Name: Afterschool Snacks w/ Matt McCusker - Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Clip
Uploaded: 2022-10-28T21:00:24.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Afterschool Snacks w/ Matt McCusker - Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Clip' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-10-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Afterschool Snacks w/ Matt McCusker - Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Clip' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-10-28. Transcript available.

are you garbage those old playboys man they were they were something else all
bush yeah it was all
they were something else girls with curls what was the name of the grocery
store your mom went
to when you were growing up ginardi's oh nice clean fucking living on a ginardi's
i went to
high school with the ginardi you did you yeah they got a little bit of geesh i
don't know who they
sold it to but they sold it to somebody for a couple of fazoles a few years ago
i bet man my
mom they bought her grocery bill was so high that like ginardi's did some sort
of reward program where
they gave us a double tape set of titanic for free you're like here you guys go
yeah they're like
just want a little token of appreciation so you guys still got it no i don't
know i think my mom
took it because she saw there's tits in it and we were having a couple of steaks
over here i got six
growing kids fucking titanic i think i want kate winslet let's do it here i
remember it was a big
deal she was like guys they gave us titanic and i was like sweet that's poor
person mentality of like
hey i just spent you know over the past month i spent 15 grand here and they
gave me a promotional
copy of the titanic on vhs we are living over here but it's poor people shit my
mom does the same thing
they have ginardi's plug sliced into it
jack where are you going to ginardi's i love the way they slice their meat uh
okay anyone in your
family please scratch off lottery tickets i think my brother messes with them
secretly
but i don't know yeah i think my brother might but not not like not heavily it
was never something that
was uh like it was never something big i feel like especially my in my
immediate family definitely
not but have you or any member of your family ever called a sports radio show
yeah yeah for sure
yeah no again not my immediate family my uncle used to call them all the time
uh like driving a trash
truck yeah he would fuck with them and mess with them all the time wow that's
pretty funny then if you're
doing it you know if you're doing it as a bit yeah i mean my uncles would for
sure but my my dad my
family and my immediate family nobody my dad never watched sports so like none
of us ever watched
sports or i still to this day could give a shit yeah um growing up did you have
uh the three and one
fisher price table the basketball the ping pong and the air hockey table oh no
we had we had an air
hockey table but i'm not the three and one oh you had a proper air hockey table
yeah we had a real
deal here that's real real lobby shit yeah man that's crazy in the basement
what about a pool table
no we never had a pool table no bumper pool no bumper pool no the ultimate
trash purchase of like you
know somebody who gets a little bit of scratch and as an alcoholic is the
shuffleboard table in the
basement my uncle jim has a shuffleboard table uncle jimmy i'm coming over i'm
coming over for
christmas jimmy dude it's awesome i love going to their house yeah it's crazy
it's awesome full
shuffleboard table and a pool table in his basement it's also trash to have the
basketball game
like the setup one with the oh dude my one cousin has that it's fucking dude
hours just down there
fucking drinking beers and fucking draining threes um dartboards are typically
trashy but if you get
the wooden thing like the wooden door with like the chalk on the inside that's
real nice yeah that is
true matt you ever play a game of horseshoes yes we support horseshoes and
family parties yeah we had
set up he had the pit he had the pit back there dude i remember my dad built a
pit for like a july 4th
barbecue or something i thought we were the fucking richest kids on the block i
was like wait till these
pussies come over here and see this fucking horseshoe pit what about what's the
grilling situation over
at uh mom and dad's you have a you have a grill yeah i got a grill is it is it
like a one with like
a propane tank propane because i pegged you for a fucking charcoal forget kind
of family
all propane all right um growing up did you ever have a goodfellas poster in
your room
or sopranos no i had wu-tang at the wu-tang clan poster in my room all right
respectable respectable
i want to talk about christmas yeah uh would your mom decorate the lawn no it's
funny actually i
would complain that we didn't do decorations and she handed me a bow and a
hammer a bunch of bows and
hammers like nail east of the fence and not even inside there was no candles in
the window she
put the can't plug in candles in the window so we were plugging candles yeah
per window and then i
think we did lights once or twice and then they just stopped they're like we're
not doing this
so it would be like we had a couple elves on the stairs and then put a candle
in every window
that's pretty classy yes you do a real tree or a fake tree real tree yeah
colored lights or white
lights uh colored and white actually like the traditional like red green those
kind of colors
like the roy g biff full setup yeah yeah yikes damn okay would you do uh tinsel
on the tree
no no tinsel just lights lights and balls okay does your family drink eggnog
would you open christmas presents on christmas eve or christmas day one on
christmas eve after we went
to midnight mass oh midnight mass good catholic wrong with it here we go that's
a classy answer right
there sometime that midnight that midnight mass suck because it would be like
the vigil and you'd be
sitting there with like if you go on for like three hours it sucked you're hot
smells like
