Name: How to Run Hollywood w/ Bobby Lee
Uploaded: 2023-03-21T21:00:22.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'How to Run Hollywood w/ Bobby Lee' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-21. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'How to Run Hollywood w/ Bobby Lee' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-21. Transcript available.

Are you garbage dude all right hold on before I can't believe you did have
three different nicotine
Yeah, it's going here. You got dip go in you got your xbox vape and whatever
this
So guys got a lot going I know what's the question?
Because I quit smoking um seven months ago. Oh, congrats. Yeah, and it was like
I was I was coughing up blood
She's like curdled blood like chunks of it. I should quit but you know I are
you think yeah, but so for four months
I didn't do anything, but then I'm back to like vaping and doing some dippity-doo.
Okay. What was your brand?
What cigarettes were you spoke? I love the yellow American spirits aristocrat.
Okay, I am high level which I I mean when we were out
We went to a diner. I don't know. What's the name of the norms or it was no
norms
Shout-out to norms diner
You were very you were like that you're like I haven't been here in years that
was slumming it for you I
Oh, that's bottom of the barrel. Yeah, we're gonna get into yeah, we'll get
into expensive. I was shocked
I didn't know you were that a little bit of a foodie kind of guy kids Hollywood.
What are you talking about?
Okay, everything's fine
I'm not you guys understand him. You might as well be the president of
Hollywood. You got that right?
Well, I mean could I just ask you a question then yeah, right? You know
We're not gonna reveal this to your fans and you're the people that listen to
this okay, but you know you generate some income sure
I'm doing this podcast hundred right homies. Yeah, I've the only reason why I'm
here is because I've looked at your numbers
Right, so I'm like a straight shooter, right? And I'm like, okay
They're fucking with the same kind of numbers. I'm fucking with okay
So then in my mind, I'm like, you know, oh, they're making a certain amount of
money, right?
And what I'm saying is is that you're you can afford sure good food. Yeah, and
we do we do from right, but here's the thing
That's in the last six months. Oh
All right. Yeah, you've been eating at Spago since the 90s
Yeah, well the reason why is because in my 20s I was so poor yeah, right and I
was like I lived with nine people in a one-bedroom apartment in Silver Lake
okay, when I first moved to LA and
My my roommate Calisto, he's a Mexican dude would be fucking girls next you
know next door to me, right?
Uh-huh. I was an incel by the way
Involuntary celibate. Yeah, yeah. I could not get I could not even prostitutes
would turn me down. Really?
Yeah
Five hundred they don't know they don't get away. They won't even poke at it
They wouldn't even flick they want to flick it. Yeah, I'll give you two to give
it a peek. Yeah, and what you know in my early 20s
I want to get laid so badly, but I couldn't right and then I was just like I
It's either shoot up a school or do stand-up. Sure. Yeah
Right I was like I'll do stand-up right so you know
But like you know, and then once you start I started doing stand-up. I slowly
started getting some sure
I'm kind of cool. You get some cup and I
I'm killing it. I'm killing it now. You know what I mean?
Wash your face. I have monkeypox
Bobby Lee touched my face. I'm never washing my face. Yeah, so what was it? Oh,
yeah, so I was very poor when I first moved to LA and
once I got my first check I was like because we were eating BRC burritos from
El Pollo Loco and they're $1
What are what's BRC being rice and cheese? Okay, right and they were what 99
cents and we would share one
A day share with nine years with three guys. Okay, right my brother lived with
me, too
And we split it three ways, right? It got so bad where it's like if you had
like two extra grain of rice
You were fighting over you're fighting over that. It was that bad and we would
drink like, you know the faucet water and stuff
And then as soon as I got my first check
I was just like, you know what I'm gonna go to like not Morton's but it was
like Ruth Chris
I mean that was like the first sure like this seems mid range here, I mean and
then um
I started making money and I that's now I do that. Yeah, you eat nice. I love
that
But why can't I do that as you guys? No, you can as an American citizen
Well, wait, this is what that show. This is what the show also sell me
celebrate the guards
We also celebrate the wins the wins baby like yeah, you you split a burrito
with nine guys for for three years
You earned it. You're allowed to earned it. You're allowed to get a t-bone. The
first girl
I
Boink
Did you say boink? No wonder you had trouble getting laid
This guy's striking out all over a town. Hey, I want to plow you
The first girl I sexually intercourse without paying for it
Was I this is I was 23 years old. Okay. Okay. Think about that. Yeah, think
about that age
I did stand up one night and this girl there was no cell phones at the time and
there was this girl that was at the show
I used to emcee this show at the comedy store in la jolla love that room great
room great room best
One of my favorite shows of all time. That's where I kill box. That's where I
started. That's great. That's a great spot
This is 1995 jeez. That's when I started
Are you looking over the hip?
