Name: Just a Small Town Boy w/ Sam Tallent
Uploaded: 2023-04-18T21:42:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Just a Small Town Boy w/ Sam Tallent' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-18. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Just a Small Town Boy w/ Sam Tallent' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-18. Transcript available.

Are you garbage do you ever play by the train tracks growing up was that a
thing didn't have train tracks out town
Yeah, I would have liked to of course in culverts. That was the big go-to. What's
that culverts like a tunnel under a road?
Oh, yeah, those are a good time you find one of those we play Tunnel Town
Tunnel Town that was our big game as a kid wasn't like a seat like a
System of tunnels or just like one time big tunnel right underneath Highway 86.
What was the game?
Just hang out in the tunnel tunnel town, you know, okay
So you guys like try to like this you tried to do like the sims. We didn't
build our own society
There wasn't a school board or anything. Yeah, I gotta be honest. That's what I
really thought we didn't have an HOA
County Commissioner keeping meeting minutes and shit any magicians in the
family
That's crazy. Yeah, I mean it's you tell us about Tunnel Town and all said I'm
a I'm a jerk off
No, my dad legendary pull the thumb off
That was his go-to move when he was a substitute teacher initially
He'd whip his thumb off and there was this kid named Cameron Rao who thought he
could actually do it until like we graduated high school
Was he a substitute teacher in your school in the middle school by the time he
he I only had him once and it was for gym class
Okay, and then by the time he was doing that he was a special needs teacher
initially and then
Substitute teacher for a couple years and then became a fourth grade teacher at
a charter school where he like graduate or retired from
There is such a duality. It's wild. It's it's crazy
I mean it does I guess it doesn't sound weird until you know someone else see I
mean it's you guys are a mirror held up to my experience
It's actually it's kind of fantastic to be honest with you because there's you
know, there is that garbage element
But like yes, you know was an alcoholic gets himself out of that special needs
teacher
Yeah gives back to the community football. Yeah coach and all that kind of
stuff
Yeah, and he was a football coach while he was still having a sweet sip or two
He used to pick me up with a red dog 20 ouncer drive me home and a red dog.
Yeah, you know red. You mean those red ales no
No, no, no, it was killian's irish red
Dog was they came heavy in the fucking 90s a lot of branding. It was like a red
pitbull or like a boxer
I believe it's made by Milwaukee's best. It's there like PBR sub brand. I
believe that. I don't think it's still around either
Oh, you can get it. Oh, yeah in Chicago. Yeah, I've never seen it
I had a question, but I'm sure it's gonna be a yes, and it's have you gone the
high school football games where no family member was playing?
Oh, yeah, yeah, of course
Oh, yeah, I went to a high school football game last year and I called the
AD and was like hey, can I come on the field and they were like it's COVID and
I was like
And they were like come on down
Yeah, I went on the field wore my letter jacket. Holy
33 years old
Wild move
That's pretty nice. Wow. Yeah, and everybody in the local news for any reason.
Yeah
I was in the denver post as a child because they did a
They did a thing about men who stayed home to raise their kids because my mom
had the better job
So when I was born, my dad quit his job stayed home to raise me. She had that
fed money. Yeah, exactly. Yeah
So yeah, I was before I had memories. I was in the denver post
But I was in the local newspaper a lot for like, you know, on a roll football
that kind of shit
Okay, not too bad too bad
Did you ever recommend a book to somebody that you didn't read?
No, um, I recommend books. I love books. I read a lot of literature. So if
someone
Wants me to recommend a book I give them like a sincere like I think you would
actually like this because when people read books
You don't want to waste their time like if they're actually going to take a
chance on a book you want
You want it to be a click
God damn it. He's pulling himself out of it
Because that's really classy
I don't know
Yeah, I mean do you okay, uh
Magician thing. That's where I lost it
Do you know how to tie a tie? I'm assuming. No, I wear bolo ties
Wow, yeah
Okay, I don't know if I've ever worn a regular tie except for at my wedding
Really my uncle tied that for me now is that kind of the thing out there bolo
ties wouldn't nobody would bat an eye at that
No, yeah
Yeah, but if you went to a wedding out here for like a comic or something like
that you'd rock the bolo time rock the bowl
And you'd wear those one pair of pants
No, I would I mean I if someone's having a sweet special memory
I don't want to be the guy who is in the photos looking like shit
So I will like go to the nines for people's uh, big big deals. Cool, man
That's class real class. I heard you guys talking about attending that lady's
wedding and you're gonna, you know dress up
Yeah, we just got back. We got back yesterday, but I was just when you said,
you know
I have one pair of pants. I'm staunch on wearing shorts
I didn't know if you broke that rule for anybody. No, it's not about me. It's
about her wow, you know
That's fucking garbage would be like yeah, man. I'll do it. I'll you know
I'll show up in khakis and an eagles jersey. It's just so try hard to be trash
It is like you're gonna wear the t-shirt with the tuxedo on it. That's hack.
