Name: Barstool Ria was BORN to be a STAR - Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Clip
Uploaded: 2022-05-13T20:34:04.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Barstool Ria was BORN to be a STAR - Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Clip' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-13. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Barstool Ria was BORN to be a STAR - Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Clip' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-13. Transcript available.

Are you garbage now? I'm gonna die. I'm really gonna dive into my life now
Yeah, let's go. I was a like a child model actress starting from when I was
eight years old
Okay
In out of the city four times a week my dad would drive me
He literally drive into the city at 4:00 a.m. Then he would get home at around
He's like fucking in and out he'd get home like any time between 10:00 and 12:00
every day get home
Pick me out of school drive me to the city for auditions acting class whatever
it is
I did that from when I was eight years old up until like the middle of high
school
You were in and out of class like they would tell the people in school
First of all, my parents were like don't tell anybody like kids are like really
mean
They're gonna be really mean to you if they know so for a really long time
I didn't tell any of my friends that you were like dying. They thought I was so
sick
Yeah, of course even the teachers thought I was really sick and one day they
were like they talked to my parents like what what's going on
With her and that's when the doors open my parents put in I remember this
You know like one of those envelopes the yellow yellow folders. Yeah, the manila
folder
They like put in all like like catalogs that I did and like my comp cards my
headshots and they were like
Just bring this in and give it to one of your teachers and slide it across
I remember going into into class one day and was like my dad told me to give
this to you and then from that point on
the teachers knew and then none of the kids knew and then one of a kid at
school parents saw me on the side of a bus
I actually have the picture on my phone. I saw me on the side of a bus called
my house and they were like
Do you guys know that they're using Maria's picture on the side of a bus?
And then my parents were like
Yeah, my parents were like we just have to tell everyone they thought I was
like Hannah Montana at the time
It was a huge deal. That's awesome. What kind of brands were you was it like
print work?
Yeah, like Kohl's Target Sears like all that stuff and then I I auditioned for
like a ton of TV shows and movies like
Just endless. Yeah, I can't imagine from what you're telling me
Seeing your dad is like a stage dad. My dad is literally Chris Jenner. I'm not
joking. That's really easy ultimate stage dad
Ultimate stage dad you don't really I don't really guys at the local know about
this. Oh, yeah about his beautiful baby angel
That Maria
She's a beautiful child. She's belongs in movies that Maria. She's gonna be a
star. I'm telling you right now
She's gonna be a star. I picture him all sitting at the shop like pulling for
their own holds catalog
My whole life all I heard growing up was that like I was gonna be the breadwinner
of the family. They were like she's our way out
Yeah, we're still to this way out of we're just
Nassau County
No, it's really not serious. I actually had a great life
It's so funny. She's a way out
That is a Billy Joel song
You know Anthony down at the unions got a good-looking daughter
Did you ever hit like did you ever hit like a huge payday well, so?
Actually, this is kind of a crazy story I
Did like a lot of print work, which is cool
It's cool, whatever
Yeah, I want no I was working more as like a model, but I like as a child model
and I actually
Side note one of the sickest things was as a child model. Sometimes you do just
like fit modeling where they don't even take pictures of you
You go in and you try on like 50 pairs of jeans. It takes like I don't know
half an hour to an hour
Like thousands of dollars awesome
That's it like just I showed up one day for 15 minutes and just like a thousand
dollars damn damn so it was crazy, but I
Could get it obviously wanted to be an actor way more, right?
