Name: Born in the Trash w/ Big Jay Oakerson
Uploaded: 2023-04-28T21:00:52.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Born in the Trash w/ Big Jay Oakerson' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Born in the Trash w/ Big Jay Oakerson' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-28. Transcript available.

are you garbage we're gonna take this one nice and slow give us the best start
with the back story mm-hmm hit us Jersey South Jersey South Jersey well we'll
start in West Philly ah right right so start from the beginning mom dad had me
when they were 19 garbage
she's dad's dad split when I was three or I think was asked to leave and then
he
was like he was like okay and then he went to Florida were they married did
they
get married yeah okay I don't remember the divorce being messy necessarily I
think it was just kind of a quick thing but he went to Florida I think in a few
months after that came back married that I now understand is an older lady at
the
time I didn't see all you know my dad was old to me but he was probably 23 or 4
yeah and my first stepmother was like 40 well already and a mother of like twin
teenage boys and a redhead teenage boy which is hilarious no one's redhead in
that family yeah and then I mentioned something the other day that always
struck me as weird my dad has not spent enough time with me or doesn't know me
well enough to have ever really hit me I think he gave me like a very soft face
like push
almost once but that's it he used to like give her kids like the spoon
and you have to hear him go upstairs and hear like that sound like the like the
the T a
and S's and S's and a T like to because they were just Joe Jackson zipped by my
dad in
it was so bizarre that 13 year old twin boys getting spanked on the hands with
a spoon by my dad
that not their dad their dad your dad a guy that's 10 years older than them
he's also 10 years old that's just like a fair fight at that point you asked me
for money yesterday
this is bullshit their real dad by the way it was like a Texas like cowboy hat
guy it was so weird and
and then uh and then just to give that side of the story of the dad and then he
when I was
uh well actually I'll say that my mom I was with my mom my grandparents had me
a lot of the time
in West Philly yeah this is still in West Philly it's just you and your mom
me and my mom and my but my grandparents were like super involved right they
lived a couple blocks
away always they would take me when my mom you know my mom had to work
what's that side of the family Italian Irish what are they that's the Jewish
they're Jewish yeah that's
all the Jewish okay practicing no okay no no okay my mom couldn't wait to get
like Christmas
fucked into our household really yeah my dad's not Jewish my stepfather is the
furthest thing from
Jewish he's uh but so was my grandparents and my mom my grandfather died when I
was 10
um and but like even that most of the time even my step pop first came around
my mom started dating my
step pop when uh that's a fun story of the night they met great one actually
play it on us my mom
met my step pop at I love you guys are from Philly too they met at Carney's
that used to be uh it's
right in Ballakinwood I think now it's a like an urgent care center the place
but it was right across
from like you know like Channel 10 is and stuff yeah it's like right on that
corner there the old
Adams Mark Hotel and yeah the New York Life building is over there too it's
right it's right there
it was a place called Carnes a nightclub and my mom brought my step pop home
that night I was at my
grandmother's back to West Philly oh in West Philly yeah yeah I was at my
grandmother's and my mom
a couple blocks away at our place brought my to-be stepfather home for the
night to fuck
I don't think they were gonna play Parcheesi for sure wasn't the look at your
trophies so my mom
my mom used to uh she like dated over time like and dated is a loose word like
she hooked up with a
couple cops not like that single mom she was busy yeah young too you gotta
think early 20s probably
right she wasn't getting gang banged like that chinless bitch from that one
police station
I think she gets a bad rap too by the way
me too yeah they should have come down her
who cares
nothing wrong with that
she shouldn't have whined
she looks like me dude
you know I'll have one of those cops wives got word of it and was just like we're
exposing
sure
she she made you do that because she's a whore
um so my mom would like uh I thought they were just friends I almost thought it
