Name: How to Eat a Burger w/ Kippy & Foley - Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Clip
Uploaded: 2022-12-27T22:09:14.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'How to Eat a Burger w/ Kippy & Foley - Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Clip' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-12-27. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'How to Eat a Burger w/ Kippy & Foley - Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Clip' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-12-27. Transcript available.

Are you garbage?
This one, speaking of food, speaking of eating, speaking of etiquette,
is a perfect transition.
Look at that.
I'm pulling his strings back here.
This is from Nicholas Long.
Never had a question read.
When you're taking the first bite of a burger,
slash FCS fried chicken sandwich, I guess that is.
I'm putting that together on the fly, I think so.
And placing it back down on the plate, right?
Can you put yourself there?
Oh, yeah.
There already.
The glory days.
And placing it back down on the plate,
do you place the burger upside down or right side up?
It's a thinker to imagine, but upside down is garbage.
I think I'm an upside down guy,
depending on the structure of the sandwich.
Always, always.
It's because then it's easier your thumbs or.
Listen, not every.
Like a backo.
Not every sandwich is built the same.
No.
Sometimes it's a fucking high wire act.
I don't get the.
I'm like, I look at the chef.
I'm like, have you ever eaten a burger?
Why are you giving this to?
How am I supposed to.
If you need to stick a fucking steak knife through it, it's not going to hold
together.
Hit it with an arrow.
Yeah.
No shit.
What am I fucking Scooby-Doo over here?
Dude, it's brutal.
Then a bun starts falling apart.
You got to go upside down.
You got to lay that thing back down.
You got to lay it down like prop against the fries or something.
Yeah, it's like a game of Jenga.
And it's just easier that way because then you have it.
You come up one.
Boom.
And down.
That's how you do it.
Toby, zoom in on this.
Somebody said, I love whenever Kibbe says zoom in.
Toby never zooms in.
Toby, make sure you not to zoom in.
We don't have the technology.
I'll say this.
Usually if I'm alone, I mean, I only put my burger down for the sake of the
other people
in the room.
Oh, you'll.
Dude, that's my biggest beef about burritos.
You've been telling me this for years.
Once you pick it up, you're committed.
No, you can do it.
No.
Okay.
Can't.
Okay.
Same thing with a bad, with a sloppy burger.
I just keep it in my hand and I go bite, sip, bite, sip, bite, sip.
I'm going to go fry.
I go right hand on the fry.
Hold my burger in my hand.
There's something so trashy about holding a burger with one hand to me.
It's so unrefined.
It's so.
Sideways.
Yeah.
It's.
I don't know.
It's.
Uh, the grease dripping into your palm.
And then that smell don't come off for a two, three days.
Oh, no.
That burger grease sticks.
I don't care what kind of soap you got.
Yeah.
If you're reaching for more food while you're chewing, that's fucked up, dude.
Oh, I'm a big, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
I'm huge with that.
I like to have, it's all the different things in my mouth at the same time.
Same way in college.
Same way in the bedroom.
Absolutely.
That's the way I like it.
I like every little thing together.
All in there, partying together.
You got the bite of the burger and the dissatisfaction of the fries.
Sip of the root beer.
Yeah.
I eat quick, right?
I, it's like a, when everything's dropped, it's going.
I'm doing the fries for a little bit to let the burger cool down and I can wrap
my head
around the best strategy to get it.
Am I going upside down?
What am I doing?
So why are you giving me a hard time about the apps and stuff like that?
It should, it should be free flowing.
It should be a no judgment zone.
It's a foley.
What's looking at it?
Do you think I, do you think in some reality, I know you don't want that last
bite of crab
cake?
So next time that we go out to dinner.
Just take it.
I don't care.
That's what I'm going to do.
Yeah.
Next time we go out to dinner, I mean all the appetizers.
You still act like we just met and this is like our first, like, you know what
I mean?
Like, oh, I'm going to be polite as you like called me a jerk off two minutes
ago.
