Name: 13 Year Old Tow Truck Driver w/ Bert & LeeAnn Kreischer
Uploaded: 2023-05-12T21:02:20.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '13 Year Old Tow Truck Driver w/ Bert & LeeAnn Kreischer' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-05-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '13 Year Old Tow Truck Driver w/ Bert & LeeAnn Kreischer' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-05-12. Transcript available.

I want to do a little bit more background on Leanne here.
Please.
There's some stuff we missed.
What was your first job?
I drove a tow truck.
Your first job?
Yeah, I did.
Well, my dad's a mechanic.
He had his own shop.
Okay.
So I drove his truck.
A family business.
He was like 13.
And I was...
Fucking repo, man, at 13.
I ran parts and I drove a tow truck.
Hey, man, you got to make your payments.
Ran parts.
Okay.
Yeah.
Man.
That's some roughneck shit, Leanne.
This is so fun to watch.
A very prim and proper, well put together woman.
Well, you know.
I started driving truck at 12.
I thought you were going to say you waited tables at the local diner or
something.
No, no, no.
Okay.
A tow truck driver.
Yeah, I drove a tow truck.
It was pretty fun because I'd show up and these guys would be like,
Hey, Leanne, where's your daddy?
And I'd go, uh, at the shop.
Well, who's picking...
I mean, like, you're in the truck.
I'm like, I'm putting your truck on.
I've been putting trucks on a tow truck since I was like seven.
I mean, I'd been doing everything except driving the truck since I was about
seven.
So I was like...
Shit, Darnell.
Help me get the truck on.
What the fuck you talking about is I'm putting it on.
And they'd be like, what?
They'd just hear the shotgun click.
Put it up.
Seven?
Well, I started riding in the Wrecker with my dad when I was seven.
The Wrecker.
Yeah.
Up on Hopscotch Mountain.
Is that a name?
What was it?
It was Black Jack Mountain.
This is the best!
Black Jack Mountain.
That sounds like a made-up mountain.
Okay, you want to hear some redneck?
Okay, here's a redneck thing.
So my dad and I lived in a log cabin.
It had no heat.
It fucking sucked.
I had to cut firewood all the time.
So we decided...
He decided he was going to put a furnace in it.
But we had to build a chimney for this furnace.
So we went to Black Jack Mountain in his Jeep with a trailer on it to pick up
rocks.
These big rocks on the mountain to build this rock chimney.
This sounds like a story from the 1300s.
So...
Oh, this is not even the first one.
We went to pick up rocks.
We did.
We had to pick up big rocks.
Big rocks for this chimney.
But Black Jack is covered in rattlesnakes.
So...
Of course it is, Leigh.
This is...
I'm watching this unravel and I know how big the yarn gets.
So...
Here's what we did.
Daddy said, here's what we're going to do.
You roll over the rock and I'll shoot the snake.
And then we'll put the rock in the trailer.
Sometimes there'll be a snake under a rock.
Sometimes there won.
Okay.
So just roll it over and move real quick.
And he's ready with a gun, yeah.
And I'll shoot it.
I don't remember how many rattlesnakes we shot that day, but it was a lot.
So we had to do this over and over.
Like every weekend for several weekends to get enough rocks to build the
chimney.
But yeah, that was how we built our chimney.
When I met...
How old were you?
By the way, this hasn't even gotten...
I was probably about 12, 11 or 12.
When I met her dad...
A rock and rattlesnake, huh?
We also had a snake...
We went rock catching.
We had a rat snake that lived in our bathroom.
And we opened...
Seriously, he was paying rent.
No, he was eating the rats in our house.
So he was like, instead of having a cat, which we also had a cat, but we had a
snake that
lived in our bathroom.
We coiled around the toilet.
And we'd open the door at night.
It would go, shoo, underneath the cabinet.
It was kind of scary.
It was kind of scary.
What do you mean?
It was kind of...
It's a hillbilly Roomba.
That's what that is.
When I met her dad, I said, yeah, I'm Bert.
I'm dating...
I think it was when he was living in the convenience store.
Yeah, he did live in the back of a convenience store, too.
