Name: Playing Are You Garbage w/ Flagrant's Andrew Schulz & Akaash Singh
Uploaded: 2023-01-20T22:00:47.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Playing Are You Garbage w/ Flagrant's Andrew Schulz & Akaash Singh' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-01-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Playing Are You Garbage w/ Flagrant's Andrew Schulz & Akaash Singh' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-01-20. Transcript available.

Are you garbage and I take you my favorite garbage thing yeah cuz you did
Akash did it as well I forget what your answer if you were going here's what I
know to Andrew wanted to be garbage I felt so like insecure that my parents
raised me as garbage yeah I was like oh they came to this country they built a
good life yeah I swear to god I don't get triggered
that fucking triggered me dog if you said you order a soda with no ice you're
garbage gentlemen get some ice if you want to refill pay for the refill your
parents are garbage dude it's passed down generations take us through it take
us this is fun so some of the some of the big ones you're asking us we want to
play okay okay okay what how do you want to start you want to start off with
like
the basics yeah hit him with the base all right so some of the basics we're
doing
that are very divisive on the show is uh do you guys brush your teeth in the
shower I have I don't you don't do that yeah do why why do you say
I don't shower I know cuz he's fucking class what do you mean this guy's
getting extra ice with
his soda just ice no soda Randy over here just ice I do it sometimes three
other people in the
shower yeah what do you mean no I don't I don't brush my teeth in the shower
definitely do not brush
my teeth in the shower but how often do you brush your teeth well no I brush my
teeth morning and
night I don't shower as much but I brush my teeth morning and night but uh
pandemic that's how cool
Schultz he's like yeah don't even shower anymore like he's he's past showers
that was an efficiency
thing now yeah I thought it was like yeah I got so many things to do I got a
combined
no because this is my argument when you're brushing your teeth you can only be
doing that like what do you do you're not in the shower doing this let the
conditioner settle bro
now also too no conditioner dude that's not trash no that's that's pretty good
that's not garbage once a week how often are you using it uh every time I
shower yo
that's good once a week that's new money that's new money shit right there my
man
that's new money new money you're trying too hard bro you're trying to be the
commercial is what
you're doing yo you're such new money dude that's the guy who's used to the two
and
one at the discount rack the generic brand too condition once a month maybe and
here's the thing
garbage people that's garbage that's garbage did you see when not head and
shoulders what was the
brand part plus no one of them made three and one yeah yeah I think it was
right the third
the body wash it was just fucking like buddy I have it what are you talking
about fucking have
I seen it I used it this morning holy shit I'm shaving with it I'm doing
everything
that's what you've been there you can jerk off too get the whole nine yards
done
Jesus talk about saving time shout out the right that's a go-getter right there
that is hilarious okay keep going and here's the thing yeah you can make that
argument now I brush my
teeth in the shower all the time I'm garbage we've established on the podcast
that is garbage yeah
garbage people aren't brushing their teeth in the shower to save time these
aren't go-getters these
are animals yeah they brush their teeth brush our teeth in the shower because
there's a freedom to it
there's a there's a who cares it's all in your everything's minty yeah drips
down that's what it's all about also you can't make that argument well what if
he's got a important test that day no he's not headed to the board meeting that
guy oh yeah that guy's not again he doesn't have to get to the shareholders
meeting he's watching the Mandalorian for the third time on the couch eating
Chinese food in ten minutes
it ain't a time thing and also the most offensive thing to do whatever I've
kind of I've allowed I've allowed letting brushing your teeth in the shower
time whatever I'll semi by that but if you leave your toothbrush in the shower
you cannot come back from that that is 100% the nastiest thing you could do
really people are leaving you leave your cup no just like on the fuck like next
to the shampoo next to the right guard
yeah people do it a lot most it's like 50% of people yeah I got mine leaning on
the soap just chilling yeah it's fucking gross
