Name: Leaving Dirty Dishes w/ Kippy & Foley - Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Clip
Uploaded: 2023-01-06T22:01:52.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Leaving Dirty Dishes w/ Kippy & Foley - Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Clip' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-01-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Leaving Dirty Dishes w/ Kippy & Foley - Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Clip' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-01-06. Transcript available.

Are you garbage?
All right, let's see.
This one's from Juan, $10 homie.
Is it garbage to put dirty dishes in a loaded, clean dishwasher
just to avoid unloading the dishwasher at that moment?
Yes, it is, but I respect the move.
This is like a big thing for me.
It like depresses me.
It feels like I can't.
I know for some reason that triggers me as being like a big piece of shit.
Yeah.
Of not even having like the 12, the 10 seconds, the 8 seconds of energy
to be like, I'm going to put these three cups, these two forks,
and this one plate away.
How long do you think it takes to empty a dishwasher?
I was thinking about that this morning.
How long?
Because when my mom would ask me to do that when I was a kid,
I would rather take the death penalty.
Oh, my God, dude.
Finding like the lids or the whatever.
Same thing with the trash.
But then you look back on it.
Like I do that for now.
Sure.
It takes a minute, 90 seconds, two minutes, tops.
I go home.
We leave on Sunday.
I drag the cans out to the street, put the cans out, unload the dishwasher,
sweep up this.
We cleaned out the garage when I was home on Sunday.
And when I was a kid, it was like, this is going to take me seven years.
And it takes about 10 minutes.
And you feel great after you do it.
Like I have that so bad.
I have such an inherent laziness.
No.
I'm telling you, I do.
You really thought I didn't believe you?
I've been dragging you all over the country for fucking 18 months.
I'm aware.
But then when you do it, it's crazy how much you're like, God damn,
that was nothing.
And you feel great about.
Sure.
You're accomplishing little things.
Crazy.
Little things.
Have you ever had someone come over to your apartment and hid dirty dishes in
the oven?
Oh, yeah.
I'll still put a dirty dish in the oven.
Wait, why would they hide dirty dishes in your oven?
No, you hide your dirty dishes in your oven.
I thought it was some kind of weird sex thing.
I don't know what he's up to over there.
Now things are getting kinky.
I'll do it now.
And the wife gets real upset about it.
You put them in the oven?
It depends.
It depends what it is.
Again, I've testified to this many times.
Straight into the fridge.
That's crazy to me.
Straight to the fridge.
They might go in the fridge.
The guest.
It's not even a guest thing.
Oh, wait.
Don't touch that pizza crust.
Stay out from under my bed, will you?
That's where I keep my dildos and my baking sheets.
Oh, man.
If you're hiding them under your bed.
No.
Betterhelp.com.
I only started doing it where if I make something, and it's a me thing.
If I make something in a pan, reheat something, whatever, and then I don't
clean it, and I'm
like, fuck, I'm leaving the house, it's a mouse thing.
Sure, it's a mouse and a roach thing.
Yeah, so I go, fuck.
It's more important.
I'm going to throw this pan in the oven.
Because I store pans in the oven as it is.
So if there's a frying pan that has some residual, whatever, cheese or butter
or oil on it, just
throw it in there until I can come back and clean it.
You want to piss off Patty Foley real bad?
Make a couple Elio's pizzas in the oven.
Leave, like, crust of it and stuff like that in the oven in the cookie sheet.
And then she rolls in to make dinner.
Fires up the oven to preheat it and it starts smoking.
What the fuck is this?
Jesus Christ!
Patty, I love you, but that's your fault.
You got to get eyes on the oven before you turn it on.
What if they got damn cats in there?
No, moms aren't expecting that.
Well, she should.
You got to fucking check, man.
You can't just blindly turn on an oven.
That's crazy.
No way.
You can have my sneakers in there.
Yeah, no, that's not.
But now that we have a dishwasher, that is like, to me, it is a point of, to me,
the
kitchen and the dishes are a point of where I'm at mentally in a moment.
But here's the thing, if you wash them twice, they're even more clean.
No, it's not.
I feel like there's a different residue on them because they're too clean.
You know what I mean?
They hold the soap a little different.
