Name: Early Life on the Road w/ Tom Segura
Uploaded: 2023-07-18T21:00:24.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Early Life on the Road w/ Tom Segura' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-07-18. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Early Life on the Road w/ Tom Segura' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-07-18. Transcript available.

Do you prefer, obviously, you're running a tight ship health-wise.
Do you prefer Domino's or Pizza Hut at the time when you were?
Domino's.
Because I love Domino's Thin Crust.
It's like my favorite.
I mean, even to this day, like, obviously, there's better made and better
quality stuff.
But if you just, like, floated it, if you were like, hey, do you want a Domino's
pepperoni thing?
I'd be like, yeah, dude.
And then, like, a minute later, you're like, oh, there's the top knot.
I'd be like, no, no, get the Domino's.
It's good.
Yeah.
So Domino's over Pizza Hut?
For me, yes.
All right, now we're starting to make some fucking sense.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Christ.
Wait, was that, would you do that a lot?
Would you, when you were on the road, right?
Because you came up, you know, through the, like, the feature of the club.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
On the road, would you do that?
Or would you eat at the club?
Or were you, were you ordering a lot of food?
Or were you, like, microwaving the burritos and shit?
You're crushing it in the hotel room?
Because you were a bigger, dude, I look back.
Pig.
Looking at you in those pictures.
It's wild.
I fucking, I mean, here's my, what, like.
You look like me now, to be honest with you.
My schedule was like, I would get to that club.
We're doing two shows, let's say.
Or I guess first night's one show.
I would, as soon as I got off stage, I would order, you know, hey, can I get
the mozzarella sticks?
You're getting it to go from the club?
No, no, I'm eating it there.
Between shows.
Oh, okay, all right.
I'd get the mozzarella sticks.
Then I'd get, like, maybe the burger, cheeseburger, fries.
Maybe the second show, I'd be like, can I get that sundae?
You know?
And then we would have a couple drinks.
And if somebody had weed, you smoked weed.
And then you're out, you know, just bullshitting.
Then you get back late.
And then I'd be like, oh, or before we go back to the condo, can we do the
drive-thru?
Hit the drive-thru.
Then I would sleep till, like, noon or one.
And my thing is, I always wanted, always, always, always breakfast food, right?
Of course.
I have to do it.
So I was like, where can we get bread?
And sometimes it's like, some of these towns, you're like, oh, they're done.
Like, there's got to be a place.
And then you find a place, and I would, that's where I would do probably the
most damage.
Yeah, because it would be like.
Damn.
You know, the hash browns with the eggs on top, bacon.
And then I'd be like, let's get second breakfast.
Mm-hmm.
You know, like, yeah.
Now you're making sex.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
A bacon, egg, and cheese chaser.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And it was like that, whatever, four days in a row.
Yeah.
In the hotel, would you ever use the ironing board as a TV tray?
As a desk.
Yeah, I put, like, things that I brought.
You know what I mean?
Like, here's a picture of the family.
Yeah, there's a picture of the family.
There's a Bluetooth speaker.
Yeah, there's, like, bullshit.
There's, like, a camera that I never use.
I put it on there.
One of those things with the balls that swings back and forth.
And I would also use it not to iron clothes, but to, like, leave clothes.
Like, I might wear this later.
I'll put this shirt on it.
Hands hang off of it.
Wallet.
Yeah, all that shit is, like, is on the ironing board.
Okay.
Yeah.
Have you ever put your clothes in, like, the...
The drawers?
Recently.
Recently.
Recently.
So towels, though.
Yeah, and also, like, you just, like, it actually helps me...
I don't do it on every trip, but, like, I like being organized more.
It's easier to see.
You're not just digging through the bag.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I like that.
I'm not sure if we ask you this.
What is the luggage situation?
What is the luggage situation?