he don't care dude look at him come on you think he's worried about his teeth
he's got bigger problems throw it in the bottom when I get out
bristles like the fucking vegetable what are they called bristles bristles oh
yeah brussels that's garbage
you gotta be yeah you don't want to be garbage I'm so deeply offended trying to
sound smart
trying to sound smart because I was like son it's an electric toothbrush is a
very nice oral b7000
what you talking about I take hygiene incredibly yo he's still heard about the
conditioner comment
he's still butthurt about pass it out you say brussel he's all man checking
your grammar and shit
he's trying to feel bougie about it like the european city
I didn't know where which I traveled to in my gap year
I studied abroad gap years rich kid shit
I believe you're referring to brussels sprouts
more questions more questions okay what do you got big man
um have either one of you okay growing up or now yeah ever had turkey on any
other day but
thanksgiving like a whole turkey a whole turkey you ever come my parents ever
cook a turkey in
like the middle of july I got news for you it's trash like a whole turkey a
whole it's got to be a
whole turkey yeah 100% that's good what's wrong what's wrong I just want to
tighten his mic it keeps turning
yeah it keeps turning but the only way Akash is incompetent
incompetent he's all he's all fucked up today it's unbelievable dude incompetent
I gotta tell him over here I know no no he cannot do a single task
ask him to do it it's unbelievable his inability to do it I know
that's what I'm saying so if I turn it back
right the whole thing turns yeah and then tighten it
no no no no I know let him dig in let him dig in while everybody knows there
you go you got it
have you ever tightened anything no never mind he's got conditioner on his
fingers
yeah he can't get a grass the way your day started you were conditioning your
head this morning like
today's gonna be a great day why do I tell the guys I condition every day
got the mic wrapped around you classy baby okay come on you are classy we can
do better than the turkey
yeah yeah yeah uh a big one growing up was uh did you drink milk with dinner
and if you did do you
still do it no no go go you know what might be trash you know what might be
trash i ate at some white
kids house one time the big white guy thing has spaghetti and milk and i was
like yes
these guys are king
he went home like mom you're not going to believe what tyler's doing down the
street
i was like you got no idea how these white people are living
damn crazy i couldn't understand everything they said was true
and we didn't know how bad carbs for you back then were
oh dude the 90s was wide open and healthy like these guys are doing it right
what kind of family am i in
did you enjoy it no i hated it dude no there's a mental thing in like irish
italian uh like poor
white people thing where there's a like a connection of the flavors between
pasta sauce and milk i don't
know what it is all right you get elon musk in here maybe talk about it it's
something on a genetic
level oh because it's unbelievable he still drinks milk with this
milk you don't like milk in a nice chicken parm hey dude it's sulfur it's
insane i'm the
asshole dude you drink a whole cup of milk it's insane really milk is only for
sweets that's the
only thing it pairs well with i agree you cannot drink milk out of a glass it
has to be mixed with
something else it has to be like coffee or something i can't just have you have
a cookie and milk i get
that's but yeah dessert's okay and milk i get milk and anything about meatloaf
and milk
do you ever do this when you're younger like after did you ever like i was
about to ask you you've worked
out like play basketball or something like that and then come home and then you're
thirsty and drink
milk have a glass of milk oh yeah i could do that as a kid what the happened it
stimulates
something inside your brain from you know when you were when you were a kid
that's what i think
biological about absolutely okay okay this real quick this is one of my other
my favorite i didn't
even realize people did this thing milk m-e-l-k how you pronounce it it's pure
white trash that he
says milk if you do the e the l milk yeah one of their pieces of march is that's
not garbage yeah we
call it we call the people that we call them the milk the milk men the milk
they drink dinner
drink we have shirts milk men shirts and he's the general of the fucking milk
men army he says milk
and i was like that's a real thing he also says hello hello like for pillow is
pillow pillow yeah
he grew up in like some weird part of pennsylvania well here's the thing i was
born in upstate pennsylvania
which they have leaning towards almost like a midwestern chicago accent okay
