Name: Andrew Schulz: Catholic Guilt - Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Clip
Uploaded: 2022-03-11T21:30:14.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Andrew Schulz: Catholic Guilt - Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Clip' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-03-11. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Andrew Schulz: Catholic Guilt - Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Clip' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-03-11. Transcript available.

are you garbage then when we were living in this place she got the full cable
package and i know
she told time warner whatever i know she was just like yo everything give me
the yeah just just put
the dish on the roof i want everything everything you can get i want everything
because we had all
the porn right and my mom wouldn't ask for that but like it had like playboy
channel spies there
was like three channels in a row and just and my boys would go after school and
we just watched
porn together in my apartment like in my room we just watched porn that was a
hot streak those
three channels man it was great yeah it was 65 66 67 for us tattooed that on
your palm
yeah you'll never forget that run of channels like the manchurian candidate 65
62 67 we just heard
him mumbling three numbers his eyes were all in glaze but i remember did she
know or know that you were
watching it or no clue she didn't know the porn was there she just gave me the
wide open she finds out
because um she saw us because the team everybody's walking out with fucking
hard-ons besides that
she's like oh they're kids this is what you look like when you're a kid so
besides us all just having
boners glued to the couch for eight months no one's gone home no one's went to
school no one's eaten
their parents are calling nobody will move yeah she picked up on it
no she just saw the reflection of the window and i had no clue and literally it
was gone like the next
day but there was like a two-week streak where we were she didn't say anything
to you see that's
that's why that's respectable but that's why you never noticed people being
poor rich when you're a
because there was no confrontation she just took care of it interesting that's
interesting right
there yeah that's a different style of my mom would have burst in
oh my god really buddy i would have got a little combo or something or what i
mean yet they're just
old school like that yeah they don't go i would have been out in the middle of
the village square
and one of those things you get me but why because you guys were watching porn
is that shame
cat it's the yeah that's bad yeah it's it's catholic guilt oh okay it's a catholic
shame
yeah i've never had any of that that's nuts i know you guys know religion
european no no no no no
no but it's also very scottish of your mom to be like we're never going to talk
about this just
that's true remove the fucking that's true remove the cable channels and just
move forward like this
never happened yeah i guess i don't know but we would talk about stuff we're
pretty open like i could
say that to her i could probably say at that time like mom did you switch the
the channels
what the fuck happened to 67 68 and then she would be like you guys are
watching some crazy
shit and then it was that would be it she hears a blood-curdling scream coming
from the living room
yeah it's so weird the shame thing the guilt thing i don't know i never felt
that like and you know
what's funny is i can't pinpoint it like i can't pinpoint like you know
somebody's sitting me down
and saying like if you do it it's bad but it's just there it's i know it's
generations of that
and then it's just instilled like jerking off you feel bad i won't i won't jerk
off as
somebody i know is flying i won't do it wait what'd you say yeah like if
someone's in a plane i won't do it
i'll jerk off in a plane
yeah i don't know bad juju i don't want to put it up there that's some whole gypsy
shit right there
holy shit god damn it man yeah i don't want the pilot to go blind or something
who are you mickey from snatch
what the fuck bro i just put together why you won't do it why a lot of things
were going through my
like if he does it's still bad yeah if you do it something bad happens but like
the first
i'm not gonna roll the dice with someone 30 000 feet in the air i know i get it
but listen i'll
be a little bit it's my cousin's wedding yeah
the oh god i'm really i'm really hung over but at first i was like what the
fuck like why would
religion have anything to do with like people flying and jerking off and then i'm
like i'm like wait
there was no flying back then like i'm trying to like put together yeah yeah
yeah no it's the shame
it's it's something bad i'm gonna be punished in the old testament yeah
you're bowing you're bowing nose dives of no pulling at two hours before an
international flight
that's crazy so you think that god would kill your friend in a plane because
you're jerking off i mean
i don't really think that in that rule it's not worth the risk i listen i don't
believe in superstition
i'm superstition i don't i don't i don't believe that now i don't believe that
now but at a point
when i was like younger you wouldn't i would just be like i'll just wait till
wait till they land
i had the flight tracker up i had the fucking dots on my tv all right there
wheels down call them with
the left hand and everything all right all right good see you later change to
slowly come down
i'll be home in 30 more than enough time take your time take your time take
your time grab me some
clue at the airport that's crazy yeah it's superstition i mean i don't think i
don't think that
now i don't see you guys going to church would you guys go to church uh there
was periods where my
parents would like make us yeah yeah growing up week go on sunday every sunday
you guys get up there
was period a mess on sunday you come back you throw the stooges on and dad
makes a breakfast that's how
we did it really yeah it was not bad i didn't i never yeah i never really
believed anything though
i was just like i'm standing here going through the motions but it's in there
like i didn't go at all
to anything but i still acted as if god existed 100 out of your own your own
volition especially for
the bad stuff because i kind of believe i kind of believe in god yeah i'm agnot
yeah i don't know
where i fall i had your career i believe in god too bro yeah what the fuck
somebody's looking out for me
fucking big poppy over here i hate but isn't that fucked up don't you hate when
like successful
people don't believe in god it's like you want all the credit yeah like it's
only you you just jacked
the homer at yankee stadium is that crazy like and then when these motherfuckers
like pedro martinez
believe in god they're like speed it up at the epsys the espies that's a manhattan
speaking
a couple old fashions but it's so like yeah come on like of course they're
gonna believe in god like
imagine what they fucking came from god damn right yeah i mean yeah yeah
imagine you're jack and homers
it would take me 45 minutes to get around the bases i'd be blessing myself so
many times pointing up
to the sky yeah every home run would be two hours waiting for me to get around
yeah i don't know crying
my eyes out there's got to be something right of course there's got to be
something how do you write it
off like how do you write it off as nothing there's got to be something i didn't
have to be like a guy
with a white beard up there like a wand and pointing or yeah yeah yeah there's
gotta be
something sure there's a formula built into this stuff you know like you treat
people kind of well
they want to treat you well things work out are you a scientologist yeah show
you what the
what the fuck are you so it's nine o'clock in the morning i got half an eddie
in there there's a
reason why half an eddie what the fuck's going what what what you do in miami
dude i want to ask you
about what appetizers you ordered he comes back with new shirts and shins spitting
all this
fucking god talk he comes in in tom cruise mode he's gonna have us hooked up to
those electrodes and
shit telling our deepest secrets um i can't get over it i can't get a lot of
escape schultz on my
banking information eddie bro ed eddie eddie ed is edible right and he's edible
poppin eddie i thought
you were talking about like ed and eddies or whatever no ed ed and eddie shout
out to double d who's that
it was a cartoon ed ed and eddie oh no i'm talking about the ice cream oh eddie
edie's oh edie's
edie's edie's which fully also does a lot before the podcast is 90. it's
cookies and cream