Name: Anything Goes On a Plane! | Dr. Phil on Are You Garbage
Uploaded: 2024-11-03T13:00:12.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Anything Goes On a Plane! | Dr. Phil on Are You Garbage' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-11-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Anything Goes On a Plane! | Dr. Phil on Are You Garbage' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-11-03. Transcript available.

I'm a big fan of the show.
Thanks for letting me come by.
Big fan of you, Dr. Phil.
Appreciate it.
Appreciate it.
Yeah.
How was the flight in?
It's a personal question, but it was good.
I did a spirit for the first time ever.
You're really rolling the dice with the spirit.
Only one door, two wheels, but four flight attendants with Asperger's.
So, hey, tomato, tomato, Ray Romano.
Do you like to fly up front, Doc, or do you like to sit in the back with the
common folks?
The first class is better.
Let's just not skip around the bush.
Hey, you're reaching to the fire.
You got the cash?
I got the cash.
Usually, I'm flying by myself, but I get called out for this a lot where it's
like, you got
your own plane.
What are you flying with the peasants for?
But you got to stay connected as you guys do with your show and your fans.
You got to maintain a relatability factor.
So, if I get on the plane, I'm in first, and maybe I get bumped down to coach
because I
threw a cookie at the pilot.
Only got to get bumped down to coach.
If you get bumped down, I mean, you can do it.
Remember that girl that said, that motherfucker back there is not Phil.
She was in first class.
They kicked her to coach, and her boyfriend, who was in coach, she went back
there, I think
to fuck him.
I forget.
I read the article.
It's something about he cheated on her.
He fucked someone else in the bath.
I forget.
I don't even read the article, but my point is, you can do whatever you want on
a plane
these days.
Will you take food on a plane, Dr. Phil?
You have to.
You do take food.
You have to.
You can't rely on a plane's ability to feed you.
Okay.
That's pretty profound.
I talk about that in my book, We've Got Issues.
Chapter 42.
If you're getting sushi on a Delta flight, you probably also think Air Bud is
based on a
true story.
That's a good airline, Air Bud.
Air Bud.
Oh, shit.
Chapter 15.
I don't even think about that.
Air Bud Airlines?
Wait, but does a dog fly the plane?
Of course.
That's the only reason I'm taking it.
That's the only reason I'm taking it.
You've got to stick with the gimmick.
Yeah.
Plenty of treats on that flight.
You don't got to bring food, no.
You don't got to bring food, just kibbles and clits.
But I think that most planes have an assortment of peanuts and salty stuff.
I'm a sweet guy.
I'm a Sour Patch Kids dipped in some Cool Whip.
You're doing Sour Patch Kids on a flight?
I think that's what I just fucking said, yeah.
You repeat it like it's an issue.
Dr. Phil, I apologize.
No, it's fine.
I just thought this was a safe space to talk about sour candies.
Sure.
But I do think that if you go on a plane and you go, I want their chicken marsala,
take
a step back and realize where you are, sweetheart.
Okay?
Well, we're different.
I'll order when it emails you.
Hey, what do you want?
You'll pre-order.
I pre-order the burger on a Delta flight.
Medium rare, I go.
Dear God.
How did you end up on a spirit flight?
Let me ask you that.
Again, just trying to be a man of the people.
Okay.
My assistant, Norm, is all about making sure I stay dialed in to what people
are into.
Mm-hmm.
Spirit, though, it'll be the first and last time.
Do you know when Spirit put a six-year-old child on the wrong plane two months
ago?
Really?
I know this feels like a stand-up bit, but it's a real thing that I read with
my face.
Spirit put a six-year-old child on the wrong plane.
And I just said to my assistant, Norm, I go, because he goes, you sure you want
to fly
Spirit?
They put a six-year-old child, just to say it three times like Chris Rock, they
put a six-year-old
child on the wrong plane.
I said, Norm, if you're traveling solo at six, your parents don't want you
anymore, first
of all.
That was a...
You're an orphan now.
That was an inside plan, that was.
It doesn't matter where you go.
They're not the best.
They don't care as much.
You do want an airline to at least go, we fucked up, we lost your bag, here's
somebody else's
bag, you know?
Sure.
Here's someone else's six-year-old.
Here's somebody else's six-year-old.
Funny.
You guys should start a podcast, but yeah, I don't know.
I'm more of a, if I have to fly commercial, I'll be honest, Delta, JetBlue is
fun.
When you're going coast to coast, they put you in that mint chocolate chip
section.
You're in the pod, yeah.
You're in the pod, and you are in a true simulation.
Now, will you ring the bell for a flight attendant if you need something?
Do you ring the bell?
I'll just stand up and go get it.
Okay.
Yeah, again, I don't like to boggle them down, but the pods, JetBlue, man, you're
two seats
away from flying the fucking plane.
Yeah.
Do you do the suit on the plane, or do you like to go comfortable and fly?
You go comfy, Kaz.
I just got a FUBU jumpsuit.
Sometimes I got a Grant Hill t-shirt and Hakeem Olajuwon.
He had a limited edition sweat pant line.
Okay.
It took me a minute to find that improv, but...
Those are your players.
You like the old school guys.
Oh, I'm a 90s basketball slut.
I will just double deep dog.
Just give me two.
Give me a David Robinson and a Patrick Ewing side.
Anthony Mason, John Starks.
I mean, I'm giving you New York only, but fucking Sean, Camp, Gary, give me a
Robert, Ori, give
me a fucking...
A Coral Malone, if you will.
I'll let Latrell Spreerall strangle me while I f*** my wife.
That's how much I love 90s basketball.
Shout out to PJ Carlissimo.
Drink five if you're playing the PJ Carlissimo drinking game every time he's
mentioned on the
podcast.
Yeah, I do wear the suit from time to time.
If I got to go straight from here to there, and what I mean by that, Kev, is if
I got
to go straight from flat to meeting, you know, and I don't got time to change,
then I'll
rock the suit, but comfy cozy.
And again, be one of the people.
People don't dress up on planes like they used to.
No, times are changing.
Times are changing.
All right, you running for office?
And with your help, we can change that.
Yeah, okay, easy.