was kind of cool that a
guy was coming with like a gun belt to our house and shit and then it was like
hey hit the sack
so
give you a shot of nyquil
one guy my mom and again she'll say they were just friends sure let's say it's
fine it's true
but one of them what they did was dave very blonde guy tall always they had the
mustaches
his thing was he would shine the light into our the top we were on the top
floor of a duplex apartment
he'd shine into our window and that was the sign that uh
i'm coming over
it's like when the doorbell rings or whatever it's me
gotcha
so you know come on they would just be on shift and they would come over
literally and like
i don't know
if i was awake nothing but who knows christ knows what happened in the middle
of the night
but he would shine that light
and that means he's coming
um and then uh so he did that that night and my mom had my step pop up there
so she just uh what's funny was when the doorbell rang she just ignored it
because it was like
well i'll just act like i'm asleep or i'm not here whatever it is doesn't
matter he'll go
it's like not like a big deal um cops don't go away yeah
no he did go not only that he never rang the doorbell he did that apparently
and got a call
or something and couldn't come up and this isn't cell phones we could let her
know he just like
he just took off
the doorbell still rang because my mom
went on a date
with a guy
that she my mom was funny too for being jewish
even like her jewish friends
that's why i never understood until i moved to new york
when i moved to new york it's the first time i saw jews where i went oh
like that's what they mean
sure
my mom like friends were like backyard like biker parties type thing you know i
mean that's when it was more that it was more that you know i mean like uh
like weird like like like philly people that were into country
sure
that weird that subculture
yeah
and she met a guy at one of those barbecues
named ron
it's always a ron
oh yeah
ron or randy
floating around
she went on a date with ron
i don't think it worked out
she wasn't that into it or whatever
but ron apparently was an alcoholic
and
after
by chance
after that guy flashed the window
ron just decided to show up
and start ringing the doorbell
at two in the morning or whatever
so he's ringing the doorbell
but he's not stopping ringing it
and they're almost like
that's kind of weird
like my mom says
like oh it's a friend of mine
who was going to come over
the cop
she's like he's about to ignore it
uh then they hear a smash
a window smash
and the guy punched through
one of the little you know
square windows
square windows
opened the thing
came upstairs
my step pop
is hilarious
so funny
he's a
genius
he's an academic
and also a power lifter
and more personality of that
than like a guy who's book smart
sure
and uh thank god
he was like cool
because he didn't
beat the shit out of the guy
they literally like
wrapped up his wounds
and took care of him
called an ambulance
and so
I hope she at least
sucked him off
or something
like something
because what was that
he deserves it
and this is
this is always so funny
this is the first meeting
of my step pop
my long time step pop
who I love
he's my family
you know what I mean
like
uh
it's nothing
you know he might as well
be a father to me
for sure
but our first meeting
was me and my friend
John
stayed at my grandmom's
the night before
came home the next day
and the first thing we see
windows smashed out
and then
I mean a soupy
trail of blood
going up
you know whatever
three flights of steps
and then uh
and then I opened
my front door
which is obviously
weirdly kind of open
not my mom's not there
it's my step pop
wearing a
a button down shirt
with like a
wife beater underneath
so you can see
he's like you know
muscular and stuff
ripping a newport
sitting in his pleated jeans
on my couch
and he goes
hey
how you doing little buddy
there's a trail of blood
just left of that
I'm like what
you just kill everybody
in here dude
this is like fucking
first 48
I've been waiting on you
kiddo
you're the last one
I gotta get
no witnesses
go get your grandparents
will ya
yeah
just look
this is the face
you're gonna want
revenge on in 20 years
that was my first
hey big guy
how you doing
he goes
hey champ
what do you think
of the eagles
this year huh
who's that comfortable
in a crime scene
just to fucking
hang out
and rip heaters
oh shit
so god damn
that was my first
meeting with him
so my step pop
comes in
to the picture
when I was
like 11
10 or 11
they get married
well