That's been done to death
There might have been somebody at the wedding with that happening. Oh, yeah,
and it was like my head exploded
I was sitting next to paul verse. He's like you believe he was fucking he was
in the back row losing it
You choose yeah, whatever happened to the cow with the blueberry. Oh, they
slaughtered it for meat
Really? Yeah, one day it wasn't there
And then we got a side of beef like two weeks later. Ouch. Yeah. It tastes like
blueberries. Yeah
Little bit of milk nothing wrong with it
Mike it tastes the marshmallows
That's colorado wagyu
Just to jump back to that did you have other friends in the neighborhood or was
it really no?
I mean, it was so like so you were solo with your sister and lunch meat and the
lunch meat
All right
So now the lunch meat makes a little more sense
Yeah, we didn't have to like that that long sojourn to town in the wagon train,
you know, it's right
Like who would you hang out? Well, you said who would you play tunnel town with?
Oh, that would be when I was at my aunt's house
Or my aunt my aunt and my grandpa live right next door to each other in town
So I my cousins and the kids from the neighborhood would play tunnel town
There's also a big mound of dirt that we would go play on top of and play king
of the hill
But they weren't really they were your they were like
Adjacent friends. Does that make sense?
They weren't like your buddies. No, no, like they were they were the kids in
town
So like, you know, you had the ragtag bunch of kids who would hang out and
chase the hoop down the street
Did you grow up with them and become like friends with them in high school and
all that stuff like where they were older than me?
So I mean, I guess they were just they were my cousin's friends that I would go
along with them and they would make me smoke cigarettes
And like look at porno. Yeah, pretend to enjoy it garbage. Yeah, I got you. All
right. Yeah, all right
That makes sense. So the cow really was
One of your best friends. Yeah, for sure. And then they slaughtered it. They
killed it. Jesus for sustenance
They like my parents grew up on county road 150 like that's how far out in the
county we were damn. Yeah
Bonkos
I'm not even sure what that means the higher the number the further out. No, it's
just like, you know, some people grow up on like blueberries
Or sorry, like I got blueberry brain, you know, you have like fun names for and
then gotcha
You were it was more count. Yeah, I got that's why that's what was my first
question
But I didn't want to ask you because you said that they live there. Yeah, so
that well. Yeah, that's that's trash. Yeah, it's not like, you know
blueberry lane would maple circle or something nice and also everyone in elizabeth
knows where the talents live
Okay, that's small of a community and they've been there for so long
I love that I love that. It's so it's so family like the town everybody knows
where the talents live
Everybody has the same profession in the other family. Who's the biggest family
in town? Who's the richest family in town?
Is there one since really? Yeah, those motherfuckers. Yeah
100% the christiansons a bart christianson lovely guy mormon family lds
He was one of my basketball coaches and he had like nine kids and they all
became dentists. He was a dentist. They would go on mission
Chad chad christianson was in my grade good friend of mine
legendary dick
Really packing heat dude. My friend amanda was dating him in high school. I was
student council president and we were having like a student council meeting
And I remember one of the girls melanie was like amanda. What's chad's dick
like and she was like, I don't know, you know, it's like
Just like doing this thing and you're like, what the fuck. I would have started
with length. Yeah
It was a fucking tall can of red dog. Yeah
Real quick sam's like meeting adjourned. Yeah, exactly
All in the notes and you're a liar
Burn this whore. She needs to be committed. I'm pouting
Are there any long-standing beefs? Yeah. Oh, yeah
Yeah, the loonies everyone hates the loonies of course. Yeah, I mean what on
brand name for that
Those goddamn loonies down there. Yeah, carl looney was the town drunk and he
would just rub everyone the wrong way
But they had this place kevin looney was a year younger than me
And they had the crab shack where you could go and smoke weed and cigarettes
whenever you want
Because carl didn't give a shit about what kids were up to
Oh, the crab shack was like a house on their product
Like it was just like a made of aluminum siding and gotcha. Yeah
Is that why it's called a crab check or was that just another name you guys
gave it?
