Name: Traveling Man w/ Ari Shaffir
Uploaded: 2023-03-24T21:00:38.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Traveling Man w/ Ari Shaffir' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Traveling Man w/ Ari Shaffir' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-24. Transcript available.

are you garbage you're a new man let's see if you are no longer garbage all
right so we're
going to go over some of your answers from your first appearance as we said
okay kippy you want
to take it away sure do we want to allow him to you you said you have a few
things that you feel
are classy i just think yeah i do have some things you've analyzed you've
analyzed some of your
behavior things that you do that you think make you a classy individual yeah
well i think the
court will hear your case proceed when you're ready i know how to uh do a place
setting
what does that mean i know where forks and spoons go and in what order all
right so you've been to an
outback steakhouse big deal he stole he stole the knife okay so how does it go
toby up to how many
forks and spoons yeah two each hey throw the chopsticks in there all right so
you have the plate in the
center of the table what side does the uh the knife go on the knife goes on the
right side
that's very good i think he struggled on that one he almost he he left with a i
had to do one of his
first right side i just so happen to have extensive experience in the fine
dining uh industry does the
butter knife face into the plate or out to the plate out from the plate faces
in the sharp side faces in
because you wouldn't want to cut yourself reaching for anything that's very
good that's pretty good i don't
know this has wikipedia written all over it dude although he has eaten he was
just walking around
the dining room at del frisco sir we're not open yet although you and we're not
hiring you have
eaten at very nice restaurants around the world i have eaten nice restaurants
and i've been to a lot
of shabbos meals over at family's houses okay yeah so this way i grew up along
among class and uh i don't
know if a shabbos meal would count as fine dining i think it's just a fork and
a knife right yeah but you
want to impress the other families coming over like look at us okay you don't
just throw it it's not
a dick's last resort new reference shout out to dick's last resort over there
on fremont street
chuck silverware at you what is the um what fork goes first the salad fork guys
this isn't easy to
remember it if you're classy if you want to pretend like you're classy easy way
to remember it is you go
outside in what you eat i hate them soup spoon on the outside dessert spoon on
the inside
salad fork on the outside meat fork on the inside
you'll be all class i don't like this new ori uh just for the record he forgot
the cocktail
fork and the steak knife is not on the table until the second court steak knife
now do you clear from the left or do you clear from the right let's move on to
the next thing
okay let's not get caught up uh during the witness your honor i'll get caught
up in one one detail
what makes me classy all right so you kind that's pretty good you kind of know
how to eat at a
restaurant i'll give you that uh listen i i don't i'm not typically on a side
but i gotta call balls
and strikes here most people probably wouldn't know that that we haven't sure
you're in the you're in
the you're in the right hand right half of the bell curve i'll give you that
thank you when you get
your salad fork do you you want you ask them to heat it up for you i no i would
never do that okay also you
you don't eat until the woman is at the table as well until the broad gets back
from the bathroom
powder in her nose however one exception to that soup go ahead don't let it get
cold okay i'll give
you that is that is that an ari shafir freestyle or is that might be just my
family i'm not really
sure just my jewish family which you'll hear about an ari shafir jew on youtube
now all i want
you to do is watch it there you go okay so here's here's another thing that
makes me classy i've been to
london england you are well traveled yeah he probably stayed in a hostel though
it's not fair
yeah but but but not cambodia like you have whatever you bought in that box hey
hey hey this is an
american-made company oh yeah yeah toady what's going on here where are you
ordering from those
kids came here on their own volition um you had you are you are well traveled
you've been to london
but it's not clay it's backpacking and it's not classy travel it's a bunch of
toothless guys eating
beans yeah i don't know yeah i still i still class i still give them i still
give them the uh
enrichment of travel and even with the enrichment yes he's a very enlightened
fellow yes you've been
to asia i've been to asia many countries in asia right you've been this summer
you went to uh france
oh yeah france that's class here he went there to take a writing class yeah i
went there to take a
regular class i picked up uh hand-rolled cigarette smoking huh people like you
smoke i'm like baking
it yeah yeah you do look classy when you you either look very trashy or very
classy i had trouble
rolling i forgot about this and i just couldn't what am i getting wrong and my
friend was getting
it right and then we looked at my pouch it was uh cigar tobacco huh he's got
huge tobacco no pipe
pipe tobacco i want to go on record i'm sure it's a nice suit i'm sure you don't
look good in the
suit you don't look i disagree you don't think you're about to screw me on a
sonata all right
i don't like that he's turned us against each other just get in the car just
try it you'll see it
smell it smell yourself on the inside yeah where's the where's the suit from
did you get it made in
china i made it got made in hong kong china at a recommendation from tom rhodes
what did that
set you back how much 300 i was like 300 it's not like 40 bucks he was like
dude it's a classy suit
yeah i mean handmade suit 300 bucks yeah does it say something on the inside
does rocky
hey come down get your suits monogrammed ari shafir that's pretty good a hong kong
tailor named
rocky what are we doing here get out of here rockies guys if you want your own
suit dial plus
oh a five two two three six eight oh three eight five that's a lot of numbers
all right you gotta
have a pretty big phone to make that go yep what's your phone go up to so the
place you can't be
scrolling around on one of those break an arm so the place settings in the
silverware uh-huh and then
you got london what else i've been to a museum in fact i know who frida kahlo
is
mexico's preeminent artist the bird with the mustache that's right
i've been in a museum what else did i have and i went to college okay you did
go to college you
went to a pretty classy you went to university of maryland that's right that's
del marva's finest
and i said this as we were digging your grave here you did go to seminary for a
couple of years
in israel which is pretty classy yeah i studied to become a rabbi there you go
like dropped out
and became a pothead yeah i went the bacon route yeah pot is not illegal in judaism
okay really
yeah so it's it's it's not even as bad as drinking are there a bunch of young
uh orthodox jews smoking
weed now there are really yeah they've looked into the law i've talked to them
frontier jews i call
them the ones you see show up at the they're blazing the trail they'll come to
a show or whatever
you see them with the yarmulke yeah you see them coming to the shows the boys
come in have a good
time it seems weird like what are you doing here they're like this isn't wrong
it's just not right
yeah yeah it's all right you can find out all about this and more in my special
arch for jew it's
online right now youtube so anything else your opening statement so what was it
it was he knows a salad
fork uh-huh he's got uh he's been to england uh-huh you know how to tie a tie i
did it myself in the
elevator oh wait you got to wait also last time you came here you had your
shirt off and security
called me to come pick you up out front did you not wear that here or did you
just tie the tie no
i wore it i drove here on a city bike you drove here on a city bike in a suit
made by rocky in hong kong
you must have looked like a lunatic