Name: Trashy Job References w/ Kippy & Foley - Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Clip
Uploaded: 2022-12-30T22:09:23.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Trashy Job References w/ Kippy & Foley - Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Clip' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-12-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Trashy Job References w/ Kippy & Foley - Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Clip' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-12-30. Transcript available.

Are you garbage?
This one's a fucking home run.
This is from Braxton Marshall.
Is it garbage to use Kippy and Foley as a business reference on a job
application if you're a $20 member?
For the Patreons out there, you have to be a card-carrying Patreon.
I will say you're an employee of the show if you need me to.
I will be a proper reference for you.
Who was your three references when you were applying for jobs like high school
and college?
Of course.
It was...
I would put my mom down a lot because it was a different last name.
Ah, nice.
So that always, you know...
Not previous employment.
Just know they ask for references.
Personal references.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I always put down Pat's mom.
Nice.
Shout out to Mrs. S.
Always did it.
I don't think...
I think she got one or two calls, you know.
She would be like, yeah.
Sometimes she would lie, you know what I mean?
Like, yeah, he was like the CEO or whatever.
He's fluent in 12 languages.
Yeah.
Kevin, we hear you speak Swahili.
I'm like, it was for an apartment.
What are we doing here?
It's not med school, honey.
It was always Pat's parents for sure.
My mom or my stepdad because of different last names and typically like an aunt
with a different
last name, like Aunt Patty or something.
Wow.
You're a better man than me.
We never left anything like that to chance.
We always went directly to each other.
I would put down my buddy Jackson, my buddy Kramer, my buddy Seth.
We would all put each other down.
Yeah, but they know they're talking too.
Do they?
Yeah, they do.
Also too, it's like if I put my aunt down and somebody calls me and goes, you
know Kevin
Ryan?
She's not going to be like, yeah, that cocks out gross me 20 bucks.
She's going to react favorably.
We always told each other, you listen, if anybody fucking calls us.
Oh, we've done that for sure too.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The one time I was, this was, uh.
Has anyone ever had real references?
I don't know who that would be.
Yeah.
An old boss who I left or I got fired?
Yeah.
Like what are you, Mr. Pitt?
I don't get it.
Who we ask?
I know.
Do you have friends with any wealthy people?
I don't, I don't get it.
The one time I was getting my first apartment in New York City by myself.
First one bedroom apartment.
Um, I was living with my boy and I was just paying him like 600 bucks a month
cash and
it was his apartment and I had no, I hadn't been on a lease in like, I don't
know, seven
years or eight years or something like that.
So they asked for like rental history and I'm like, I got, I'm like, do Venmo
work, you
know, transactions?
Like I got nothing.
So I had my boy.
Brent started in 1842.
You do a book report on it?
The history of rent.
I do it on the musical.
Um, it was a good play.
Um, so I was on, I was, he was like, you make just enough.
This is when I was working at that law, like that good law firm.
So I'd made just enough money.
I qualified on my own for rent control department.
And he was like, I need, I was like trying to get it.
And I was like, is there anything I can do?
I can give you a, a letter from my current landlord that says like, I've never,
cause
my rent, my credit sucked.
He's like, your credit was like a five 35.
He's like, I, you know, everything tells me not to, to rent this to you.
And I'm like, I'll, I'll give you a, I'm like, it was student loans.
It fucked me up.
Everything tells me not to rent.
I mean, your credit report.
They're like, anybody that's ever given this guy's money.
He's never paid us back.
That doesn't mean that's a couple of things.
These credit scores were hijacked by them.
It's not who we are as people.
I was way pet.
No, it's there.
My credit score three years ago was an identical reflection of me as a human.
For sure.
Hey, zip it.
You want the apartment or not?
Trying to put a good word for this guy.
So shooting himself in the foot.
I'm not going to lie to you.
I'm a piece of shit.
Yeah.
Oh, for sure.
I'm just getting my shit together and my credit score is going up.
But I want you to know, I'll probably be on time every month.
I might have to keep some plates.
You might have to hold that check till like the seventh or something.
How are you with being cool?
How do you guys define grace period?
They don't, I don't even start thinking about the check till the first of the
month.
You're not getting my money before it's due.
Okay, jerk off.
Do you put the first on a check that you actually write on the fifth?
I don't even have checks.
