Name: Dine and Dash w/ Mark Normand - Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Clip
Uploaded: 2022-11-04T21:00:57.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dine and Dash w/ Mark Normand - Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Clip' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-11-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dine and Dash w/ Mark Normand - Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Clip' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-11-04. Transcript available.

are you garbage did you do mischief night when you were a kid would you get
into trouble oh yeah
big big time we always got caught too we we egged a house and we ran home and
they just saw the
house we went in ding dong yeah the mom yelled at us what did you call we've
talked about this i
don't know if we haven't done in a while what did you call when you would knock
on the door and run
away oh we called it a ding dong and run or something like there was ding dong
ditch ding
dong ditch that's it there was a really bad one the worst asian porn star by
the way ding dong
ditch i don't know if you know her okay i like her work yeah um knock knock
zoom zoom people would
say as a kid and it's that's pussy shit it sounds so stupid knock knock zooms
no yeah which sounds
it doesn't make any sense no what did you guys call uh dine and dash dine and
dash wasn't there
another there's another one there's uh never did it eat and run there was there
was another one you're
right he's gonna big dick's gonna bd he's using his penis on the computer which
by the way we had
the hot guy in our group he was ripped and he would go as a baby every year and
that he would clean up
i got a pacifier a diaper and that's showing the pack when you were older like
college you're talking
about yeah yeah it'd be weird if he was doing it in like second grade got the
teachers all over
great uh david tell line halloween or as i call it the super bowl for pedophiles
man he's good he's pretty good that guy dude some of these are fucking terrible
oh yeah
chew and skidoo oh that's fun though that's gotta be canadian that's
that's got real saskatchew on it it's chew and you can do it i left that dooney
tip and dip that ain't bad tip and dips all right that's not great because you're
still
tipping tipping yeah this one's just a shot at penn state style i don't know
wow
krampus shaker high school flutter dash i thought that was a famous one
i think dine and dash is the most same did you do that i never did it i did it
like twice and
felt horrible about it you know one time i left my jacket so i felt like that
was a sign did you have
to go back yeah i went back you did i put on blackface and went back
a couple of white kids stole my jacket you see it anywhere in here yeah they're
always stealing our
culture sorry my buddy tried it one time he's drunk and he like went in by
himself and like sat down
ate had a beer or two and was like all right i'm gonna i'm gonna i'm gonna i
know where the back
door is i'm gonna make a run out of the back door but in his drunken stupidness
he made a
right instead of a left and ended up in the kitchen oh he was just cornered and
he was like all right
i'll pay i'm sorry that's a great i would just pick up a dish you got me you
got me one of my
one of my greatest victories in life was i was uh i was waiting tables at this
place in murray hill
this is before i did comedy when i lived up here the first time i was at a real
low point a lot of
drugs fucking by myself it was bad situation yeah working there st patrick's
day oh there's two
fucking douche bags in there one of them's wearing a kilt oh boy they sit down
they eat they're drinking
they're getting up they're going to the bar this and that starting to fill in
at night for the
fucking st patrick's day blah blah blah blah blah they asked for the check the
one guy goes to the
bathroom and this one fucking dickhead that was that was wearing the kilt just
bolts out the door
and he bolts out the this is so i'm on the corner of 30th between second and
first so he bolts out the
door and he goes around down second avenue towards 29th street so i'm like this
i just i was
so mad yeah i go out and i go the other way and just hoping i was like i'll be
back in five minutes run out run the other way catch him running down the
street
and just close like i love a good clothes fucking grab him and this guy should
have been able to
kick my ass he was like sick something sure but i think just the anger and the
whatever wow
clotheslined him grabbed him drug him back to the bar and made him pay yeah
somebody's like
this guy's beating up that trans woman what's that that kid doing yeah it felt
great well two two
things there one if you're gonna get away the kilt you're fucked because that's
not a spot yeah yeah
and then two that's not even irish yeah that's scottish so he's all he's got
the wrong holiday
fucking douchebag you were his william wallace baby he didn't see you coming at
all
i tried it once we went me and my buddy were day drinking early and then it was
in new york went to
