Name: New Money Trash w/ Flagrant's Andrew Schulz & Akaash Singh
Uploaded: 2023-01-31T21:55:08.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'New Money Trash w/ Flagrant's Andrew Schulz & Akaash Singh' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-01-31. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'New Money Trash w/ Flagrant's Andrew Schulz & Akaash Singh' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-01-31. Transcript available.

as a former server is that the worst feeling to feel like inferior when when
you feel like the
server's giving you shit like last night like he's giving you an attitude you
know what i've realized
uh when i go into like nice clothing stores dude there's an they feel like they
like own the brand
i'm making eight bucks an hour i went to get fitted for my suit for my wedding
and like
i felt so out of place and i was like you make nine dollars an hour jerk off
you're making me
feel like an asshole commission off of me yeah yeah yeah i'm like you can't
even afford to
fucking shop here dude but you know what that shit makes you want to buy
something to like prove
to prove that i got money they got commission yeah yeah these fucking assholes
i know i don't even
know what you guys are talking about i'm honest with you i remember i walked
what are you talking
about like macy's not on sale yeah what are you doing i walked in a uniqlo one
time i walked right
the fuck out they all turned their backs to me went on break it's a japanese
brand you're not
fitting in anything in that place he barely fit in the store they thought he
had a delivery to drop
off or something i know also you think uniqlo is classy i don't understand it's
fucking japanese
it's an m for asian they were hot it's all they were hot for a minute what do
you want from me i was
trying to fit in you're not gonna fit in any of that dude i wore the jacket too
remember i pushed that
thing to it the white ones the gray oh the gray dude yeah like whether it was
like before the super
puff jet it was like the you know just like the regular ones yeah yeah and he
got it like from a
friend who like stole his friend worked security there and stole one and fully
bought it for like
10 bucks or something yeah yeah he's trash dude he's like he's dirtbag level
trash yeah if you walk
out of uniclo and it beeps they just go really yeah like really you're doing
this you have nothing
else to do today you got to come steal a four dollar t-shirt eat the socks what
the fuck are you
talking about trying to save face but i grab a headband and go to the counter
this will be it for
today it is true man that is true that fucking inferiority shit kind of works
yeah i wonder when
that's so you kind of yeah respect the people who are garbage and embrace it
absolutely oh dude
that's what the whole that's what the whole podcast is that it's just fucking
humble beginnings
that's what it's all about yeah it is true man that is true what is that are
they doing that because
they also feel garbage and they're like are they masquerading a bit who like
the super rich people that
do that stuff no like the people that work at these really fancy places they're
like
will kind of be condescending is that them it's their ego yeah yeah 100 100 so
they recognize that
we both feel the same way and they're like oh i'm not gonna let him know that
they're playing chess
yeah yeah not checkers probably think think of how terribly the really rich
people treat them
yeah they like okay you're so far beneath me when they walk into that that's
what they're thinking
yeah so they look at the guy who's a little insecure like they take that out on
him but then in my mind
i'm going okay in order for me to just get borderline respect i gotta treat you
like
shit so you feel comfortable yeah yeah i have to treat you bad so you feel
comfortable with me because
you're like oh he's one of them yeah i don't want to treat you bad i just want
to you're getting to
that point too you got to start doing that no yeah or you can i would at least
try it you got to start
being real snooty you should you know you should have had that waiter fired
last night that's what
you should have done they were good but i knew nothing they were walking around
with these
fucking chains on with a little cup at the bottom like it was literally like a
pimp cup what's
that they all had pimp cup necklaces it was uh they're sommeliers for the wine
it's a wine thing
i got into a lot of documentaries about sommeliers yeah yeah yeah yeah just
recently what what what
what is it called what it's like that tom hanks thing or tom hanks tom hanks i
missed that i'm the
captain oh yeah that's garbage documentaries about sommeliers yeah read a book
netflix culture over here
i'm trash i mean i'm not sitting here like i'm a king of english dude i am
garbage it's okay to
condition every day he's still trying to cut me down at the legs so apparently
i asked the lady
right i just go why does everybody have the chain with the with the cup and i
because i thought that
made them like the best server like a few of them i thought they were the super
server hey congratulations
buddy yeah i was like yo you got the fucking chain like it's like yeah yeah