It's the lsd flashbacks are getting good. I think you're having them jesus
christ
Get this kid a cup of decaf. Yeah, I'm keeping an eye on the cameras
We got the king of hollywood in here dude. The door's locked. You're well
protected. Don't worry. Anyway, um
There was no she called me like at two of them. I was white as mopping the club
She goes hey, can I talk to the asian guy that was she called the club club
because there's no cell phone
That's thirsty. I like that and she gave me her number. Did you pretend like
you were somebody else one second?
I'll get mr
Lee hang on no no
No, the manager, okay
I didn't do that
Toby got that
We got a heater going keep it in yeah, I like that and then I remember a week
later. Um
I was in her mom's closet with her what in oceanside and I was doing 69
I'd never done it before well. Why are we in the closet? I don't know why
But I was in her mom's closet and I because her mom was home or something, but
she was like downstairs. Anyway, sure
And I wrote at 69 and I remember
Her ass is like this white pure white shout out to it when you it was winning
you're winning
I remember like tears coming down my face
Like it's not bubbles and I was like trembling
And I was like thank you jesus
You know I mean like all from like dick jokes or whatever like our joke. Yeah,
yeah, yeah
It's all crazy. So, you know that was a long time ago. I mean, but um
I've been doing okay since probably it's great
Yeah, it's been uphill since 2000 man. There you go that um, well take us back
Is there a closet near uh hold on before we get into that because he he did
mention it it was uh
I guess that mad tv check was probably your first check like your first like
big check
No, it wasn't that good. It was like um at the time
It was you know when you got a cut tv show back in the 2000s and stuff
If you're on a network sitcom you would probably get maybe if your first job
maybe thirty thousand dollars an episode
That's a check but not mad tv you got 4500
And so everybody takes the right so you're your manager your agent. So you're
making like 1200 bucks. Yeah
Something like that. Oh, yeah, but still that that's great
You got your stand-up money which at back then it was fifteen dollars a set
You mean so you would get sure four sets with that you're like crazy. How
little it's gone up over time
It's like 15 bucks
I weren't splitting bqes or whatever it was oh, yeah, no no after that now
No, in fact, I moved out of that house, and I got my own place
But um was there any dumb purchase you made early on you're like a fuck I
shouldn't have done that jet ski something like that
You're not gonna believe the story, but this is it's a it's a fact
I um, you're not gonna like it, but I'm sure we will I didn't have a car dude
Okay, right so my friend aaron cater some he's palestinian it's fine. He's not
from there, but he's the guy
I don't like to say that. I know I should I shouldn't have said he was palestinian.
That was weird
He's still a good person. Yeah, he's a good guy. I don't know that. I don't
hold that against him
Just a regular comic. Let's just say that right yeah, my friend a regular comic
and um
So like I never had a car right and I didn't know how to buy one
So I go um I went to aaron
He seems like he seemed like a comic that had responsibilities because he
always wore like abercrombie and finch
Sure, he had khaki pants. He was a shirt tucker. You know this guy seems smart
Right, and I go hey, but I don't know how to buy a car because I know how and I
go. What do we do?
He goes well, you want to go to the lot with me
So um he goes I don't know why he said this, but he's a pull out 20 grand
Cash yeah, really? Yeah, so I did means you're buying I like that. I'm gonna
buy it. How many years into mad tv is this?
Two years maybe two years you got 20 g's but not but no because at the second
year
You need to negotiate it. I was probably doing well
So yeah, and then also I had booked other things, you know, like I had done harold
and kumar
I'd done other things in between there. So a little bit of cash. That's a
little cash
So I got pulled out 20 grand. What did you carry the 20 grand to the brown
paper bag?
Brown paper bag I remember that I like how you got mad at the question to
realize how relevant it was a relevant one
Yeah, yeah, hey, you know what? Let's start over
I love Crosby stills and Nash I love what is it. I love jerry gar sari
Right, you die, right? It's cherry garcia. Yeah. Yeah. I love that. I love ben
and jerry's
My favorite bit. I fucking ate hippies too, man. Do you really? Of course they
stink
I know it's like the grateful that they I don't want to hear a jam in g major
for 45 fucking minutes
How about two-minute songs?
