Name: Andrew Santino Kicked Outta the Airbnb - Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Clip
Uploaded: 2022-05-27T20:13:52.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Andrew Santino Kicked Outta the Airbnb - Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Clip' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-27. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Andrew Santino Kicked Outta the Airbnb - Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Clip' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-27. Transcript available.

Are you garbage?
What happened? Why did we get kicked out of the old place?
We're gonna get into it.
Yeah, there's a very strict no smoking policy.
Someone was smoking.
Someone got caught smoking and I was like, dude, no one was smoking.
I don't know what you're talking about.
We've been walking out to the street, no one's smoking on the property.
And then I got a very scandalous pick from a ring camera of that.
Now, who is that?
But honestly, whose body could that be?
Of your friendship circle.
Who could that be?
That could be anybody.
That could be anybody.
In the greater Los Angeles area.
Yeah, that looks like a lot of guys.
A lot of Hollywood guys.
OBC is a big problem in the U.S.
You know what I mean?
That could have just been anybody walking down the street.
Especially here in L.A.
That looks like most Hollywood actors.
100%.
That could be Jake Gyllenhaal for all I fucking know.
Christian Bale.
It looked like Bale from the back.
100%.
Bale from the back.
Bale from the back.
So what?
You were ripping heaters in the middle of the night and you lied to the boys
and you said,
I'm not smoking.
And they found out.
Dude, I was going to task with the guy in the chat.
Did you lie to them?
Did you say I wasn't smoking?
He claims he doesn't remember.
Yeah.
Well, yeah.
It was years ago.
I don't fucking know.
Yeah, so long.
Were you drunk?
Yeah, I might have had a couple of cocktails.
Well, then.
So, you know, that is kind of admissible in court.
Yeah, yeah.
If you don't remember, you don't know.
You can't prove that's me and you can't prove that's a cigarette.
That could be a blow pop for all that guy fucking knows.
God bless.
Let this man go free.
Free this man.
Which I had my blow pop right after the cigarette.
I'm not going to lie.
We know.
Give us a scoop.
I'm surrounded by stupidity.
What's the backstory on Andrew Santino?
Where'd you grow up?
Chicago kid.
Chicago kid.
What's the easiest way to say all of this condensed into one?
My dad was a cocaine addict that went to prison.
Okay.
My parents got divorced before I was one.
My mom raised me until she met my stepdad when we were, maybe I was six or
something like that.
Just you, no brothers, no sisters?
They had a kid together.
Okay.
They have my sister.
Stepsister, okay.
Half, half.
Half steps, yeah, correct.
And then I've got, my dad has, you know, I don't know, nine to 12 kids
somewhere floating around.
Really?
I mean, we have no idea.
And there's like five that I think I know of.
Jesus.
Do you still talk to your dad at all?
Sometimes.
Me too.
I like that kind of relationship.
No, but he's clean now.
He got his life together.
But we've gone in two separate.
You know that song, Cats in the Cradle?
Of course.
That's about my whole life where it's like, now he wants to come back in and I'm
like, I'm already my own guy.
Yeah.
So we.
Because you got a couple of bucks on you.
Yeah.
I don't want him to take it in, honey.
That's when they come sniffing back around.
Yeah.
Like a dog.
Where were we at when I was an open miker?
Yeah.
The commas go in the bank account.
I always loved you, son.
Yeah.
You know, I was always your dad, dad.
I knew you had it in you.
Get over here, Artie.
My name's Andrew.
Yeah.
Whatever.
So he, so yeah, we, so my mom remarried, my stepdad.
What'd he do?
Phenomenal dude.
Phenomenal dude.
He's a great guy.
He's my dad.
He raised me.
He's the one that like taught you to fight, throw a football, you know, like
Chicago stuff.
Yeah.
Those two things.
That's all he taught me.
He taught you how to do shots of whiskey and knock out a bartender.
Yeah.
You smash a bottle over somebody's head.
Yeah.
They talk back, you fucking crack.
Talk back, you get crack.
And then we moved from the city to the suburbs and then I went to high school
in the suburbs,
junior high and high school in the suburbs.
Nice, nice area.
Real nice.
What did he do for a living again?
He was, my stepdad was the, my stepdad was the vice president of sales for
Turtle Wax,
baby.
Whoa.
How specific.
But, but, but Turtle Wax, let's, we all want to say this.
Fuck, fuck Turtle Wax.
They fired my dad after like 30 some odd years of work out of nowhere, just
kicked him to
the curb.
Really?
Severance package?
I mean, I mean, barely.
What they gave him was.
A couple of cases of Raynex?
Yeah.
Hey, we've been bought and you're gone.
They got it.
They gave him those armor all wipes.
Told him to fucking kick rocks.
No, he, so fuck that.
You're showering with those things.
Fuck Turtle Wax forever.
I've said that on every podcast and they, they deserve it because they fired,
they fired
my dad out of nowhere.
They, I think the company got taken over by the kids, the kids of the, you know
how that
always goes and they fuck it up inevitably.
Always.
And so they.
And fuck them too because who's out there on a Saturday using that bullshit?
Take it to the fucking car wash.
Take it to the car wash.
Employ America.
Let's go.
So he, so yeah, he got kicked out of that.
We, and then I left Chicago or I left the Midwest when I was 18 to go to
Arizona State University.
Nice.
Because I'm a scholar.
Maybe the trashiest college of all.
100%.
ASU was always like, we're the number one party school.
We fight for that title.
Like it's a proud thing.
Yeah.
Number one party school.
But now this is what the saddest part about ASU people.
Now it's actually got a little bit of rep.
Like their business school is actually ranked.
Okay.
In the nation.
And so now they'll do that thing where they're like, you know, we've got blah,
blah, blah,
blah.
And they'll do that thing that I just did.
But inside you're like, no.
It's like where girls going wild started.
Yeah.
It's where, uh.
The dean is John Taffer.
But shut it down.
The dorms got kicked.
The frats got kicked out.
That's the best.
Because the year that I was a sophomore, maybe, there was a porn called Shane's
World.
You can Google this.
Really?
Shane's World did a porn live on campus.
And a guy was wearing, whatever, Sigma AP ASU shirt.
And from that point forward, they banned it.
So in my generation, frats got leveled.
Frat road disappeared.
Oh.
Because there was a, the president at the time, a guy named Michael Crow, big
Nazi.
Real pro.
Real Nazi.
He kicked out all the frats.
He said he didn't want the kind of lifestyle to continue on the campus.
That's what happened to Jenny.
So the guys that were actually in the porno were actual college guys?
Yeah.
Yeah.
They were actually like, I'm misquoting what frat because I don't know.
Sure.
Yeah.
But they were in the porn, actual frat dudes.
And it went viral.
I mean, it went nuts.
This Shane's World, you can look it up.
Shane's World ASU.
I gotta take a look at this.
And it got, and it got, it got clipped.
And so then that was the beginning of the end.
They had already had, all the frats had violations and all this shit.
But frat row was this, this like, it was like two cul-de-sacs on campus, but
right off
to the side.
And it was like a little, it was Disneyland for douchebags.
Sure, of course.
And so then they, he decided one day that it was over.
So then they leveled it.
So my generation was the last one to have it.
To have it.
I wasn't in a frat, but it was wild to watch this all go down.
Yeah, that's fucking crazy.
It was watching, it was like 9-11.
It was watching the towers fall.
I'll never forget where I was.
And I saw the frats go away.
I remember.
I was at the cafeteria when I heard the news.
I watched them take the sex swing out.
It was brutal.