Name: Premium Cable Television w/ Kippy & Foley - Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Clip
Uploaded: 2022-12-06T22:04:42.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Premium Cable Television w/ Kippy & Foley - Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Clip' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-12-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Premium Cable Television w/ Kippy & Foley - Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Clip' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-12-06. Transcript available.

Are you garbage?
I got something for you.
As you know, as you know, here in New York City, washing your laundry is a big
to do.
It ain't easy peasy.
You know what I mean?
It's about to be the thing of the past for old Uncle Hank.
I know.
Uncle Hank got a new apartment.
He's going to have a fucking washer dryer in unit.
In the unit.
That's fucking, I mean, you know, you know you're really doing all right when
you got
that going on in New York.
Ah, man.
I'm excited.
That and a dishwasher.
I've been washing my clothes in a dishwasher.
Coming out smelling like cod.
A couple of fish bones in the pockets.
I've noticed your finish has been absolutely fantastic.
No.
No spots on my shirt.
I know that we're just, I know that I'm just going to become one of those guys
that gets
dressed in front of the dryer, though.
That's what's going to happen.
I love that.
I've done that every, anytime I had a washer dryer in my apartment.
Yeah.
Wake up in the morning, go down there, throw it on for a couple minutes.
Go brush my teeth.
Come back.
Most people just have that.
What do you mean?
They just got washer and dryers.
Sure.
Yeah.
It's a very new thing to not have.
Of course.
Of course.
You're going to have a washer and dryer and squatters rights when those rent
checks come
due.
Them clothes and your cycle are mine.
You can't put a deadbolt on my dryer.
How am I supposed to get dressed?
Call the sheriff.
I saw a video of squatters getting kicked out of a place, man.
And this guy was really fucking selling it.
I'm going to give you the GoPro so when it happens, we get the content.
This guy was yelling up to his girlfriend, yo, you have that receipt?
A receipt?
For what?
Yeah.
You mean the lease?
Dirt bag.
No shirt on, gut hanging out, fucking basketball shorts hanging off his ass.
He was yelling.
It was a nice house, too.
They had cameras set up.
They had fucking power running to the neighbors.
Yikes.
It's tough.
That's not squatting, though.
That's just breaking into somebody's house.
Squatters, when you were a good tenant at one time, then you stop paying the
rent.
That's a squatter.
No, I think a squatter is also classified as, like, you go into a house that no
one's
living in, and you just start fucking living there.
And you can do that?
There's some legal...
I know squatters' rights in New York are very lenient for squatters.
I think, I don't know what the time is, if T-Bone can look up...
I live here now.
Yeah, it's just kind of that thing.
No, I'm telling you, I live here now.
Okay.
Good luck getting me out.
I think you're on the lease.
I know exactly what it is, because my buddy, during the pandemic, someone moved
out of an
apartment, told him that all the units were unlocked.
He went into the unit, set up a cable bill.
One month, you have to be able to prove that you've been living there.
Yeah, it's crazy in New York.
So he set up the cable bill.
One month later, he moved all his stuff in, stayed for nine months rent-free.
It's crazy.
That's fucked up.
Yeah.
Pretty scumbag-ish.
Yeah.
It ain't great.
Hanging out with those hippies on the Lower East Side.
Did he have HBO?
What kind of package are we talking about?
Can't pay rent, but he's got Showtime and fucking stars.
He's got Encore Cookies.
Who had stars growing up?
That's like the Kennedys.
We would get it free, I think, at some points.
It would come on.
For like two weeks.
Only at my dad's.
Oh, oh, oh.
Are you talking about the limited trial they'd hit you with all of a sudden?
I don't remember.
I don't know what-
We had free HBO for a couple of weeks with that shit.
Man, that was a sad day at the Foley's when that turned off.
Cable now, it's just-
To me, and again, this just could be my perspective, but like, to call a cable
company in the night-
Like, you never spoke to the company, really.
Now you, like, call up whoever you're-
You call up Verizon, you call up fucking Time Warner, you call up Comcast.
I don't remember my mom ever being like, oh, I'm going to call the cable
company.
Oh, my mom called them all-
For what?
To bitch about the bill.
