Name: How to be a Bad Roommate w/ Stavros Halkias - Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Clip
Uploaded: 2022-07-19T20:51:36.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'How to be a Bad Roommate w/ Stavros Halkias - Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Clip' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-07-19. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'How to be a Bad Roommate w/ Stavros Halkias - Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Clip' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-07-19. Transcript available.

are you garbage clocks in your house that are wrong right now what's the oven a
microwave that's a
good question my oven may be wrong i haven't i haven't checked okay i've been
literally i did
just spring forward too not too long ago i got my car's wrong yeah yeah yeah
car was a big one
i haven't been to my car since that so probably but yeah oven could be wrong
but see my roommate
is uh one of my best friends he's like my best friend from college and uh we
kind of live like
a like a gay couple with like two incomes you know like and he uh he is kind of
he's like a little
like anal about things like that so he probably he probably takes care probably
checked it but he's
also been gone so i'll text i'll go home i'll text you like does he keep the
house tight he does he's
he's the reason like like i'm the problem in the house for sure like i could
have picked up yeah yeah
yeah yeah dude if i showed like i if he he's like in portland right now if he
cut his trip early if he
showed up today i would be mortified dude oh really my luggage is just on the
couch like i got back
monday i got back monday it's what is today thursday yeah my i haven't like my
just luggage is kind of
zipped out because i had no i did laundry before i left so i was like oh
instead of putting my clothes
back i've just been taking living out i do that too yeah i'm in my own home
living out of a suitcase
i haven't unpacked since chicago yeah yeah yeah yeah i was in 99. i have just a
bat like a guard
a hefty bag like a garbage industrial bag of every night's seamless order that
just goes right in
there yeah yeah yeah put it back in the brown bag and put it in there that's
just like you know kebabs
sushi whatever the fuck whatever i know you're a piece of when you're opening
that bag and you intend
to keep it like you don't rip it yeah yeah yeah you can use it later to make
the cleanup easier because
you know you're a piece of shit yeah and i just don't clean up till the next
day oh yeah it's like
you know i just like get i just eat that that's my fucking heroin and i just
eat way too much and
then i pass the fuck i take a couple melatonin so i'm trying to get off the
weed right now
and i just pass the fuck out wake up the next day groggy as a bitch and just
like all this dried like
sauce and rice and i'm like chip it off the table and shit like that so sauce
everywhere it's brutal no
my apartment sucks right now how's the uh how's the credit score these days
very good credit actually
very good always had i always did have pretty good credit yeah yeah yeah
because i uh i didn't have
any student debt okay and my father was so in debt that it scared me sure so i
just never had any until
until i bought that house in greektown uh-huh i and i guess my car loan okay i
had those were the
only two that was the only time i was ever in debt so you own your car own my
car what are you rolling
around in 2012 corolla okay you know you still making payments on it no no all
right that's the
whole reason you think i just you got a 90-year release two years left on this
bad boy yeah my
monthly payment's eight dollars uh i'll be passing it off to my son he can uh
what what kind of air
freshener are you kicking around with in that corolla no freshener just raw dog
yeah yeah stop me baby
what's that car like is it a tough scene in there you know it's not water
bottles on the ground solely
because i've basically stopped driving i've been on the road so much my car is
my car i parked under
a tree for three weeks it looks like i just pulled it out of a swamp yeah yeah
it looks like it was
underwater i'm actually thinking about giving it to my mom because i just don't
drive at all okay so i
think i think that's going to be for lil v dude she's getting that one how do
you handle the tickets
do you get dude you on the street you have it in garage oh i have a garage you
have it in garage yeah
yeah it's pretty classy yeah okay you have a favorite frozen pizza uh i'm a
freshetta man
yeah freshetta is better money yeah yeah that's all right i think that's square
yeah yeah no it's not
i just chipped up a little bit yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah that was that there was
a moment in my life
in our lives where i was like were we upgraded to freshetta because that my mom
did it i think i think um
sam's club or costco whichever one started carrying those and that was a big
moment i was like whoa we're
doing all right oh you want you eat di giorno dude di giorno we were a tombstone