all right and then moving
down to philly at like a formidable age i was in fourth grade so out my burbs
just outside in the
suburbs so they had that that thick you know street road accent yeah i got it
so yeah yeah what are you
doing later you want to go down here that's mixed in there and i'm too uneducated
and stupid to like
you know to change it up yeah so it's all mixed in a garbage city through and
through is philly garbage
time big time big time have you met these people
this is how you know i'm insecure because i don't want to be garbage at all texans
y'all
you all makes perfect sense y'all sure how the do you get to use guys no no no
fuck do you get to use it's just you it's just you yo yo he's going down there
later you what are you
doing what about yinz what's this is pittsburgh yeah yeah yeah yeah that's like
real true you can't
come back from that i don't care you get it that's like that's like fall money
you gotta get out of it
call the uber date's over later yinz yinz is top thanks i didn't even know the
thing but use is
use use yeah it's like the big ones they are using john that's they're like the
one that's
a term whatever yeah use how fucking dumb oh it's trash even philly people like
when other when
that's not like everybody says that when you hear someone say that you're like
oof like it hurts
like you feel it in your bones mike albanese grew up in philly he'll text me y-o-u-s-e
with
like if it's a group text yeah i can't believe it yeah use yeah use it's true
it's really trash if
you're typing it out what i mean like that's extra letters not even an abbreviation
okay i'm sorry go
go well i'm just now i'm thinking of like the opposite of garbage what do you
guys have a term
for this clean living clean living we said okay so now i keep thinking of like
friends who are like
doing this clean living thing like growing up i'm just like oh my lord this is
i had this kid
his name was derek i probably shouldn't say his last name but like he was like
my best friend growing up
and uh he lived in the apartment this kid was he lived in the apartment that i
believe marilyn
monroe was dating was it dimaggio i think so right i'm yankee right he's dating
dimaggio he got around
yeah people but it was like their apartment they were living in and and this is
like clean
fucking like i never seen as well yeah yeah yeah but um there was a room for
the maid to live in
maid's quarters yeah and this is a common thing i guess yeah yeah yeah right
there was a maize
wealthy folks wealthy yeah it was barely a room and it was right next to the
kitchen you gotta keep
humble yeah i can't let the success go you don't want her showing off you know
what i mean dude the
room is right next to the kitchen i remember asking him i was like why are all
your rooms over here and
then her room's next to the kitchen and then he goes well that's like kind of
where she operates you
know in the kitchen so it's close we want to shorten the commute for her you
know what i mean
we don't want her getting jammed up by the bedroom
hitting traffic in the hallway trying to give some
bullshit excuse why that's right that's like that's your man ain't buying it
that's they divided up the home yeah they don't want to be near them they might
steal or something
you know even though they're in the yeah of course yeah that's their mentality
he's like well if they're
on that side of the house i was they can steal the pots and pans i don't care
what kind of kid
our old friend alex anderson had a best friend who was like wealthy wealthy
grew up wealthy and he
told me with like real wealthy people they love making other people feel
excluded so like there's
all that's all it is this is some rules they have like if you if everybody's
making a toast and you
have water you don't toast unless you're on a boat then you toast and he's like
it means nothing they
just want someone to not know the rule so they can know make them look like dicks
on the boat dude i'm
at that restaurant last night never have i felt more garbage than when i go to
like these like you
really feel out of place i'll be honest they can smell it on you are new money
too dude what the
fuck is this i don't know how like because in my mind i'm like don't let them
know don't let them
he's ordering chicken fingers and shit bro i literally go what's the name under
i said my girl's name
i wasn't even there yet the guy what's the name i'm not gonna say her name
obviously but
but it was so embarrassing so i'm just there i'm like trying and then i overcompensate
the other way
like i lean into like i don't care guy and i got my fucking arms everywhere but
my parents is this
garbage they just never taught me how to use utensils and i say it as like a
joke not on stage but like