My fat son, she's complaining about her life.
I got a flat tire last week, you believe this?
She got that in the astrology hotline mixed up.
Ms. Cleo.
Shout out to Ms. Cleo.
Have you or anyone in your family ever called Ms. Cleo?
Damn, that's happening.
Put that on the list.
I called the dirty lines once or twice.
The party lines, the chat lines.
Sure.
That never made sense to me.
Oh, made a lot of sense to me.
They'd get you at, like, 11 o'clock on a Friday night.
You're sitting there.
What, are you high or something?
No, just fucking fat little horny kid.
What age are we talking?
15, 16, 13, 14.
You know you're going to get caught, right?
So, what are boobs like?
Are your boobs bigger than mine?
I'm an oil tycoon.
What do you do?
Oh, yeah.
You knew it was just some fucking whale sitting in, like, some apartment
somewhere.
Like, yeah, I'm hot.
So did they.
Yeah, my dick's three feet, I swear.
You can probably see it from where you're at right now.
I got hair in my balls.
You're in my butthole.
Yeah, I got caught up in that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm a little pervert, I assume.
Yes, I am.
Kid's a little freak.
I think Patty did catch me, and she started crying.
She was upset.
Why would you be calling that?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I'm fucking got a stinger cooking, and no one was home.
You fucking canceled Showtime.
I don't know what else to do.
Man.
Never will the blood pump through your body.
Never will the hormones be as active as back then when you caught a little titty
on Showtime.
Or you do the scramble.
Play the scramble game.
I didn't really have to do that, because at that point, we had the internet.
You could at least get a picture or something.
You know what I mean?
You could at least go to, like, you could download a picture.
God love yous.
Lucky little brats.
I mean, that, you know, figure 13 or whatever.
I was, yeah, the internet.
At least AOL was banging.
E-bombs world, the whole nine.
Sure.
We had DirecTV, and they would show you the first two minutes of the softcore
movies.
Really?
Which I didn't mind.
I was just in there cranking it to credits.
Man, who was the fucking director of photography on this one?
You just hear the music.
Yeah, no kidding.
You got to sit through half of the aerobics class before they hop in the
showers.
I remember them being like, one and two and three and four.
You're like, let's go.
Yeah, get there quick.
Somebody pull a hamstring.
Somebody sprained an ankle, yeah.
One of these broads needs a massage.
I know that.
Let's go.
Oh, let's get it.
Your quads look a little tense.
Yeah, get me out of here.
Yeah, I, uh, fuck, what was I going to say?
I didn't mind.
I remember, like, you would get that, the softcore stuff on, like, HBO or what,
you know.
HBO didn't really have that softcore stuff.
Duchovny was in a lot of that stuff.
Was he?
David Duchovny, yeah.
But people would be, I remember my people would be like, that's not real sex or
whatever.
There's no real penetration or whatever.
I go, I don't pay, buddy.
It's paying the bills.
What are you talking about?
I can use my imagination.
I know bacon bits ain't real either.
No, but let's go.
But I'm still dumping them on my salad.
The rubber's hitting the road, baby.
Let's go.
What are you talking about?
Not real sex.
I'm 13.
I'm in my bedroom.
This is as real as it gets.
Yeah, I got news for you.
Ducks can't talk either.
I'm still watching DuckTales.
Give a shit.
I remember people being like, that's stupid.
I'm like, what else have you got that's fucking.
Yeah, what are you doing?
I know.
I like a storyline, too, which I've been on the record of.
Love a storyline.
Yeah, I want to know why the plumber's paying her off.
You know what I mean?
Love a good storyline.
That's what you remembered as a kid.
The storylines.
David Duchovny, Red Shoe Diaries.
Red Shoe Diaries.
Also starring Matt LeBlanc, Joey from Friends.
Really?
And Jackie Chan did a softcore movie.
Who?
Jackie Chan.
Wouldn't mind seeing those three get it on, huh?
Talk about Rush Hour, am I right?
Yikes.
Jackie Chan's hitting Matt LeBlanc in the face with a broom
and stick it in David Duchovny's head.
That's the only way I can come.
A little parkour porn.