No, that's just the name that I knew it as you know, is that now everything's
got a little name
Yeah, does every would somebody else have a crapshack or that was the name of
that dwelling there was one unique crab shack
Okay
It was on the loonies what a cool name for that
And every now and then carl would come in and be like tough guys rule and then
he would go fall down something
This guy sounds like a straight shooter if you ask me. He was cool. Yeah, he'd
buy us beer if we bought him beer
Shout out to the loonies. It sounds like a pretty good pretty good town to grow
up. It was great
That's a self-sustaining economy for a drunk that further by me a couple a lot
of violence
Oh, yeah, just like fights at the skate park type shit. Yeah, yeah, probably
tough kids to really hurting each other
Yeah, like cracking dudes and stuff the worst one
I'm not gonna say his name, but there was a fight between like the jocks and
the and the skaters
Whatever you want to call them the kids who smoked weed and I was like in
between so I had to go
But I couldn't pick a side and luckily this kid showed up and he they were he
was the toughest one
So everyone piled on him and he just pulled out a can of bear mace covered his
face and spun in a circle
And maced like 35 people all at once and that was the end of that pretty
fucking sweet. It was a cool move
He's using technology. Yeah
That's chemical warfare
I got nothing wrong with that. Yeah, that's fantastic
There's nothing else to do besides like fighting of course
We're a pretty big guy or there are other bigger big guys in town. No, I was
the biggest you were the biggest dude in town
Did you have to fight a lot? No, because uh, the beauty of where I came from is
the fact that like there were really no sectarian
Beefs like if you were a cowboy or you ended up being a goth or whatever
We all went to school from kindergarten on so it's like andy quinn might be
king of the rodeo
But I do remember when he you know shit his pants in second grade on the field
sure
So it's like every like a family kind of yeah
Everybody knows everybody's skeletons in the closet. Yeah, you can never become
too cool because like we were there
But like colton mason andy quinn there were some big cowboy dudes
And uh luckily I never rubbed them the wrong way because they were very very
good at violence
That's the way he says that i know
His word choice is i'm fascinated like i'm talking to crazy joe davola
I welcome intruders
There's been sentences you said i'm supposed to be the smart guy on the podcast
they're saying you said where i'm like i got nothing on that
Yeah, i'm still not really sure what sectarian yeah that sectarian beef i
literally thought it was an animal
You get that with brene sauce
You leave that in the oven overnight what are we doing um what was the sideburn
situation it seems pretty
Seems pretty serious
In the town as a whole
Was there any this on brand with the town no i was i was the mutton chop guy
okay
So was there any dads or teachers or family members that didn't have sideburns
a lot of people did not have side
Like i mean like where you notice it where like they have none where they go
high like above the you know
I'm talking about you know what you mean like that permanent bowl cut type
situation
Yeah, no, there was a lot of that go really yeah
People who were didn't give a shit and would have beard some days and then they
would sure cut it down a little bit
Okay, but I don't think they were a permanent fix the no sideburns thing
I've seen some dads that try to rock that where it's literally like just a
straight line here completely shaved
Yeah, it's like an alien tried to make a human. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah
It's bad when they don't get the haircut on the sides. They just trim you see
them trim the the sideburns themselves
You're like you went too high on them, right?
Yeah, yeah, or the back did you ever see them do it themselves on the back?
Oh, those guys are always wearing oakley's yeah
It's heinous all right, so that was a lot of that you're saying I think that
side because it was you know
It's still a kind of a cowboy town sure kind of like trying to look cool
Yeah, you know toby would have got dragged behind a truck. Oh, man. Yeah, for
sure they could have caught me. I'd be skating pretty fast
Would have to be a ford or something to get me

Just a Small Town Boy w/ Sam Tallent

Are you garbage do you ever play by the train tracks growing up was that a
thing didn't have train tracks out town
Yeah, I would have liked to of course in culverts. That was the big go-to. What's
that culverts like a tunnel under a road?
Oh, yeah, those are a good time you find one of those we play Tunnel Town
Tunnel Town that was our big game as a kid wasn't like a seat like a
System of tunnels or just like one time big tunnel right underneath Highway 86.
What was the game?
Just hang out in the tunnel tunnel town, you know, okay
So you guys like try to like this you tried to do like the sims. We didn't
build our own society
There wasn't a school board or anything. Yeah, I gotta be honest. That's what I
really thought we didn't have an HOA
County Commissioner keeping meeting minutes and shit any magicians in the
family
That's crazy. Yeah, I mean it's you tell us about Tunnel Town and all said I'm
a I'm a jerk off
No, my dad legendary pull the thumb off
That was his go-to move when he was a substitute teacher initially
He'd whip his thumb off and there was this kid named Cameron Rao who thought he
could actually do it until like we graduated high school
Was he a substitute teacher in your school in the middle school by the time he
he I only had him once and it was for gym class
Okay, and then by the time he was doing that he was a special needs teacher
initially and then
Substitute teacher for a couple years and then became a fourth grade teacher at
a charter school where he like graduate or retired from
There is such a duality. It's wild. It's it's crazy
I mean it does I guess it doesn't sound weird until you know someone else see I
mean it's you guys are a mirror held up to my experience
It's actually it's kind of fantastic to be honest with you because there's you
know, there is that garbage element
But like yes, you know was an alcoholic gets himself out of that special needs
teacher
Yeah gives back to the community football. Yeah coach and all that kind of
stuff
Yeah, and he was a football coach while he was still having a sweet sip or two
He used to pick me up with a red dog 20 ouncer drive me home and a red dog.