literally i learned which fork to use from titanic do you remember when jack
well yeah sure it's a big
that's a big thing because my girl's european americans don't learn that like
really learn that
that makes me the europeans i i go over there i'm a fucking animal they like
laugh at me at the
dinner table because i'm like literally just like i had a danish girlfriend
once and i was eating salad
at her parents' home and i shoveled some salad onto my fork with my dude that's
my go-to move dog
because it works yes it's better than anything no one taught me with the knife
why would you put
a fucking knife on a salad just like this that's crazy dog that's too clean
that living is too clean
that's too clean i don't want that my parents eat with their hands
what's a spoon you mean like this the thumb is the fucking spoon what are you
talking about
those people can still be garbage too just because you got salmon pants and a
duck belt
don't mean you can't act trash 100 yeah um okay why are we why did i bring this
up what are we talking
about uh maids for this oh no so we're in this restaurant right yeah they keep
bringing different
like silverware and there's ways apparently you have to like put the silverware
to show that you're
done what yeah four o'clock sir from the left clear from the right what this is
this is dude he was a
waiter he doesn't know you know he doesn't eat at these restaurants i was about
to sell him out i'm
glad that you saw that he only knows that because he busts his tables
well actually at my country club that i'm a member of i uh so apparently when
you're finished
you put the silverware that you use on the plate in a way to let them know you're
finished right four
o'clock yeah four o'clock but is it on the plate or half hanging off the plate
happening on like tilt it
up it's on the plate the end of the fork and the and the knife should touch the
end of the
plate at right at four o'clock yeah and if you're still eating it's on the
plate and on the table
like you you're resting it yes no i'm sorry i i take that back it's not four o'clock
it's uh it would
be 4 20 because they're both at the where the four o'clock would be they should
be both on the same
direction okay yeah thank you for stopping and clarifying official and man

Playing Are You Garbage w/ Flagrant's Andrew Schulz & Akaash Singh

Are you garbage and I take you my favorite garbage thing yeah cuz you did
Akash did it as well I forget what your answer if you were going here's what I
know to Andrew wanted to be garbage I felt so like insecure that my parents
raised me as garbage yeah I was like oh they came to this country they built a
good life yeah I swear to god I don't get triggered
that fucking triggered me dog if you said you order a soda with no ice you're
garbage gentlemen get some ice if you want to refill pay for the refill your
parents are garbage dude it's passed down generations take us through it take
us this is fun so some of the some of the big ones you're asking us we want to
play okay okay okay what how do you want to start you want to start off with
like
the basics yeah hit him with the base all right so some of the basics we're
doing
that are very divisive on the show is uh do you guys brush your teeth in the
shower I have I don't you don't do that yeah do why why do you say
I don't shower I know cuz he's fucking class what do you mean this guy's
getting extra ice with
his soda just ice no soda Randy over here just ice I do it sometimes three
other people in the
shower yeah what do you mean no I don't I don't brush my teeth in the shower
definitely do not brush
my teeth in the shower but how often do you brush your teeth well no I brush my
teeth morning and
night I don't shower as much but I brush my teeth morning and night but uh
pandemic that's how cool
Schultz he's like yeah don't even shower anymore like he's he's past showers
that was an efficiency
thing now yeah I thought it was like yeah I got so many things to do I got a
combined
no because this is my argument when you're brushing your teeth you can only be
doing that like what do you do you're not in the shower doing this let the
conditioner settle bro
now also too no conditioner dude that's not trash no that's that's pretty good
that's not garbage once a week how often are you using it uh every time I
shower yo
that's good once a week that's new money that's new money shit right there my
man
that's new money new money you're trying too hard bro you're trying to be the
commercial is what
you're doing yo you're such new money dude that's the guy who's used to the two
and
one at the discount rack the generic brand too condition once a month maybe and
here's the thing
garbage people that's garbage that's garbage did you see when not head and
