Name: Big Spender w/ Shane Gillis - Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Clips
Uploaded: 2023-05-16T21:00:19.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Big Spender w/ Shane Gillis - Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Clips' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-05-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Big Spender w/ Shane Gillis - Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Clips' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-05-16. Transcript available.

Are you treating yourself at all?
I know you're an old school guy.
I take Ubers.
I don't take the train.
Grubhub.
Grubhub consulate.
You should be taking helicopters.
What are we talking about here?
I take Uber pools after spots.
Thank God they did away with those.
Dude, I almost got beat up in one of those.
I didn't realize I was just hitting on this hot Dominican kid's girlfriend.
And he's turning around and saying, why don't you shut the fuck up, Fat X?
I was like, all right, I'll do that.
You're not getting a piece of my pizza, man.
48 more minutes.
That was an awkward ride back to the neighborhood.
What about like a nice dinner or something like that?
You and the boys on the road?
Yeah, sometimes.
Yeah?
Yeah.
What's that looking like?
A steakhouse or something?
Sometimes.
If there is, yeah.
And you pick up the bill, I presume.
Yes.
Where would you go growing up?
Where would your pop take you guys to a family dinner?
Would you eat a Friday?
Hosses?
Hosses?
There's no Hosses?
No.
Is that a chain?
It's good, dude.
Jesus, dude.
Hosses?
It's like a...
Yeah, it's not great.
There's goats out back.
You get to pet.
There's petting goats out back.
And there's a...
Does that have a Michelin star?
What are we talking about?
Yeah, it's so bad.
When I was a kid, I thought it was the nicest shit.
Goats is a kid.
What more do you need?
Got a Ronnie Beard Award?
Goats rules.
And then we would have...
There's mints on the way out.
We would all get handfuls and throw them at each other on the way.
It was a tradition.
Mint fight in the parking lot on the way out.
That's a good time, dude.
I had some...
Yeah, it was the best memories.
That is a good time.
You are a PA boy.
Are you hot dog people?
I'm not.
You're not?
Yeah.
The family?
Phil, my dad will fucking destroy hot dogs.
Crush some dogs?
It's unbelievable.
Put down some diesels.
All right.
We'll be like, all right, we're going to...
You know, I have nieces and nephews, so they come over and he grills burgers
and dogs.
Okay.
He makes 30 fucking hot dogs and eats them all, dude.
We did that this weekend in Austin, dude.
I ate about 18 hot dogs on Saturday.
Really?
You guys are hot dog guys.
Huge.
Yeah.
You're a PA guy.
You're not a...
Fucking, I've always hated hot dogs.
Really?
Really?
Yeah.
Coney Island dogs and Scranton.
I know.
I don't just...
Abe's and Wilkes-Barre, nothing?
Nothing.
Oh, shit.
No, I was a burger guy.
Okay.
Respect.
Not that there's a...
You know, it's one of those arguments.
What?
The burger?
Where people...
Yeah.
Where it's like...
I like both.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It doesn't have to be one.
It would be the burger.
But I'm trash.
I love a good hot dog.
I got one.
If you go out to eat, you get a burger, right?
And you take a bite, do you put it back down straight, or do you flip it over?
I'm going to have to start flipping it, dude.
I've been eating soggy burgers for a decade.
Exactly.
Get your fucking game straight.
And do you cut it?
No.
No?
Fucking guy like this?
Who cuts it?
I don't know.
I'm about to hit you right now.
Are you talking to cut your burger like a lady?
Get the fuck out of here, dude.
Yeah.
I just ate two slices of pizza out on the street right before I went up here.
Did you go?
The dollar slice place?
Yeah.
I love dollar slice pizza, dude.
It was so good.
I love it.
Yeah.
The fucking best in New York, man.
Fucking love a good dollar slice.
Huh.
How often do you wash in there?
How often do I-
Like actually putting shampoo?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Every day.
And what kind of soap are you using?
There's some Dove soap in there.
Bar?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Man, you are old school.
I'll tell you that.
Why?
You should be using something fancy.
Something nice.
Yeah.
Little keels or something.
I was using hand soap for a while.
I'm living high on the hog now, dude.
I didn't buy any soap, and I just took it.
I took it off the sink in the bathroom.
That's crazy.
Yeah, well, fuck it.
It works.
Fucking showering with a Tide Pod.
Yeah, it's good, dude.
I think that's normal.
No, it's not.
What?
The dial pump?
You're in there.
Yeah.
I got one.
Have you used soap on your-
Past your dick?
Past my dick?
On the way down?
I'll-
Like, what do you mean?
On your-
Typically, gravity does most of the work.
Nothing's touching my legs.
Yeah.
You don't wash your legs?
Barely.
I'm kind of in that world as well, for sure.
Every now and then, I'll get a pass.
