Name: Smoking as a Teen w/ Dan Soder - Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Clip
Uploaded: 2022-11-29T22:05:10.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Smoking as a Teen w/ Dan Soder - Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Clip' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-11-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Smoking as a Teen w/ Dan Soder - Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Clip' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-11-29. Transcript available.

are you garbage i've had like acid reflux like a long long time and i used to
eat too yeah and i
used to have it when you were a kid because i had it when i was a kid and didn't
realize it
no i used to i would just be like in sixth grade like what the fuck like i used
to like this is
kind of fucked up and sick uh but i used to like the feeling of heartburn when
i was a kid i was
like i was like no what's up what's up and then and then as i got older i i
started smoking when
i was 12 and then i started uh like heavily smoking when i was 14 14 or 15 and
16 i was a pack a day
until i was 30 and it's always i never i know i never understood how kids would
be like yeah i
smoke a pack a day i'm like what are you smoking at lunch break and then like
15 after you get out
of school yeah i'd rip two before the bus bus would pick me up at like 7 15.
dude morning six as a
teenager was fucking a-okay that's fucking a-okay dude bro i'm talking pre-teen
not a teenager i'm
talking about me and my boy byron would sit every morning he'd come over my
house and in one hand
he'd have a salem light and in one hand he'd have a marlboro light that he ganked
from his mom and his
stepdad and then he'd come over and he'd go pick a hand and i'd pick a hand and
then that was your
cigarette and then we would go to the bus stop at 12 13 and just sit and smoke
cigarettes before the
bus i always i had this thought recently but like how did that bus driver not
be like are you just
fucking smoking the 90s was wide open dude you would see a kid smoking you'd be
like yeah whatever
man used to buy kids cigarettes out front of the store i swear to god my
fucking thing in eighth
grade was on friday after school i would ride the bus home with all my shithead
friends everyone would
go drop their backpacks off i would grab my mongoose and then i would ride it
goose kid not too
by the way self-paid self kennedy over here oh fuck you guys you guys didn't
hustle i bought that
shit myself i promise you i had a the bike i had before this baby the bike i
had before that was an
orange mountain bike called uh mud and guts remember the mudslingers they were
bad news yeah it was from
target my mom they were like toy bikes not real bikes it was like a real bike
so when i got when i
got when i got the goose it was my mom was like you gotta buy that danny saraguzo
over here dude yeah
what was that what was the peg situation on the okay i couldn't afford pegs i
just had the goose
dude was it the silver one with the black yeah it was silver it was silver with
the blue mongoose
riding on it i forget what it was called they all had names but um you know
that bike was
man i fucking even bringing it up right now i know dude having a good bike as a
kid was awesome
and i bought it so it was like that was my bike you know what i mean like it
was like your car dude
yeah if my mom was like fuck you you're fucking grounded i'd be like can't take
my fucking bike
away i bought that shit so yeah like a disgruntled employee yeah dude i'll take
my break whatever
the fuck i want to darren my mom and i would have fights like that i mean i'm
the only child of a
single mom so it was like those were our fights every day but this i'm just
geeked up talking about
smoking cigarettes because i used to take my bike i used to take the goose
i'd usually go down to jason poyle and nick meyers nicky meyers and we would
ride up to
dr meyers now i think he's got like a business i think that i think he's like
um one of those like
lawn doctors you know what i mean like a franchise guy oh oh oh gotcha yeah i
think i gotta look it up
i gotta be a better friend of people a groundskeeper he's not a groundskeeper
it's like the step above
that like yeah like they they bring specialists and be like this is the kentucky
bluegrass you need
this outside the outside the bunker on hole nine that kind of shit he's the sod
whisperer
he so we used to ride up to circle k and then we would ride on him circle k's
trash yeah yeah
we're not gonna have to ask any fucking questions this guy's telling us
everything yeah i'll sing
like a canary yeah dude it's like we we knocked on his door he opened up he's
like what took you so
long he just spills his beans about being garbage but we used to ride up and
this was the 90s this
is what you were saying how wild the 90s were we used to sit on the side we're
12 we're 12 and then
13 we'd sit on the side of circle k and we wait for people to walk in and then
with three dollars in
our hand we go excuse me sir can you buy me a pack of cigarettes you just ask
like that you're just
one movement like sir can you please buy me a pack of cigarettes and i remember
every guy that was
like no man i was always like fuck you fucking pussy shit just a kid trying to
smoke over here dude
