Name: Goldfish Flavors Power Rankings w/ Kippy & Foley - Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Clip
Uploaded: 2023-01-03T22:00:24.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Goldfish Flavors Power Rankings w/ Kippy & Foley - Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Clip' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-01-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Goldfish Flavors Power Rankings w/ Kippy & Foley - Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Clip' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-01-03. Transcript available.

Are you garbage?
This is from Bag O' Milk.
Talking turkey, have you ever cooked an entire box of stovetop stuffing not at
Thanksgiving?
Yeah.
I don't think I have, but I think we would do stuffing.
We would do.
We're a stovetop shake and bake household.
Family, you would do it.
I thought like...
Oh, I've never...
Dude, you're making stuffing yourself?
That's something that I would do at like the Titan House.
The house we lived in South Philly.
Really?
Yeah, that's a just...
Yeah, I'm an adult, but I'm broke.
That's what I would do.
All right, here, this is what I'm coming from.
That mac and cheese.
In my head, I could...
My mom, if she ever did that...
What?
I would have smashed her with a cookie sheet.
What are you kidding me?
That don't hurt.
Start using the WWE.
She starts putting that out when it's not November?
I think we might have.
Jesus Christ, it's sacrilegious.
I don't know.
This is also where my memory gets real foggy.
Shake and bake all day.
I understand that.
Yeah, no, no.
Mom's a working mom.
No, stepmom.
My mom never did shake and bake.
Stepmom did shake and bake.
Oh, okay.
Trying to win me over.
Shake and bake and BB guns.
That's what dad's house was.
That and Rice-A-Roni.
Big chicken Rice-A-Roni house.
And when they would make the beef, I'd pick around the carrots.
I didn't like veggies at the time.
Man, that Rice-A-Roni.
Ooh, a little vermicelli in there.
Oh, man.
God damn.
If you cook Rice-A-Roni to the perfect liquidity, the perfect moisture, it's
like kind of soup,
kind of not, kind of everything.
What was the best?
What was the best is after dinner, when you were clearing the plates, there
would be some
in the pot, and it would be cooled down, and it became like this.
Like wood chips, kind of.
Oh, dude.
Oh, yeah.
I used to put it in solo cups and take it up to my room.
If you need me, I'll be in my boudoir.
Put your smoking jacket on.
I'm going to take this upstairs and slip in this.
I'm a little more comfortable.
I'm going to take this and my Wawa iced tea upstairs to the tub.
I drew a bath.
Do not be disturbed, please.
He's playing Rice-A-Roni flip cup.
All right.
Who's up next?
Pussies.
Play 10 cup.
That is something that is getting more and more popular, I think, at like.
Rice-A-Roni?
What?
Let's open it up for Taylor Swift.
No, is the cup.
Putting things in cups and eating them out of cups.
I see the Instagram videos where people have a cake.
Say it's a birthday party.
They have a cake.
Everybody takes a cup or a glass and just scoops out some of it.
I like that.
It's real Instagram-y.
It's real, like, for, like, to look what we're doing.
I like it.
I was, dude, I was doing cups of cereal so I could rollerblade when I was, like,
eight.
Just, like, out there in the streets with Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a fucking
plastic.
Milk?
Yeah.
You're eating it with a spoon?
Uh-huh.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
I remember my brother blew my mind.
He wanted to go play hockey.
I was, like, hold on.
I'm about to make a bowl of cereal.
He goes, put it in a cup and take it outside with you.
I was, like, what did you just say?
Nobody called the news, dude.
You're the smartest guy in the world.
And he goes, hey, I'll have one with you.
And we both poured it in and then went to fucking play hockey or whatever.
And there's just you just floating down the street.
Yeah, I had a clue.
My dad always bought instead of Red Solo Cup.
A cup of diabetes just fucking killing it.
I would pay anything.
A cup of a balanced breakfast, dude.
I don't know who you're talking about.
I would pay anything to see you hit a rock.
What?
Man.
Can you imagine him?
Probably a deuce, deuce and a quarter.
Fucking rolling down the street.
Smoking endo, sipping on gin and juice.
Chocolate milk mustache.
I'm playing forward.
Kyle, when I picture you as a kid, you always have a chocolate milk mustache.
No.
Only on Sundays when we went to the diner.
Oh, that's funny.
Yeah, man.
Big putting stuff in a cup.
Love it.
That, like goldfish.
So you can, like, take in the car or whatever.
Fill up a cup of goldfish or whatever.
