Name: Living in Garbage w/ KFC Radio
Uploaded: 2023-03-03T22:02:58.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Living in Garbage w/ KFC Radio' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Living in Garbage w/ KFC Radio' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-03. Transcript available.

that's a good question too we asked that we asked that do you ever have any infestation
in your house growing up do you ever have any time i lived in a condemned
building once
it was my buddy forrest gump what are you a fucking cia assassin like like that
story about
like what he just told right there is a story i've been doing this for 10 years
i never heard
yeah and i just like i just had to keep talking to him to draw these things out
like seven years in
he told us about when he locked his fucking uh housekeeper in the basement one
time and i was
like how is that not the first story you told me on the podcast and the worst
part i did about that
was i we had like a laundry chute and i would throw cheez-its down it and i
would say eduarda you're
worthless that's like an eight-year-old boy i mean he's he's disgusting no but
the uh the cadem
building i've told us the kid yeah and it was uh it was my buddy's uncle we
didn't like we didn't make
any money at the time and i needed to live in boston and i just i couldn't
afford to live in boston
and my buddy's uncle bought a building to knock down and then the insurance was
cheaper if people
if there were tenants okay so he charged me like three hundred dollars a month
to live in this
condemned building and one night charged you the balls you know like okay there's
a there is an
exchange of money but he's like 300. like i couldn't shower there like shower
the shower didn't work so i
had to like join a gym to shower at the gym and there was one time i had a
party which is insane to have
people over to a condemned building young young young people in their 20s was
it was it a black
tie affair how about the hors d'oeuvres it was tomato soup with a slice of crap
single on top the tartar
was pretty good i'll tell you that and and some girl just goes like oh i didn't
know you guys had a cat
we didn't it was just the biggest rat you'll ever see running around the
kitchen and then we just walled
off that side of the it was a house so like we walled off that side of the
house it was an old mine
shaft or something my bedroom was back there and i just never went to my
bedroom ever again belongs
to them i just we moved the refrigerator because the kitchen was back there too
we moved the
refrigerator into the living room and we just left it up and you had the balls
to say you wearing
garbage yeah very few people have come on the podcast and said i am not well
you came on like a
southern lawyer because like where he came from is very bougie and like yeah
and it's like kennedy-esque
family and then he was the black sheep for that's the thing it doesn't matter
money doesn't save you
no it's a mentality it's a state of mind my family had a little bit of cash but
we were they were poor
and then my my dad made some money so it's like that also matters too whether
it's passed down or
yeah no amount of money can like we still have like an unfinished shed in the
backyard you know what
i mean like we were just like real trash yeah car on the front lawn junk drawer
which is like i have
a drawer that's filled with batteries it's like ricky bobby you spend your
money on like a standalone
hot tub or a wave runner or a snowmobile you know we were just talking about
the other day
are two big ones oh yeah dude dude someone can get like 3200 bucks together to
get it like a jet ski
like you're making payments on it like what are we doing we were just talking
about the uh the globe
bar you know what we're talking about from like the sharper image or sky mall
oh it's a globe and
you open it up and it keeps all your whiskey everyone thinks that's like yeah i
got my own apartment
now yeah i got my own spot it's class yeah everybody that gets that thinks they're
gonna be like
standing around but they got you know swirling it you know like oh yeah yeah
when i was a kid
we had sports illustrated we got the football phone we thought we were living
we thought we were
a rockefeller i was just making calls like no hello send up more pizza i had a
girl talk phone
that's kind of the same thing yeah what's the girl talk girl the girl you could
like change your voice
and stuff oh i had the talk boy the the thing from home alone i thought that
was cool that thing was
you were you felt like a spy but it never worked the same way i was like i'm
gonna break into hotels
that i had the phone that was like clear and you could see the like
inside that was the high school phone in high school yeah that was i don't know
why i had it
but the girls did no it was a real real indication of trash if you did you have
a pager as a teenager