I got angry because my friend used to go to the follow them in the 80s. It was
brutal. I like that
Hits though. I like the grateful that I'm sure they got a couple of good tracks
It shouldn't be your personality. That's true. So let's go back to my story.
Yeah
So you got the 20 grand in a brown paper bag. You're out of key right? So I he
goes
I think the car I got a gti volkswagen nice. That's a good car because like 22
grand and I um
I gave it my them Aaron goes. Hey, we have 20 grand in cash
Can we just get it for that? And he goes, oh, yeah, sure. Yeah, and I just
remember getting it
Yeah, man, that's good. What color silver stick or automatic?
Do you remember? I don't know how to do automatic. I don't know how to do a
stick. I know how to do automatic
But here's the story two weeks later
I step out outside of my house and it's gone
So I didn't know that you could
Call the police or go call like tow truck service. Okay, I just thought if it's
gone, it's gone. It's gone
So you just like walk to work. No, I bought another one
Same car. Yeah, that's a fucking bowler move right. It's pretty cool. I'll give
you that
And then I'm taking years later. I was talking to I think rogan or somebody
like that
I was telling like on the patio of the comedy store. I was like, hey, just
disappeared. You know, that sucks
They should have a
System he goes where they replace you didn't call I don't know you
Yeah, you can get it
You didn't call your insurance company. No, I didn't know. I just I was so
embarrassed by it
Did you have insurance? I did you have to have it?
Yeah, yeah to get it yet. So anyway, that's my first car thing
So I learned I learned how to do I don't know how to do like I just learned how
to do the time with the sticks
You mean like not digital call like an and yeah, I just literally learn never
heard referred to his time with just sick
Yeah, the sticks and I did that I learned that
I learned that seven months ago and Marc Maron taught me. Is that you serious?
Yeah, yeah, I swear to God like I don't know how to do things. Bobby is a very
unique man
No, that's not like when you say all these things and all these things that I've
done
It's like I don't even know how any of it happened
Yeah, I mean because it's every the sticks. I just kind of show up and just let
things you know me
I don't know the lines. I don't know what I'm playing. I don't know how I got
it. I'll tell you how
You're extremely town very nice guys got moxie

How to Run Hollywood w/ Bobby Lee

Are you garbage dude all right hold on before I can't believe you did have
three different nicotine
Yeah, it's going here. You got dip go in you got your xbox vape and whatever
this
So guys got a lot going I know what's the question?
Because I quit smoking um seven months ago. Oh, congrats. Yeah, and it was like
I was I was coughing up blood
She's like curdled blood like chunks of it. I should quit but you know I are
you think yeah, but so for four months
I didn't do anything, but then I'm back to like vaping and doing some dippity-doo.
Okay. What was your brand?
What cigarettes were you spoke? I love the yellow American spirits aristocrat.
Okay, I am high level which I I mean when we were out
We went to a diner. I don't know. What's the name of the norms or it was no
norms
Shout-out to norms diner
You were very you were like that you're like I haven't been here in years that
was slumming it for you I
Oh, that's bottom of the barrel. Yeah, we're gonna get into yeah, we'll get
into expensive. I was shocked
I didn't know you were that a little bit of a foodie kind of guy kids Hollywood.
What are you talking about?
Okay, everything's fine
I'm not you guys understand him. You might as well be the president of
Hollywood. You got that right?
Well, I mean could I just ask you a question then yeah, right? You know
We're not gonna reveal this to your fans and you're the people that listen to
this okay, but you know you generate some income sure
I'm doing this podcast hundred right homies. Yeah, I've the only reason why I'm
here is because I've looked at your numbers
Right, so I'm like a straight shooter, right? And I'm like, okay
They're fucking with the same kind of numbers. I'm fucking with okay
So then in my mind, I'm like, you know, oh, they're making a certain amount of
money, right?
And what I'm saying is is that you're you can afford sure good food. Yeah, and
we do we do from right, but here's the thing
That's in the last six months. Oh
All right. Yeah, you've been eating at Spago since the 90s
Yeah, well the reason why is because in my 20s I was so poor yeah, right and I
was like I lived with nine people in a one-bedroom apartment in Silver Lake
okay, when I first moved to LA and
My my roommate Calisto, he's a Mexican dude would be fucking girls next you
know next door to me, right?