come on dude
what's the show called
she got pregnant
had a child
when the child
was like 2
they got married
maybe even like 1
are you at this wedding
and involved in this wedding
well why could I be
it was in Susan's backyard
it was next door
it'd be weird
if I wasn't
yeah
you're looking
out your bedroom window
I was bringing the ziti
of course I was there
oh man
they got wrapped
scallops
this bullshit
it was in Susan's backyard
it was in Susan's backyard
why wouldn't that be
me and Susan are tight
yeah
Susan loves me
yeah as far as I know
me and Susan have no issues
hey we got a problem
you could have said something
so
well let's
so yeah
my brother was born
they got married
and then
for the next
I guess
what was it
8 years
yeah
for the next
like 8 years
it was
every 4
she'd have another
kid since my 2 sisters
okay
so
and I'm 11 years
older than my brother
15 than my sister
and 19 than my other sister
and I was just
kind of in house
I have 10 and 16
years older
so what's your youngest
sibling
step sibling
she's
half siblings
but they're
she's 25
25
and you guys stay
in that house
or 26 by now
so
cause you moved
every dirtbag
who gets a couple of bucks
crosses the bridge
moves to South Jersey
what did he do
my grandfather
passed away
when I was almost 10
and he was big
that was a big
one for me
and then
what's just so funny
is though
even with my step pop
being around
this is what I always
find so funny
my step pop
was right
he's a guy
he was a great
male influence
in so many ways
he brought
dirty comedy
in my life
he brought
you know
like the
guys talking shit
kind of element
of it
and stuff
but he still
it was so funny
that he still
didn't bring
like
masculinity
in the sense
of like
I still
if you were like
hey change
these brakes
I'm like
if you gave me
all the equipment
I couldn't change
I don't know
what I'm doing
are you kidding me
a spark plug
where it goes
I remember my dad
when I was young
I'd go to see him
he would always be
so disappointed
he's like
we're going auto zone
I'm getting these
I remember explaining
to me split fire
spark plugs
he was like
you see
because it's
the split fire
so it's got
two sparks
so it burns
the gas morph
I'm like
you're trying
to do this now bro
yeah I'm like
I'm here for the weekend
really trying to
cram a lot in today
have you seen
Gallagher's new special
relate to me
know what I like
you weirdo
what did Ron do
what did your stepdad do
they patched him up
and uh
no no no
what did
oh he's back
oh Joe
Joe
Joe
Joe
I'm sorry
what does he do
for a living
so
when he met my mom
well he's a super smart guy
he was essentially
uh
like a coke guy
not then
he went to the navy
to get off coke
he was probably like
a year removed
from the navy
um
was he Italian
I picture Italian
I picture like a fucking
oh yeah yeah
Italian
and he's uh
and he was uh
he worked at GNC
and like worked out
and like compete in like
powerlifting contests
working at a GNC in Philly
he worked at a GNC
Granite Run Mall
we'd have to go pick him up
cause he also didn't have a car
but I was like uh
but also like
you gotta zoom out
your mom's young
right
yeah
she's 20
she's 29
yeah it's like
that's not that crazy
no no no
we're trying to get it together
she was
well what
most of my young life
my mom just worked in retail
and then one of them
I don't know why
this didn't dawn on me
most of my life
until now
cause they're like
where'd she work in retail
oh like uh
whatever
I was like
no it was funny
like she did know her
thing
we were broke
and she had a fat kid
and my mom became like
at first she would
when I was a little little kid
she worked the smallest
formal wear
renting tuxedos
okay
and then I would be
the little model
at the fashion shows
they had to go to
which I do have pictures of
I'll be happy to send you guys
though
as you see
this tuxedo pairs well
with a Jane wallet
so
and then
good for second marriages
and court dates
and then when she saw
it was gonna be
a husky child
she became like
a manager
casual male
big and tall
no way
yeah
so then
I'm gonna have to
clothe this animal
I can't be buying
husky clothes
on my salary
oh so it was
whatever it was
OP
a lot of ocean pacific
oh shout out to it man
I was a big OP kid
myself buddy
so they um
and my mom
so when my grandfather
passed away
she kinda like
promised that she was
gonna do like
more
so she went back
to
she went to
Philadelphia Community College
respect
got her associates
for respiratory therapy
okay
which
pretty crazy
if I didn't do
before I figured out
I wanted to try to do comedy
I was literally
just gonna do that
