Name: Sam Tallent Almost DIED in MUD | Are You Garbage
Uploaded: 2024-11-24T13:00:41.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Sam Tallent Almost DIED in MUD | Are You Garbage' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-11-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Sam Tallent Almost DIED in MUD | Are You Garbage' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-11-24. Transcript available.

I just didn't even rank as notable, but I was almost swallowed by mud two days
ago.
Real nice place you got there.
Like I said, it just wasn't even notable.
That would be the most notable thing.
It's stuck in quicksand?
Literally.
Oh, no, no.
Mud's the name of his pit bull.
Mud sounds like a weird neighbor.
Oh, man.
I better get home quick.
Mud's out.
You're fucking nuts.
Is this at the new house?
He's a nice guy until nighttime.
When the sun hits him.
So who says swallowed by mud?
I would have just said I almost died in mud is what I would have said.
Well, I was trying to put a bow on it.
He's an author.
He has a word spirit.
A tartan it up a bit.
A bit of an idiot as well.
I'm putting airs on as I tell my mud swallowed story.
So there I was face to face with the mud.
I almost got digested in a sand trap last week.
There's all these signs in the grasslands.
The national grasslands are down in the county I live in.
And I go out and I would do my walk.
Dude, every time I talked.
When we were in Colorado, we were supposed to meet up.
But he's like, I called him.
He's like, I'm 16 hours away in northern Colorado right now.
I'm not going to make it back by the way the bird flies.
I couldn't make it down.
What the fuck are you talking about?
The train derailed.
It's all like 1820s problems he gives you every time I see him outside of a
major city.
Sorry.
The bulls were in the train yard.
Swallowed by mud.
With the Pinkertons hot on my tail.
My pride seed threw a shoe on the bugs.
Sorry, I've only got typhus.
I can't make it go.
You don't have an anvil on you, do you, by any chance?
The hard tech went sour.
You lived in a small town to begin with.
You're your guy's old place.
I'm from Elizabeth, Colorado.
And this place I live in now is smaller.
There's like, people walk to the Sonic.
Slides, Colorado.
Walk to the sauna?
The Sonic.
Oh, the sauna.
There's a Sonic drive-thru, but people walk to it.
Just picture all four of them.
I guess they're still in the formation of being in a car.
What do you want?
To pretend they're rolled down the window.
One guy's ordering.
Seat belt on.
Yeah, it's just a mobile improv class.
Everything's yes end out there, huh?
Oh, but I went out to do my walk, and there's like signs everywhere that says,
watch out, dangerous mud.
And I'm like, well, how dangerous can mud be?
Come on.
I know mud.
It's just fancy dirt, you know?
I'm not going to be the guy who dies in mud.
But I was out walking, and like, the path was flooded.
So I was like, I'll just walk around it.
And I walk, and then three steps.
One leg, just all the way down to the thigh.
And I'm, the earth gave way.
That's, you know, I got to get on whatever you're on fully.
Wait, was, did you, did your foot touch something hard or no?
No, no.
I was just walking.
So you could have went, keep going down is what I'm saying.
I could have kept going if it weren't for my balls.
Thank God my resilient sack got in the way.
Things are filled with helium.
It's going to be a tough time getting them underwater.
Oh, I can't.
I can't go under.
So I'm late.
It's all right.
I got my balls.
It's okay.
I keep an inflatable life raft under my tank.
Yeah, it's an airbag.
Pulled to court.
How long did it, were you stuck?
Did the panic set in?
Or was it like, I feel pretty good.
No one's around.
You're by yourself.
And I am deep in the boonies.
I might be trespassing at this point, because I just go off.
It's the least of your problems.
Old man Jenkins, trespassing.
Well, there's just shotgun shells everywhere.
So I just follow the shotgun shells, you know?
And there's all this, there's fucking probably 10,000 acres of land for me just
to walk around in.
And I happen to fall in the one mud hole.
So I'm down in the mud.
And my dad luckily told me at an early age, if you ever get swallowed by mud,
you lay down.
You lay down, you spread your body out.
It's like ice, kind of, right?
Yeah, you spread your weight.
So I go to the ground.
And now there's just eight minutes of me fighting the mud.
And me being like, okay, don't die in the mud.
Whatever you do.
Hi, Pan.
I would probably just go under just to get it over.
Kippy and Foley will have a field day if you die in mud.
I can't let those two idiots find out I died in mud.
I literally thought about Gillis being like his post.
Like, yeah, he drowned in mud.
Wish we could say no one saw it coming.
At that point, you shoot yourself and say it was so bad.
Yeah, there's enough shells I can reload one.
Yeah, so I just was in the mud and wallowing in the mud.
And then I finally worked the leg free and then had to take a filthy walk back
to the car.
But there was like eight minutes where I was like, I'm going to die in this
fucking mud.
Cell phone access?
Cell phone access, yeah.
Did you call anybody?
No, because I share my location.
Local radio station or anything?
You guys still giving away Shinedown tickets?
It's my dying wish.
I want to see Chevelle.
Shinedown.
Oh, God.
It's all right.
I just want to shout out Kiss95.1.
And if anyone has a truck with a wench, I'm currently in the field by I-93.
Who did you call?
I didn't call anyone.
Oh, why didn't you?
I would have called somebody.
I think if you get up to your neck is when you make the call.
If your phone's here.
What are you, nuts?
Look, I've been in some mud.
We live different lines.
Yeah.
You know what?
Yes, we do.
We live very different lives.
Yeah, you guys don't fear mud.
No, I do fear mud.
How are you going to make the call if you're up to your neck?
Okay.
All right.
Well played, fellow mage.
I had my earpiece in.
Yeah, so I don't know.
I didn't call anyone.
I figured my wife had my location.
I would text her if the mud got too deep.
But I also was like, I'm not going to die.
I just have to work my leg free.
Oh, man.
But there was a moment where I was like, God, am I the guy they hung the sign
for?
Idiot.
Is there going to be like a memorial, watch out for dangerous mud, Sam Tallent,
87 to 24?
Yeah.
You're going to have that cup at the grocery store that people donate to?
Yeah.
Mud boy.
Right.
That's a new special.
Mud boy.
Got you.
Live from the pit.
It's mud boy.
Oh, the benefit would have a super group that was like, there's like burr on
drums.
It's all a bunch of comedians.
Yeah.
They'd be called dangerous mud.
Yeah.
It'd be like the Patrice O'Neil benefit.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Damn, that's fucking, I mean, okay.
That's frightening.
So things seem to be going well down there.
Oh, yeah.
Things are right on track.
Things are right on track.