for a split second yeah there was it was like an hour where technology worked
for us what were you
selling and you still have any owner yeah i think my brother you know aged up
and got the cell phone
and passed that down to me and then i was like i'm just gonna get a fucking
cell phone
family heirloom yeah ricky's yeah that's one thing if you mention if you
mention a beeper or pager to
to like the younger generation they're like they don't know what the that is i've
never had the
pager i i weirdly had a cell phone before anybody my grandparents were the
worst gift givers in the
history of the world like 25 bucks pair of socks that kind of thing yeah and
then i graduated sixth grade
this kid's got to call the maiden caller i was like i was like i had this phone
like three years
before anyone else i couldn't even call anyone i just had a phone in my pocket
there was no one to
call it's one of those old big ones from the 90s oh it was a great stockbroker
what did you do
you have to have like a bag i guess right if you're carrying that around it's
obviously not gonna fit
in your pocket i remember my mom had like my dad had the my dad had one like
mounted in the car
yeah those are all right yeah i remember that and then my mom had like the
first like big kind of
zach morse one it just sat in the car like you couldn't put that in a purse no
no way right yeah
that was for like calling it an airstrike or something that's that's when you
were in like serious
move the money to the offshore account come get me that's what that was i think
the reason why this
all works though is unless you are a real fucking bougie prick you've everyone's
got a little bit of
garbage you know they do even yeah right it might be a different type but like
yeah i can't think
of anybody i know that is just like full-blown high society and wouldn't be
like yeah sometimes
i eat like cheese cheese was from the can or something you know everybody's got
something i
think we had one or two that weren't trash i can't even remember we had two non-trash
we said uh jared free j trade wasn't trash really he's that makes sense because
he's friends with francis
this is going to be a tough one that's what everybody right i mean i can't well
he's interested
like well i blog about dead girls that was kind of trashy but other than that
like he's comparable
to you in the sense he grew up regular yeah and then his i think he said when
he was in high
school stack up big his dad got rich rich yeah and so like i mean he's i mean
he he had a tweet the
other day texting with his golf teacher yeah and it was like if you've got a
golf teacher at what what's
francis 32 yeah but you've got a golf teacher at 32 years old he owns it pretty
well too though
you get a golf teacher at the chip and putt what are you talking about he's a
club bro at the
mini golf it's just him hanging out by the 19th hole check out my short game
mini golf professional
we'll we'll crack him see we love that man we love that like yeah it takes us a
little bit we'll go
like hey have you ever done this or do you have that and then they go no and we're
like oh and then
we finally it's like we're we're just trash you guys you guys are like kind of
like it's almost like a
good cop bad cop thing where it's like you just start the interrogation you
guys like lobbing each
other's alley oops you know somebody said somebody said it best online they
were like fully makes you
feel good and like part of the trash about being garbage yeah i make you feel
bad yeah but i also do
that to myself like i'm shameful for the shit i do when i'm cleaning my car
with a squeegee at the gas
station like i really feel like a piece of shit i love that i can't that's one
of the things in me
that i've done it and it's like i take a shower with my parents found out i was
doing that they
would like this see i don't do it and it's nothing like i'm scared of garbage
it's pure laziness but
like oh i love it i'll drive like i can't see and i'm fine i'll still i'll have
a perfect i'll come
from the car wash i'm squeegeeing yeah even even through covid i was like i
probably shouldn't touch
this stick at the gas station but dude that's i mean that is like uh i think it's
like an ocd thing
of mine i love to like squeegee it up that's yeah i love that did you see that's
garbage fuck well
if you start like doing the wheel wells and shit yeah yeah doing the interior
all right well the other
day i just was like this is probably pretty garbage i hit the hood the other
day i didn't do the whole
hood i didn't do the whole hood but i was doing and i squeegeed it and then
like the hood near me was
like real fucking dustied up there's only one uh acceptable location to use it
other than the
windshield that's after you pump the gas if you get a little dribble right next
to where the gas goes
in if you just give it a little i see i purposely do a dribble yeah i purposely
do a little dribble to
get the smell going the what i'll almost purposely dribble a little bit just to