because this is my thought
of respiratory therapy
it's a noble job
it's a great
it's very important job
sure
it's a major important job
in emergency rooms
and hospitals
and everything
and it makes
good money
and you only
gotta go to school
for two years
so my mom
was just kinda
finishing that up
when she met
my stepfather
and then she got
pregnant
and they're gonna
have the kid
and they're gonna
get married
and my step pop
just kinda had like
he's so smart
he was like
oh man
I gotta figure
something out
he goes
hey Terry
what do you do
again
and he's like
respiratory therapy
he goes
yeah I guess
I'll just do that
and he just went
to Philadelphia
Community College
and just
aced it
he like finished
early
and they
like
Roxborough Hospital
said they'll pay
for his second year
if he like
promises to work
there for a couple
years
I think he still
works
yeah he's still
at Roxborough Hospital
he's like the head
of whatever there
but like
and still also
then he comes home
and like
throws chains
on the end
of like a barbell
that's got a bunch
of weight on it
it's just so funny
is he still
in good shape
I mean for his age
he's like in his 60s
now yeah
he's still like
strong as shit
for sure
and when did you guys
move out to
when did they move
to Jersey
so when my step pop
probably about two years
after they were both
working steadily
as respiratory therapists
it was like
yeah
well our first upgrade
was we moved
across the street
into a row
home instead of
top of the duplex
gotcha
same block
a few houses down
which I thought
I was like
this is
wow
we got cable
it was nuts
you look at the old house
like
dirt bags
garbage
living in an apartment
- I got it.

Born in the Trash w/ Big Jay Oakerson

are you garbage we're gonna take this one nice and slow give us the best start
with the back story mm-hmm hit us Jersey South Jersey South Jersey well we'll
start in West Philly ah right right so start from the beginning mom dad had me
when they were 19 garbage
she's dad's dad split when I was three or I think was asked to leave and then
he
was like he was like okay and then he went to Florida were they married did
they
get married yeah okay I don't remember the divorce being messy necessarily I
think it was just kind of a quick thing but he went to Florida I think in a few
months after that came back married that I now understand is an older lady at
the
time I didn't see all you know my dad was old to me but he was probably 23 or 4
yeah and my first stepmother was like 40 well already and a mother of like twin
teenage boys and a redhead teenage boy which is hilarious no one's redhead in
that family yeah and then I mentioned something the other day that always
struck me as weird my dad has not spent enough time with me or doesn't know me
well enough to have ever really hit me I think he gave me like a very soft face
like push
almost once but that's it he used to like give her kids like the spoon
and you have to hear him go upstairs and hear like that sound like the like the
the T a
and S's and S's and a T like to because they were just Joe Jackson zipped by my
dad in
it was so bizarre that 13 year old twin boys getting spanked on the hands with
a spoon by my dad
that not their dad their dad your dad a guy that's 10 years older than them
he's also 10 years old that's just like a fair fight at that point you asked me
for money yesterday
this is bullshit their real dad by the way it was like a Texas like cowboy hat
guy it was so weird and
and then uh and then just to give that side of the story of the dad and then he
when I was
uh well actually I'll say that my mom I was with my mom my grandparents had me
a lot of the time
in West Philly yeah this is still in West Philly it's just you and your mom
me and my mom and my but my grandparents were like super involved right they
lived a couple blocks
away always they would take me when my mom you know my mom had to work
what's that side of the family Italian Irish what are they that's the Jewish
they're Jewish yeah that's
all the Jewish okay practicing no okay no no okay my mom couldn't wait to get
like Christmas
fucked into our household really yeah my dad's not Jewish my stepfather is the
furthest thing from
Jewish he's uh but so was my grandparents and my mom my grandfather died when I
was 10
um and but like even that most of the time even my step pop first came around
my mom started dating my
step pop when uh that's a fun story of the night they met great one actually
play it on us my mom
met my step pop at I love you guys are from Philly too they met at Carney's