Uh-huh. I was an incel by the way
Involuntary celibate. Yeah, yeah. I could not get I could not even prostitutes
would turn me down. Really?
Yeah
Five hundred they don't know they don't get away. They won't even poke at it
They wouldn't even flick they want to flick it. Yeah, I'll give you two to give
it a peek. Yeah, and what you know in my early 20s
I want to get laid so badly, but I couldn't right and then I was just like I
It's either shoot up a school or do stand-up. Sure. Yeah
Right I was like I'll do stand-up right so you know
But like you know, and then once you start I started doing stand-up. I slowly
started getting some sure
I'm kind of cool. You get some cup and I
I'm killing it. I'm killing it now. You know what I mean?
Wash your face. I have monkeypox
Bobby Lee touched my face. I'm never washing my face. Yeah, so what was it? Oh,
yeah, so I was very poor when I first moved to LA and
once I got my first check I was like because we were eating BRC burritos from
El Pollo Loco and they're $1
What are what's BRC being rice and cheese? Okay, right and they were what 99
cents and we would share one
A day share with nine years with three guys. Okay, right my brother lived with
me, too
And we split it three ways, right? It got so bad where it's like if you had
like two extra grain of rice
You were fighting over you're fighting over that. It was that bad and we would
drink like, you know the faucet water and stuff
And then as soon as I got my first check
I was just like, you know what I'm gonna go to like not Morton's but it was
like Ruth Chris
I mean that was like the first sure like this seems mid range here, I mean and
then um
I started making money and I that's now I do that. Yeah, you eat nice. I love
that
But why can't I do that as you guys? No, you can as an American citizen
Well, wait, this is what that show. This is what the show also sell me
celebrate the guards
We also celebrate the wins the wins baby like yeah, you you split a burrito
with nine guys for for three years
You earned it. You're allowed to earned it. You're allowed to get a t-bone. The
first girl
I
Boink
Did you say boink? No wonder you had trouble getting laid
This guy's striking out all over a town. Hey, I want to plow you
The first girl I sexually intercourse without paying for it
Was I this is I was 23 years old. Okay. Okay. Think about that. Yeah, think
about that age
I did stand up one night and this girl there was no cell phones at the time and
there was this girl that was at the show
I used to emcee this show at the comedy store in la jolla love that room great
room great room best
One of my favorite shows of all time. That's where I kill box. That's where I
started. That's great. That's a great spot
This is 1995 jeez. That's when I started
Are you looking over the hip?
It's the lsd flashbacks are getting good. I think you're having them jesus
christ
Get this kid a cup of decaf. Yeah, I'm keeping an eye on the cameras
We got the king of hollywood in here dude. The door's locked. You're well
protected. Don't worry. Anyway, um
There was no she called me like at two of them. I was white as mopping the club
She goes hey, can I talk to the asian guy that was she called the club club
because there's no cell phone
That's thirsty. I like that and she gave me her number. Did you pretend like
you were somebody else one second?
I'll get mr
Lee hang on no no
No, the manager, okay
I didn't do that
Toby got that
We got a heater going keep it in yeah, I like that and then I remember a week
later. Um
I was in her mom's closet with her what in oceanside and I was doing 69
I'd never done it before well. Why are we in the closet? I don't know why
But I was in her mom's closet and I because her mom was home or something, but
she was like downstairs. Anyway, sure
And I wrote at 69 and I remember
Her ass is like this white pure white shout out to it when you it was winning
you're winning
I remember like tears coming down my face
Like it's not bubbles and I was like trembling
And I was like thank you jesus
You know I mean like all from like dick jokes or whatever like our joke. Yeah,
yeah, yeah
It's all crazy. So, you know that was a long time ago. I mean, but um
I've been doing okay since probably it's great
Yeah, it's been uphill since 2000 man. There you go that um, well take us back
Is there a closet near uh hold on before we get into that because he he did
mention it it was uh
I guess that mad tv check was probably your first check like your first like
big check
No, it wasn't that good. It was like um at the time
It was you know when you got a cut tv show back in the 2000s and stuff
If you're on a network sitcom you would probably get maybe if your first job
maybe thirty thousand dollars an episode
That's a check but not mad tv you got 4500
And so everybody takes the right so you're your manager your agent. So you're
making like 1200 bucks. Yeah
Something like that. Oh, yeah, but still that that's great
You got your stand-up money which at back then it was fifteen dollars a set
You mean so you would get sure four sets with that you're like crazy. How
little it's gone up over time
It's like 15 bucks
I weren't splitting bqes or whatever it was oh, yeah, no no after that now
No, in fact, I moved out of that house, and I got my own place
But um was there any dumb purchase you made early on you're like a fuck I
shouldn't have done that jet ski something like that
You're not gonna believe the story, but this is it's a it's a fact
I um, you're not gonna like it, but I'm sure we will I didn't have a car dude
Okay, right so my friend aaron cater some he's palestinian it's fine. He's not
from there, but he's the guy
I don't like to say that. I know I should I shouldn't have said he was palestinian.