In the freezer.
It was the best fucking place.
Behind the freezer.
He didn't live in the freezer.
It was the best fucking...
Wait, who did?
My dad.
Your dad was living in a convenience store?
Was he working there?
Well, he was trying to...
He was planning for his retirement, because, you know, being a mechanic is
pretty hard.
Okay, that would make sense.
So, well, he, you know...
There was nobody at EF Hutton answering the phone?
No, right?
Planning for his retirement.
Well, he was doing two things for his retirement.
He started collecting big block engines to sell later.
Sure.
And then he bought a convenience store and sold his house and moved into the
back of the convenience
store.
Nice.
It was fucking awesome.
So, you were like a city slicker.
I will tell you, I was the...
You were probably some yuppie that came in and was stealing his daughter.
I was a Yankee.
Yankee.
I was called a Yankee.
Yankee.
And he said to me when I met him, he said, I said, yeah, I'm Bert.
I absolutely adore your daughter.
And he said, no, boy, you got one of the best frog giggers out there.
Frog giggers?
He did say that.
I forgot.
You just got yourself one of the best frog giggers out there.
Oh, you're the frog gigger.
Yeah.
Was that a frog catcher?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
So, so we, you know, we didn't have, we didn't have a lot of money.
So when, for fun, we would camp on the river and put a john boat in the river
and go up
and down the river.
What's a john boat?
It's a flat bottomed aluminum boat.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
And gig for frogs.
Well, some people have like the, like three pronged fork that they like stab a
frog with.
We didn't have that.
You just kind of reach in the bank and grab them.
But it's at night.
Okay.
So you have to like spotlight and you have to, you have to, this sounds so redneck.
You have to be able to tell the difference.
No, not at all.
What are you kidding me?
Back to the gigging.
You have to take your spotlight and you have to be able to tell the difference
between
frog eyes and snake eyes.
So you don't grab a snake.
Jesus, dude.
So, but, so you spend the night just grabbing frogs and you collect enough
frogs and then
you, you have frog legs.
You eat frog legs.
Man, tough cookie.
Jesus Christ.
So I grew up frog gigging and also we did something called set hooking where
you put like bamboo
cane poles up and down the side of the river to catch catfish.
This sounds like another country.
No.
It's Georgia.
It sounds like.
It's Georgia.
It sounds like stuff you would do in war.
Yeah.
Isn't it fun though?
It's so much fun.
It's so fucking fun.
I don't know.
Trust me.
I, I, I'm a big woods guy.
I grew, I grew up.
I like it.
I love it.
It's wild.
It's so fun.
We'd go down there to the river and drink moonshine, drink moonshine and, and,
and all
these old men are the best storytellers in the world.
I mean, you hear stories.
And by the way, you want to talk about no political correctness.
I mean, you'd get, you'd be, I would be.
I would be crying fucking.
Her grandfather was the best storyteller and he was, he was an interesting guy.
He'd grab you and walk you off into the woods to tell you a story, like just to
get you.
And then, I mean, that guy, I really, I, I, I, I fucking love that.
He wore overalls at our wedding.
He was pretty, he was pretty real.
That's all right.
That's what I'm talking about.
Did he have like a shirt and tie under them?
He did.
Really?
Yeah.
He had a shirt and tie.
He wore his Sunday overalls.
Cause you start with the Sunday overalls.
And when you wear them enough, they turn into work overalls and you buy a new
pair of Sunday.
Gotcha.
Cause the Sunday is like, you know, dark blue.
Sure.
So he wears Sunday overalls and a coat and tie.
Yeah.
Color church.
I just, I just came up with a great business model sidebar.
You should do these live at people's houses for birthday parties.
What?
Like if you did these as a live event for, for families to go, I'll give you 10
grand to come
over and do a live event and do it for our friends.
Cause this is funny shit to watch.
This is funny shit.
This is funny shit.
You are grossly overestimating the income level of our listeners.
And you think they have 10 grand to spend on a wedding.
We got a bunch of frog giggers out there.
We love you.
What else, what else have you had just as far as the cuisine?
So you've had frog, frog legs.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I've eaten snake.