Name: Too Much Bacon w/ Kippy & Foley - Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Clip
Uploaded: 2022-09-27T21:33:37.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Too Much Bacon w/ Kippy & Foley - Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Clip' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-09-27. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Too Much Bacon w/ Kippy & Foley - Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Clip' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-09-27. Transcript available.

are you garbage but I did get what I think is very classy I'm trying to up my
game I'm trying to make my shit a little bit I know you're getting what you got
one of those pieces of wood that goes in the oven that you cook salmon on it's
like a hickory piece of wood or something how much salmon you think I'm
eating I haven't eaten salmon unless it's wall-caught in a long fucking time
he's about to tell you he got his first spoon and you're talking about blocks
of
salmon wood I need a new set of silverware I lose forks I don't know what
happens to the man probably in your titties we have 900 spoons 900 knives
you have three forks I don't know where they go they must get thrown out and
like to go stuff or something because I never use the plastic stuff never at
the
house no that's the worst um no I got a square frying pan really great for
bacon
dude it's fan it's gay I feel like fucking emerald cooking spongebob what's
no it's great the circle unless you got a big John cuts you off off the cut to
the
pass the you got the flaps up on the side of the wall good for pancakes oh with
the
fucking square John it's great nothing's better than making scrambled eggs and
a
brand new nonstick frying pan oh you don't even need butter oh dude it's great
nothing stick I'm like calling my wife I'm like look the pants clean but you
can put it right back
yeah that's all right right back in the cupboard but you get a couple of slices
in
there that's when that's when you go bad and start wearing off put it too much
scrubbing you're
not supposed to keep a tight ship in a kitchen you're not supposed to use a
metal spatula on
that either no it came with I got a whole wood I got the whole set came with
plastic
ah plastics we always burnt them yeah but if you do it right formed really
quick true you leave it on
the edge or something oh yeah wait how how high are the sides those square pans
can be shallow and
doing that bacon gets dicey it's real low it's real low but I don't know if you
know I'm currently in
a weight loss competition so I'm only doing two maybe three pieces of bacon
soda oil ain't an issue
you don't cook all the bacon you wrap it back up and put it in the fridge yeah
I think this describes
the 170 pound difference between us I thought you cook it and you just put it
in a ziploc bag I
didn't know you were allowed to can't re-wrap that up and put it in the in the
fridge are you making
all your bacon hold on hold on use I you're making all your bacon right dog you
have the most insane
relationship with home cooking that's what no people are making I don't I I don't
think it's like hot dogs you cook the whole pack you cooked all no you're lying
about that you cook
the whole pack and you first of all they're already cooked you don't need to
cook you just got to heat
them if they eat we've never wrapped we've never re-wrapped up bacon who's we
the foley's
well it'd be one thing if you're cooking for the family oh wait maybe she has
if you're at home and
you're making breakfast in the morning you're making a whole thing of bacon
yeah you got to talk to
a nutritionist on sunday on sunday six pieces is a lot of bacon for one guy to
have well you that
doesn't it's not a resealable thing first of all they do make them resealable
yeah and also put it
in a ziploc bag you said you have ziploc you're touching that shit no you do it
all no you just keep
it in a ziploc and if you want to have it later on you just microwave no
because you're going to eat
it that day if you have made bacon in the house you're eating that fucking
bacon yeah you are all
right now what now we're i mean you know it's a favorite it took us two years
of talking about
your weight loss to find out you make slabs of bacon every day yeah you cook
all the bacon
no if you're making it for the group yeah it's like there's four people five
people eating breakfast
two and up two people you don't make no how many pieces of bacon do you eat
when you have breakfast
now two or three and my wife might do one or two if if but doubtful i'm making
two or three three i was
doing six whatever would fit in a pan yeah but that's when then everybody
started calling me fat so i pulled
that back and now i'm down to two maybe three you know my move was when i was a
kid well all right
so so all right hold on let's man we're into it you make you're just making for
yourself right your
girl's out of town i wouldn't make it for myself i would only make bacon if
there was somebody else with
me okay so that's okay it's you and your girl yeah you and your lady yeah you
make breakfast sunday
morning whatever day we got up we have the day off walk to the grocery store i'm
not doing bacon
during the week mostly i did bacon today you did we don't have nine to fives
you had your call time