It's perfect for it.
Come on.
I'm talking about, like, Matt.
That was at a wedding.
Can I get a rundown of fucking your goldfish flavors, top to bottom?
I like the traditional cheddar.
Okay.
I like a pretzi.
That's kind of where it starts and ends with me.
That's really all we had when I was banging.
We didn't have the 19 different tri-colored flavors that you got.
I mean, you got pizzas in there, too.
Pizza became popular in the 90s.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, the pizzas.
I'll take the pizzas.
Man, but not all the time.
But you catch a pizza, like, once every two, three months.
Woo!
That whole bag is good, dude.
But as I've testified before, you know, Congress, Senate, many places, I'm a
Cheez-It man.
I prefer the Cheez-It.
Hey, I don't know.
You know?
I'm right there with you.
My cousins were big into the goldfish.
We didn't keep Cheez-Its at the house, though, ever.
Never Cheez-Its at the house.
No.
Goldfish.
Yeah, we didn't keep either one of those at the house.
I had to go to my cousins to get my Cheez-It fixed.
They had all the snacks.
That's who the plug was?
That's who the plug was.
Yeah, they had a knock on the window and walk around to the back.
They had the huge, it looks like a huge chocolate milk container, carton of the
Cheez-Its.
Oh, a Cheez-Its?
Yeah.
No, I'm sorry.
Of the goldfish.
Oh, yeah.
That's all.
We kept those at the crib.
That would end up in the room, too.
Yeah.
Instead of making the trip downstairs every now and then.
Patty was big on the pretzel rods.
Who wasn't?
Yeah, they were okay.
Do you remember penny sticks?
What am I?
We're friends, right?
I thought so.
The penny stick.
Yeah.
Talking about the little banger box.
Oh, they were coming in bags.
Bags?
Yeah.
No, these came in a little square yellow box.
No, that's not penny sticks.
And they'd have the plastic over top.
That's not penny sticks.
But they were little thin pretzels.
Yeah, those were not that great.
Between that and a pack of those, the snack pack with the cheese and the
crackers.
Bing.
Yeah.
Kick that shit down the road.
No, penny sticks were like a real.
They sell them at the place in my neighborhood.
They were like a more artisanal pretzel rod.
Are they twisted?
No.
Which I never really cared for.
Because they were always like multi-grain or something that had honey on them.
Kick rocks.
Yeah.
Give me the high heat.
Patty was big on them.
The honey twists.
They were all right in a pinch.
You know.
I'd rather eat sawdust, though.
In a pinch.
If you're starving and the game's on and you have a couple of screamers.
You got a screaming cold soda.
You can make just plain saltines work.
Wait.
What did I call it?
What was the thing that I was just talking about?
Honey sticks.
Penny sticks.
Penny sticks.
Looks like the driest snack ever made.
No.
They're buttery.
They're fucking great.
My Aunt Mary Catherine, shout out to her, used to get.
I Googled it and Penny stocks comes up.
These things were fucking fantastic.
No regulation.
Let me see.
Throw a pick this up for the.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, they were all right.
They still sell them in my neighborhood.
That's like a Pennsylvania Dutch kind of vibe.
Yeah, it might be Penny, Pennsylvania.
That might not be a global operation.
My aunt used to get these.
They were like butter pretzels.
They were.
Yeah.
Man.
You know what?
It'll be a talk about game.
Oh, yeah.
But then they get you.
You feel that all over your hands and stuff.
You're like covered.
It's like an oil slick.
Who cares?
As long as I can handle the remote, I'm good.
You know, you know what?
I'll still go home.
It'll be at the crib.
The fucking Snyder's blazing buffalo pretzels or the honey mustards.
But my stepdad still bangs with many a times.
I have told you the impact that the Snyder's pretzel pieces, honey mustard.
I think it's honey and onion.
It's not honey mustard.
It's something.
Whatever it is.
No, it's honey mustard.
I think when those are fucking it gets you in the jowls.
And I don't.
Oh, yeah.
When those things hit the market, they were a coveted possession in our house.
The fucking flavor on them is so pungent.
I don't know.
It's like they change it at a molecular level.
Sometimes you just find little chunks of the flavor.
It's crazy.
They're not even pretzel.
You're just eating mustard.
It's like finding dark matter.
It is.
Whatever it is, it's like fucking compounded on itself.
Dude, so good.
It's honey mustard and onion.
Honey mustard and onion.
You were both right.
They tripped up on you.