That was weird
He's still a good person. Yeah, he's a good guy. I don't know that. I don't
hold that against him
Just a regular comic. Let's just say that right yeah, my friend a regular comic
and um
So like I never had a car right and I didn't know how to buy one
So I go um I went to aaron
He seems like he seemed like a comic that had responsibilities because he
always wore like abercrombie and finch
Sure, he had khaki pants. He was a shirt tucker. You know this guy seems smart
Right, and I go hey, but I don't know how to buy a car because I know how and I
go. What do we do?
He goes well, you want to go to the lot with me
So um he goes I don't know why he said this, but he's a pull out 20 grand
Cash yeah, really? Yeah, so I did means you're buying I like that. I'm gonna
buy it. How many years into mad tv is this?
Two years maybe two years you got 20 g's but not but no because at the second
year
You need to negotiate it. I was probably doing well
So yeah, and then also I had booked other things, you know, like I had done harold
and kumar
I'd done other things in between there. So a little bit of cash. That's a
little cash
So I got pulled out 20 grand. What did you carry the 20 grand to the brown
paper bag?
Brown paper bag I remember that I like how you got mad at the question to
realize how relevant it was a relevant one
Yeah, yeah, hey, you know what? Let's start over
I love Crosby stills and Nash I love what is it. I love jerry gar sari
Right, you die, right? It's cherry garcia. Yeah. Yeah. I love that. I love ben
and jerry's
My favorite bit. I fucking ate hippies too, man. Do you really? Of course they
stink
I know it's like the grateful that they I don't want to hear a jam in g major
for 45 fucking minutes
How about two-minute songs?
I got angry because my friend used to go to the follow them in the 80s. It was
brutal. I like that
Hits though. I like the grateful that I'm sure they got a couple of good tracks
It shouldn't be your personality. That's true. So let's go back to my story.
Yeah
So you got the 20 grand in a brown paper bag. You're out of key right? So I he
goes
I think the car I got a gti volkswagen nice. That's a good car because like 22
grand and I um
I gave it my them Aaron goes. Hey, we have 20 grand in cash
Can we just get it for that? And he goes, oh, yeah, sure. Yeah, and I just
remember getting it
Yeah, man, that's good. What color silver stick or automatic?
Do you remember? I don't know how to do automatic. I don't know how to do a
stick. I know how to do automatic
But here's the story two weeks later
I step out outside of my house and it's gone
So I didn't know that you could
Call the police or go call like tow truck service. Okay, I just thought if it's
gone, it's gone. It's gone
So you just like walk to work. No, I bought another one
Same car. Yeah, that's a fucking bowler move right. It's pretty cool. I'll give
you that
And then I'm taking years later. I was talking to I think rogan or somebody
like that
I was telling like on the patio of the comedy store. I was like, hey, just
disappeared. You know, that sucks
They should have a
System he goes where they replace you didn't call I don't know you
Yeah, you can get it
You didn't call your insurance company. No, I didn't know. I just I was so
embarrassed by it
Did you have insurance? I did you have to have it?
Yeah, yeah to get it yet. So anyway, that's my first car thing
So I learned I learned how to do I don't know how to do like I just learned how
to do the time with the sticks
You mean like not digital call like an and yeah, I just literally learn never
heard referred to his time with just sick
Yeah, the sticks and I did that I learned that
I learned that seven months ago and Marc Maron taught me. Is that you serious?
Yeah, yeah, I swear to God like I don't know how to do things. Bobby is a very
unique man
No, that's not like when you say all these things and al