was 2 p.m yeah but that's a weekend thing you don't then what are you doing
during the week
this morning i made uh a couple eggies i had a couple eggies and some fruit
salad and some green
beans that were left over from last night i had them cold a little bit of balsamic
just to get some
greens in me and a sheet cake shout out to the sheet cake it was billy and four
c's birthday i actually
wasn't crazy about those i like the stacks i like the nice cheater what um so
you and your girl you're
making the whole thing of bacon that's 12 that's how much see how many slices
of bacon or are let's
say in a hypothetical here all right if i went to the store in the morning no
weight loss challenge no
nothing no not 16 slices 16 slices of bacon that's a baker's dozen right there
it's more than a baker's
dozen i know that's my kind of baker
lumpies let's just say go back let's go to the pandemic okay no let's go to
last weekend we don't
i'm not doing that stuff anymore we don't do that there's no bacon in my house
we're not we're not
doing that crap okay you got to suspend a little disbelief you got to go back
when i was on my
way up now i'm on my way down when was the last time theoretically you're not
check out the last
fat court everybody you're gonna sit there and tell me you had bacon in your
house in the last three
months no i've not had bacon in my house in the last three months i can say
that honestly i've ordered
breakfast i get over there and dust for hoof prints yeah found a snout in my
yeah
jesus bunch of spiderwebs you go in there's a bunch of live it's a pen a bunch
of live pigs
oinking around they're pets it was pig belly what do you want from me which can
kick rocks by the way
i have what pork pork belly that is the dude you're an idiot i am not have you
i was i wasn't even trying to be funny you don't like you are fat you don't
like it's not that nice
you don't like ramen with pork belly in it oh it's like candies oh mama so good
yeah no you can
kick rocks really big pork belly guy believe it or not no really 18 pieces a
day i do listen
you gotta cook bellies i did four bellies you gotta cook the whole pig what are
you doing listen if we
if if i'm in a pinch in the morning and i don't do my eggs and fruit and fruit
salad we'll order
we'll order from uh leftovers we'll order and i'll get like two or three
scrambled eggs and some turkey sausage
but there's no bacon how many pieces of turkey sausage whatever comes with it
three four whatever
they give you that's okay it's all protein yeah okay there's no bacon in my
house okay you go to
my house right now you're not gonna find one okay one piece of bacon okay i ate
them all uh all right
so paying that when you are making bacon let's all right now we're talking the
pandemic is what
it's called when he cooks bacon the fry pandemic the frying pandemic gave
myself swine flu i ate so
much bacon listen a typical sunday breakfast would involve go to the store
dozen eggs thing of bacon
those pillsbury uh crescent biscuits what yeah the biscuits slap those in the
oven some really good
maybe uh what's it kelly's butter or what's the marigold or cary gold yeah that's
the real deal you get
that we get it for my mom buys it for like christmas and stuff has presents
stocking stuffers the kids love
it it's like a half and a half for your bar mitzvah um and some nice jelly okay
that's the and a big
thing of orange juice tropicana which that has been in my house because i was a
little sicky
uh i'm putting wise on words you're 46 years old what he eggy ketchupy whatever
just say the words
eggies oh little eggies listen scrambies i'll allow that's just fun
who doesn't like a couple of shout out to the scrambies you like cheese in your
scrambies
not necessarily really i'm watching my calories man but typically yeah i'm not
saying now relax jack
rollane we're talking in perpetuity that doesn't make any sense in fantasy what
you would prefer
is that what you think perpetuity is something like that right no it's moving
forward all right
moving forward i get all the money in perpetuity no perpetuity is backwards no
that's retroactive
anyway let's get back to the bacon here's all i ask you start talking about jam
and jelly
here's the deal those tropicanas kind of stink you don't get a lot in those
things
in the in the chop in the big boy tropicanas you get enough for one breakfast i
would say for two or
three people yeah but you're not three people there well this is what you do
you might have company you
keep moving the goalposts with odd language of like you know ah two three four
people you know
either way be that as it may that's the breakfast and yes i do the whole thing
of uh uh pillsbury
rolls and the whole thing of bacon all right and then you pick throughout the
day maybe
yeah that's not what you should be doing um sure i understand that you asked me
what did i do in the
past how i got this way no i didn't i was trying to get to how many pieces of
bacon you and you
you're fucking eight pieces started you started reading your grocery list eight
pieces of when
you sit sure but there's a couple how many put you hold on you're obviously you
pull them off you
put them on a paper towel to paper hold on it doesn't all happen at once you do
you need two or three
pans listen i i just okay i get it stop for a second yeah as you're making it i'm