household and we had
di giorno you like di giorno right freshetta over di giorno all day sure but
that self-rising crust ain't
nothing to put your nose up that baby that a nice glass of milk we got you can't
don't bring the milk up
again all right you piece of trash uh it's horrible that sucks it's the worst
that makes me so
fucking mad and what makes it worse is that there's like a sizable part of the
population agrees with
50 50 dude i got a base baby i got a base these people are walking around and
we don't know it
you know like horrible there might be people i love you know it creates a
consistency in your
mouth where it feels like you're eating caulk or something it's not good it
stinks dude it really is
horrendous i love you peeing in the shower i assume right of course brush your
teeth in there i do not
really i have a you know expensive toothbrush here's here's trash is it
electric it's electric but
i started brushing my teeth every day when i turned 30. if you want to talk
about trash that was one of
those like that was a wake-up call overworked mothers just like you know there's
one thing you
just didn't do it sure like she's like uh brush your teeth she's so tired that
she just never
and it was literally i wasn't even losing my tooth that did it for for whatever
reason it was just like
one day i woke up i was like i should brush my did you lose your tooth because
of decay no it was like
it was something random that's the thing it's like it wasn't that it was just
like you know so it was
like an old injury apparently that just gets worse over time yeah right and you
don't like it should
have it should if i don't even know what it was but it just kind of started
getting weaker and then
the final straw was cracking it on a chicken wing but not brushing my teeth had
nothing to do with
that and i think are you flossing i've got flossers the little green guys that's
good do you know the
brand check out glide i think it's by i think i'm glad the green ones yeah they're
orgasmic when they
go in they go in real smooth yeah what about uh in the in the bedroom there do
you sleep with your
socks on no what are you sleeping crazy i'm a boxers guy just boxers sometimes
i'll go fully nude
sometimes fresh out the shower clean sheets feels great i'm rubbing my little
my little fresh nuts all over
that are those sheets clean i i at most i'll go two weeks without how do you do
the laundry you drop
it off i drop off yeah i'm stunned and in prep two weeks two weeks tops good
for you sometimes i'll
switch them out i would go 18 months if i didn't have a wife yeah i would i don't
think i would ever
it's bad here's here's class here's here's new money class the reason it's two
weeks is because
we get a cleaning and she does them every two weeks she does them yeah yeah i i
will if i
want to i'll do them you know once if there's been a particular if there's been
a couple in the bed
yeah yeah yeah if we've got a couple squirters over you know it's like maybe
one day i'll enjoy a
little hint of sheets but like after that you got to change a couple of wait
hold on the cleaning
lady's doing the laundry what do you have a washer and dryer in the building i
no no i set out the
clean sheets and she'll change it changes them that's wow that's like rich guy
yeah that's what
i picture like it's awesome dude yeah exactly so does every pillow in your
bedroom have a pillow case
it does wow i am stunned by that it does come on dude i pictured you on a
single mattress no sheets
on the floor yeah that's me seven years ago you know six years ago for sure is
your bed in the
corner of the room you have two two egresses yeah absolutely okay cool a couple
floating shelves on
either side tv in the room tv in the room but i got a it's a tv called the
frame i got that there we go
oh yeah yeah which which color frame did you go with we just still have the we
didn't actually put
the frame see that's you know well i see i don't yeah the frame is nice because
no one yeah it really
is i promise i thought it came with it and then it came and then we were me and
my wife were looking
i'm like i'm not sure and then it looks from what i've seen it i haven't seen
it in person but
you're are you you're selling me on it in person it makes a huge difference
where people are like
they're they it doesn't look like a tv with the frame on they're just like what
is it they'll be like
is it some kind of like art like what the is it and then you turn the tv on it's
like kind
of sick you know yeah that's how you get the girl squirt totally yeah yeah i
like it it's the lg
frame that does it over there yeah yeah yeah it's the news well it is funny
because they pitch it as
like hey you can no i've never put a screensaver up we have one that pops like
i press up but i don't
know why i'll randomly press denmark yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah i'm trying to get
laid over here buddy
i just i keep it off and it just looks kind of nice with the frame on so yeah
tv though you gotta
have it as far as wings go now we're finally getting into it the drumstick or
the flat
*pops*