Name: Ben Franklin Stinks w/ Kippy & Foley
Uploaded: 2023-04-07T20:44:31.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ben Franklin Stinks w/ Kippy & Foley' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ben Franklin Stinks w/ Kippy & Foley' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-07. Transcript available.

are you garbage i got a question for you fellas i'm listening so the clocks
just changed bring
brutal fall back fucked me up oh it ain't great i sent a text to the group at 4
15 a.m hey let's
do 11. i thought i got some bad liquor i don't know what the hell was going on
hit a wormhole
came out an hour later another universe so my my ipa wormhole what the hell my
question to you
fellas am i hung over yeah is is your oven clock wrong half of the year or do
you change it oh i
catch it around june maybe yeah you know i think mine's wrong i don't i've
never changed it maybe
maybe the mist maybe the bird does it doesn't catch back up though it does yeah
it's good for half the
year it's good for half the year so right now if it's off it'll be right again
next april
yeah but my next march mine was off but now it's smooth sailing all right look
at you on time
slept like a baby
uh it don't make no sense that dumb shit okay what does that exactly do uh i
don't know it was for
farmers the almanac the moon that's all bullshit i think somebody was just
telling me that was
literally the biggest fluff i ever heard yeah that was wheat barley you don't
know that was the point
now what does that don't know it was for farmers they get an extra hour of
sunlight but then i think
everybody just what no they don't the sun doesn't stay up longer dude this is
this this the the sun
rise and sunset changes every single day oh my god it's the stupidest reason of
all time what
it's a for candles what benjamin franklin couple good ideas on that guy this
one's fucking stinks
benjamin franklin invented the concept in 1784 believing that rising earlier
would
economize candle usage and save people money no there's got to be another
reason to it
i just heard it was for the the somebody voted congress or the house or
somebody did something
where they're wiping it clear yeah i heard that yeah it is stupid yeah it is
stupid it was adopted
during world war one as a part of a global attempt to conserve energy ben franklin
was around in world war one
damn that guy got around huh jesus
shit he's my favorite president
yeah syphilis makes you look longer apparently he got weird huh
i think you got to back then right what the fuck else you gotta do
how could one dude do that that's crazy
you find out the kite was tied to his balls
just his weird way to jerking off
go out in a storm and let it tug on his root a bunch
here we're gonna leave that part out of the story
what that's the best
but this is
you're taking my jokes out
i've always been pissed at him
not pissed i don't have a beef
this guy owes me a c note
man have a cup of decaf will you
oh my god
but i think i can invent a bunch of stuff when nothing existed
you know what i mean
you think
it's hard to invent stuff now everything exists
what you gotta do gotta be pretty fucking tight
that guy's like i need something to write with
i'll make it there you go
yeah
now you gotta like fucking split the atom to make the newspaper
he was just stumbling across
yeah he's like hey i need to do
i can't see
and i look through this glass jar
i see better
let me throw some glass jars on my face and walk around
wait did he invent glasses
bifocals
what
uh-huh
really
yeah
damn
where do you go to school
that's crazy
no way he invented bifocals
yeah
he did
what
was he rich when he died
and he also invented the sibian iron
new ben franklin butt plugs
he did invent the urinary catheter
yeah
dick tubes bro
jesus
well dude imagine if it was what
1776
and your dick hurt
you'd start shoving shit up there
to figure it out man
you see what i'm saying
i don't get it man
nothing existed
it's easy to make stuff
they had no water back then
no plumbing
no showers
how did he have a clear head
to fucking think through all that shit
we're all they're all doped up
drinking smoking
snorting
he also invented swim fins
what are those
like fins for when you're swimming
like scuba guys
that's easy too
you see a shark
i need those
come on
come on
give me something else
i'll tell you how you invented
well i mean that's like
that's like oh you got to put wings