That's what I'm talking about.
That's what I like to see.
Yeah, man.
Red Shoe Diaries.
There was another one that was on Showtime that was real, real spicy, too.
Not Red Shoe.
I can't remember the name of it.
It was hot.
It was like the penthouse to Playboy.
Was it Sylvester Stallone in the party at Kitty and Studs?
Yeah, he did that before Rocky to make to pay rent.
To get Rocky made, he did that.
Yeah, I remember he was in a tub or something like that.
There was a scene where he's in a tub.
I don't know.
It couldn't have been said in a more unattractive way.
He's in a tub or something like that.
Hey, Rocky's in a tub.
Showed his butthole in a tub.
Good stuff.
What were you going to say, though?
I apologize.
No, it's all right.
Good digression.
I cut you off with my crude thoughts.
Yeah, right?
My impure thoughts.
Yeah, right.
That was another one.
Impure thoughts.
That was a movie.
Jesus Christ.
The kid watching his buddy's mom take a shower.
The softcore kid over here.
Oh, man.
They're like fucking IMDB for dirtbags.
Yeah.
Softcore Hank over here.
That's what they called me.
I like my dirty movies a little cuddly.
I don't like all that boning that you like.
Stay for breakfast.
She's a lady.
What are we doing here?
Come on.
I wanted to ask you, like we were saying, I'm back on doing laundry in New York,
like we've
said before.
It can be quite a headache.
Yes.
And we've been running and gunning so much on the road that I've just been
doing what
I need for that week.
Can I say this?
Please.
It sucks.
Regardless, it sucks.
If you have them do it, it sucks because they put everything in a kiln,
basically, on 3 million
degree heat and it comes out.
Everybody's clothes smells the same.
And if you do it yourself, it's just there's something not.
It's tough.
It ain't great.
It's tough.
So like I have, I've just, I have like one hamper that I've been going through
of like,
you know, it's got like 10 pairs of underwear, 10 pairs of socks, 10 T. I've
just been like
cycling all that stuff through.
You know what I mean?
You have a hamper?
Yes.
What kind?
Is it like the dorm room foldable one?
Oh, no.
I'm not fucking, what are you talking, I'm not a freshman at state.
Don't act like you ain't looking at that when he walks out the door.
Yeah, he's got a hamper on him.
A dumper on me.
Nice little turd cutter I got cooking.
Call him K-Lo back home.
No, we have like one of those like, it's not plants, it's more like cloth.
We have two.
She has one and I have one.
Do you?
No, I have a Trash bag.
Trader Joe's bag.
What about you, buddy?
Trader, you've never even shopped at Trader Joe's.
You stole that from somebody.
I have a Neiman Marcus bag I use.
Trader Joe's with two E's.
Trader J's.
Trader John's.
That's a good one.
Holy in Philly.
No, I have a nice wicker, whatever it is,
thing that's overflowed with clothes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And trash.
And it's like busting at the seams.
I just kept, I just keep pushing it down.
So I, you know, I, I've always been doing mine.
We have it in the building and downstairs in the, you know, on the first floor.
You're doing the birds too?
You do everybody's?
No.
Really?
We're on different schedules.
Cause like there'll be times when I just need, if I'm doing it, I'll go,
Hey, I'm doing laundry.
Do you need anything to throw in with mine?
Like, yeah, get me out of this pinch.
I need these jeans or whatever.
She'll do mine from time to time, but not really.
I don't like how she does it.
It's a big thing in the house.
I don't like how she does it.
She doesn't let it get dry enough.
Huh?
I need a fucking bone drop.
Oh, that would freak me out.
I know.
It stinks.
That's something that a couple should know before getting involved.
And I was thinking, you know what else a couple should know before getting
involved?
How do you, how do you like your steak?
Cause if, if, if, if they wouldn't know that, I mean, that'd be weird if you're
fucking
living with somebody, you don't know how to eat their steak.
But I'm just saying that should be, cause she's meeting rare.
He's meeting well, whatever it is.
You can't split a porterhouse.
Then you jam everything up.
That should be what, that should be the first question on Tinder.
How do you take your T-bone?
What's the deal?