You know if it ran through twice.
What are you using, by the way?
Because I'm about to be a dishwasher man.
Oh, are you?
I've been out of the game for a long time.
Are you?
I haven't had a dishwasher.
Pantene Pro-V.
Herbal essence.
You get done, there's a naked redhead in there.
Remember that redhead in the Irish Spring commercials?
No, the redhead and the herbal essence.
They were all hot.
Man.
God damn it.
Well, the herbal essence would show they were topless, but they would show here
up, right?
Like, they would show the...
Oh, my God.
It's always a nice shower.
Yeah, well, it'd be weird if they were in a fucking truck stop.
These are hot broads.
They got money.
They ain't leaving shit in the dishwasher.
Washing their hair in high fructose corn syrup.
Yeah.
What are you using over there?
We are, as of recent, and I'm pushing back on some of this stuff.
My wife is, like, a very anti-chemical broad.
You want the hard stuff.
I want...
Give me the fucking, you know, give me the cascade.
Fuck, that shit'll...
That'll take the paint off your car.
Dude, that's embedded in our brains.
I want that shit.
That cascade works.
I need the chemicals, I need the poison, the carcinogens.
That's what cleans a plate.
Nothing like that smell when you open up the dishwasher after it's done.
That hot steam hits you with that lemony lime smell or whatever it is.
But now we use, like, a fucking, you know, she's all kind of, like, organic-y
or, like, less, you know...
The seventh generation type thing.
Just, like, the little...
Yeah.
The little jaw and the little...
I got that.
The little thing.
I got that.
I got the multi-purpose spray of that.
Yeah.
That I gotta use.
The roaches see that and they're like, fuck you.
Yeah, pussy.
Yeah, they don't give a shit.
Yeah.
They don't even have Windex.
They grab it and throw it back at you like a protester.
Yeah, no, we're big on all that and I'm...
There's certain things where I'm like, I'm using Kaboom.
You know what I mean?
You know what I mean?
You can have all the baking soda toothpaste you want.
Yeah, but, like, I'm coming heavy bike on a couple, two, three things.
I'm gonna drop the fucking A-bomb on something.
Well, when I clean the toilet, it's scrubbing bubbles or nothing.
And I'll fight with her in my head.
I'll be using chemical warfare here.
Because I'll be cleaning.
She comes in like, you know, we have the fucking, you know...
We got that hippie shit there.
Yeah, no shit.
I go, listen, give me the chemi.
So I'm cleaning it.
I'm using chemicals.
No shit.
That's what we're doing.
Not scrubbing the shower.
My dad's dad used chemicals.
His dad used chemicals.
His dad was an alcoholic.
And that's what we do.
Take that Petruly shit back to the fucking Grateful Dead parking lot.
I'm not fucking using it.
Listen, we'll call you on Christmas,
when we need the frankincense, all right?
Until then, it's kaboom or nothing.
But I haven't had a dishwasher,
now that I'm sitting here thinking about it,
ever in my adult life.
At Titan Street, we had one.
You didn't do any dishes.
You didn't cook there.
No.
Yeah.
But the last time you lived in a residence with a dishwasher was-
I'm going to wash my bong in there or something.
It was 11 years ago or something?
12?
12 years ago, I lived in a place that had a dishwasher.
Before that, that's shit.
Patty's.
Never had a dishwasher.
Yeah.
It's a game changer.
It's a proper game changer.
But they're small.
I'm going to sit there and look at it.
Why it's running.
They're real small.
Tom Hanks in Castaway when he was just turning the light on him off.
That's the only problem.
Like, I did yesterday.
I loaded it yesterday.
It was all the shit.
I couldn't fit all of our dishes in there.
There was like two tree stragglers out.
You know what I mean?
Man, it's bad news, dude.
A plate, a cup, whatever.
Because the tiny little itty-bitty ones.
But it is what it is.
Yeah, that's trash, dude.
I don't even know how he got there.
Milk crates.
No.
Putting dirty dishes in a dishwasher when it was clean.
Yes, that was Juan.
Shout out to Juan O.
Shout out to him.
All right, let's see.
This one's from Nick.
Have you ever painted over an outlet and switch plate intentionally?