smell it up yeah yeah i'm
like i'm like zoo lantern doesn't matter how much money you got if you like to
smell of gas you're
that's what i mean i don't care how many so so you walked in there sitting
around huffing
a red i'm walking like charlie kelly i got the paint around my mouth what's up
guys
so you went in there i went in there kind of wanting to be a little bit of
garbage to be honest
i wanted to i thought it was disappointing if you guys were like yeah all right
you're like
you're a classy guy i don't want to be garbage i didn't know you'd had non-garbage
i was hoping to
maybe be like the first non-garbage um but no i i don't want to be garbage i
kind of wanted to be
garbage yeah which i guess is like a lot of people want to be like right like a
lot of people come in
like oh before you even start yeah let me tell you well yeah it's almost one of
those things you want
to cop to at first so you don't look like the asshole thought you were classy
and then you get
like i i share a bed with like my clothes like that that's a tough look my bed
is mostly clothes
or not anymore but it was it was disgusting you are an open you're always in
therapy yeah
just well you know what it was like you you start i mean this has been your
whole life
yeah you know you never had a shot at being normal you started off with me i
don't think you turn this
sonya in your 20s no kid never had a chance no he really didn't it was just
like from jump street i
remember i remember saying like so at the time when i started barstool i was
the only non-jewish guy
and it was like a war and it was like you know the gentile and i was like
fighting the chosen yes
and then feidelberg so then i get feidelberg emailing me and i was like this
will be great for
like this rivalry and i told him you can have the job as an intern but you have
to use your real name
and he was like okay and then i find out that he's not jewish it's a german
thing which was
then it then i just started calling the fake jew which in 2020 i'd be cooked
but the point being
though that he's like you know i'm i'm but now you know you google his
poor name and he's done so like you got he has no you never had a shot at being
normal yeah thank
god this worked out until i finally commit suicide there's never gonna be
another there's also like
there's unsuccessful fighters that are just out there like playing like i have
friends that are
like just still playing it super fast and loose and i'm like all right buddy
you're still like
parking cars at a fucking like a dealership or something uh yeah to me that the
desire to be a
little bit of garbage i think is a commendable thing it's like there's uh who
are those guys names
there's a couple uh dc or like baltimore radio hosts and they played a game
called horror boar

Living in Garbage w/ KFC Radio

that's a good question too we asked that we asked that do you ever have any infestation
in your house growing up do you ever have any time i lived in a condemned
building once
it was my buddy forrest gump what are you a fucking cia assassin like like that
story about
like what he just told right there is a story i've been doing this for 10 years
i never heard
yeah and i just like i just had to keep talking to him to draw these things out
like seven years in
he told us about when he locked his fucking uh housekeeper in the basement one
time and i was
like how is that not the first story you told me on the podcast and the worst
part i did about that
was i we had like a laundry chute and i would throw cheez-its down it and i
would say eduarda you're
worthless that's like an eight-year-old boy i mean he's he's disgusting no but
the uh the cadem
building i've told us the kid yeah and it was uh it was my buddy's uncle we
didn't like we didn't make
any money at the time and i needed to live in boston and i just i couldn't
afford to live in boston
and my buddy's uncle bought a building to knock down and then the insurance was
cheaper if people
if there were tenants okay so he charged me like three hundred dollars a month
to live in this
condemned building and one night charged you the balls you know like okay there's
a there is an
exchange of money but he's like 300. like i couldn't shower there like shower
the shower didn't work so i
had to like join a gym to shower at the gym and there was one time i had a
party which is insane to have
people over to a condemned building young young young people in their 20s was
it was it a black
tie affair how about the hors d'oeuvres it was tomato soup with a slice of crap
single on top the tartar
was pretty good i'll tell you that and and some girl just goes like oh i didn't
know you guys had a cat
we didn't it was just the biggest rat you'll ever see running around the
kitchen and then we just walled
off that side of the it was a house so like we walled off that side of the
house it was an old mine