I take them over there with the buttons.
Yeah.
Sure.
Of course.
I mean, but that'd be weird if that's, if that, that truth is coming out deep
in the
relationship.
You've made some wrong.
That's not your biggest problem.
If you're finding out five years in how someone eats their steak, you got three
kids,
mortgaged and you're going, wait, let me get these straight.
You don't like it medium rare.
This whole thing's a sham.
Um, no, but I learned that from my, my whole family does everybody's, my mom
always only
does her stuff.
And then my stepdad stuff's all separate.
Really?
Everybody keeps, kept, keeps it all.
Even growing up, my mom would do like my laundry and then I, we started doing
ours real
young, which we, you know, on record saying, um, so we all had to just do our
own.
I wasn't doing my brother's.
I'd be fucking crazy.
The 11 year old doing your, your brother's laundry.
Sure.
Unless there's a little cash involved.
Never.
Oh, I could be bought back in the day.
Um, you can't even do yours now.
Put some money on the table.
I'll take care of it.
Um, so I've had just so much and I was like, it all backed up.
I'm like, all right, I got to fucking get, I got to do.
So I took it all to the, uh, drop off the fluff and fold, fluff and fold, which
if
you're not familiar in New York, you go, you drop it off the next day, they
charge
you per pound, you go pick it up and it's like fucking hermetically sealed
vacuum packed
perfectly.
It's fucking, it's real nice.
It's way nicer than you do it.
Those people were packing QP.
Oh man.
It's fucking tight.
It's tight, dude.
Tight.
It's great.
Like the cartel.
Dude, it's like fucking, it's like the military did it.
It's fucking fantastic.
Put your socks in some fake avocados.
And I can't go back, dude.
It's fucking, I can't go back to doing my own laundry.
As a fatso, you're still, you can do that though?
I just tell them to dry on medium.
All my shirts are dryable shirts.
You know, all my stuff gets dried.
I just tell them dry it on medium.
And I'm sure they're going to fuck it up.
Last time, I stopped going because they came back, everything came back with
fucking oil
stains all over it.
Like they like washed it with like ball bearings or something.
And it just looked like, you know, pizza fucking pizza sauce got all over
everything.
But my question is, we've deviated a bit.
My question is, do you tip that person?
Oh yeah.
Really?
Yes.
Jesus, this guy.
I know.
I did tip them.
But like, I'm not sure.
Cause I don't think the person working the counter is doing that.
It doesn't.
I tip.
I know.
I understand.
Yeah, they are.
Yeah, they are.
I don't think it's mine.
I'm listen.
I'm telling you.
I'm just telling you.
There's an office.
That's definitely a pooled house.
Okay.
There's an office.
Not an office, but somebody sits at a counter.
They're not back.
There's other people working back there folding.
Oh, hold on.
Is your, is your place, does your place, can you do it yourself at that place
too?
Yes.
Huh.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I would say.
I do tip, but I'm just going like, I don't feel like the guy, I go keep the
change with
whatever it is.
That's for the girls or who's ever doing it.
Or guys.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's usually the ladies.
It's usually the ladies that run the show.
Sure.
I just don't feel like it always makes it there.
I don't know.
It's wonky.
They don't have a tip box on the counter?
No.
Huh.
T-Bone says no.
No way.
That's shifting.
Tipping is for service industry people who don't get paid a livable wage.
No, no.
I'm telling.
Listen.
You haven't been in the city that long.
You tip the laundry people.
100%.
I don't disagree.
I'm not disagreeing, but I do think.
That's a hard job.
Sure.
Sure.
They rely on those tips.
Do they?
Yes.
Okay.
Yes.
I tip.
I tip.
I tip.
When you pick up the laundry, you tip.
Now, I don't know if it should be going to this jerk off sitting there doing
nothing all
day.
That's what I'm saying.
See, I don't know where you're going.
My place.
I go to a nice establishment.
It's a nice establishment.
The place near us, you can do the laundry.
Obviously, there's usually one or two ladies working there.
And they'll be doing something.
You come in, grab, you know, give them your ticket.
They'll come behind the counter and they'll take care of it.
Here.
That's for you guys.
