Name: How to Get Dupont Family Money w/ Ali Siddiq
Uploaded: 2023-07-11T21:00:32.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'How to Get Dupont Family Money w/ Ali Siddiq' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-07-11. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'How to Get Dupont Family Money w/ Ali Siddiq' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-07-11. Transcript available.

Are you growing anything now?
Do you guys have vegetables growing at the house now?
I haven't.
I've been on the road, and I haven't been able to do it.
That's why I'm getting this greenhouse.
Okay.
When I was growing things really regular, the lady who lived in the house
has a problem with coming outside, turn on the damn sprinkler system.
And so I would come back, and either the birds have eaten all my tomatoes.
The lady in the house.
There's a raccoon who was, like, really sampling my okra.
Like, he was just like, like, he was like, oh, the ones at the bottom
way better than the ones at the top.
Like, he was, and it was, it was a possum who was really into zucchini
and squash and cucumbers.
It was really, like, and then the rest of it, slug, man, it's the,
I was in the slowest war with snails and slugs.
Like, it was, it was, I was, I was salting the ground.
I was, I was doing a lot.
You got to be on top of it.
I was putting beer.
This lady, like, you got to put the beer.
I was putting, like, it was puddles.
I would cut out things and have cans of beer.
Like, they would just fall into the beer.
Man, it's like, these goddamn slugs knew.
They was like, no, no, no, no, it's salt over there.
You know, let's, let's go, let's go around.
It's like they was using the fence to come, like, like, it was crazy.
And then the plague happened.
I had no idea that I was living in this zone where all these caterpillars
and worms migrated through before these houses were there.
Oh, shit.
They would just come, they just probably just stay, they normal thing.
Like, my garden, my garden was the best it had ever been.
And we going out there, we eating food, we, oh, and then the plague comes.
They come through.
Chanty up.
Decimated my garden in a night.
Yeah.
And you couldn't stop it because they were all on the houses.
It was like, it was, it was like a billion of them.
I'm like, yeah, the greenhouse.
Greenhouse.
There we go.
But, like, my mom is in that house now.
She grows everything.
My mom has a butterfly garden out there now.
She has all sorts of food out there.
When I buy something, I take it over there.
I'm like, can you do it?
And she, for some reason, she has managed to avoid the plague.
It's like she has all this stuff, and then she has a lot of bird feeders.
So the birds come and just sit there and wait on caterpillars.
Eat the caterpillars.
Flies, mosquitoes, anything.
But there's, like I told her, the gangsta of a garden, what you need in a
garden, you need ladybugs.
Sure.
Ladybugs are like the bullies of a garden.
Really?
And if you buy them, they will leave.
But if you put felt out there, they love that.
So you grow, they'll come, and they'll just sit in the garden.
What the fuck?
Did it?
It's crazy.
My brother gardened last year.
That's why I asked you.
Very classy thing to be gardening.
He was growing weed.
But still.
Fucking.
Good crop.
For my greenhouse.
No plague for that.
But we started this year with a couple tomato plants.
So we have a couple tomato plants.
And sure as shit, maybe like a week ago, I'm up there, and a ladybug lands on
me.
I'm like, oh, what's this?
And I put it over in a thing.
There's a bunch of ladybugs that live on our tomato plants that are flying
around.
And that's keeping all the rest of the bread in check.
Very classy to be gardening.
Gardening is very classy.
He's got 30 suits.
Classiest guy I ever met.
It's crazy.
I remember when I got out the street.
So I'm not in the streets no more.
And maybe, I'm going to say about seven years ago, me and my, I had an altercation
with somebody.
And I went to go see one of my old friends.
And he has this huge garden.
And we talking about the situation.
And he said, man, I sure hope that this works out.
And that y'all can rectify this situation.
Because it turns to me just like this.
He said, I would prefer not to bury anything in my garden.
Jesus Christ.
I just planted strawberries back there.
And I said, man, I'm going to get it together.
He said, man, hopefully so.
Jesus.
Because if I had to get involved.
And I just said, I said, man, even in your old age, you're still very menacing.
That's a very menacing thing to say.
Man, a garden, you just seem to be very menacing.
And this garden, he said, man, yeah, but can I get you to step off my arugula?
I'm like, oh, I didn't know it.
I didn't know.
Because they, man, you grow lettuce.
Grow lettuce.
Yeah?
It's crazy.
Huh.
You can grow it in a bucket.
Really?
You can grow it in a bucket.
And lettuce comes up.
We're very cultured.
It's crazy.
You're a homeowner now.
You got to start doing this.
Oh, yeah.
You're a homeowner.