that used to be uh it's
right in Ballakinwood I think now it's a like an urgent care center the place
but it was right across
from like you know like Channel 10 is and stuff yeah it's like right on that
corner there the old
Adams Mark Hotel and yeah the New York Life building is over there too it's
right it's right there
it was a place called Carnes a nightclub and my mom brought my step pop home
that night I was at my
grandmother's back to West Philly oh in West Philly yeah yeah I was at my
grandmother's and my mom
a couple blocks away at our place brought my to-be stepfather home for the
night to fuck
I don't think they were gonna play Parcheesi for sure wasn't the look at your
trophies so my mom
my mom used to uh she like dated over time like and dated is a loose word like
she hooked up with a
couple cops not like that single mom she was busy yeah young too you gotta
think early 20s probably
right she wasn't getting gang banged like that chinless bitch from that one
police station
I think she gets a bad rap too by the way
me too yeah they should have come down her
who cares
nothing wrong with that
she shouldn't have whined
she looks like me dude
you know I'll have one of those cops wives got word of it and was just like we're
exposing
sure
she she made you do that because she's a whore
um so my mom would like uh I thought they were just friends I almost thought it
was kind of cool that a
guy was coming with like a gun belt to our house and shit and then it was like
hey hit the sack
so
give you a shot of nyquil
one guy my mom and again she'll say they were just friends sure let's say it's
fine it's true
but one of them what they did was dave very blonde guy tall always they had the
mustaches
his thing was he would shine the light into our the top we were on the top
floor of a duplex apartment
he'd shine into our window and that was the sign that uh
i'm coming over
it's like when the doorbell rings or whatever it's me
gotcha
so you know come on they would just be on shift and they would come over
literally and like
i don't know
if i was awake nothing but who knows christ knows what happened in the middle
of the night
but he would shine that light
and that means he's coming
um and then uh so he did that that night and my mom had my step pop up there
so she just uh what's funny was when the doorbell rang she just ignored it
because it was like
well i'll just act like i'm asleep or i'm not here whatever it is doesn't
matter he'll go
it's like not like a big deal um cops don't go away yeah
no he did go not only that he never rang the doorbell he did that apparently
and got a call
or something and couldn't come up and this isn't cell phones we could let her
know he just like
he just took off
the doorbell still rang because my mom
went on a date
with a guy
that she my mom was funny too for being jewish
even like her jewish friends
that's why i never understood until i moved to new york
when i moved to new york it's the first time i saw jews where i went oh
like that's what they mean
sure
my mom like friends were like backyard like biker parties type thing you know i
mean that's when it was more that it was more that you know i mean like uh
like weird like like like philly people that were into country
sure
that weird that subculture
yeah
and she met a guy at one of those barbecues
named ron
it's always a ron
oh yeah
ron or randy
floating around
she went on a date with ron
i don't think it worked out
she wasn't that into it or whatever
but ron apparently was an alcoholic
and
after
by chance
after that guy flashed the window
ron just decided to show up
and start ringing the doorbell
at two in the morning or whatever
so he's ringing the doorbell
but he's not stopping ringing it
and they're almost like
that's kind of weird
like my mom says
like oh it's a friend of mine
who was going to come over
the cop
she's like he's about to ignore it
uh then they hear a smash
a window smash
and the guy punched through
one of the little you know
square windows
square windows
opened the thing
came upstairs
my step pop
is hilarious
so funny
he's a
genius
he's an academic
and also a power lifter
and more personality of that
than like a guy who's book smart
sure
and uh thank god
he was like cool
because he didn't
beat the shit out of the guy
they literally like
wrapped up his wounds
and took care of him
called an ambulance
and so
I hope she at least
sucked him off
or something
like something
because what was that
he deserves it
and this is
this is always so funny
this is the first meeting
of my step pop