join jay-z's label like this
is the real shit and uh and then she was like oh no it's a test of this how do
you say like taste of
wine in french test of something like that basically for years they would have
it you'd take a little
sip and that's how like the sommeliers know and i was like okay so she but she
didn't make me feel
bad or anything like that that's nice you get a bottle say what you get a
bottle they tried to hit me
with that wine pairing yeah see you're garbage i couldn't do it now i'm not
doing that yeah yeah
somebody's gonna name still like whatever she wants
the guy i need more bread over here hey is that garbage asking for more bread
yeah
hey honey how about a couple more parker houses over here i said this oh my god
i said i was so
started i didn't eat the whole day we came in here to the pocket they need the
whole day i went there and i
i sit down and they come over and the person goes she hits me you know the
classic line and
it's first of all the busboy comes in and asks about the water is if you say no
to bottle to like
not even the waiter always say yes to the bottle you get the bottle no i said
tap
what big tap guy yeah big tap guy big tap guy i'm not gonna be bullied this is
new york i paid for
this water yeah okay i love it so i go i go i'll take tap but i'm shaking i'm
so hungry i'm literally
shaking right and then i go and this is a fancy i got a calamari or quick she's
like can we start
you out with an appetite or something like that i got a sampler comes out of my
mouth i go man i'm
just so hungry can i get some bread or something like you are such a mook dude
you got any rolls back
day rodolfo get the gentleman some rolls and then i stopped myself i was like
oh actually i'll just wait
like maybe she'll have something it sucks why the do i feel embarrassed in this
place they don't have
rolls at that joint i'm trying to think of because i go into those places and i'm
like i don't give a
fuck yeah i think i'm so used to being insecure that i'm like you're not going
to make it worse
yeah he's fighting it yeah i don't handle it i'm used to not being insecure no
that is actually true
like don't get me wrong we all have our super insecure moments whatever but in
most environments i feel
very confident yeah i do and i will i'll be honest but in certain places i feel
out of place and it's like
almost hard for me to like talk it's so weird that's a trap you're free and i
used to feel like
an imposter you're free you walk into these rich places you feel like an imposter
yes i feel like
an imposter every day baby he's in the he doesn't even feel comfortable in the
bodega he's in there
like how much for a honey bun what the fuck you've never eaten at a place like
this but this is garbage
garbage if a place like a nice italian restaurant gives you bread i'll be like
yo can we get some
bread to take home oh yeah you got sauce i want my leftovers this is another
this is another big
divisive one is leftovers i think taking leftovers is trash this guy it is it's
trash oh dude no you
pay for the experience i sit there and if you don't finish your meal you what
are you gonna
stop fucking you're the guy who can't finish the order off the kids menu next
time
you're sitting here you can't finish a fucking chicken you can't finish a
chicken breast
and a potato what then you're calling what the fucking condition your hair get
him the
fuck out of here you're nuts no that's funny oh you couldn't finish your meal
can we get him a sprite
with no ice in a lid too please i don't do that doesn't get it i drink sprite
out the bottle i got
class bro he doesn't get it see when him and his girl go eat they eat in a very
german military way
let me tell you something they each get their own dish foley is taking home
leftovers it's not about
he orders the third entree he doesn't hate there's no actual leftovers appetizer
and a meal is a lot
yes he's willing to go he goes let me get a chicken parm on the way out he
ordered two for himself
yeah two for himself he's a big guy and somebody was coming he didn't get this
way eating salad dude
hit me late i was like is he on a date why does he already have 200. oh there's
another guy coming i
swear he got stuck in the office he's ordering three drinks to confuse them
guess he didn't make it wrap it up
oh yeah no when me and my girl go out to dinner for two but just you he goes we'll
have uh he orders
with wool for the table we'll start with the appetizer sampler she'll do you
put it on four
plates please i want to share everybody no when me and my girl go out to eat we
get an appetizer we
each get an entree there's leftovers i'm sure you and your girl do the same
thing absolutely he just
gets the bare minimum he's eating like a coal miner dude i finished my meal i'm
paying but
you know if i'm going out to a nice place we're paying a lot of money yeah man
you go and you
leave you take that this is insane it's not virtual reality over here it's
trash it's called a doggy
bag we dug into this because you would take it home and give it to your dog
that's literally how it
started in like world war one did you take your leftovers home last night it's
not for human
consumption that's animalistic you're so mad at me right now i'm analyzing i'm