Cons of auditions and movies you're always being told like you get so close and
then they're like oh
This is the reason why you didn't get this this is oh literally your names to
Italian like that those are things I would get
Lose the gold chain drink
They always used to tell my manager they were like her face looks so old, but
her body looks so young
Like just like it was very it was crazy
And I went into an audition one day walked down. I was like I said to my
parents
I was like I nailed that if I don't get this I am done. I am not doing this
anymore
Kid you not the next day my manager calls and they're like she got the part. I
told you guys I nailed this
Because I went to a private catholic school the way that this system works was
so fucked up
We had these things called comps and they work as like at the end of the year
They count as 50 of your grade and you take it for every subject and it's like
six days in a row of tests
Okay, you can literally get
90s all year you fail that test it drops it all the way. It's 50 of your grade
The filming started in the middle of when these tests were
My dad called up the school and he explained the situation was like listen like
she's she got
A part like she's got a film. She got a movie. Yeah, is there any way around
this and they were like well
She's gonna have to go to summer school if she doesn't do the test and my dad
was like well, uh, she can't go to summer school
Like I said my daughter will be filming. Yeah, and they were like, well, she's
gonna have to go to public school
And that's when I was like dad. No, I can't go to public school
It was I was ninth grade. I just made all my friends sure of course
I really was focused on after years of doing this
I was just I just want to fucking hang out my friends party
So I gave it up and I I didn't do it was a movie away from the row
The contest cartoon network you could look it up and I didn't do it
But I think I'm a cartoon network. Yeah, it was a cartoon network movie. I was
hoping for like avatar
Wasn't okay. It wasn't that cool, but it was pretty
You walked away from star wars or something like that. It was some Seth green
side project
I mean this piece of shit's got a 5.5 on imdb. I don't think you missed out
that bad
I'm doing okay now. Yeah, but at the time you give that up. Oh, that's just
like threw it all away
But that's crazy. Yeah, that's a different kind of life, man. As a kid as a kid.
I have lived a
Wild life for a 23 year old did you want to did you crazy? Did you want to do
that when you were a kid?
Yeah, so you're the one that wanted to be an actor
I've like begged my parents. I was like this what I want to do and then my dad
did a lot of research because there's a lot of scammers out
There, you know, you sign up they make you pay one thing. We learn is you never
pay for anything of course
You never only get paid. Yeah, that's my dad. We don't pay for anything
I ain't paying for a fucking picture. Yeah, no you you only get paid and and
I was give them nothing signed to like some of the greatest agencies
I went on some of the coolest auditions. It was awesome. That's so sick. Yeah,
what was it?
What do you think was the coolest audition you went on? My first audition ever
I wouldn't say it's the coolest but my first audition ever was to play young
angelina jolie in salt when we saw
It was only eight girls who audition and to be honest, I don't look like her as
a kid like
I wouldn't say I looked like her but maybe like
Whatever the girl who got the part looked absolutely nothing like it was crazy
But with the makeup and stuff, it's it's whatever that was my first audition
ever that's not because I couldn't imagine
I mean, we're true, you know
We're trying to manage comedy and show business as adults and it's I couldn't
imagine like not getting auditions as a kid
I'd be fucking losing my mind. I thought growing up. I was like, oh
I have no issues from this because you know you the child actors talk all the
time like oh
The rejection is so hard. I was like, I grew up fine. Oh, it hit me for sure
the insecurities really hit me
Definitely. It's crazy to be able to try to navigate that. Yeah, we slept to
make sure that Foley gets his juice box
I need my cheese stick probably at noon
How much of a north hat so this was 90% of your childhood? Yes, but this ended
in freshman year of high school
Yeah, but a majority of my it was normal because I wasn't fucking booking
anything
So I was just going on all these auditions, but I was still going home
I'll be back for the second half of soccer practice. I like how hard you are on
yourself
Like I wasn't booking nothing. I was fucking blowing it. So it didn't matter
anyway. I mean
You just get so close, you know. Yeah, I'm with you. I love it
First child star we've had in here first child star. I wouldn't even put star
on it. Whatever. That's what we're using aspiring child
She was almost in us. So what's it called salt? She was almost and I
I'm trying to think of some of the movies that I auditioned for remember the
movie
Vacation they did the new one
Yes, that one with the the little the
Kid meets a girl who are you reading for the girl that the little kid really?
Yeah, and then I
Jason Sudeikis his daughter for mother's day big child
No, there were all the time my my manager and agents did not let me audition
for
Anything less than like a prominent speaking role because she said that if you
do extra work
You can never be in that show. Yeah
Again again, so I wasn't allowed to do anything but audition for like those
types of roles
Oh, man
I could see your mom and dad back in the day with my mom
My mom not at all. My mom was not involved really at all like she would
My parents are like this like they do everything together. So my mom would come
but she
Is not a stage parent at all like once so weird that your dad was my insulator
My dad is like a drama queen
Don't forget jazz hands either
My dad would tell me this is fucked up
My dad would tell me to cry before auditions because I have hazel eyes and they
look greener when I cry
Oh, this guy's bonkers
Psycho
Christ
Look greener. I've never heard that
Did he ever try to put the screws in a casting directors like if you want this
duck work done in this building ever again?
Checking these pipes it ain't up to code. I have a couple people come down here
start asking some questions
Get a girl to paw will you