That's how we do it.
Oh, yeah.
That's what I'm saying.
I don't have that.
It's weird.
That's what I'm saying.
I don't have the like, hey, this is for you.
Thank you.
I don't get that moment.
Is it a chain?
What?
What is it?
A chain?
It's an Applebee's.
Yeah.
Who is just the guy taking the receipts?
Yeah.
It's just somebody who works the thing.
Yeah.
I mean, I don't even get to see, like, you know, it's all the way in the back.
I don't know who's doing what back there.
What's in the back?
They're all doing it back there.
It's like a little separated.
I don't get to, like, I'm not like, I don't walk by them.
Hey, thanks, Tommy, Megan, whatever.

Premium Cable Television w/ Kippy & Foley - Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Clip

Are you garbage?
I got something for you.
As you know, as you know, here in New York City, washing your laundry is a big
to do.
It ain't easy peasy.
You know what I mean?
It's about to be the thing of the past for old Uncle Hank.
I know.
Uncle Hank got a new apartment.
He's going to have a fucking washer dryer in unit.
In the unit.
That's fucking, I mean, you know, you know you're really doing all right when
you got
that going on in New York.
Ah, man.
I'm excited.
That and a dishwasher.
I've been washing my clothes in a dishwasher.
Coming out smelling like cod.
A couple of fish bones in the pockets.
I've noticed your finish has been absolutely fantastic.
No.
No spots on my shirt.
I know that we're just, I know that I'm just going to become one of those guys
that gets
dressed in front of the dryer, though.
That's what's going to happen.
I love that.
I've done that every, anytime I had a washer dryer in my apartment.
Yeah.
Wake up in the morning, go down there, throw it on for a couple minutes.
Go brush my teeth.
Come back.
Most people just have that.
What do you mean?
They just got washer and dryers.
Sure.
Yeah.
It's a very new thing to not have.
Of course.
Of course.
You're going to have a washer and dryer and squatters rights when those rent
checks come
due.
Them clothes and your cycle are mine.
You can't put a deadbolt on my dryer.
How am I supposed to get dressed?
Call the sheriff.
I saw a video of squatters getting kicked out of a place, man.
And this guy was really fucking selling it.
I'm going to give you the GoPro so when it happens, we get the content.
This guy was yelling up to his girlfriend, yo, you have that receipt?
A receipt?
For what?
Yeah.
You mean the lease?
Dirt bag.
No shirt on, gut hanging out, fucking basketball shorts hanging off his ass.
He was yelling.
It was a nice house, too.
They had cameras set up.
They had fucking power running to the neighbors.
Yikes.
It's tough.
That's not squatting, though.
That's just breaking into somebody's house.
Squatters, when you were a good tenant at one time, then you stop paying the
rent.
That's a squatter.
No, I think a squatter is also classified as, like, you go into a house that no
one's
living in, and you just start fucking living there.
And you can do that?
There's some legal...
I know squatters' rights in New York are very lenient for squatters.
I think, I don't know what the time is, if T-Bone can look up...
I live here now.
Yeah, it's just kind of that thing.
No, I'm telling you, I live here now.
Okay.
Good luck getting me out.
I think you're on the lease.
I know exactly what it is, because my buddy, during the pandemic, someone moved
out of an
apartment, told him that all the units were unlocked.
He went into the unit, set up a cable bill.
One month, you have to be able to prove that you've been living there.
Yeah, it's crazy in New York.
So he set up the cable bill.
One month later, he moved all his stuff in, stayed for nine months rent-free.
It's crazy.
That's fucked up.
Yeah.
Pretty scumbag-ish.
Yeah.
It ain't great.
Hanging out with those hippies on the Lower East Side.
Did he have HBO?
What kind of package are we talking about?
Can't pay rent, but he's got Showtime and fucking stars.
He's got Encore Cookies.
Who had stars growing up?
That's like the Kennedys.
We would get it free, I think, at some points.
It would come on.
For like two weeks.
Only at my dad's.
Oh, oh, oh.
Are you talking about the limited trial they'd hit you with all of a sudden?
I don't remember.
I don't know what-
We had free HBO for a couple of weeks with that shit.