Like we're at a business lunch?
Yeah.
That's exactly how you treat it.
You flip me between like arch nemesis and like new guy at the office.
Hey, why don't you have the last cake and pizza, you fucking jerk off?
I'm like, what the, I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know what foley I'm getting here.
I'm trying to go over the regional numbers with you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, you take it.
Yeah.
Just take it.
I don't give a fuck.
It's every man for himself.
Nice.
When I do take the last thing, I go, I'm taking this.
I'm going, you know, I'll let it sit.
If nobody makes a move, I'm just going, all right, that sat for three minutes.
I'm going at it.
So you're telling me in most situations, I've been lying to myself.
Like, I just had a meal with my girl.
You've been lying to yourself for 45 years.
That's been working.
American company right there.
I just had a meal with, you know, a social meal with people, breakfast with
people.
Okay.
So they know that all too.
Okay.
That's what I'm, you're telling me that they all see through it too.
I don't know.
I should just be an animal then.
Get up on the table.
I don't know.
Oh, you're saying the people you just had dinner with.
Does everybody see this?
Not just you.
I think Toby gets it.
You get, I mean, it's, it's also, all right, so there's two Foley's.
There's that Foley who most people on the outside circle get.
The nice guy to have the last crab cake guy.
Then there's what I would call the real Foley.
The ocean miser.
It was a dark, twisted man.
And then you try to hide that guy.
Only leave the shells.
Yeah.
Um, no.
Yeah.
I, I just think I like, I get insulted.
I'm like, in what world do you think I don't, I think you don't want that last
mozzarella
steak.
Like, I want it.
If I want it, you definitely want it.
Why don't you, when I offer it to you, why don't you say you can have it?
Because I'm, I got the, you know, something.
I'm watching my figure.
I got the steak kind of something.
And it's fun to watch you squirm.
Yeah.
I like, I like to watch you tap dance a little bit.
I might have it.
I don't know.
Yeah.
You guys, you guys don't want it?
I'm not sure.
Maybe.
Let's just leave it for a couple of minutes.
I want it to look you in the eyes for the next three minutes.
I might take it to go.
To go.
That's a piece of shit, man.
Wrapping up.
Yeah, I'm going to take it to go.
I can have it tomorrow for lunch.
Wrapping up apps, you're a bastard.
Oh, yeah.
No way.
Yeah, just take it.
Just take it.
Okay.
Also, no, that's behind us now.
We're not going to be doing apps and stuff like that anymore in the room.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I know all about it.
Yeah, you got to go upside down with the burger.
100%.
You know, if you're a chef out there, tighten up the burger game a little bit.
They're just nuts sometimes.
You can't wrap your head around.
Make sure the buns have enough elasticity in them that's going to keep
everything in play.
Yeah.
And I'll tell you what right now.
Lettuce, tomato, and onion, I'm starting to get to the point where that can
kick rocks.
I'm a big.
I don't know why.
I'll definitely go.
This is me.
Raw onions, I don't fuck with.
Raw onion.
Raw onion.
That's what the old guy said.
I know.
I want it well done with raw onion.
Typically comes with lettuce, tomato, or like pickles or whatever.
I'll say no tomato if it's listed.
I'll keep the lettuce, but then when I get it, I'll put eyes on the lettuce.
And sometimes they give you like a real jerk-off piece of lettuce.
It looks like it was underwater for four fucking days.
It's half the head.
Yeah, it looks like seaweed.
I'm like, get out of here with that.
I want like a crisp.
I don't want some soggy-ass jaw.
When they put the lettuce and tomato in the to-go container with the burger and
the fries, ruined.
Oh, yeah.
All that weird lettuce flavor gets in there.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I want to taste the farmland.
Let's fucking do it.
Let's not do it out.
All right.
Home run of a question, by the way.
Getting a lot done here.
We're solving a lot of the world's problems right here, right now.
That's why people tune in.
How do you eat a burger?
You choose.
Thank you.