeah, you know which emergency room you got to stop by in tallahassee
Tallahassee general my god
They ask for jose
They are loose with the pad down there
Best emergency room by far west palm beach
Customer service there it's like a resort the pain chart goes up to a hundred
Dude to that point. I actually one of my most memorable painkiller experiences
was at celebration hospital
What's the celebration?
Sounds like a crack
Come on down to celebration hospital kids climb in the boarded window. I
promise there an open mic there on
On wednesdays
It's chucky cheese for dads who aren't allowed to see their kids anymore
celebration hospital sounds so sad somebody have a birthday show there perky
cheese
Dude, I promise it's a real hospital though, but uh when I got when I got to
disney
I just had surgery four days prior and I shouldn't begin on disney was a big
thing for you
I still love it. Yeah, I still love it and I shouldn't have got on the plane
But uh more than it more so than anything else I was constipated and I was
rushing to get on the plane because they were calling
Are you with your family? I am okay, and uh, so it's a tinge of sadness in this
one
It's not all yucks over here with raining. I was trying to take a shit and beat
the clock so I can get on the plane
And I ended up uh rupturing my disc again
So I got on the plane. I was just in a ton of pain. So I'm taking a poop from
taking it
So you so you started taking uh
painkillers for
Real reason it was a legitimate injury like oh
Really? I I ruptured two discs and I had surgery pretty quickly and then I just
jumped in a river
I just thought it looked pretty fun
But one of those in a cup of coffee really since the day I'm noish
But when we got to disney I had to go to the hospital so they took me to
celebration hospital and they uh
Is that like disney?
Yeah, no, it's close by though. It's close by
Yeah, it's like this guy comes in in a mickey costume
Oh boy, this looks pretty ruptured
Dr. Goofy will be in in a minute
Gosh, that's the worst rupture I've ever seen
Get this man some pills
You're gonna need a lot of breakfast
You're gonna have a lot of free time
Holy fuck celebration hospital. It's not even on the campus. It's next door
It's gonna be just Pinocchioing through the streets
Anyway, I got there to take car insurance
Dude, they shot me up dilaudid which was like the most intense experience I've
ever had
And the nurse was kind enough to sit there and talk disney with me
Um for about a half hour
Which was probably the single greatest half hour of my life
Talk disney with me
Hold on
That's somehow darker than getting molested
Yeah, can we go back to beef?
I got mouth lested
Wait a minute
So you go there on vacation with your family
Where's the family while you're in this hospital?
They're back at the hotel
I got I got taken out of the hotel in by uh
In an ambulance
They're back at the hotel getting their stories straight
Creating an alibi making a couple calls
Okay, kids now you're gonna throw mommy down the steps
Did you did you give a thumbs up as they were loading the birdie into the
vehicle?
I'll be alright guys
We're looking for a sign of motor cycle
We're looking for a sign of life from the Perkhead
How old are the kids?
I gotta hear this
They're they're young dude
My kids were
Fuck
My son was probably like
Two
Two six and ten
Okay, so six and ten
They know what's going on
So this is a normal thing
I don't think they know he's on Perk
They don't know drug-seeking behavior
Daddy riding the lightning again
Crushing up vitamins
Wait, so
You guys go on
You guys go on vacation
You have an incident on the plane
Your disc ruptures again
Yeah
You land
And you're on vacation
Now was getting on the plane and going home
Ever an option?
No, dude
We were so poor that
Under any circumstance
We were going to finish the vacation
Because this took every dollar that we had
For like the entire year to get there
Sure
So we were going to do it
I think the Perkestats took a little bit too
I took every dollar
Every dollar we had that bike in it
Spent all my Perk money on this
What are you nuts?
So you had to go into the hospital
Yeah, I did
And they sent me right back to the hotel
But I had to take
The hospital
The hotel was very nice
They sent a town car to pick me up
Because my
We didn't rent a car or anything
We were just going to take the Disney buses
And you know
Cabs if need be
But I didn't have a ride back
So the hotel knew
Caribe Royale
They were terrific
I don't know if I can
Promote things on here
By all means
Promoting Perkestat and Caribe Royale
And the Lawton apparently
So not the good people with the Lawton
And the whole Sackler family
So they sent a town car
And brought me back
And dude, I was in rough shape
For the first three days
I couldn't get out of bed
I had to have my wife
Get the
Get the ice bucket
And hold
I had to put my bird into the ice bucket
And lay sideways
And pee
Just so I could pee
Yeah
Damn
Yeah, it was bad
Did you throw the ice bucket out?
He left it
Oh, some poor smock
Was trying to make a cocktail
When he got there
Some guy trying to enjoy a Mai Tai
In his fucking hotel room
Hakuna Matata
But they were out doing the things
And you were laid up there
Yeah, I just had to lay there
Then by like the fourth
Man, being laid up on vacation
That's pretty garbage
It was bad, dude
I couldn't get out of bed
And I had to
Eventually by the fourth day
I knew that if I could poop
I would feel a lot better
So I disimpacted myself
I made it to the bathroom
And I pulled this brick out of my own butthole
I did that
I felt a lot better
And my buddy Chris
Had rented a hover around for me
And had it delivered to the room
So I was able to take the hover around
Onto the bus
And I got to the Magic Kingdom
The fourth day
Wow
And you're how old
You're like, what?
29 at this point?
You're too young to be
I was 33
I was 33, yeah
Man, talk about a Disney movie, huh?
Right there, there you go
Get the treatment written up on that thing
The white trash print
God damn, man
I didn't know you were a big Disney guy
Dude, I, well, I think a big part of it
Is because I was whacked on painkillers
A lot
But I went this summer
And I've been sober for close to five years
And I still had as much fun this year
As I've had before
Will you get dressed up on the plane?
Like, at the airport
Sitting in, like, a Mickey shirt?
Would you be doing this without
The way, the way
Butterly's reacting
Did you go with the kids this time?
I did, yeah
Yeah, well, every time except one
I went with my kids
You went by yourself?
With my wife
What?
I don't get it, man
And the kids stay at home?
Yeah
Couples
Disney vacation
Leaving the kids at home
That's
Fucked up
Fucked up
What'd you tell the kids?
You kids stay here
We're going to Toys R Us
We're going to a week-long
Dentist office visit
You guys probably wouldn't be into it
I mean, we could get you cleanings
If you want to come
Alright, you guys stay with my mom
We're going to an SAT camp
You guys want to go?
Jesus
But it was just like a quick
Four-day trip for my wife and I
And, yeah, we went to Disney
What do you do when you're down there
Just as a couple?
We went to the parks, dude
We went to the parks
And then we went to
You're riding, coasting
Doing all that stuff
Yep
And by then, like
I was off painkillers at that point
So, it was just
Spending quality time with my wife
You still stop back at Celebration Hospital?
Remember me?
You gave me a shout-out to London
A couple years ago
That was a totally different guy, yeah
R-E-T-A-R-D
That's fucking nuts, man
Man, that's fucking fantastic
We typically ask
Have you ever been to, like
Have you ever had to go to the hospital on vacation?
It's typically, like
We were looking for, like
Yeah, I fell cliff diving
You know what I mean?
Like, I cut my leg hiking
Tried to take a shit on a Delta flight
Blew out my spinal column
My drug addiction affected me
Even getting on the plane
You could have went to the hospital in Philly
Man
But, dude, we were so broke
That nothing would have stopped me
From getting on that plane
Nothing
Dude, that's fucking
Dude, you are fucking something else, Rainey
You're a trash savant
It is
Dude, that's the summer that we became, like
Good buddies