analyzing this is
pre-microwave free oven pre the ability free airfryer it's for a dog dude it's
for originally for a dog
back in the day he's actually he actually brings up what dog eats fucking
mushroom so technology
makes you more trashy with the microwave that's insane now now that you can
reheat the food it's
not as fresh as you eat what dog eats mushroom is that what you said i tell you
what he ain't
getting mine with a scallop on top take a hike that it's not a dog nobody calls
it a doggy bag
anymore we were three minutes past that this is heated or not and he's still
like no i'm not giving
my dog any of my leftovers what are you crazy you hear me mittens you hear me
ah okay is this garbage
ready you guys are talking about leftovers last night uh i would it was a chef's
tasting right
so they like have the menu uh already set up i guess right i would finish mine
okay my girl there's
like a bite or two left right and they would come to take her plate and then i
would say i'll finish
it and then because they didn't want me to like just slide the plate over sure
they would like pick
it up and make like a thing of it and like bring it over to me is that garbage
at a fancy restaurant
i don't think that should be guarded geez yeah no is it more respectful to the
chef like i don't
want to waste your delicious food it's great yeah i yeah i don't know i think
that's just like
i if i was i would have eaten it before they came over to take it you know what
i mean i would
have been like yeah yeah i would have yeah that's true yeah it's all it's all i
don't know it's all the
thing that chain here i'm coming dude he's got his charm out he's jesus beats
you don't need this
stress yo go wait are you saying is it garbage for you three months i've been
working on this
fucking thing i'm trying to take her to night
it's stressful all right i act like i planned it months in advance i got a resi
at bubba gump's
you cool with that hold on whole thing is ruined because when i put the fucking
reservation in i have
to use her resi uh thing app yeah and then it gives her a notification ah i
said to her i was
like yeah i had this bro i know i planned it funny you're a smart guy you set
this whole thing up you're
getting caught by the resi app bro what the fuck
he knows you're too stupid to cheat just download your own app dude you built
this amazing studio
download an app here's the thing my boy this is my boy he can like uh he works
at one of these uh
services they get you shit that you can get yeah concierge type he's the concierge
right
and uh so he hooked it up and he goes yo i gave your girl's number instead of
yours you know i don't
want to like give your number out or whatever i'm like i don't think anybody
cares about the number
of this place but then i've been telling my girl i planned this for weeks and
she gets the
fucking pop up on the resi so i'm going to her the rest of the days like yeah i
plan this whatever
she's like oh but after i do this whole spiel about yeah you know i wanted
something nice for
us whatever like just out of curiosity why did i get a reservation ding today
from resi did you try
to like backtrack and be like well they didn't convert it in today they asked
me for covid testing
that's what i said that's nice yo hey you you did lie i won't be yeah i lied
that's great yeah good
for you he ain't making it this deep into the podcast she'll skim the first 10
minutes put all
the heat at the back end i've learned this i've learned this put all the heat
in the back
it's like a fed wiretap they gotta they gotta stop listening if they don't hear
their name in five

New Money Trash w/ Flagrant's Andrew Schulz & Akaash Singh

as a former server is that the worst feeling to feel like inferior when when
you feel like the
server's giving you shit like last night like he's giving you an attitude you
know what i've realized
uh when i go into like nice clothing stores dude there's an they feel like they
like own the brand
i'm making eight bucks an hour i went to get fitted for my suit for my wedding
and like
i felt so out of place and i was like you make nine dollars an hour jerk off
you're making me
feel like an asshole commission off of me yeah yeah yeah i'm like you can't
even afford to
fucking shop here dude but you know what that shit makes you want to buy
something to like prove
to prove that i got money they got commission yeah yeah these fucking assholes
i know i don't even
know what you guys are talking about i'm honest with you i remember i walked
what are you talking
about like macy's not on sale yeah what are you doing i walked in a uniqlo one
time i walked right
the fuck out they all turned their backs to me went on break it's a japanese
brand you're not
fitting in anything in that place he barely fit in the store they thought he
had a delivery to drop
off or something i know also you think uniqlo is classy i don't understand it's
fucking japanese
it's an m for asian they were hot it's all they were hot for a minute what do
you want from me i was
trying to fit in you're not gonna fit in any of that dude i wore the jacket too
remember i pushed that
thing to it the white ones the gray oh the gray dude yeah like whether it was