I, if I have to get a check, I go to the bank and pay with a bank check for
eight bucks.
That's how I'll try.
I don't have, I haven't had checks in well over a decade.
No, I was paying my, my rent was paid cash the whole time I lived in New York.
You don't have a checkbook.
We've, we talked about it.
You don't have a checkbook.
I got a couple.
A couple of checkbooks.
I got a starter check.
Different names or what's the deal?
You got Mickey Mouse checks?
I know.
They give you like blank checks when you, like I opened up the company account.
Like we don't have, the company doesn't have a checkbook.
It's all done online.
Yeah.
ACH payments.
Give me your bank, bank info routing.
Hit me with a router.
Hit me up.
Coming down the bike.
Yeah.
It's all Venmo and Zell.
You a Zell guy?
The hell's that?
I don't know.
I had to get it.
Somebody paid us in Zell or something.
Yeah.
It's like.
It's enough already with this.
Yeah.
It's like a Venmo.
We got PayPal.
It's like a Venmo for business kind of.
Gentlemen.
I don't fuck with it.
We got it though.
So if anybody wants to pay you Zell, hit me up.
I got you.
Finders fee?
But I had my roommate, the guy was my roommate, essentially, not my landlord.
I had my roommate.
Ah, it's a hookup.
Make a fake.
But on paper.
Make a fake like, you know.
Corporation?
Yeah.
Johnny Enterprises, Inc.
You know, whatever, whatever.
Kevin has paid his rent for the past seven years here.
Blah, blah, blah.
Never been late.
Always late.
Always late.
And I sent it to my boss.
Or my boss.
I sent it to the potential landlord.
And he goes, did your buddy just make this or something?
I'm like, no, man.
I swear to God, it's a real guy.
What?
Dude, he saw right through it.
He goes, what was this?
You were staying at your buddy's place and paying him rent?
I'm like, no, sir.
Written in crayon.
Yeah.
So it was all cut out from a magazine.
Half blue ink, half black ink.
Yeah, it was bad.
But now I got my life together.
Credit scores going up.
That's how they gauge your...
IQ.
Car insurance as well.
Your credit.
A lot of play.
I think they stopped it.
But for a long time, that's what they were doing.
There was like a direct correlation of how bad of a driver you are versus your
credit payment.
What?
Yeah, your credit score.
Holy shit.
I think it is an underlying thing of like, yes, guys, you know, probably
getting high, not paying your bills and crashing your cars.
What's happening?
Fucking smoking the Chiba.
Poppin' Eddie's.
No, I crashed my car and then I got high to get over the crash.
Have you ever had a license?
You've never had a license.
Never had a license.
You've never driven a car.
Ever learned a permit?
I don't have a permit.
I've driven a permit.
No, no permit, but I've driven cars and shit like that.
Yeah, but never had a license.
Never had a permit.
You're going to go your whole life without a license.
Your parents...
What did you get married and have kids?
Your parents produced you into adulthood without teaching you how to drive.
You can swim, right?
Yeah, excellent swimmer.
Like fish.
Gotta be.
Can't drive anywhere.
How do you think I get to work every day?
How do you think I cross the Hudson River?
Is there a channel or an inlet around here?
Yeah, you gotta look for waterways when you're looking for new apartments.
Fucking aqua kid over here.
What's the dock situation around the apartment?
A lot of krill laying around.
Can I bring my own kelper?
How is that possible, man?
Dude, I don't...
Because I've never knew you.
There's been like two...
How were you getting around as a young man?
I don't know.
Was your mom dropping you off at a bar or your friend's house when you were in
your 20s?
I didn't live with my parents in my 20s because I'm not a loser like you.
Scott, you're there.
I'm a man who loves his mother.
And drives a car.
I went to boarding school, then I went straight to Chicago.
And rode your 10-speed around.
Big speed gear, dude.
No.
Single speed.
Single speed.
I don't even know what any of that means.
Sounds bozo.
He's lame.
All right.
This one is directed at Toby a little bit.
I thought it was going to go to the big man, but...
You're really getting it today, aren't you?
He mentioned T-Bone.
Let's see.
This is from Matthew.
This sounds like a T-Bone thing.
Never have one read.
You ever make your own fish tacos at a Taco Bell slash Long John Silver's combo
drive-thru?
I hope.