Name: Drugs in a Room w/ Kippy & Foley Hard Feelings - Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Clip
Uploaded: 2022-07-12T20:54:59.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Drugs in a Room w/ Kippy & Foley Hard Feelings - Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Clip' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-07-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Drugs in a Room w/ Kippy & Foley Hard Feelings - Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Clip' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-07-12. Transcript available.

Are you garbage?
I want to hear how did your team on online?
So there'd be like three or four of us, right?
You know.
Naked.
I'm bottomless.
Just bottoms is great.
Tippi's wild.
I got two pairs.
I got a set of deuces.
Full boat.
I got some low-hanging eights.
Oh, no.
I got tight eights.
I got a set of tight eights wired.
Sometimes you guys say shit on this, and I'm like, it's a shame it's mine to
paywall.
I know.
But it is.
No leeksies.
Chicken sandwiches.
No, see, you get like...
We would do this typically if we were like gambling on like, you know, college
football or what.
Like, we would go through phases where we're really fucking gambling.
And I don't know why you rolled your eyes at that.
You act like you're Sammy Rothstein.
You're a couple of suburban punks.
Listen, to anybody that's ever done anything and says they did it, you go, oh,
this guy's done something.
You believe this guy?
Anytime anybody says, oh, I've done this, it's like...
If it's something cheesy, yeah, call it out.
Gambling on...
If you guys said you were playing paintball or at a monster truck show, I'd be
like, that's pretty sweet.
So, watching college football and gambling with your boys is...
Not gambling on college football.
That's literally what I just said.
I mixed it in with the poker.
I know, that's what I'm saying.
Are you all wearing khakis?
What's going on?
I was a jean, man, through and through.
But, so we'd be playing fucking...
And then, like, at the end of the night, the games are over.
So, like, you can't...
There's no more fucking action.
But you've been juiced up all fucking day chasing the dragon, you know?
But, like, PokerStars or whatever, you put a couple hundred bucks on there.
Everybody throws up, like, a hundred bucks, two hundred bucks, whatever.
And then, uh...
You sit in, like, a fucking...
Regardless of how much money you have, you sit in, like, a one-two game.
Like, a one-two no-limit game.
Like, a smaller game.
And then you, you know, steal a couple of fucking big pots and you...
Level up, level up, level up.
And, dude, we were playing, like, five...
We'd be sitting...
We'd sit down with, like, three or four grand against a guy who had, like, $35,000.
And he'd just try to...
At that point, you're just hoping to get a fucking...
Oh, yeah.
Hoping to get a hand quick and get the fuck out.
Because, like, each hand's costing, like, fucking a hundred bucks just to stay
in.
That's what we would do.
Right, three grand is like...
That's, like, 11 bets.
Now it's, like, three in the morning.
You're fucking shithouse wasted.
And things get a little reckless, you know?
You start firing and then, you know...
What's the most you ever made?
Probably...
Four million?
Yeah.
I don't know.
Probably we chopped up a couple thousand dollars from a couple hundred bucks
each.
Okay.
Yeah.
I had a buddy in high school who made $16,000.
I don't know why you get so weird anytime you...
Okay.
Okay.
I just think...
Cars.
You think what?
Yeah.
I mean, also...
21's different.
Somebody could sit there and be like, hey, I'm thinking about being a 27-year-old
drug addict
is also not the coolest thing in the world.
I never said it was.
I never said...
I never said anything I'd do is the coolest thing in the world either.
Seemed pretty arrogant about it.
No, that's how you internalize it.
I could be like, yeah, I used to...
You know, I've done this once.
You're like, this guy over here.
This guy.
I like 21.
I like roulette.
You don't like any of that.
We've been to the casino six months ago and you acted like an undercover cop.
You literally stink.
You don't like any of that stuff.
I thought you had gotten $200 chips.
That's why.
You were out of control.
No.
You had the fever.
You probably...
I'm not...
You're not going to Vegas.
When people do stuff, you don't like having fun.
All right.
Discuss.
If you can...
Okay.
When people are doing cool stuff...
Yeah.
You're always rolling your eyes, dragging your feet.
Why are you doing this?
Let's go to the diner.
Cool stuff.
Oh, the diner's cool.
That's...
I mean...
You literally cried on the way in to water.
That gave you a transformative experience in Hawaii.
Okay.
Enough.
I mean, dude, you're in Hawaii.
Everybody's jumping off a boat, doing backflips, making out with chicks.
You're hanging off the back, crying.
You stink.
Literally, you have roadblocks up around every aspect of everything.
Folks, the reports are coming in.
Nothing's concrete yet, but I have it over the wire.
Apparently, I stink.
Da-da-da-da.
This is in from Chopper 4.
Yeah.
I still don't like...
I didn't like that time period.
I'm literally not saying you have to...
Can I just say I didn't like that?
Of course.
Everybody's showing up with their own chips and...
Listen, first of all, dude, if you're showing...
Making everybody play.
Making a...
Ruining the party.
Then your friends stink.
All of a sudden, they set it up and they're like, come on, you got to do it.
Then they're all smoking cigars.
Your friends stink.
It's like, who the fuck are you?
Your friends stink.
Not my immediate friends.
See, now here we go.
That does stink because they should have...
Yeah, that's a bad party.
Yeah, you should have been getting together to play the card.
Yeah, that's like...
That'd be like busting out like a bass and be like, hey, listen to me play
music.
Well, there you go.
That's what turned me off from it.
Anytime there was a football party, something for the...
Oh, never.
Somebody had to show up with fucking...
Let's play.
Let's play.
Never.
That's insane.
That's fucking...
That's the worst...
Anybody...
Somebody tries to bust out a board game and they're like, you listen to the
rules?
It's like, kick rocks.
Let me hang out over here and smoke some ciggies.
