Name: Bagel Bite vs Lunchables w/ Tastebuds - Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Clip
Uploaded: 2023-01-17T22:00:20.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bagel Bite vs Lunchables w/ Tastebuds - Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Clip' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-01-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bagel Bite vs Lunchables w/ Tastebuds - Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Clip' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-01-17. Transcript available.

are you garbage so what are we doing first lunchables versus bagel bites okay
you guys ready
yeah i mean here we go b-a-t-t-l-e butts here we go this is fun man these guys
have a good time
i love it i'm trying to hit somebody
we are team lunchables your team bagel bites that's right basically the battle
of the after
school snacks that's right or the or the quick fix on the go after school do it
yourself kind of like
childhood slash adulthood adulthood i'm not above getting a lunchables on a
drive you know when i
stop at a gas station yeah i've done a lunchable on the road when i'm in a you
know 7 11 i need something
to eat yeah now what will as courtesy to you guys as our guests thank you if
you will opening uh opening
stick by the way why was it was just in pa they're disappearing like they're
dropping while actually
just hit me up because we have something on our set and they hit me up and they
were like can we send
you some stuff i just got it but but go ahead with why the bagel bite is better
than the lunchable but
yeah i would say even remove school take after school yeah if you're at your
house if you're you know you're
in eighth grade whatever you get home parents are at work you got the place to
yourself yeah yeah you pull
open that fridge and you got a you got a box of mini pizzas that cook perfectly
you're cooking up hot and
fresh right there yeah you do an oven are you doing microwave what are we dirt
balls i don't know
hey i've microwaved a lot of frozen
that's why i ate them frozen to be honest with you
as a kid i didn't have the patience for the oven it's a nice summer treat it's
like it's like a pizza
pop he's out by the pool they're very refreshing i like to put a few in my
drink
um i had no patience to wait for the oven as a kid i was i was a very fat kid
too so it was like
if i can throw this in there in three minutes and a half dude preheating in the
oven as an eight
as a ten-year-old but as a kid it might it seemed like a hundred years but
still microwave it still
make the you you've yet to make the argument of why it's superior than the
lunchable why is it right
off the bed why is a soggy ass bagel bite it's it's even when it's hot that's
your that's your
cooking skills i don't know what to tell you no no no no i finished them in the
broiler even if i
did microwave them here's the thing about by the way with substandard
ingredients by the way here's
the thing about bagel what is yeah what are you nuts well it's the battle of
substandard ingredients
i'll tell you this in a lunchable okay cheese in the cheese department bagel
bite ain't fucking with a lunchable lunchable's cheese and the cracker alone
will carry you
much farther than the cheese it's not a saltine either that's a nice golden
cracker all right
it's a ritz it's a ritz yeah maybe now it was not a yes it was it was always a
ritz maybe it was
a cable town town town it was always a buttery cracker money those were generics
out the back
no but they had out they were backed by oscar meyer weren't they yeah they were
back
hey they're maybe they're making pockets they're cured meat money by the way
sometimes some of the
lunchables came with a capri sun yeah that's a new i'll give you that let me
ask you this
what specific what specific level are we talking about because the pizza one
sucked balls no teacher one pizza one stinks the nacho one you're supposed to
eat a cold pizza
ham and cheese all day with the cracker with the with the so you're even saying
there's disgusting
lunchables of course there's no disgusting i mean a pepperoni a plane a bagel
bite is disgusting from
front to back when i was a child when i was a baby he's an insane person here
yeah but i'm
calling i liked him when i was a kid when i had the when i had the pallet of a
baby idiot
he's like when i was uh when my palate was was developed enough to understand
the lunchable
you're on my team but it was a funny thing
doesn't matter you back me i see you back me no matter what i am good i am
backing you i just think
it's funny that you said that when you got older i know so was mine
damn it listen we have them fighting in fighting this is it let's go for a
first round knockout let's go
at the lunchables without drinks they run pepperoni and mozzarella with
crackers can you read the fine
prints that's a bad bagel bite that's what that's a cold bagel bite and by the
way that's not mozzarella
that's mozzarella all right yeah that's shitty mozzarella that's fair that
might as well be a craft
single yeah can you see what it says in the small print i can't see your kids
will love your kids
and every flavor packed bite okay it's nothing ham and cheddar with crackers
ham and the lunchtime blues
it's for people who ran out of xanax ham and swissler crackers one of the
greatest combinations