like before the super
puff jet it was like the you know just like the regular ones yeah yeah and he
got it like from a
friend who like stole his friend worked security there and stole one and fully
bought it for like
10 bucks or something yeah yeah he's trash dude he's like he's dirtbag level
trash yeah if you walk
out of uniclo and it beeps they just go really yeah like really you're doing
this you have nothing
else to do today you got to come steal a four dollar t-shirt eat the socks what
the fuck are you
talking about trying to save face but i grab a headband and go to the counter
this will be it for
today it is true man that is true that fucking inferiority shit kind of works
yeah i wonder when
that's so you kind of yeah respect the people who are garbage and embrace it
absolutely oh dude
that's what the whole that's what the whole podcast is that it's just fucking
humble beginnings
that's what it's all about yeah it is true man that is true what is that are
they doing that because
they also feel garbage and they're like are they masquerading a bit who like
the super rich people that
do that stuff no like the people that work at these really fancy places they're
like
will kind of be condescending is that them it's their ego yeah yeah 100 100 so
they recognize that
we both feel the same way and they're like oh i'm not gonna let him know that
they're playing chess
yeah yeah not checkers probably think think of how terribly the really rich
people treat them
yeah they like okay you're so far beneath me when they walk into that that's
what they're thinking
yeah so they look at the guy who's a little insecure like they take that out on
him but then in my mind
i'm going okay in order for me to just get borderline respect i gotta treat you
like
shit so you feel comfortable yeah yeah i have to treat you bad so you feel
comfortable with me because
you're like oh he's one of them yeah i don't want to treat you bad i just want
to you're getting to
that point too you got to start doing that no yeah or you can i would at least
try it you got to start
being real snooty you should you know you should have had that waiter fired
last night that's what
you should have done they were good but i knew nothing they were walking around
with these
fucking chains on with a little cup at the bottom like it was literally like a
pimp cup what's
that they all had pimp cup necklaces it was uh they're sommeliers for the wine
it's a wine thing
i got into a lot of documentaries about sommeliers yeah yeah yeah yeah just
recently what what what
what is it called what it's like that tom hanks thing or tom hanks tom hanks i
missed that i'm the
captain oh yeah that's garbage documentaries about sommeliers yeah read a book
netflix culture over here
i'm trash i mean i'm not sitting here like i'm a king of english dude i am
garbage it's okay to
condition every day he's still trying to cut me down at the legs so apparently
i asked the lady
right i just go why does everybody have the chain with the with the cup and i
because i thought that
made them like the best server like a few of them i thought they were the super
server hey congratulations
buddy yeah i was like yo you got the fucking chain like it's like yeah yeah
join jay-z's label like this
is the real shit and uh and then she was like oh no it's a test of this how do
you say like taste of
wine in french test of something like that basically for years they would have
it you'd take a little
sip and that's how like the sommeliers know and i was like okay so she but she
didn't make me feel
bad or anything like that that's nice you get a bottle say what you get a
bottle they tried to hit me
with that wine pairing yeah see you're garbage i couldn't do it now i'm not
doing that yeah yeah
somebody's gonna name still like whatever she wants
the guy i need more bread over here hey is that garbage asking for more bread
yeah
hey honey how about a couple more parker houses over here i said this oh my god
i said i was so
started i didn't eat the whole day we came in here to the pocket they need the
whole day i went there and i
i sit down and they come over and the person goes she hits me you know the
classic line and
it's first of all the busboy comes in and asks about the water is if you say no
to bottle to like
not even the waiter always say yes to the bottle you get the bottle no i said
tap
what big tap guy yeah big tap guy big tap guy i'm not gonna be bullied this is
new york i paid for
this water yeah okay i love it so i go i go i'll take tap but i'm shaking i'm
so hungry i'm literally
shaking right and then i go and this is a fancy i got a calamari or quick she's
like can we start
you out with an appetite or something like that i got a sampler comes out of my
mouth i go man i'm
just so hungry can i get some bread or something like you are such a mook dude
you got any rolls back
day rodolfo get the gentleman some rolls and then i stopped myself i was like
oh actually i'll just wait
like maybe she'll have something it sucks why the do i feel embarrassed in this
place they don't have
rolls at that joint i'm trying to think of because i go into those places and i'm
like i don't give a