shaft or something my bedroom was back there and i just never went to my
bedroom ever again belongs
to them i just we moved the refrigerator because the kitchen was back there too
we moved the
refrigerator into the living room and we just left it up and you had the balls
to say you wearing
garbage yeah very few people have come on the podcast and said i am not well
you came on like a
southern lawyer because like where he came from is very bougie and like yeah
and it's like kennedy-esque
family and then he was the black sheep for that's the thing it doesn't matter
money doesn't save you
no it's a mentality it's a state of mind my family had a little bit of cash but
we were they were poor
and then my my dad made some money so it's like that also matters too whether
it's passed down or
yeah no amount of money can like we still have like an unfinished shed in the
backyard you know what
i mean like we were just like real trash yeah car on the front lawn junk drawer
which is like i have
a drawer that's filled with batteries it's like ricky bobby you spend your
money on like a standalone
hot tub or a wave runner or a snowmobile you know we were just talking about
the other day
are two big ones oh yeah dude dude someone can get like 3200 bucks together to
get it like a jet ski
like you're making payments on it like what are we doing we were just talking
about the uh the globe
bar you know what we're talking about from like the sharper image or sky mall
oh it's a globe and
you open it up and it keeps all your whiskey everyone thinks that's like yeah i
got my own apartment
now yeah i got my own spot it's class yeah everybody that gets that thinks they're
gonna be like
standing around but they got you know swirling it you know like oh yeah yeah
when i was a kid
we had sports illustrated we got the football phone we thought we were living
we thought we were
a rockefeller i was just making calls like no hello send up more pizza i had a
girl talk phone
that's kind of the same thing yeah what's the girl talk girl the girl you could
like change your voice
and stuff oh i had the talk boy the the thing from home alone i thought that
was cool that thing was
you were you felt like a spy but it never worked the same way i was like i'm
gonna break into hotels
that i had the phone that was like clear and you could see the like
inside that was the high school phone in high school yeah that was i don't know
why i had it
but the girls did no it was a real real indication of trash if you did you have
a pager as a teenager
for a split second yeah there was it was like an hour where technology worked
for us what were you
selling and you still have any owner yeah i think my brother you know aged up
and got the cell phone
and passed that down to me and then i was like i'm just gonna get a fucking
cell phone
family heirloom yeah ricky's yeah that's one thing if you mention if you
mention a beeper or pager to
to like the younger generation they're like they don't know what the that is i've
never had the
pager i i weirdly had a cell phone before anybody my grandparents were the
worst gift givers in the
history of the world like 25 bucks pair of socks that kind of thing yeah and
then i graduated sixth grade
this kid's got to call the maiden caller i was like i was like i had this phone
like three years
before anyone else i couldn't even call anyone i just had a phone in my pocket
there was no one to
call it's one of those old big ones from the 90s oh it was a great stockbroker
what did you do
you have to have like a bag i guess right if you're carrying that around it's
obviously not gonna fit
in your pocket i remember my mom had like my dad had the my dad had one like
mounted in the car
yeah those are all right yeah i remember that and then my mom had like the
first like big kind of
zach morse one it just sat in the car like you couldn't put that in a purse no
no way right yeah
that was for like calling it an airstrike or something that's that's when you
were in like serious
move the money to the offshore account come get me that's what that was i think
the reason why this
all works though is unless you are a real fucking bougie prick you've everyone's
got a little bit of
garbage you know they do even yeah right it might be a different type but like
yeah i can't think
of anybody i know that is just like full-blown high society and wouldn't be
like yeah sometimes
i eat like cheese cheese was from the can or something you know everybody's got
something i
think we had one or two that weren't trash i can't even remember we had two non-trash
we said uh jared free j trade wasn't trash really he's that makes sense because
he's friends with francis
this is going to be a tough one that's what everybody right i mean i can't well
he's interested
like well i blog about dead girls that was kind of trashy but other than that
like he's comparable
to you in the sense he grew up regular yeah and then his i think he said when
he was in high