that's not a lunch throwing down the fucking yeah the the snack is itself not
them though no dude
you i'm telling you you take a you take a lunchable cracker with a lunchable
piece of cheddar cheese
and the ham you have a better quality cheese and bread
now we're not even talking about this is like the tv dinner became a tv lunch
you know what i'm saying
yeah sure this is a cold tv dinner i disagree with that but it's got it's got
it's got one of
everything it's got the cheese it's got the cracker it's got the dessert in the
drink it's got a dessert
and drink i i do understand that it's like ordering off the menu it's like it's
like this one look at
this one they got a bologna like a light bologna good chocolate chip cookies
come on dude i'll make
my own cookies are you kidding me i'll buy it i'll buy it who wants one oreo
this is asinine nobody
wants no but everyone knows it's about portion control lunchables are there for
you get out of
here chicken pizza is one i might not try chicken pizza what are we doing we
should try that chicken
pizza versus a bagel bite here's the thing about the bagel bite here's the
thing about the bagel bite
okay everyone loves pizza but this is really the least best pizza i understand
it's not the best
it's not the highest i don't really love them i think it's not pizza i think it's
a bagel with pizza
ingredients on it yeah it says it in the name sal they're not lying anybody the
bagels too are the
lenders quality bagels now we're from new york listen a bagel is serious
business i'm not gonna
sit here and let you discredit the good people they didn't hurt anybody you put
them in the freezer
they come out of the toaster fresh yeah but you know what i'm talking about
those those they're really
cardboardy the bagel i understand they're not you know it's not uh like brooklyn
bagel or it's not
it's not a it's not a top top notch the sauce is all right and a lot of times
the sauce is not enough and the bagel bite is a little dry okay i uh dude you're
dealing with a
nice cold coke to wash it down you know what i mean okay you're dealing with
substandard
ingredients at every level bad bagel bad sauce well how's the hand in there
yeah my point where'd you
get that where it's not prosciutto here's my point here's my point here's my
point with lunchables
you have a good cracker you have a decent cheese because that cheese doesn't
have to be shredded
and frozen swiss here swiss come on come on you know what i'm saying you got a
frozen shredded
cheese that's got to last in the freezer and then and then do the thing in the
oven it's a party any
time do the thing in the oven you mean cook there's something they're chemicaling
that with something
say you're all hanging out right yeah you know you're all hanging out you're
you're at a you're
at a house party it's it's two in the morning you're gonna split a lunchable
one of your somebody
goes hey i got lunchables you're like get the arrest this man or someone turns
around has a tray full of
pizza bite a bagel bite okay fair that's fair but that you're putting the bagel
bite in its environment
then you got to do that same with the lunch well this place is the lunchable
works that the bagel
bite doesn't if you don't sure gas line you're not eating the lunch if you're
in a post-apocalyptic
world no but if i'm at school sure you can't if they don't they don't what
about if i'm on the at the
beach oh lunchables at the beach baby that's good stuff you know what i'm
saying the guy who eats
lunchables at the beach swims with his shirt on no kidding with his shirt on no
way you too oh get
out of here sun damage babe i'll give you that i'll give you that get some
sunscreen what are you doing
now i reapply every few minutes plus i don't like the way i look but dude he he's
this is such a great
point if i'm in in similar to the beach argument if i'm stuck in a car on a
long trip and i got to
stop at one of these gas station marts on the way sure i have two choices lunchables
or pizza bagels
that i could make in their microwave come on dude come i understand that that's
an obscure situation
we're not talking about that you're saying stuff wait wait wait wait wait
remember when lunchables
used to have this is old school this they stopped doing this remember when it
had the little thing
of the dijon mustard that that folded it was the plastic and you squeezed it
yeah yeah oh come on
dude it's a glorified handy snack and it's not even as good as a handy snack
wow yeah what's a handy snack
come on the the four crackers with the red stick and the cheese oh i love those
the thing that lunchables
is trying to be yeah it's not on steroids and they missed no the thing that
lunchables said that's
something we can improve on and did oh i don't know what they did oh we even
have lunchables even
has a hey pimp google why do lunchables suck it's in the name too it's not a
lunch it's not a lunch
it's a a lunch a bull it's not a lunch it's not a lunch if it was a lunch they'd
be called lunches
market now they make breakfast lunchables now do you know that really no yeah
nothing variety
let's talk about it get out of your variety it's the same i'm going to the
store it's a shitty cracker
i'm gonna look at i'm looking at the entire look at that look at this i'm
looking at cinnamon they got
that's an identity crisis that's what it is the pizza bagel knows who they are
oh my god
wow i bet you gotta heat those up though