Man, that was a sad day at the Foley's when that turned off.
Cable now, it's just-
To me, and again, this just could be my perspective, but like, to call a cable
company in the night-
Like, you never spoke to the company, really.
Now you, like, call up whoever you're-
You call up Verizon, you call up fucking Time Warner, you call up Comcast.
I don't remember my mom ever being like, oh, I'm going to call the cable
company.
Oh, my mom called them all-
For what?
To bitch about the bill.
My fat son, she's complaining about her life.
I got a flat tire last week, you believe this?
She got that in the astrology hotline mixed up.
Ms. Cleo.
Shout out to Ms. Cleo.
Have you or anyone in your family ever called Ms. Cleo?
Damn, that's happening.
Put that on the list.
I called the dirty lines once or twice.
The party lines, the chat lines.
Sure.
That never made sense to me.
Oh, made a lot of sense to me.
They'd get you at, like, 11 o'clock on a Friday night.
You're sitting there.
What, are you high or something?
No, just fucking fat little horny kid.
What age are we talking?
15, 16, 13, 14.
You know you're going to get caught, right?
So, what are boobs like?
Are your boobs bigger than mine?
I'm an oil tycoon.
What do you do?
Oh, yeah.
You knew it was just some fucking whale sitting in, like, some apartment
somewhere.
Like, yeah, I'm hot.
So did they.
Yeah, my dick's three feet, I swear.
You can probably see it from where you're at right now.
I got hair in my balls.
You're in my butthole.
Yeah, I got caught up in that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm a little pervert, I assume.
Yes, I am.
Kid's a little freak.
I think Patty did catch me, and she started crying.
She was upset.
Why would you be calling that?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I'm fucking got a stinger cooking, and no one was home.
You fucking canceled Showtime.
I don't know what else to do.
Man.
Never will the blood pump through your body.
Never will the hormones be as active as back then when you caught a little titty
on Showtime.
Or you do the scramble.
Play the scramble game.
I didn't really have to do that, because at that point, we had the internet.
You could at least get a picture or something.
You know what I mean?
You could at least go to, like, you could download a picture.
God love yous.
Lucky little brats.
I mean, that, you know, figure 13 or whatever.
I was, yeah, the internet.
At least AOL was banging.
E-bombs world, the whole nine.
Sure.
We had DirecTV, and they would show you the first two minutes of the softcore
movies.
Really?
Which I didn't mind.
I was just in there cranking it to credits.
Man, who was the fucking director of photography on this one?
You just hear the music.
Yeah, no kidding.
You got to sit through half of the aerobics class before they hop in the
showers.
I remember them being like, one and two and three and four.
You're like, let's go.
Yeah, get there quick.
Somebody pull a hamstring.
Somebody sprained an ankle, yeah.
One of these broads needs a massage.
I know that.
Let's go.
Oh, let's get it.
Your quads look a little tense.
Yeah, get me out of here.
Yeah, I, uh, fuck, what was I going to say?
I didn't mind.
I remember, like, you would get that, the softcore stuff on, like, HBO or what,
you know.
HBO didn't really have that softcore stuff.
Duchovny was in a lot of that stuff.
Was he?
David Duchovny, yeah.
But people would be, I remember my people would be like, that's not real sex or
whatever.
There's no real penetration or whatever.
I go, I don't pay, buddy.
It's paying the bills.
What are you talking about?
I can use my imagination.
I know bacon bits ain't real either.
No, but let's go.
But I'm still dumping them on my salad.
The rubber's hitting the road, baby.
Let's go.
What are you talking about?
Not real sex.
I'm 13.
I'm in my bedroom.
This is as real as it gets.
Yeah, I got news for you.
Ducks can't talk either.
I'm still watching DuckTales.
Give a shit.
I remember people being like, that's stupid.
I'm like, what else have you got that's fucking.
Yeah, what are you doing?
I know.
I like a storyline, too, which I've been on the record of.
Love a storyline.
Yeah, I want to know why the plumber's paying her off.
You know what I mean?
Love a good storyline.
That's what you remembered as a kid.
The storylines.
David Duchovny, Red Shoe Diaries.