on a plane because a bird has them
he invented the odometer
and then your ancestors invented
rolling it back
shout out to cousin eddie
he didn't invent the odometer
what
yeah he did
how is that possible
there was no cars
yeah there was no cars
you know what else he has
catalytic converter
swear to god
i heard he came up
with the wi-fi router
no
one of the original partners
in map quest
from
the ones you had to print out
nothing more trashy
than that shit
get
somebody's tour to corolla
there's a bunch of
fucking map quest
stained with coffee
on the floor
my dad tried to figure
that shit out
holy shit
like a polynesian
trying to fucking
use the stars
to get to an island
that was a hard one
try to squeeze that in
yikes
been working on that
they
the government tasked him
with trying to get the
the mail in order
because the post service
was all slapdash
so
was he the only guy
so he invented
what's going on
he invented stamps.com
promo code garbage
was everybody else
a fucking idiot
this fucking guy
yeah man
I love him
don't get me wrong
Philly all the way
it's just a whole
what the shit
a whole country
of Philly's
and what can be
yeah dude shit
what the fuck
man I'm telling you
I'd be venting a lot
of shit back in the day
a lot
if I was smarter
I would do it now
any idiot can make stuff
we're getting up
and it's still dark out
what do we do
change the time
there you go
there you go
you want to save candles
make it lighter earlier
boom
go to bed
come on
man
shout out to Benny Frank
though
shout out to him
Benny with the blue face
that's right
used to go over to France
a lot
do a little
get weird
how'd they get over there
boats
yeah
that's a rough vacay
yeah
he invented the jet ski
he took it over
what the fuck you think
he's water skiing
he's got the bar in his mouth
man
have you ever gone
water skiing chubs
I've tried
you got pulled behind the boat
I'm sure
I got drug through the
Kevin Costner in Waterworld
yeah
I got drug through the bay
in Ocean City
a couple of times
yeah
I was up there
at Lake Walpole Pack
is that how you did it
yeah we had
we'd go up the mountains
put a boat in the water there
cruise around
I just laid on the kneeboard
because I didn't have
the upper body strength
to pull up my plumber
torso
out of the water
yeah
no I tried
when I was
probably like 13
14
that didn't work
and then
started doing drugs
shortly after
my water skiing career
was immediately over
started running
the slalom
if you know what I mean
I had no future
and then I tried
I think it was
maybe
kneeboarding
or something
okay
or maybe it was
water skis
in the Schuylkill
oh
yeah
keep your mouth
closed buddy
my buddy
that'll jam you up
that's probably why
you're so fat
radioactive waste
my buddy's girlfriend's parents
had a house on the Schuylkill
which I thought was strange
I didn't know anybody
fucked around down there
the Delaware
right
maybe that's a little bit
cleaner
yeah
but
and they
they had a little
fucking boat
and she was really good
and I couldn't get up
then they broke out
the
the
the thing
the tube
or the board
inflatable
yeah
and
my buddy
was driving
and he was
fucking around
oh
and gave me
you know
gave me the
little shimmy shake
dude
parts of that Schuylkill
it's fucking rocks
all over the place
and it's about
two inches of water
I almost fucking
slammed into a
goddamn tree
I'm telling
dude
he fucking
launched me
yeah
that's like a big
dirt bag thing
is like
dump them
and you fucking
you cut the wheel
left real quick
yeah
you do that
in the ocean
all right
whatever
ocean
you go tubing
in the ocean
or whatever
you do it
where you're not
in a fucking
single lane
of rocks
and trees
catfish
or whatever
the fuck
is down there
Kip you ever
do battle tubes
two tubes
one boat
two tubes
one boat
nah I never
did
what are you
a jackass
what are you
talking about
Toby McMullen
welcome to tubing
nah I never
you do it
in the parking lot
of a Walmart
shopping carts
I never
I don't think
I've ever been
to be
actual tubing
I find that
to be shocking
I know
I think
because I always
knew I was just
going to get
really hurt
because I get
hurt so easily
and I was just
like
and I'd be stupid
I would do
stupid shit
I would get hurt
but even that
when I'm like
that's gonna
fuck me
like that's
like really
gonna hurt me
you've gone
tubing down
to Delaware
though right
where you just
float
oh yeah
we used to do
that on our
own
in the
Neshaminy
Crick
oh man
we go up to
Vinny with
the skinny
shout out
to him
shout out