picking two three
pieces sure right let's say one per batch at least all right i'm gonna try the
goods i'll give you the
benefit of the doubt one per batch all right okay so now let's say three but
your three slices in there
right before i even hit the table before i mean the oj pre-gaming the oj even
poured yet the eggs
aren't even whisked oh the oj's poured and the eggs are whisked they're waiting
they're in the batter's
box whatever um because i got the pan hot you grease right down the sink that's
the next generation
you gotta you gotta you gotta you gotta stick something to the chinese when
they take over
huh yeah take my old plumbing will you um so three there how many do you sit
with you put out you put
the eggs on a plate i don't care about anything else how many pieces of bacon
go on the plate
you keep you try to like romanticize this is how i make it how many pieces of
bacon go on the plate
it's the plate that has the paper towel on it gets sat on the middle of the
table oh you don't even
put it on your plate no try to have a nice sunday and enjoy my day watch my
highlights wait till the
football but you put you'll take some off your first serving yeah how much is
that i love how now you
don't remember you just painted a huge masterpiece of a sunday morning for you
two three you know you
start with that two you're telling me i said three in the kitchen now two go on
listen i'm not saying
i don't eat too much bacon all right so you're at five there even if you took
two let's say six
sure you're at six first course we're eating the whole thing of bacon you said
you put it away
no i said we don't put it away oh sure what no what are you talking you you
started off with you eat
some of it you put in a plastic bag you eat it throughout the day now you're
going i eat all the bacon
can i have a sip of water please oh my god it's mad and it's maddening we don't
put it away uncooked
we cook it all if there's some leftover we'll put the cooked bacon a couple of
pieces that are leftover
she doesn't need all that obviously so whatever her share will go back into the
refrigerator but to be
honest with you that's probably not going to make it out of sunday that's not
getting to work on monday
morning sure that's going to get nibbled on there's gonna be there's gonna be
missing persons out for
that yes on monday morning because fresh cooked cold bacon in the fridge is not
is pretty good in a nice
clean little ziploc bag patty does it really nice because she cuts it in half
now you brought up the
crescent roll i did you know what's an unbelievable move with the crescent roll
to make a little breakfast
no that's good too that's not too shabby you use the crescent rolls to make
your own little pigs in a
blanket oh yeah i mean i don't do that though but yeah do them homemade yeah oh
of course yes what a hot
dog these aren't the not the crescent rolls the biscuits the breakfast biscuits
crescent rolls i would
do with yeah no i'm saying that we don't get the crescent rolls we get the
breakfast biscuits this
guy is lying all over the flaky ones i just you that's like a bit saying band-aid
it's the terminology
the pillsbury johns all right how do we get on this i don't know you said you
uh you were cooking
oh he asked me how many bacon slices of bacon i make i said three that's good
yeah i'm not doing
anything like that anymore okay there's no bacon turkey sausage that's it
turkey bacon i'll do every
once in a while okay that stinks i also hate it yeah all right i'm not doing
any of that anymore
you came in overweight at your last weigh-in so don't try to give you act like
you're on your high
horse that was years ago it was 14 days ago i don't do that no more meanwhile i
saw you eating pizza
rolls about 72 hours ago they were a gift yeah you gotta eat them all too shout
out to the helium portland
portland helium hooking it up um but that being said we got a goddamn family
episode

Too Much Bacon w/ Kippy & Foley - Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Clip

are you garbage but I did get what I think is very classy I'm trying to up my
game I'm trying to make my shit a little bit I know you're getting what you got
one of those pieces of wood that goes in the oven that you cook salmon on it's
like a hickory piece of wood or something how much salmon you think I'm
eating I haven't eaten salmon unless it's wall-caught in a long fucking time
he's about to tell you he got his first spoon and you're talking about blocks
of
salmon wood I need a new set of silverware I lose forks I don't know what
happens to the man probably in your titties we have 900 spoons 900 knives
you have three forks I don't know where they go they must get thrown out and
like to go stuff or something because I never use the plastic stuff never at
the
house no that's the worst um no I got a square frying pan really great for
bacon
dude it's fan it's gay I feel like fucking emerald cooking spongebob what's
no it's great the circle unless you got a big John cuts you off off the cut to
the
pass the you got the flaps up on the side of the wall good for pancakes oh with
the
fucking square John it's great nothing's better than making scrambled eggs and
a
brand new nonstick frying pan oh you don't even need butter oh dude it's great
nothing stick I'm like calling my wife I'm like look the pants clean but you