Red Shoe Diaries.
Also starring Matt LeBlanc, Joey from Friends.
Really?
And Jackie Chan did a softcore movie.
Who?
Jackie Chan.
Wouldn't mind seeing those three get it on, huh?
Talk about Rush Hour, am I right?
Yikes.
Jackie Chan's hitting Matt LeBlanc in the face with a broom
and stick it in David Duchovny's head.
That's the only way I can come.
A little parkour porn.
That's what I'm talking about.
That's what I like to see.
Yeah, man.
Red Shoe Diaries.
There was another one that was on Showtime that was real, real spicy, too.
Not Red Shoe.
I can't remember the name of it.
It was hot.
It was like the penthouse to Playboy.
Was it Sylvester Stallone in the party at Kitty and Studs?
Yeah, he did that before Rocky to make to pay rent.
To get Rocky made, he did that.
Yeah, I remember he was in a tub or something like that.
There was a scene where he's in a tub.
I don't know.
It couldn't have been said in a more unattractive way.
He's in a tub or something like that.
Hey, Rocky's in a tub.
Showed his butthole in a tub.
Good stuff.
What were you going to say, though?
I apologize.
No, it's all right.
Good digression.
I cut you off with my crude thoughts.
Yeah, right?
My impure thoughts.
Yeah, right.
That was another one.
Impure thoughts.
That was a movie.
Jesus Christ.
The kid watching his buddy's mom take a shower.
The softcore kid over here.
Oh, man.
They're like fucking IMDB for dirtbags.
Yeah.
Softcore Hank over here.
That's what they called me.
I like my dirty movies a little cuddly.
I don't like all that boning that you like.
Stay for breakfast.
She's a lady.
What are we doing here?
Come on.
I wanted to ask you, like we were saying, I'm back on doing laundry in New York,
like we've
said before.
It can be quite a headache.
Yes.
And we've been running and gunning so much on the road that I've just been
doing what
I need for that week.
Can I say this?
Please.
It sucks.
Regardless, it sucks.
If you have them do it, it sucks because they put everything in a kiln,
basically, on 3 million
degree heat and it comes out.
Everybody's clothes smells the same.
And if you do it yourself, it's just there's something not.
It's tough.
It ain't great.
It's tough.
So like I have, I've just, I have like one hamper that I've been going through
of like,
you know, it's got like 10 pairs of underwear, 10 pairs of socks, 10 T. I've
just been like
cycling all that stuff through.
You know what I mean?
You have a hamper?
Yes.
What kind?
Is it like the dorm room foldable one?
Oh, no.
I'm not fucking, what are you talking, I'm not a freshman at state.
Don't act like you ain't looking at that when he walks out the door.
Yeah, he's got a hamper on him.
A dumper on me.
Nice little turd cutter I got cooking.
Call him K-Lo back home.
No, we have like one of those like, it's not plants, it's more like cloth.
We have two.
She has one and I have one.
Do you?
No, I have a Trash bag.
Trader Joe's bag.
What about you, buddy?
Trader, you've never even shopped at Trader Joe's.
You stole that from somebody.
I have a Neiman Marcus bag I use.
Trader Joe's with two E's.
Trader J's.
Trader John's.
That's a good one.
Holy in Philly.
No, I have a nice wicker, whatever it is,
thing that's overflowed with clothes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And trash.
And it's like busting at the seams.
I just kept, I just keep pushing it down.
So I, you know, I, I've always been doing mine.
We have it in the building and downstairs in the, you know, on the first floor.
You're doing the birds too?
You do everybody's?
No.
Really?
We're on different schedules.
Cause like there'll be times when I just need, if I'm doing it, I'll go,
Hey, I'm doing laundry.
Do you need anything to throw in with mine?
Like, yeah, get me out of this pinch.
I need these jeans or whatever.
She'll do mine from time to time, but not really.
I don't like how she does it.
It's a big thing in the house.
I don't like how she does it.
She doesn't let it get dry enough.
Huh?
I need a fucking bone drop.
Oh, that would freak me out.
I know.
It stinks.
That's something that a couple should know before getting involved.
And I was thinking, you know what else a couple should kno