Yeah, you know red. You mean those red ales no
No, no, no, it was killian's irish red
Dog was they came heavy in the fucking 90s a lot of branding. It was like a red
pitbull or like a boxer
I believe it's made by Milwaukee's best. It's there like PBR sub brand. I
believe that. I don't think it's still around either
Oh, you can get it. Oh, yeah in Chicago. Yeah, I've never seen it
I had a question, but I'm sure it's gonna be a yes, and it's have you gone the
high school football games where no family member was playing?
Oh, yeah, yeah, of course
Oh, yeah, I went to a high school football game last year and I called the
AD and was like hey, can I come on the field and they were like it's COVID and
I was like
And they were like come on down
Yeah, I went on the field wore my letter jacket. Holy
33 years old
Wild move
That's pretty nice. Wow. Yeah, and everybody in the local news for any reason.
Yeah
I was in the denver post as a child because they did a
They did a thing about men who stayed home to raise their kids because my mom
had the better job
So when I was born, my dad quit his job stayed home to raise me. She had that
fed money. Yeah, exactly. Yeah
So yeah, I was before I had memories. I was in the denver post
But I was in the local newspaper a lot for like, you know, on a roll football
that kind of shit
Okay, not too bad too bad
Did you ever recommend a book to somebody that you didn't read?
No, um, I recommend books. I love books. I read a lot of literature. So if
someone
Wants me to recommend a book I give them like a sincere like I think you would
actually like this because when people read books
You don't want to waste their time like if they're actually going to take a
chance on a book you want
You want it to be a click
God damn it. He's pulling himself out of it
Because that's really classy
I don't know
Yeah, I mean do you okay, uh
Magician thing. That's where I lost it
Do you know how to tie a tie? I'm assuming. No, I wear bolo ties
Wow, yeah
Okay, I don't know if I've ever worn a regular tie except for at my wedding
Really my uncle tied that for me now is that kind of the thing out there bolo
ties wouldn't nobody would bat an eye at that
No, yeah
Yeah, but if you went to a wedding out here for like a comic or something like
that you'd rock the bolo time rock the bowl
And you'd wear those one pair of pants
No, I would I mean I if someone's having a sweet special memory
I don't want to be the guy who is in the photos looking like shit
So I will like go to the nines for people's uh, big big deals. Cool, man
That's class real class. I heard you guys talking about attending that lady's
wedding and you're gonna, you know dress up
Yeah, we just got back. We got back yesterday, but I was just when you said,
you know
I have one pair of pants. I'm staunch on wearing shorts
I didn't know if you broke that rule for anybody. No, it's not about me. It's
about her wow, you know
That's fucking garbage would be like yeah, man. I'll do it. I'll you know
I'll show up in khakis and an eagles jersey. It's just so try hard to be trash
It is like you're gonna wear the t-shirt with the tuxedo on it. That's hack.
That's been done to death
There might have been somebody at the wedding with that happening. Oh, yeah,
and it was like my head exploded
I was sitting next to paul verse. He's like you believe he was fucking he was
in the back row losing it
You choose yeah, whatever happened to the cow with the blueberry. Oh, they
slaughtered it for meat
Really? Yeah, one day it wasn't there
And then we got a side of beef like two weeks later. Ouch. Yeah. It tastes like
blueberries. Yeah
Little bit of milk nothing wrong with it
Mike it tastes the marshmallows
That's colorado wagyu
Just to jump back to that did you have other friends in the neighborhood or was
it really no?
I mean, it was so like so you were solo with your sister and lunch meat and the
lunch meat
All right
So now the lunch meat makes a little more sense
Yeah, we didn't have to like that that long sojourn to town in the wagon train,
you know, it's right
Like who would you hang out? Well, you said who would you play tunnel town with?
Oh, that would be when I was at my aunt's house
Or my aunt my aunt and my grandpa live right next door to each other in town
So I my cousins and the kids from the neighborhood would play tunnel town
There's also a big mound of dirt that we would go play on top of and play king
of the hill
But they weren't really they were your they were like
Adjacent friends. Does that make sense?