shoulders what was the
brand part plus no one of them made three and one yeah yeah I think it was
right the third
the body wash it was just fucking like buddy I have it what are you talking
about fucking have
I seen it I used it this morning holy shit I'm shaving with it I'm doing
everything
that's what you've been there you can jerk off too get the whole nine yards
done
Jesus talk about saving time shout out the right that's a go-getter right there
that is hilarious okay keep going and here's the thing yeah you can make that
argument now I brush my
teeth in the shower all the time I'm garbage we've established on the podcast
that is garbage yeah
garbage people aren't brushing their teeth in the shower to save time these
aren't go-getters these
are animals yeah they brush their teeth brush our teeth in the shower because
there's a freedom to it
there's a there's a who cares it's all in your everything's minty yeah drips
down that's what it's all about also you can't make that argument well what if
he's got a important test that day no he's not headed to the board meeting that
guy oh yeah that guy's not again he doesn't have to get to the shareholders
meeting he's watching the Mandalorian for the third time on the couch eating
Chinese food in ten minutes
it ain't a time thing and also the most offensive thing to do whatever I've
kind of I've allowed I've allowed letting brushing your teeth in the shower
time whatever I'll semi by that but if you leave your toothbrush in the shower
you cannot come back from that that is 100% the nastiest thing you could do
really people are leaving you leave your cup no just like on the fuck like next
to the shampoo next to the right guard
yeah people do it a lot most it's like 50% of people yeah I got mine leaning on
the soap just chilling yeah it's fucking gross
he don't care dude look at him come on you think he's worried about his teeth
he's got bigger problems throw it in the bottom when I get out
bristles like the fucking vegetable what are they called bristles bristles oh
yeah brussels that's garbage
you gotta be yeah you don't want to be garbage I'm so deeply offended trying to
sound smart
trying to sound smart because I was like son it's an electric toothbrush is a
very nice oral b7000
what you talking about I take hygiene incredibly yo he's still heard about the
conditioner comment
he's still butthurt about pass it out you say brussel he's all man checking
your grammar and shit
he's trying to feel bougie about it like the european city
I didn't know where which I traveled to in my gap year
I studied abroad gap years rich kid shit
I believe you're referring to brussels sprouts
more questions more questions okay what do you got big man
um have either one of you okay growing up or now yeah ever had turkey on any
other day but
thanksgiving like a whole turkey a whole turkey you ever come my parents ever
cook a turkey in
like the middle of july I got news for you it's trash like a whole turkey a
whole it's got to be a
whole turkey yeah 100% that's good what's wrong what's wrong I just want to
tighten his mic it keeps turning
yeah it keeps turning but the only way Akash is incompetent
incompetent he's all he's all fucked up today it's unbelievable dude incompetent
I gotta tell him over here I know no no he cannot do a single task
ask him to do it it's unbelievable his inability to do it I know
that's what I'm saying so if I turn it back
right the whole thing turns yeah and then tighten it
no no no no I know let him dig in let him dig in while everybody knows there
you go you got it
have you ever tightened anything no never mind he's got conditioner on his
fingers
yeah he can't get a grass the way your day started you were conditioning your
head this morning like
today's gonna be a great day why do I tell the guys I condition every day
got the mic wrapped around you classy baby okay come on you are classy we can
do better than the turkey
yeah yeah yeah uh a big one growing up was uh did you drink milk with dinner
and if you did do you
still do it no no go go you know what might be trash you know what might be
trash i ate at some white
kids house one time the big white guy thing has spaghetti and milk and i was
like yes
these guys are king
he went home like mom you're not going to believe what tyler's doing down the
street
i was like you got no idea how these white people are living
damn crazy i couldn't understand everything they said was true
and we didn't know how bad carbs for you back then were
oh dude the 90s was wide open and healthy like these guys are doing it right
what kind of family am i in
did you enjoy it no i hated it dude no there's a mental thing in like irish
italian uh like poor
white people thing where there's a like a connection of the flavors between