I like a little Jenga every once in a while.
I'm not going to lie.
A little jumbo Jenga.
There's a great bar up in Washington Heights.
No, there's not.
I don't like bars.
Do they serve hot dogs?
They actually do.
They have a great hot dog menu.
Really?
It's called the Wallace.
At the Wallace.
You've been right next door.
Remember when my first night in New York...
To get coffee.
My first night in New York and we met at that bar at Harlem Public Time.
We used to run the show at the coffee place.
Yes.
Right down from the coffee place we met at that bar.
Yes.
Right next to that.
It's like its sister bar.
It's the same owner.
I think I've been to that bar with you and...
It's called the Wallace.
With me.
A Dominican friend of ours.
Yeah, we had a couple beers in there one night.
You've been up there?
Yeah.
Doing what?
What were you doing?
With you, you idiot.
Yeah, but why were we both up there?
I don't know.
We were up there for a beer.
This ain't checking out.
Tough break, Paul.
You'll never catch me.
That's a good bar.
They have a life-size...
Not life-size, but bigger Jenga, which is a good time if you're hanging.
But you go there to play games.
If you go to a party and someone's trying to push fucking something on you that
wasn't
organized, hey, we're having a game night.
Come by.
Hey, the boys are playing poker.
Come by.
We're going to do Pictionary.
Come by.
Sure, if that's what you go sign up.
But if you go sign up for a fucking house party and someone's pushing some
fucking whack-ass
game on you, kick rocks with that.
Okay.
I like games at parties, though.
I think if you're going and they're like, hey, does everybody want to play this?
But to someone set up a fucking poker game, I would even be like...
So that's why I got a bad impression of it.
Some dice, maybe.
So forgive me.
That's one of the house party.
A little bit of CeeLo or something?
Dice, where are you with the...
It's a goddamn communion.
What's the matter?
Fucking scumbag.
Shout out to 7-11...
Not 7-11.
Left, right, center.
Left, right, center is a great game.
Did you ever play that?
Bro, I don't like dice.
I knew a guy who played dice one time and he gave me a wedgie.
I'm done playing dice.
I like dice.
No, I think this is more in the vein of like, no, I don't take left turns.
Yeah.
Some shit like that.
Take a lot of...
I'm crazy.
I take a lot of left turns.
You stink.
It's literally like...
It's literally navigating a psychotic minefield having a conversation with you.
What's left, right, center?
Left, right, center is a game of dice.
You play with like a big group.
It's like no commitment.
It's like literally it takes...
A round takes three minutes or something.
If so, if you want to play, you play.
It's just like the money passes around.
You got to be the last guy with all the money.
Oh, yeah.
It like passes around in a circle, left, right, and the center.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's a good time.
You can play it as a drinking game the whole night.
I got you.
It's not a good drinking game.
I haven't played that before.
I got nothing wrong with a good drinking game.
If people are playing.
I wasn't a beer pong guy.
Yeah.
You're not like a fun guy.
You're not.
I hated that shit in college.
Yeah.
It was always dumb.
That and going to the bars.
Going to the bars is dumb?
Yeah, it sucked.
I liked having parties.
Doing drugs in a room.
Yeah, I got you.
I mean, like, dude, listen.
Try that.
Real fan of a snowstorm in July.
Yeah.
Running the slalom.
Doing drugs in a room.
With your lift ticket.
All right.
That's all you like doing, man.
You like two people.
Listen, every decade you get three new friends and they wash out the old
friends and you
just hang in a room and don't do anything and do drugs.
Yeah, I like that.
Yeah.
So I can see why if you're not in the confines of your own room doing drugs and
you're forced
to hang out in public with people doing cool stuff, it can be a little annoying.
If they're preventing you from doing what you like to do.
Can you believe these guys spending money on a game?
They can be spending that money on drugs in a room.
I know.
Here they are playing cards and I'm really doing coke or anything.
Oh, shit.
What's the point?
Shout out to drugs in a room.
Today's episode of Hard Feelings is brought to you by the good folks.
I think we just really boiled down why you hate doing everything so much if it's
not drugs
in a room.
Really?
I mean, you've seen, I've been dealing with it for a decade, but you've seen it.
Like the thing, anybody doing anything gets a, right away is a bad thing.
Well, let's say this and let's be honest.
100% of the time.
Hold on.
Do we get me at the airport?
Some guy's getting his luggage.
Do you believe this guy pulling his fucking luggage?
Wait.
He's doing a thing.
Toby will back me up on this and I'll tell you what, Toby.
I want you to look inside yourself and I want you to be honest.
Be honest with me.
I'm always an impartial.
Is anything better?
Than drugs in a room.
Than drugs in a room.
Let's be honest.
Is anything.
But also, let me, he's raising a point.
Let me also raise a point.
Toby loves doing stuff.
Toby's a big doing stuff guy.
Drugs.
He likes doing drugs.
No.
He likes doing drugs so much.
He does like drugs.
He can't do drugs.
I know.
You shouldn't.
I will say this.
Drugs in a room does rip.
Sure.
Drugs in a room is all right.
Can I counter with another thing that's pretty great.
What?
Drugs outside is pretty good, too.
Maybe next year.
Maybe next year the big man puts his outdoor pants on.
Because when we went to, when we went around in Austin that Saturday.
Sure.
Drugs on a bike.
Drugs in a lake.
Drugs in a restaurant.
Yeah.
Drugs in an elevator made it weird for a minute.
That was bad drugs in an elevator.
Drugs in an elevator is no good.
Drugs in a room is all right.
Drugs outside is all right.
Drugs in an elevator can go real wrong.
I mean, it was also, it took nine hours to find out you were on drugs, which I
got to give you.
Drugs in private.
Secret drugs.
That's not secret drugs.