You're going at the asshole, though.
I've been getting my ass a lot, dude.
The older you get-
I got to.
You just straight hand to it?
I'll do it, yeah.
I'll get in there.
I got to go in there.
It's like sweeping a village in Vietnam.
I got to fucking go in there.
For sure, it's on stuff.
All on the watchtower starts playing.
Captain says, torch this place.
I got to go in a clean house, man.
Yeah.
Woo!
Okay.
What about a vacation?
I don't know if you've ever taken a vacation.
Yeah.
I went to Florida two years ago.
Okay.
Strictly vacation.
No shows, no nothing.
No shows.
That was it.
That's pretty good.
Where in Florida?
It was on the Gulf Coast.
It was like outside of Panama.
Is that it?
Panama City?
Is that on the-
I don't know.
I don't know on the Gulf.
I forget what it was called.
I know Tampa's on the Gulf.
It was up by Alabama.
It was on the-
Not even the nice part.
Yeah, it doesn't feel.
Up by Alabama.
It's so nice.
It's the best.
What about like Europe?
You don't want to take a trip to-
I've been there.
I lived in Spain for like six months.
Fuck, that's what I wanted to talk to you about.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Really?
What the fuck was that?
You were a student.
You were a teacher.
Yeah, I taught.
I was selling cars in Mechanicsburg, and I was like, I really like Ernest Hemingway,
Hondas.
Had you had a degree?
Did you-
Yeah.
Not in Spain.
No, it was just a history degree.
But where did you end up getting your degree from?
Westchester.
You went to West-
That's where you went for four years.
Yeah.
Okay.
You lived there.
Yeah.
At Westchester.
Yeah, it was fucking awesome.
And then you got out of that, and then you started teaching in Spain.
I sold cars, and then I went and taught in Spain, yeah, for like six months.
It was great.
He's a smart kid.
Where in Spain?
Madrid.
Okay.
North of the city.
It was great.
Yes, yes.
Up in some shitty village called El Vion.
El Vion.
And how's your Spanish?
Yeah.
Terrible now.
Terrible.
Oh, right.
Wait, was it good at the time?
Yeah.
Really?
Especially you get drunk.
There's no inhibition.
You just let it fly.
You start using the accent.
It's fun.
It's fun.
I was-
Dude.
A lot of bravado.
I was just talking about this last night with someone.
I went there thinking like, all right, I'll be cultured.
You know what I mean?
I literally, I went to the same bar every day.
Oh, dude, yeah.
Got shit-faced every day in the same bar.
I didn't see anything.
Yeah.
I didn't go anywhere.
We did that in Dublin.
Went over to see my buddies were living over there for school.
And we didn't do-
Didn't see a fucking thing, dude.
Shit, went to the same casino every day.
I met them there at 5 o'clock every day.
It's crazy.
And then we just got blind drunk.
Yeah.
It's fucking straight up the middle.
I fucking love it.
But it's like, that's what you like doing.
Why don't you just do it?
That's what I'm saying.
It's like, you know, it is what it is.
I know, but occasionally I'll do something.
And I'll be like, oh, this is nice.
This is nice.
You should do a nice trip.
I went to some museums there.
It was sick.
There you go.
Yeah.
You are cultured a little bit.
He is.
That's the crazy thing.
You think you want to spend a couple of weeks in Italy up in fucking-
I think I am.
I'm going to do that.
I want to see the Vatican.
Yeah.
That would be fucking sick.
Fucking shout out to them.
Didn't they just got in a little trouble, actually?
A little?
No, like today.
What'd they do?
Oh, god damn it.
Bootlegged movies?
Yeah, it was a little worse than that.
There were 600 bootleg accusers came forward.
They bootlegged 600 new movies.
These fucking lying kids.
Why do they keep lying?
Bootlegers.
Bootlegs.
That's what we're talking about.
I keep lying about my kids.
I'm trying to enjoy the Sistine Chapel over here.
Yeah.
All these protesters outside.
Have you ever been to a free concert?
For like a radio station?
No.
Okay.
No.
Like a WMGK?
No.
All right.
Okay.
You haven't thrown out the first pitch anywhere yet, have you?
No.
All right.
We're working on dropping the puck at an AHL game.
That'd be awesome.
You got to throw out the first pitch.
The phantoms?
No.
Who?
Bears?
Yeah.
The bears?
Wait, it's...
You motherfuckers, dude.
That's my hometown.
You guys stay to the phantoms.
Don't fucking...
You're not welcome in the Giants Center.
Stay to the phantoms.
The friendly confines of the Giants Center.
How do you feel about the rotisserie chicken, Shane?
Fool.
You're not welcome in the Giants Center.
You're welcome in the Giants Center.
You're welcome in the Giants Center.
You're welcome in the Giants Center.
You're welcome in the Giants Center.