Name: Laundry Day w/ Kippy & Foley - Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Clip
Uploaded: 2022-08-26T21:43:02.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Laundry Day w/ Kippy & Foley - Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Clip' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-08-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Laundry Day w/ Kippy & Foley - Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Clip' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-08-26. Transcript available.

Are you garbage?
But.
What?
I'm trying to take a little more responsibility at the house.
You know, the lady's working and all that kind of stuff.
So I said, I'll clean the apartment.
Huge mistake.
You don't realize how dirty your apartment is until you start cleaning it.
And that's when you start really pushing the goalpost.
There's a thing, too.
When you're cleaning, it gets dirtier.
Like, when you proper clean, you move stuff.
There's a pile of trash.
Everything's kind of hidden that's livable.
What's weird is if I walked into your apartment, okay.
Never get the invite, but sure.
Let's say it was clean.
I wouldn't think anything of it.
But if you walk through it, you would see, like, the little, you know,
the things on the corners and the spaghetti sauce on the thing.
You don't normally see that kind of stuff.
But when it's in your apartment, you do.
Like, right behind where the trash can is,
it looks like somebody blew Chef Boyardee's brains out.
I know, that's real bad.
Did you ever pull that bad boy out, too?
Oh, yikes.
You don't want to know what's going on back there.
It's like cultures are growing.
It's like the red light district.
You just keep it moving.
It's bad.
That, too.
And also, too, around, I notice it real bad around our sink.
Because, like, you're washing, the things are flying,
little water splashing, and then you're like, oh, I'm done.
And then you leave and you come back.
And you're like, once you're cleaning, like, everything,
you're like, yeah, it's like, there's like fucking an inch of grease on that.
Oh, dude, the fucking stove, the grease.
It's like, well, it was a Kentucky fried chicken.
What are you doing in here?
Or the crown fried chicken.
But there's my procedure with the bathroom.
We lightly talked about this, I think, the other day,
where I used a toilet brush kind of fucking to get everything.
I spray Clorox on the floor.
But you go through fucking 25,000 paper towels to do that.
You shouldn't be doing with paper towels.
I'm not.
What I do is I take the old towel.
After I spray everything down and scrub everything,
I mean, like, everything, the whole area around the toilet,
the floor behind the thing where the pee splatters.
And then I take an old towel or a towel that's done,
and I just fucking.
Like, bath towel?
Bath towel.
Okay.
I just take, like, the towel that I'd been using for the week
or whatever it was.
I'm going to get a new towel.
You trash that, though.
Or do you?
Oh, you don't wash that and use it, do you?
You wash it in hot water.
Oh, I don't know about that.
That's okay.
It's funny you mentioned this one.
That's a no-flot.
That's the second I'm cleaning up pee and fecal matter,
I'm not then using that.
I mean, you could wash that.
You could give it to NASA for them to fucking wash it.
And that's still not going on my mind.
Send this thing to Mars.
Yeah, no.
This time I did.
You took me off guard that you said that,
which that's also a no-no, too.
I'm not allowed to just throw out.
I don't have that kind of clearance over there.
Just throwing out towels.
Fucking middle management.
What do you want from me?
I'm going to get called upstairs for that.
That's like a Billy Mays infomercial.
It's covered in piss.
It's covered in shit.
And it's clean still.
That's crazy.
That's not.
Use it for 12 more showers.
Also, you better not be using the generic stuff in the washing machine.
You need some heavy, dude.
I'm talking heavy bike detergent.
Take that.
Brand name OxiClean, dude.
Yeah.
No, like OxiJazz or whatever.
I'm all OxiClean.
My mom has a stain removal formula that works like a charm.
It's got like apple cider vinegar, this, that, the other thing.
She makes it?
She makes it at home in a spray bottle.
I think there's Gatorade in it, too.
I'm not 100% sure.
It has a really weird hangover.
It's a good blue tit.
But, yeah, you put it in the sun, it comes right off.
But I did throw that one out.
I threw that towel out.
Yeah.
But normally, I would wrap that up and stick it in the bottom of the thing.
Uh-uh.
And then you wash that with your clothes and stuff?
No.
We separate the fucking towels and the sheets and the clothes.
Because all my clothes, I have to wash in ice-cold water.
I mean, shrinkage.
Ice-cold.
Uh-huh.
I do.
Yeah, I do.
Cold-cold.
Then I hang the teeth.
Which I don't think when you drop it off in the New York City laundromats that
they
do do it in cold.
No.
You might as well drop it in a volcano, dude.
They fucking, dude, they go, they give you the high heat in a laundromat.
High heat in the washer and high heat in the dryer.
They give you toddler clothes back.
You're like, what in the fuck?
And I left the sheets in the dryer too long on high heat.
And I'm telling you, they were smoking.
They were fucking so hot.
They smell burnt.
Yeah.
Do you have a drying rack in your apartment or are you opening cabinets and
shit to hang
your shirts on?
Listen.
Who's doing that?
What?
If you don't, you're hanging your shirts to dry?
Yeah.
You do?
Uh-huh.
Wait, there's some things you don't put in the dryer?
Yeah, I just said that.
That's crazy.
Ask me another way.
See if the answer changes.
Wait.
What shirt?
Like, would that go in the dryer?
This one does because this is a proven, it can withstand its integrity.
Uh-huh.
Shout out to Sal Volcano, by the way.
This guy uses high quality merch over here.
Sally, we love you.
Put one of those AYG shirts in the dishwasher.
It's over.
You got to fucking wash that down at the creek.
Get your washing stones, your washboards, baby.
Um, yeah, no, I have, uh, I have two different classifications of black t-shirts
that I, I'm
a wacko, you know, I don't know.