school stack up big his dad got rich rich yeah and so like i mean he's i mean
he he had a tweet the
other day texting with his golf teacher yeah and it was like if you've got a
golf teacher at what what's
francis 32 yeah but you've got a golf teacher at 32 years old he owns it pretty
well too though
you get a golf teacher at the chip and putt what are you talking about he's a
club bro at the
mini golf it's just him hanging out by the 19th hole check out my short game
mini golf professional
we'll we'll crack him see we love that man we love that like yeah it takes us a
little bit we'll go
like hey have you ever done this or do you have that and then they go no and we're
like oh and then
we finally it's like we're we're just trash you guys you guys are like kind of
like it's almost like a
good cop bad cop thing where it's like you just start the interrogation you
guys like lobbing each
other's alley oops you know somebody said somebody said it best online they
were like fully makes you
feel good and like part of the trash about being garbage yeah i make you feel
bad yeah but i also do
that to myself like i'm shameful for the shit i do when i'm cleaning my car
with a squeegee at the gas
station like i really feel like a piece of shit i love that i can't that's one
of the things in me
that i've done it and it's like i take a shower with my parents found out i was
doing that they
would like this see i don't do it and it's nothing like i'm scared of garbage
it's pure laziness but
like oh i love it i'll drive like i can't see and i'm fine i'll still i'll have
a perfect i'll come
from the car wash i'm squeegeeing yeah even even through covid i was like i
probably shouldn't touch
this stick at the gas station but dude that's i mean that is like uh i think it's
like an ocd thing
of mine i love to like squeegee it up that's yeah i love that did you see that's
garbage fuck well
if you start like doing the wheel wells and shit yeah yeah doing the interior
all right well the other
day i just was like this is probably pretty garbage i hit the hood the other
day i didn't do the whole
hood i didn't do the whole hood but i was doing and i squeegeed it and then
like the hood near me was
like real fucking dustied up there's only one uh acceptable location to use it
other than the
windshield that's after you pump the gas if you get a little dribble right next
to where the gas goes
in if you just give it a little i see i purposely do a dribble yeah i purposely
do a little dribble to
get the smell going the what i'll almost purposely dribble a little bit just to
smell it up yeah yeah i'm
like i'm like zoo lantern doesn't matter how much money you got if you like to
smell of gas you're
that's what i mean i don't care how many so so you walked in there sitting
around huffing
a red i'm walking like charlie kelly i got the paint around my mouth what's up
guys
so you went in there i went in there kind of wanting to be a little bit of
garbage to be honest
i wanted to i thought it was disappointing if you guys were like yeah all right
you're like
you're a classy guy i don't want to be garbage i didn't know you'd had non-garbage
i was hoping to
maybe be like the first non-garbage um but no i i don't want to be garbage i
kind of wanted to be
garbage yeah which i guess is like a lot of people want to be like right like a
lot of people come in
like oh before you even start yeah let me tell you well yeah it's almost one of
those things you want
to cop to at first so you don't look like the asshole thought you were classy
and then you get
like i i share a bed with like my clothes like that that's a tough look my bed
is mostly clothes
or not anymore but it was it was disgusting you are an open you're always in
therapy yeah
just well you know what it was like you you start i mean this has been your
whole life
yeah you know you never had a shot at being normal you started off with me i
don't think you turn this
sonya in your 20s no kid never had a chance no he really didn't it was just
like from jump street i
remember i remember saying like so at the time when i started barstool i was
the only non-jewish guy
and it was like a war and it was like you know the gentile and i was like
fighting the chosen yes
and then feidelberg so then i get feidelberg emailing me and i was like this
will be great for
like this rivalry and i told him you can have the job as an intern but you have
to use your real name
and he was like okay and then i find out that he's not jewish it's a german
thing which was
then it then i just started calling the fake jew which in 2020 i'd be cooked
but the point being
though that he's like you know i'm i'm but now you know you google his
poor name and he's done so like you got he has no you never had a shot at being
normal yeah thank
god this worked out until i finally commit suicide there's never gonna be
another there's also like
there's unsuccessful fighters that are just out ther