can put it right back
yeah that's all right right back in the cupboard but you get a couple of slices
in
there that's when that's when you go bad and start wearing off put it too much
scrubbing you're
not supposed to keep a tight ship in a kitchen you're not supposed to use a
metal spatula on
that either no it came with I got a whole wood I got the whole set came with
plastic
ah plastics we always burnt them yeah but if you do it right formed really
quick true you leave it on
the edge or something oh yeah wait how how high are the sides those square pans
can be shallow and
doing that bacon gets dicey it's real low it's real low but I don't know if you
know I'm currently in
a weight loss competition so I'm only doing two maybe three pieces of bacon
soda oil ain't an issue
you don't cook all the bacon you wrap it back up and put it in the fridge yeah
I think this describes
the 170 pound difference between us I thought you cook it and you just put it
in a ziploc bag I
didn't know you were allowed to can't re-wrap that up and put it in the in the
fridge are you making
all your bacon hold on hold on use I you're making all your bacon right dog you
have the most insane
relationship with home cooking that's what no people are making I don't I I don't
think it's like hot dogs you cook the whole pack you cooked all no you're lying
about that you cook
the whole pack and you first of all they're already cooked you don't need to
cook you just got to heat
them if they eat we've never wrapped we've never re-wrapped up bacon who's we
the foley's
well it'd be one thing if you're cooking for the family oh wait maybe she has
if you're at home and
you're making breakfast in the morning you're making a whole thing of bacon
yeah you got to talk to
a nutritionist on sunday on sunday six pieces is a lot of bacon for one guy to
have well you that
doesn't it's not a resealable thing first of all they do make them resealable
yeah and also put it
in a ziploc bag you said you have ziploc you're touching that shit no you do it
all no you just keep
it in a ziploc and if you want to have it later on you just microwave no
because you're going to eat
it that day if you have made bacon in the house you're eating that fucking
bacon yeah you are all
right now what now we're i mean you know it's a favorite it took us two years
of talking about
your weight loss to find out you make slabs of bacon every day yeah you cook
all the bacon
no if you're making it for the group yeah it's like there's four people five
people eating breakfast
two and up two people you don't make no how many pieces of bacon do you eat
when you have breakfast
now two or three and my wife might do one or two if if but doubtful i'm making
two or three three i was
doing six whatever would fit in a pan yeah but that's when then everybody
started calling me fat so i pulled
that back and now i'm down to two maybe three you know my move was when i was a
kid well all right
so so all right hold on let's man we're into it you make you're just making for
yourself right your
girl's out of town i wouldn't make it for myself i would only make bacon if
there was somebody else with
me okay so that's okay it's you and your girl yeah you and your lady yeah you
make breakfast sunday
morning whatever day we got up we have the day off walk to the grocery store i'm
not doing bacon
during the week mostly i did bacon today you did we don't have nine to fives
you had your call time
was 2 p.m yeah but that's a weekend thing you don't then what are you doing
during the week
this morning i made uh a couple eggies i had a couple eggies and some fruit
salad and some green
beans that were left over from last night i had them cold a little bit of balsamic
just to get some
greens in me and a sheet cake shout out to the sheet cake it was billy and four
c's birthday i actually
wasn't crazy about those i like the stacks i like the nice cheater what um so
you and your girl you're
making the whole thing of bacon that's 12 that's how much see how many slices
of bacon or are let's
say in a hypothetical here all right if i went to the store in the morning no
weight loss challenge no
nothing no not 16 slices 16 slices of bacon that's a baker's dozen right there
it's more than a baker's
dozen i know that's my kind of baker
lumpies let's just say go back let's go to the pandemic okay no let's go to
last weekend we don't
i'm not doing that stuff anymore we don't do that there's no bacon in my house
we're not we're not
doing that crap okay you got to suspend a little disbelief you got to go back
when i was on my
way up now i'm on my way down when was the last time theoretically you're not
check out the last
fat court everybody you're gonna sit there and tell me you had bacon in your
house in the last three
months no i've not had bacon in my house in the last three months i can say
that honestly i've ordered
breakfast i get over there and dust for hoof prints yeah found a snout in my
yeah
jesus bunch of spiderwebs you go in there's a bunch of live it's a pen a bunch
of live pigs
oinking around they're pets it was pig belly what do you want from me which can
kick rocks by the way
i have what pork pork belly that is the dude you're an idiot i am not have you
i was i wasn't even trying to be funny you don't like you are fat you don't