my long time step pop
who I love
he's my family
you know what I mean
like
uh
it's nothing
you know he might as well
be a father to me
for sure
but our first meeting
was me and my friend
John
stayed at my grandmom's
the night before
came home the next day
and the first thing we see
windows smashed out
and then
I mean a soupy
trail of blood
going up
you know whatever
three flights of steps
and then uh
and then I opened
my front door
which is obviously
weirdly kind of open
not my mom's not there
it's my step pop
wearing a
a button down shirt
with like a
wife beater underneath
so you can see
he's like you know
muscular and stuff
ripping a newport
sitting in his pleated jeans
on my couch
and he goes
hey
how you doing little buddy
there's a trail of blood
just left of that
I'm like what
you just kill everybody
in here dude
this is like fucking
first 48
I've been waiting on you
kiddo
you're the last one
I gotta get
no witnesses
go get your grandparents
will ya
yeah
just look
this is the face
you're gonna want
revenge on in 20 years
that was my first
hey big guy
how you doing
he goes
hey champ
what do you think
of the eagles
this year huh
who's that comfortable
in a crime scene
just to fucking
hang out
and rip heaters
oh shit
so god damn
that was my first
meeting with him
so my step pop
comes in
to the picture
when I was
like 11
10 or 11
they get married
well
come on dude
what's the show called
she got pregnant
had a child
when the child
was like 2
they got married
maybe even like 1
are you at this wedding
and involved in this wedding
well why could I be
it was in Susan's backyard
it was next door
it'd be weird
if I wasn't
yeah
you're looking
out your bedroom window
I was bringing the ziti
of course I was there
oh man
they got wrapped
scallops
this bullshit
it was in Susan's backyard
it was in Susan's backyard
why wouldn't that be
me and Susan are tight
yeah
Susan loves me
yeah as far as I know
me and Susan have no issues
hey we got a problem
you could have said something
so
well let's
so yeah
my brother was born
they got married
and then
for the next
I guess
what was it
8 years
yeah
for the next
like 8 years
it was
every 4
she'd have another
kid since my 2 sisters
okay
so
and I'm 11 years
older than my brother
15 than my sister
and 19 than my other sister
and I was just
kind of in house
I have 10 and 16
years older
so what's your youngest
sibling
step sibling
she's
half siblings
but they're
she's 25
25
and you guys stay
in that house
or 26 by now
so
cause you moved
every dirtbag
who gets a couple of bucks
crosses the bridge
moves to South Jersey
what did he do
my grandfather
passed away
when I was almost 10
and he was big
that was a big
one for me
and then
what's just so funny
is though
even with my step pop
being around
this is what I always
find so funny
my step pop
was right
he's a guy
he was a great
male influence
in so many ways
he brought
dirty comedy
in my life
he brought
you know
like the
guys talking shit
kind of element
of it
and stuff
but he still
it was so funny
that he still
didn't bring
like
masculinity
in the sense
of like
I still
if you were like
hey change
these brakes
I'm like
if you gave me
all the equipment
I couldn't change
I don't know
what I'm doing
are you kidding me
a spark plug
where it goes
I remember my dad
when I was young
I'd go to see him
he would always be
so disappointed
he's like
we're going auto zone
I'm getting these
I remember explaining
to me split fire
spark plugs
he was like
you see
because it's
the split fire
so it's got
two sparks
so it burns
the gas morph
I'm like
you're trying
to do this now bro
yeah I'm like
I'm here for the weekend
really trying to
cram a lot in today
have you seen
Gallagher's new special
relate to me
know what I like
you weirdo
what did Ron do
what did your stepdad do
they patched him up
and uh
no no no
what did
oh he's back
oh Joe
Joe
Joe
Joe
I'm sorry
what does he do
for a living
so
when he met my mom
well he's a super smart guy
he was essentially
uh
like a coke guy
not then
he went to the navy
to get off coke
he was probably like
a year removed
from the navy
um
was he Italian
I picture Italian
I picture like a fucking
oh yeah yeah
Italian
and he's uh
and he was uh
he worked at GNC
and like worked out
and like compete in like
powerlifting contests
working at a GNC in Philly
he worked at a GNC
Granite Run Mall
we'd have to go pick him up
cause he also didn't have a car
but I was like uh
but also like
you gotta zoom out
your mom's young
right
yeah
she's 20
she's 29
yeah it's like
that's not that crazy
no no no
we're trying to get it toge