and the guys that would say yes i was like dude you're the coolest you thought
they were the coolest
dudes a lot of wife beaters you thought they were the coolest fucking dudes now
i realize now i realize
what a bizarro perspective perspective to have on people buying kids heaters
and he's like oh yeah
what do you want marlboro reds at 12 years old dude and i'd always specify i'd
be like hard pack
you want the hard box yeah you gotta go box you were doing soft pack as a dude
if you're doing
soft pack as a 12 year old you had other issues so i don't know if you guys
remember this in the 90s
they would put cigarettes on the counter cigarettes weren't uh all behind a
regular yeah they would
have like a little display like a winston display or a cool or something yeah
yeah so it's funny you say
that because i just remember my um i think it was nick or jason had this move
where they had a starter
right and they would like put their hands i'm shocked they'd put their hands on
the counter and then
ask for you know like hey what's up with that i get some batteries or something
and then they'd
and then they'd grab a pack off the thing and put it in there and then just
like put it in their
pouch or like put it in the thing and be like oh never mind you know what i'm
gonna get out of here
and it was always soft packs soft packs were the ones that were always on that
counter so i remember
and i used to put them in m&m minis yeah the little cases oh yeah i used to put
my cigarettes that are
altoid cases that's pretty sweet we we you did we did weed in the altoid case
and then that little
tube was perfect for bernie's dude it was great perfect perfect cigarette
holder and then in fact i have
a scar on my fucking hand and i don't think you'll be able to see it i would
show you guys if we're in person
person it was from when i was in the eighth grade uh in a this girl laura's
basement smoking cigarettes
with all my friends and i was burning uh one of the m&m mini things a hot
plastic fell on my hand
and i was like ah shit and i've had i'm 36 years old and i have that shit still
on my hand
i'm like fucking piece of shit dude we used to do the same thing we'd sit
outside this place
at fucking village shires and just at the deli and like wait for this and the
guy you would always know
he would pull up he would leave his car on if somebody was smoking you always
ask them always
ask the guy smoking but if it's like some 22 year old hopped out of his car
left it running
running you were like this guy is a fucking mark right here yeah and if he was
playing rush loudly
oh yeah i could probably get it you're like i could probably get this guy to
buy me a carton
and i don't have the funds well what we would do is we would do the they were
like i guess this
this is i don't know to that late 90s i guess because i'm 33 so they were like
275 maybe three bucks a pack
and we would have a five like somebody would have a five dollar bill be like
hey man get yours and you'll
you can like almost get a pack yourself so you're like getting a free pack of
cigs
give them two dollars to buy you to buy cigs but we would spin it to another
cig smoker like
yo you can you can get yourself a pack sure yeah we had a homeless guy that
lived behind uh
he like kind of lived behind there but he would drift yeah live behind grocery
warehouse which is
like so i grew up in like the burbs i grew up in like uh middle-class suburbs
yeah but middle-class
kids i try to explain to people it's like if they're not rich even if they are
rich but most of the
time middle-class suburbs are bored they're like bored so they do bad yeah yeah
they're like well
there's nothing to do yeah yeah and like every one of my friend's parents both
of their parents worked
every every one of my friends both their parents worked so it was like this
almost there was no cell
phones there was no way of tracking so it was almost like from 3 p.m to 6 p.m
it was wide open
it was lawless wherever you wanted to end up you just know you kind of had to
be back at a certain
time so you're like if i'm going an hour away i gotta give myself an hour to
get back
dude my mom was a totalitarian leader like my mom was a fucking i was scared of
her so i would be like
dude the even if you say 5 p.m to me i'm like who goes down your spine yeah
yeah but that was when my mom
would get you know would get home from work it'd be like around 5 36 o'clock
and so i'd always be like
dude i gotta meet home by then so you'd have the you know like the spray the cologne
oh the dryer sheets
we found were a good one bounce sheets bounce sheets you could keep them in
your pocket they never knew
like you didn't have to it wasn't over the top either put in a paper towel roll
too yeah
that was this yeah that's what we in your room it was um when i started smoking
weed consistently
at 15 bounce sheets were like that was it dude dude you could walk into school
ripped and just have it and if i dusted with a bounce sheet i'd be like
i'd be like no one's yelling dude yeah no one's gonna tell me i just smoked a
blunt in my honda accord
mr soda smelling good today
dude the one i got caught with is you could uh this is late 90s talk but you
could go online and buy a
novel this whole podcast is by the way it just ends up talking about the 80s
and 90s
yeah but if you you could buy a novelty id
you
you