like it's not that nice
you don't like ramen with pork belly in it oh it's like candies oh mama so good
yeah no you can
kick rocks really big pork belly guy believe it or not no really 18 pieces a
day i do listen
you gotta cook bellies i did four bellies you gotta cook the whole pig what are
you doing listen if we
if if i'm in a pinch in the morning and i don't do my eggs and fruit and fruit
salad we'll order
we'll order from uh leftovers we'll order and i'll get like two or three
scrambled eggs and some turkey sausage
but there's no bacon how many pieces of turkey sausage whatever comes with it
three four whatever
they give you that's okay it's all protein yeah okay there's no bacon in my
house okay you go to
my house right now you're not gonna find one okay one piece of bacon okay i ate
them all uh all right
so paying that when you are making bacon let's all right now we're talking the
pandemic is what
it's called when he cooks bacon the fry pandemic the frying pandemic gave
myself swine flu i ate so
much bacon listen a typical sunday breakfast would involve go to the store
dozen eggs thing of bacon
those pillsbury uh crescent biscuits what yeah the biscuits slap those in the
oven some really good
maybe uh what's it kelly's butter or what's the marigold or cary gold yeah that's
the real deal you get
that we get it for my mom buys it for like christmas and stuff has presents
stocking stuffers the kids love
it it's like a half and a half for your bar mitzvah um and some nice jelly okay
that's the and a big
thing of orange juice tropicana which that has been in my house because i was a
little sicky
uh i'm putting wise on words you're 46 years old what he eggy ketchupy whatever
just say the words
eggies oh little eggies listen scrambies i'll allow that's just fun
who doesn't like a couple of shout out to the scrambies you like cheese in your
scrambies
not necessarily really i'm watching my calories man but typically yeah i'm not
saying now relax jack
rollane we're talking in perpetuity that doesn't make any sense in fantasy what
you would prefer
is that what you think perpetuity is something like that right no it's moving
forward all right
moving forward i get all the money in perpetuity no perpetuity is backwards no
that's retroactive
anyway let's get back to the bacon here's all i ask you start talking about jam
and jelly
here's the deal those tropicanas kind of stink you don't get a lot in those
things
in the in the chop in the big boy tropicanas you get enough for one breakfast i
would say for two or
three people yeah but you're not three people there well this is what you do
you might have company you
keep moving the goalposts with odd language of like you know ah two three four
people you know
either way be that as it may that's the breakfast and yes i do the whole thing
of uh uh pillsbury
rolls and the whole thing of bacon all right and then you pick throughout the
day maybe
yeah that's not what you should be doing um sure i understand that you asked me
what did i do in the
past how i got this way no i didn't i was trying to get to how many pieces of
bacon you and you
you're fucking eight pieces started you started reading your grocery list eight
pieces of when
you sit sure but there's a couple how many put you hold on you're obviously you
pull them off you
put them on a paper towel to paper hold on it doesn't all happen at once you do
you need two or three
pans listen i i just okay i get it stop for a second yeah as you're making it i'm
picking two three
pieces sure right let's say one per batch at least all right i'm gonna try the
goods i'll give you the
benefit of the doubt one per batch all right okay so now let's say three but
your three slices in there
right before i even hit the table before i mean the oj pre-gaming the oj even
poured yet the eggs
aren't even whisked oh the oj's poured and the eggs are whisked they're waiting
they're in the batter's
box whatever um because i got the pan hot you grease right down the sink that's
the next generation
you gotta you gotta you gotta you gotta stick something to the chinese when
they take over
huh yeah take my old plumbing will you um so three there how many do you sit
with you put out you put
the eggs on a plate i don't care about anything else how many pieces of bacon
go on the plate
you keep you try to like romanticize this is how i make it how many pieces of
bacon go on the plate
it's the plate that has the paper towel on it gets sat on the middle of the
table oh you don't even
put it on your plate no try to have a nice sunday and enjoy my day watch my
highlights wait till the
football but you put you'll take some off your first serving yeah how much is
that i love how now you
don't remember you just painted a huge masterpiece of a sunday morning for you
two three you know you
start with that two you're telling me i said three in the kitchen now two go on
listen i'm not saying
i don't eat too much bacon all right so you're at five there even if you took
two let's say six
sure you're at six first course we're eating the whole thing of bacon you said
you put it away
no i said we don't put it away oh sure what no what are you talking you you
started off with you eat
some of it you put in a plastic bag you eat it throughout the day now you're
going i eat all the bacon
can i have a sip of wate