They weren't like your buddies. No, no, like they were they were the kids in
town
So like, you know, you had the ragtag bunch of kids who would hang out and
chase the hoop down the street
Did you grow up with them and become like friends with them in high school and
all that stuff like where they were older than me?
So I mean, I guess they were just they were my cousin's friends that I would go
along with them and they would make me smoke cigarettes
And like look at porno. Yeah, pretend to enjoy it garbage. Yeah, I got you. All
right. Yeah, all right
That makes sense. So the cow really was
One of your best friends. Yeah, for sure. And then they slaughtered it. They
killed it. Jesus for sustenance
They like my parents grew up on county road 150 like that's how far out in the
county we were damn. Yeah
Bonkos
I'm not even sure what that means the higher the number the further out. No, it's
just like, you know, some people grow up on like blueberries
Or sorry, like I got blueberry brain, you know, you have like fun names for and
then gotcha
You were it was more count. Yeah, I got that's why that's what was my first
question
But I didn't want to ask you because you said that they live there. Yeah, so
that well. Yeah, that's that's trash. Yeah, it's not like, you know
blueberry lane would maple circle or something nice and also everyone in elizabeth
knows where the talents live
Okay, that's small of a community and they've been there for so long
I love that I love that. It's so it's so family like the town everybody knows
where the talents live
Everybody has the same profession in the other family. Who's the biggest family
in town? Who's the richest family in town?
Is there one since really? Yeah, those motherfuckers. Yeah
100% the christiansons a bart christianson lovely guy mormon family lds
He was one of my basketball coaches and he had like nine kids and they all
became dentists. He was a dentist. They would go on mission
Chad chad christianson was in my grade good friend of mine
legendary dick
Really packing heat dude. My friend amanda was dating him in high school. I was
student council president and we were having like a student council meeting
And I remember one of the girls melanie was like amanda. What's chad's dick
like and she was like, I don't know, you know, it's like
Just like doing this thing and you're like, what the fuck. I would have started
with length. Yeah
It was a fucking tall can of red dog. Yeah
Real quick sam's like meeting adjourned. Yeah, exactly
All in the notes and you're a liar
Burn this whore. She needs to be committed. I'm pouting
Are there any long-standing beefs? Yeah. Oh, yeah
Yeah, the loonies everyone hates the loonies of course. Yeah, I mean what on
brand name for that
Those goddamn loonies down there. Yeah, carl looney was the town drunk and he
would just rub everyone the wrong way
But they had this place kevin looney was a year younger than me
And they had the crab shack where you could go and smoke weed and cigarettes
whenever you want
Because carl didn't give a shit about what kids were up to
Oh, the crab shack was like a house on their product
Like it was just like a made of aluminum siding and gotcha. Yeah
Is that why it's called a crab check or was that just another name you guys
gave it?
No, that's just the name that I knew it as you know, is that now everything's
got a little name
Yeah, does every would somebody else have a crapshack or that was the name of
that dwelling there was one unique crab shack
Okay
It was on the loonies what a cool name for that
And every now and then carl would come in and be like tough guys rule and then
he would go fall down something
This guy sounds like a straight shooter if you ask me. He was cool. Yeah, he'd
buy us beer if we bought him beer
Shout out to the loonies. It sounds like a pretty good pretty good town to grow
up. It was great
That's a self-sustaining economy for a drunk that further by me a couple a lot
of violence
Oh, yeah, just like fights at the skate park type shit. Yeah, yeah, probably
tough kids to really hurting each other
Yeah, like cracking dudes and stuff the worst one
I'm not gonna say his name, but there was a fight between like the jocks and
the and the skaters
Whatever you want to call them the kids who smoked weed and I was like in
between so I had to go
But I couldn't pick a side and luckily this kid showed up and he they were he
was the toughest one
So everyone piled on him and he just pulled out a can of bear mace covered his
face and spun in a circle
And maced like 35 people all at once and that was the end of that pretty
fucking sweet. It was a cool move
He's using technology. Yeah
That's chemical warfare
I got nothing wrong with that. Yeah, that's fantastic
There's nothing else to do besides like fighting of course
We're a pretty big guy or there are other bigger big guys in town. No, I was
the biggest you were the biggest dude in town
Did you have to fight a lot? No, because uh, the beauty of where I came from is
the fact that like there were really no sectarian
Beefs like if you were a cowboy or you ended up being a goth or whatever
We all went to school from kindergarten on so it's like andy quinn might be
king of the rodeo
But I do remember when he you know shit his pants in second grade on the fie