fuck yeah i think i'm so used to being insecure that i'm like you're not going
to make it worse
yeah he's fighting it yeah i don't handle it i'm used to not being insecure no
that is actually true
like don't get me wrong we all have our super insecure moments whatever but in
most environments i feel
very confident yeah i do and i will i'll be honest but in certain places i feel
out of place and it's like
almost hard for me to like talk it's so weird that's a trap you're free and i
used to feel like
an imposter you're free you walk into these rich places you feel like an imposter
yes i feel like
an imposter every day baby he's in the he doesn't even feel comfortable in the
bodega he's in there
like how much for a honey bun what the fuck you've never eaten at a place like
this but this is garbage
garbage if a place like a nice italian restaurant gives you bread i'll be like
yo can we get some
bread to take home oh yeah you got sauce i want my leftovers this is another
this is another big
divisive one is leftovers i think taking leftovers is trash this guy it is it's
trash oh dude no you
pay for the experience i sit there and if you don't finish your meal you what
are you gonna
stop fucking you're the guy who can't finish the order off the kids menu next
time
you're sitting here you can't finish a fucking chicken you can't finish a
chicken breast
and a potato what then you're calling what the fucking condition your hair get
him the
fuck out of here you're nuts no that's funny oh you couldn't finish your meal
can we get him a sprite
with no ice in a lid too please i don't do that doesn't get it i drink sprite
out the bottle i got
class bro he doesn't get it see when him and his girl go eat they eat in a very
german military way
let me tell you something they each get their own dish foley is taking home
leftovers it's not about
he orders the third entree he doesn't hate there's no actual leftovers appetizer
and a meal is a lot
yes he's willing to go he goes let me get a chicken parm on the way out he
ordered two for himself
yeah two for himself he's a big guy and somebody was coming he didn't get this
way eating salad dude
hit me late i was like is he on a date why does he already have 200. oh there's
another guy coming i
swear he got stuck in the office he's ordering three drinks to confuse them
guess he didn't make it wrap it up
oh yeah no when me and my girl go out to dinner for two but just you he goes we'll
have uh he orders
with wool for the table we'll start with the appetizer sampler she'll do you
put it on four
plates please i want to share everybody no when me and my girl go out to eat we
get an appetizer we
each get an entree there's leftovers i'm sure you and your girl do the same
thing absolutely he just
gets the bare minimum he's eating like a coal miner dude i finished my meal i'm
paying but
you know if i'm going out to a nice place we're paying a lot of money yeah man
you go and you
leave you take that this is insane it's not virtual reality over here it's
trash it's called a doggy
bag we dug into this because you would take it home and give it to your dog
that's literally how it
started in like world war one did you take your leftovers home last night it's
not for human
consumption that's animalistic you're so mad at me right now i'm analyzing i'm
analyzing this is
pre-microwave free oven pre the ability free airfryer it's for a dog dude it's
for originally for a dog
back in the day he's actually he actually brings up what dog eats fucking
mushroom so technology
makes you more trashy with the microwave that's insane now now that you can
reheat the food it's
not as fresh as you eat what dog eats mushroom is that what you said i tell you
what he ain't
getting mine with a scallop on top take a hike that it's not a dog nobody calls
it a doggy bag
anymore we were three minutes past that this is heated or not and he's still
like no i'm not giving
my dog any of my leftovers what are you crazy you hear me mittens you hear me
ah okay is this garbage
ready you guys are talking about leftovers last night uh i would it was a chef's
tasting right
so they like have the menu uh already set up i guess right i would finish mine
okay my girl there's
like a bite or two left right and they would come to take her plate and then i
would say i'll finish
it and then because they didn't want me to like just slide the plate over sure
they would like pick
it up and make like a thing of it and like bring it over to me is that garbage
at a fancy restaurant
i don't think that should be guarded geez yeah no is it more respectful to the
chef like i don't
want to waste your delicious food it's great yeah i yeah i don't know i think
that's just like
i if i was i would have eaten it before they came over to take it you know what
i mean i would
have been like yeah yeah i would have yeah that's true yeah it's all it's all i
don't know it's all the
thing that chain here i'm coming dude he's got his charm out he's jesus beats
you don't need this
stress yo go wait are you saying is it garbage for you three months i've been
working on this
fucking thing i'm trying to take her to night
it's stressful all right i act like i planned it months in advance i got a resi
at bubba gump's
you cool with that hold on 