pasta sauce and milk i don't
know what it is all right you get elon musk in here maybe talk about it it's
something on a genetic
level oh because it's unbelievable he still drinks milk with this
milk you don't like milk in a nice chicken parm hey dude it's sulfur it's
insane i'm the
asshole dude you drink a whole cup of milk it's insane really milk is only for
sweets that's the
only thing it pairs well with i agree you cannot drink milk out of a glass it
has to be mixed with
something else it has to be like coffee or something i can't just have you have
a cookie and milk i get
that's but yeah dessert's okay and milk i get milk and anything about meatloaf
and milk
do you ever do this when you're younger like after did you ever like i was
about to ask you you've worked
out like play basketball or something like that and then come home and then you're
thirsty and drink
milk have a glass of milk oh yeah i could do that as a kid what the happened it
stimulates
something inside your brain from you know when you were when you were a kid
that's what i think
biological about absolutely okay okay this real quick this is one of my other
my favorite i didn't
even realize people did this thing milk m-e-l-k how you pronounce it it's pure
white trash that he
says milk if you do the e the l milk yeah one of their pieces of march is that's
not garbage yeah we
call it we call the people that we call them the milk the milk men the milk
they drink dinner
drink we have shirts milk men shirts and he's the general of the fucking milk
men army he says milk
and i was like that's a real thing he also says hello hello like for pillow is
pillow pillow yeah
he grew up in like some weird part of pennsylvania well here's the thing i was
born in upstate pennsylvania
which they have leaning towards almost like a midwestern chicago accent okay
all right and then moving
down to philly at like a formidable age i was in fourth grade so out my burbs
just outside in the
suburbs so they had that that thick you know street road accent yeah i got it
so yeah yeah what are you
doing later you want to go down here that's mixed in there and i'm too uneducated
and stupid to like
you know to change it up yeah so it's all mixed in a garbage city through and
through is philly garbage
time big time big time have you met these people
this is how you know i'm insecure because i don't want to be garbage at all texans
y'all
you all makes perfect sense y'all sure how the do you get to use guys no no no
fuck do you get to use it's just you it's just you yo yo he's going down there
later you what are you
doing what about yinz what's this is pittsburgh yeah yeah yeah yeah that's like
real true you can't
come back from that i don't care you get it that's like that's like fall money
you gotta get out of it
call the uber date's over later yinz yinz is top thanks i didn't even know the
thing but use is
use use yeah it's like the big ones they are using john that's they're like the
one that's
a term whatever yeah use how fucking dumb oh it's trash even philly people like
when other when
that's not like everybody says that when you hear someone say that you're like
oof like it hurts
like you feel it in your bones mike albanese grew up in philly he'll text me y-o-u-s-e
with
like if it's a group text yeah i can't believe it yeah use yeah use it's true
it's really trash if
you're typing it out what i mean like that's extra letters not even an abbreviation
okay i'm sorry go
go well i'm just now i'm thinking of like the opposite of garbage what do you
guys have a term
for this clean living clean living we said okay so now i keep thinking of like
friends who are like
doing this clean living thing like growing up i'm just like oh my lord this is
i had this kid
his name was derek i probably shouldn't say his last name but like he was like
my best friend growing up
and uh he lived in the apartment this kid was he lived in the apartment that i
believe marilyn
monroe was dating was it dimaggio i think so right i'm yankee right he's dating
dimaggio he got around
yeah people but it was like their apartment they were living in and and this is
like clean
fucking like i never seen as well yeah yeah yeah but um there was a room for
the maid to live in
maid's quarters yeah and this is a common thing i guess yeah yeah yeah right
there was a maize
wealthy folks wealthy yeah it was barely a room and it was right next to the
kitchen you gotta keep
humble yeah i can't let the success go you don't want her showing off you know
what i mean dude the
room is right next to the kitchen i remember asking him i was like why are all
your rooms over here and
then her room's next to the kitchen and then he goes well that's like kind of
where she operates you
know in the kitchen so i