like a nice place i always wanted to find it was like a hotel i think it's
called like the marlton
hotel down in the west village like maybe like 9th street or something like
that oh i know this
spot it might be the marlton hotel you walk it's like real cozy you don't even
dash there no we
i had gone there on a date before and i was like i know this nice i know this
real fancy place yeah
i know where all the cameras are i case the joint it's like heat
so i got the blueprints don't worry we'll be all right sitting there and the
bartender was being a
fucking jerk off and me it was just me and my buddy in there and he was like
making us we were the only
two at the bar he was making us wait for drinks and just being rude so i texted
my buddy like yo let's
fucking i was we were wasted i'm like let's you know let's fucking get out of
here dude let's just run
not don't pay this guy really yeah and he's like all right so i was like this
is recently yeah i mean a couple
years ago holy five years i didn't know about this yeah but this is more about
sticking it to the
douche than it is about no pay yeah this is this guy this guy was being the
biggest dickhead and
you know i'm typically very good to servers and everything like that but i was
like this guy
and i was like all right let's get out of here and i guess he heard us planning
and he turns
and he's like you guys are gonna think about running out are you and we're like
no sir i swear to god
here's a million dollars have a nice night wow yeah he sniped us pretty hard
you
pussy damn i pussed out real quick what about the cab ditch you ever done funny
i did that once
that's too scary to me not that long i don't dude they got the could have a gun
or a switch
you do they're crazy what do you call that thing that extends that uh baton
yeah oh those things
scorpion from mortal kombat get over here no like the blackjack type yes oh man
one of those will take
your knees oh shit take a tooth out real quick yeah i did it i think right
before the pandemic do you
remember yeah your card got declined yeah my card got declined i was fucking
fucked up broke in a cab
about a block away from my apartment in queens and i think i i think i
mentioned this on a patreon
episode and i really fluffed it up that like i didn't know and you knew your
car i knew exactly
what was going on yeah i had my kilt on and everything getting ready to boogie
and um i was
in one of those square ones the square cabs that have the the sliding door yeah
yeah and we i had him
stop on uh a block away from my apartment and i like put the card in and i try
to get out he's like
he's like yeah the car didn't go through i'm like nah nah i went through man
over there and then i just
just fucking bolted wow now at the time i'm about 425 pounds oh my lord this
guy i was running it's
bolted and you know in context he wasn't he wasn't breaking any records i did a
couple of quick zigzags
you know what i mean a little fucking i went into beast mode real quick and
this guy i'm running up the
street and this guy is going backwards in the car right next to me fucking had
me dead with the back
door open laughing his ass off neck and no neck he's like where the do you
think you're going
i thought i was really doing it man wow he was right there with me and then i
just got to a
certain point where i think he didn't give a and just just pulled away you got
out of it i got out
of it whoa yeah and then i i literally ran and i got into my door of my
apartment and i collapsed in the
lobby like literally like all over 14 dollars i could not move i i had exerted
that much energy
damn he did a cheeseburger or something to bring me back up but then the next
morning remember i woke
up and i i tried to find the guy i tried to look at my receipt and the cab and
all that stuff and i
was never able to find him it's tough yeah gary veder say what you will he's
four foot one say what you
will you know the jews yeah but uh kanye yeah there you go uh we were in a cab
once and he accidentally
tipped on his card a hundred dollars and it was like a ten dollar ride he
actually tipped sure a
hundred and so now it's a hundred ten dollars and he's like whoa whoa it was i
meant to give you like
two bucks i fucked up and the guy's like well you know what can you do this is
like a whole language
barrier and he's like i can't i don't know how you know he was bullshitting and
gary's like i'm not
getting out of this car until you give me my money and he's like i can't the
computer or whatever and
i was we both had a spot we're at new york comic go right outside and he's like
i'm not getting out
i'm like you're gonna miss your spot i'm out of the car at this point like in
the window like dude
you're on yeah i did his time came out he's still there i leave i call i text
him like an hour later
still in the car i was like all right get out here's here's i'll erase it yeah
because at that point
you're costing he's losing money like i can't i could go make this money i
gotta get going here
exactly good for gary i like that tough little guy he was in that booster seat
for an hour
nobody unhook him shout out to gary beter he's got his little wheel in the pp