You definitely got to start doing this.
We haven't closed yet.
Okay?
The bank could still shut this whole thing down.
With that property, I was 45 days out of closing on this property.
Then one of the relatives dies.
Damn.
Because they have to sell this property because their grandmother, the lady who
originally owned
the property, between all her kids, she put it in her will where they had to
sell it.
Because she didn't want the war.
The fighting over who gets it.
So one of them dies.
Now I had to go back and amend.
And then another thing that happened, the title company gets shut down for some
sort of fraud.
And right before we had to move all our money to another title company, they'd
be caught
up in that lawsuit.
And I would lose that earnest money.
I mean, it's been an ordeal.
So now I'm probably maybe another 60 days out of closing on that property.
On the new one.
On the new property.
Takes forever.
Takes forever.
And I thought we was done.
Then this guy decides he want to pass.
He want to pass.
And sets it into a whole other motion of if his kids got something to do with
it.
Man, just sell me the damn property.
Sure.
Damn.
And this is just the land.
There's no homeowner.
There's nothing on it.
Just the land.
It's just the land.
And that's the hardest thing to get a loan on.
And this is two acres you bought?
2.84.
He ain't going to let you forget that.
I'd start calling that three, by the way.
Yes.
And I already have it, because I've looked at it so much that I got it broken
up for my kids.
Every kid will own a portion of this land.
And I own the center part.
That's a corner of everybody's land.
So nobody can sell a land without me at all, because I own the end corner.
That's diabolical.
This guy's playing chess.
Yeah.
You're like a Rockefeller.
A DuPont.
A Peugeot, if you will.
Man, the DuPont's got to be the coldest goddamn family in American history.
Oh, yeah.
Everybody looks over the DuPont.
They've been talking to the Kennedys, and everybody else knows the fucking DuPont.
That's why they're quietly just fucking stacking cheddar and killing people.
They got their own state.
They got Delaware.
They got Delaware on lock.
Delaware.
On lock.
I don't think you can be in Delaware without being a DuPont.
It's like they marry cousins.
Sure.
I would for sure marry a DuPont cousin.
So that's what you're going for?
That's what this guy's doing, man.
I'm talking about tomato plants.
Oh, you mean the Sadiqs from Houston.
Yeah, I've heard about them.
I've heard of the Sadiqs.
They got long money, those guys.
You know, somebody hit me with the...
And what's crazy, you get to a point where people think that you're making
enough money to start to even include you in certain conversations.
Hey, because I know maybe like 15 years ago, there's no way somebody would have
called me and said this like so boldly.
Look, hey, man, it's 10 acres in this small town that's available, $100,000.
What you talking about doing?
And I was like...
Talking about hanging up right now.
Yeah, that's 15 years ago.
I've been like...
I'm like, well, let's go down there and look at it.
And I went down there to look at the property and I'm not ready for what I
would have to do.
Because it's 10 acres of rural land.
Like, it's no...
It's nothing on this land.
You have to knock down trees, cover up swamps, whatever the fuck it is.
You put the pipes in, all that stuff.
Build your...
I mean, dig a well, put electricity in.
And I'm thinking, not ready.
But then last month, I was like, I met a guy at a hat...
We had a hat store.
He's playing Monopoly down there, dude.
He's gathering up acres left and right.
I'm at a hat store.
I'm at a hat store.
That sells these really nice hats.
Me and this guy talking.
And he's like...
He's down there in Texas, got the bushes nervous.
He's like, yo, you know, I build...
You know, I'm like, you build from scratch?
He's like, yeah.
You know, we clear land and I was like, hey, man.
What did...
Well, if I had like 10 acres of rural land, what would...
What would that...
Oh, we would do the bulldozer vision.
I said, well, let me get your card.
Gave me his card.
And we've been in talks.
I'm like, I said, let me close on this.
And then I'm thinking, 10 acres, I can let it sit there.
As long as I own it.
And I want to get another business partner, but then I'm...
That's a family member versus somebody else.
I was going to say, we'll throw in a couple of hundred.
Give us a little corner.
I got two grand on it.
Let me wet my beak on it.
So, just say you get this land, right?
And you take...
And you break it up and you sell two of the acres.
Yeah.
You know, to somebody.
Then you take two acres and you build a bunch of tiny homes for people to be
able to live in.
That's kind of like, you know, you tiny home, but you kind of rule a little bit.
You are?
And so now you own a nice little community.
You are a DuPont.
You're a super smart, rich guy.
That's what's going on here.
That's what we're getting to.
Yeah.
I'm looking at...
Because I know me.
I'm not going to do stand-up.