So I have two different classifications of black t's that I use.
Um, some are just around that.
I got about 40, I would say, black t-shirts.
What are you, black man?
Dude, you have one t-shirt and you wear it until it disintegrates.
Got it on now.
I'm big on that, uh, that new tree shirt.
It looks like you have the flower.
I've read the YouTube comments.
They're aware as well.
Because it fits great.
It fits great.
And some t-shirts fucking, when you wash them, they get softer and they get looser
and they
get fantastic.
And then some, it's like you're putting on a burlap sack.
Sure.
Which I have.
But I don't dry.
So I hang.
I do.
You have the rack?
Yeah, of recent.
I was just doing like.
The little wooden one you're talking about.
It's plastic, but yeah.
We had that in our living room when I was growing up.
I was like, what the fuck is this?
My mom always used it for her delicates.
Oh, yeah.
Kevin, stop playing over there.
I was always really good.
Wake up in the, my mom would wash stuff in the sink.
Like the, with like wool light and stuff.
Oh, yeah.
I remember that.
Patty would do that.
Yeah.
So like, I'd come down to fucking make a bowl of Special K and there's a bunch
of
panties in the sink.
I'm not panties.
I'm kidding.
I'm clearly kidding.
Thongs.
They were all thongs.
BDSM type stuff.
A couple of ball games.
Ma, you can't get leather wet.
What are you doing?
That's your first goddamn problem.
No, just like, there would be like a sweater or whatever.
You're wrapping up a sandwich and latex panties?
Sweaters or like blouses, like that type stuff.
Sure.
I used to play with my GI Joes on there.
That was a.
On the rack.
Yeah.
That was point too hot.
But I just got a rack.
But for the longest time, I still, the rack, because I do wash a lot of black
teas a week.
So the rack can't hold them all.
So I'll do like over the doors or the dresser or on a chair or something for
the last two days.
If you do them over the doors, sometimes there's that thick layer of lint on
top of the door.
You don't realize.
I know.
I know.
I know.
You're standing at the host stand at Gallagher's getting a laugh down.
I know.
I know.
Patty does something.
She, does your mom do this?
My mom washes her hair in the kitchen sink.
Whoa.
Yeah.
No.
Yeah.
Washes her hair.
Why?
In the kitchen sink.
I mean, I'm sure she does when she's in the shower.
I don't know.
Sometimes she just washes her hair.
It makes me feel like I'm at the spa.
Yeah.
I turn the heat up real high.
Close all the windows.
Smoke a couple of menthol cigarettes.
Open up some nail polish.
Yeah.
She washes her hair.
Just like the Four Seasons.
She washes her hair in the sink.
Because you'll be downstairs yelling for her.
What?
I can't hear you.
I'm washing my hair.
She's fucking.
It's all fun and games.
Places like a kennel in there.
Until your ponytail gets caught in the disposal, dude.
We don't have a garbage disposal.
You crazy.
You don't have a garbage disposal?
No, fuck.
They don't trust that shit.
Sometimes you explain your house and it sounds like it's from the 1800s.
That weird stove or oven heater thing you got.
The coal stove we used to have.
Coal stove.
And now we have a wood pellet stove.
It's real house.
We're like Little House on the Prairie vibes, I guess.
We have a wood pellet stove in where the fireplace used to be.
You put it in there.
Right now.
The coal stove was tough.
Yeah.
That's.
Yeah.
But now she has one thing.
You have a dishwasher?
Of course.
Yeah.
She's got a good dishwasher.
Great dishwasher.
Okay.
I told you she almost fucked it up because she put like palm olive or something
in there.
Oh, yeah.
I'll jam you up.
That was like a three-week process.
Huh.
But at night now, all you hear is ticking.
She has timers.
A couple of pipe bombs?
What do you mean?
She has timers on everything.
The coffee has a timer.
You know the coffee pot has a timer inside of it?
She's using an.
I don't know.
A fucking dial timer.
She's using an external thing.
Like a tick, tick, tick, tick.
There's a timer plugged into the socket.
The wall.
You plug that.
Things are plugged into there.
And when you turn the TV off to go upstairs to the bed, all you hear.
It's like living in Doc Brown's house.
It's fucking wild.
What the fuck is that?
Why did she just set it?
Because she's crazy.
Wait, is that to turn on?
Nice cup of coffee in the morning.
That's to turn on at seven o'clock.
That starts perculating.
Yeah.
Yeah, we do the same thing, but we got, I mean, actually, no, they moved to.
Apparently, that's on.
We go downstairs.
Nisi moved to a Keurig at the house and down the shore.
I don't like that.
What?
I don't like the plastic.
I understand, but the immediacy of having a cup of coffee within 12 seconds.
I like when it's percolating, though, and he's getting ready for it.
I know, but when you're, like, jammed up, you're going somewhere or something,
you're like, I could use a cup of coffee.
You got a cup of coffee immediately.
And this is also, too, my mom's got a couple of bucks.
Starting to spend it a little bit.
Really?
She keeps a stock of to-go, like, coffee cups.
Oh, that's nice.
We did that for a little while.
With the lids.
Yeah.
So it's like, you know, like, you would be at, like, a fucking Wawa or a 7-Eleven.
You go, you pull a fucking.
Patty just ganks him out of Wawa.
We've had stacks.
Look, she was working third shift.
That's pretty smart, too, I guess.
Yeah.
But, yeah, that's great.
They're not going to say nothing.
You throw a lid on and fucking you're out walking the dog.
You got a cup of joe, two, three seconds.
Maybe a little oop, oop, oop, oop.
A little something there.
A little Irish coffee.
A little good time juice.
I'm talking my family's language.