fucking old spice in there like once you get to that certain point you you can't
help but think about
what am i getting tomorrow oh for sure it's just like time is just like
dragging so slow i used to
fucking hate that yeah i used to be i used to be scared going to bed on the
christmas eve i don't
want some fucking fat guy rooting through my fucking house want another fat guy
rooting through your
house what if he eats all the cookies
he said he's not gonna drink all the milk is he oh there you go uh growing up
milk with dinner
oh yeah for sure yeah spaghetti spaghetti and meatballs and milk oh yes that's
so good crazy
cheeseburgers and milk oh dude that's fucking trash you know my favorite is my
favorite is pizza
and milk drinking milk yeah right do you still do it mccusker yeah if i if i
have uh if i have like
spaghetti any kind of red sauce it's like a cup of milk is the accompanied in a
wine glass yeah what
does your wife say she's like whatever she don't care oh wow that's crazy um
all right on that same
note growing up uh in the house would your mom buy brisk iced tea was like the
juice boxes or like the
the pre-made no it would be like the can of brisk you remember no it wasn't a
state my mom was a health
nut so she didn't really let us have i wasn't allowed to have soda before noon
growing up
but admirable rule that's pretty classy it was kind of nice the brisk was uh
no that was like a family party treat we didn't have soda stocked in the house
only for pizza night
we would get soda pizza night was clean friday pizza night was all right did
you guys would you
do like dominoes or pizza hut or would you what were were you a pizza family or
don't bounce around
we weren't loyal to one organization whatever corporation was giving us free vhs's
that's where
our loyalties lied yeah we're dominoes we were big cheese for a while we
bounced you know yeah all right
pretty good let's talk about your house now yeah uh let's go into the the
bathroom
yeah your house now not growing up what are you rocking in there you got some
body wash or you
using a bar got a bar bar wow there's a blue collar guy i tried to do the bar
but i just like
i don't know i just always you know the loof then you gotta buy a new loofah
the loofah
explodes and it's like i just do the bar bar directly to body yeah really bar
directly to body
what are you rocking uh i don't know i just i got some
ah what is it i bought like soap right now now i'm bougie i bought soap from
whole foods so i got
10 for 10 a little goat's milk soap something like that soap for 10 bucks yeah
damn is that where you guys shop is whole foods yeah sometimes we'll do whole
foods or sprouts
depending but sprouts sprouts is just another grocery store near us is it
organic or is it
no it's not as like crazy as whole foods but it's definitely not it's like a
step up from acme it's
better than acme and then in terms of organicness less than whole foods but
still good comparable
sounds fancy as shit yeah living the life down there i like this now i'm bad
and bougie
what's your snack situation my snack uh
what do i i don't know i don't really i i have like a weird i have a bunch of
weird dietary so from
my mom was a health nut because she my mom had a gluten allergy in the 70s when
people were just
like that's not even a real thing nobody even but that's like she was a witch
oh they make fun of
her all the time for it and then so i have my mom's system with food i have
like a bunch of weird food
allergies that's why i have to i shop at like uh like fancier grocery stores
but yeah i eat pretty
clean man i eat like you know like i made i'll eat like brisket and but i i'm a
beaten potatoes kind
of dude and then i forced myself to eat vegetables okay i don't really if i eat
snacks i'll eat like
tortilla chips and hummus that's it did you get snacks growing up did your mom
hook it up little dunkaroos
a little shark bites so she was yeah fruit snacks were a battle she my mom had
like a weird thing
and it was like so it was weird in terms of like salt levels like i would eat i
would when i snack wise
growing up i would take uh like you know the 24 pack of bagel bites yeah open
up big bites i think
i could fit like nine bagel bites or i think it was actually like 12 on a plate
and i would microwave 12
bagel bites while that was going i would i would put spaghettios and i would
dip bagel bites in
spaghettios and eat them my mom wouldn't blink an eye but if i ate like that's
bad for you
that might be the trashiest meal we've heard and we had somebody who said they
microwaved
fucking burgers last week yeah i said microwave bagel bites you had to eat them
real quick because
like by the end of it they would turn to cement yeah you'd eat the last one
chilling on it'd be
tough dude it'd be like yeah yeah videos with meatballs dude that growing up my
snacks was
was fucked up dude i was eating real bad dude i forgot about spaghettios man we
used to
fucking have them all the time so good they were so good yeah the meatballs are
good how bad
must that have been for us like was that even meat yeah i was some i mean also
to the sodium in those
are like unbelievably through the roof i would eat one of those every single
day can of spaghettios
as many bagel the bagel bites would eventually run out there was like toaster
strudel toaster strudel
situation was like by the end of the week that you know they had like the icing
packets and the strudel
yeah at the end of the week you'd have to eat like a naked strudel there'd be
like four strudels zero
icing packets but dude you had fucking toaster strudel man that's fancy yeah
yeah we stepped
out from pop tarts to toaster strudels and then we got the toaster strudels
taken away because we were
fighting over icing packets because people were doubling up sure strudels were
definitely a conflict
heavy snack but for sure alliances are drawn yeah yeah so that was it i my
snacks were like my dad was
like a total food monster my mom's like a health nut so we were always like
somewhere between damn
very interesting do you change your own oil